He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.
—Psalm 1:3

So much for Women's rights. Or something.

https://abcnews.go.com/Health/wireS.....l_twitter_abcn

Huh. Could be Covid. Not good. Not great.
I may have to see a doctor soon...

https://inkbunny.net/Eraldocoil1ax

I have been busy practicing.

..... Yeah, that's all I got.

I am even thinking about expanding my Network reach further to Ko-fi or other sites like that. I mean, why not? I kind of want to be noticed, but really, I have done nothing lately other than work 8 hour shifts 6 days a week, and it has left me drained. And, having finished my cour with Dark Souls 3, I decided to try and finish up FFXV.

As we enter Fall, I am reminded it's one step away from Winter.

But who cares, Summer and all its' wilting Heat, has finally gone!

When men tell you to consult mediums and spiritists, who whisper and mutter, should not a people inquire of their God? Why consult the dead on behalf of the living?

—Isaiah 8:19

I will show my greatness and my holiness, and I will make myself known in the sight of many nations. Then they will know that I am the LORD. — Ezekiel 38:23

Saturday sucks. I suck as a human being.

I help out a blind woman and she rewards me by offering me dinner at a gathering. Free food. I treat her like crap, and she still rewards me. After helping her out, an argument ensued between me and my Dad. Helping that woman out has led to nothing but dissent and trouble many times before, because she lacks family of any kind now, and she latches onto whoever is available for help.

Many tell me that I should just drop her, but that would not be right, and it would not be fair. I would feel terrible for doing that to someone who never meant any harm. She is faithful and I love her as much as I would an actual family member.

Hebrews 6:10
10 God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.


............
I really needed somewhere to vent for a bit, because as always, Saturday ceases to be restful in any real way.

Thursday evening around 8, my Grandmother died, and... I am not sure how I felt about it, because I was never all that close to her anyway. But I do feel some emptiness.

I saw her many a time at the Nursing home in her final days, and almost every time she tells me, "Thank You For Coming to See about me". She had a frail constitution, became physically weak to the point of no longer having the use of her legs, and lost most of her memory to the point where every time I had to see her I had to reintroduce myself.

But I always held out hope that she would bounce back and recover. Needless to say that hope got dashed on the ground. The following day, Friday, I got another paycheck from my job, made my deposit, made plans to go to store for more advanced Headphones, and everything was normal. Grandma is dead, and that was a thing that happened. Her suffering and pain has ended. I am sure that an Atheist will tell me that she is now wormfood and that the best way to honor her memory is to live my life the best way I can that honors her permanent state of Non-existence, now reduced to a bunch of a rose-tinted memories. A Non-atheist will tell me that with her passing, she has entered into the hands of a Kind and loving creator, and she's finally happy, possibly for the first real time in her life. In either sentiment, I still have to face the reality that I am almost 30 years old, and I have no more Grandparents. I may not have been all that close to her in her later years, but I miss her.

Also, there is a Serial Killer out in Chicago, but thank God I do not work anywhere near there. The world goes on.

See? Everything is normal.

I have Autism.

And I do not know how to slow down on Local Roads when driving. That of course means I could easily get into an Accident or a situation where I would have to pay an absorbent amount of money I do not have. Or Death.

And a lot of people I know, ones very close to me like Family, get under my skin. All The Time.

And sometimes, it becomes hard to just hold it all in because I want to scream like a 8 year old.

Interestingly, I should also admit that I am not the most perfect human being on the Planet.

But then....

I also realize that the minute I want to open my mouth and scream, I will look like the fool. Because whenever someone tells me how to do something, that is because they are trying to HELP me, not HARM me. Unfortunately, my skull is pretty damn thick. Saying "I understand" when clearly I DON'T is now second nature to me, like breathing or good manners. So really, I end up feeling worse at the end of the day, like venom and vomit have poured into my mouth, and make me even lose my appetite.

It is not easy to keep going, and I am forced to anyway, because the illusion of choice does not exist. Never has.

I am not sure if I am upset with others, or myself. And surprise, I only have myself. I cannot change others. But I can change myself. If I have to slow down on local roads, then that needs to happen, and I will work on it. Show that I am working on it, and NOT saying I am going to.

Right now, I needed to vent. And this is enough.

God Fucking Dammit. Why DOES EVERYTHING IN LIFE HAVE TO SMASH ME TO BITS!??

Too many Mosquitoes!! I am tempted to draw a map on my arm using the bite bumps as roadmarks!

There was never a Richard Katellis. That revelation kind of unnerves me.

And no God will ever take that away.

GIMP exists apparently, and does most of the things I counted on Photoshop to do for me.

It is all right. I am fine.

Hope is scary. Hope is taking a risk on nothing more than somebody's else's grand vision.

But no more of that. I'm done.

I am a fuck-up and that's all I'll ever be. Destruction will come, and I will be powerless to stop it. I am that destruction. And if I ever gain the delusion of hope again, I really do plan on killing myself to keep from taking such risks ever again.

But I read something recently that made me want to vomit more than I did when I tried drinking vinegar.

Makes no sense. Never has, Never will

People are too hard to figure out.

Yeah, he's dead. Miss you buddy. That dog had the most vitality out of anyone in this family.

Yep, today's that day, but it's about to end again.

People mock and scorn an jeer at it and discredit it. They frown and show smug contempt agaisnt those who celebrate it, but deep down it really communicates that they're desperately running away from anything having to do with stuff involving Christ, his followers, Christianity in general, and God.

I mean, if it was Mormonism, scientology, or any of those other wacky religions, even Muslims, people don't raise much of a fuss. Cause after all, "Religion is all the same thing: promises of supernatural aid lookin' out for ya." Right? Right.

Well no.

The minute Christ is brought into the dialogue in any way, be it by implication, by metaphor, by verse, by context, by allegory, his actions, his character, or even one of those wacky long drawn-out debates,

Most of the people in the room begin to tense up, their clothes tighten around them, and even though they don't want to talk or describe in word what the actual thought or rationale is behind their agitation... you get the idea. Suddenly nobody's in their safe zone and the idea that you could be vulnerable is just too darn great a risk.

They definitely were celebrating Easter at my Chruch, and it was a good sermon. I just.... I didn't feel comfortable at all, but that's entirely my fault, and none of theirs. Despite what a lot of people think, the congregation of people going to BLCRC are actually pretty swell. Bless every one of them.

Tomorrow work begins again, and I'm ready. That pretty much clinches it.

Today, hope you're making the best of it

I'm going to start comissions soon. Where, I get to picture my fursona with a bunch of random users who want to see their character or fursona depicted in another lens.

Good bye, 2015. :)

I can't use common sense.

Time for an aesthetic change.

This is seriously not been the most relaxing week I've ever had.