On the 11th of November: https://tfwiki.net/wiki/Transformers:_EarthSpark
I know nobody who follows me cares but I'm excited anyway!

One fursona and two player characters from a video game (whomst are technically the same guy but I don't really see them that way).
I should try to figure out how to make one that's not but I don't really have the energy. :B

I don't know what it says about me that I've spent as much of this year as I have thinking about the old 2012 apocalypse rubbish and how 2012 was 10 years ago at this point but it can't be anything good.

https://tfwiki.net/wiki/Transformers:_EarthSpark
(technically a month from a few days ago but who's counting)
I know that nobody who follows me is going to care but I'm still excited!
(Anyone who grouses at me about this for whatever reason will be ignored BTW.)

coooooooooooock...... |3

Yaddayadda Chris Pratt is a douche and a weird casting choice blablabla WE KNOW THIS PART ALREADY

No, the takeaway here is, Jack Black or no, how badly I still wanna have sex with Bowser. How desperately I want his cock inside me, pounding me senseless. How thrilled to pieces I'd be to ride the big guy like a [bike in Mario Kart] on a bad stretch of [track in Mario Kart].
THAT'S the important part.

...but I don't really know with what, so instead I leave you with an established classic:
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10297728/

I love how my exact combination of mental health crap turns me into a distant, reclusive little shit and in turn I just sort of naturally put off people.
And how it's never active hostility and never anyone I know super well so it really shouldn't bother me but it always, always bothers me way too much.
I just love this shit for myself.

Sorry, I know I shouldn't be trauma dumping like this but this past week or so has been rough.

https://na.finalfantasyxiv.com/lode.....7d9ee6a81f96e0
(Scroll down to "The following items can now be equipped regardless of gender")
We're running out of things to give this treatment at this point! On the one hand it's all cash shop stuff, on the other I *have* wanted the maiden and socialite stuff for awhile now.

I still think my main concern is stuff that's usable by all genders but changes appearance between them (what I want the most is the fem version of the stuff from the Nier raids) but I'm not sure how they'd actually go about that.

Mmmmm... sodomy...

...what, just me?
I dunno, pride always kinda gets me down cuz I end up involuntarily thinking about, weird irrelevant bullshit that makes me unhappy (most commonly some variant of "how shitty a person I'd be had I been straight and internalized my crappy homophobic environment from that angle").
Oh well, happy pride anyway, all.
(and also I just sort of isolate myself like I do for the entire rest of the year but who's counting)

I spend like the entire month trying to come up with something smart to say either anniversary but I don't know if I really got much so here's something kinda dumb one day too late instead.
Both games were a substantial part of my formative years but also both games have varying degrees of not holding up particularly well- FFXI was a product of the pre-WoW era where the MMO was mainly about coasting on the novelty of the premise with any attempt at being a good video game being an afterthought at best (but also it has some of the most under-appreciated narratives in FF history hanging out in its various expansion packs), while Morrowind was... well, a Bethesda game, and I still feel like a dupe for ever thinking Bethesda games had any merit.

I wish that Vana'diel had some way of getting some sort of new lease on life, you know? It's so full of cool places and characters and stories... but the actual playing of the video game nigh-impossible to do to someone who wasn't already there back in the 2000's.

Pay me no mind, like I said I tried to think of something smart but nothing came so it had to be something dumb instead.

https://na.finalfantasyxiv.com/lode.....7adf24b20f7a6f
(scroll down to "The following items can now be equipped regardless of gender")
AFTER TEN THOUSAND YEARS I'M FREE
AGAIN
BUT EVEN MORESO THIS TIME BECAUSE THE QUAINTRELLE'S STUFF IS SOME OF WHAT I'VE BEEN PINING FOR THE MOST

(also wondering if the boulevardier's/quaintrelle's hats end up rolled into the same item since they're pretty much identical)

I love how the biggest prerequisite to getting my mental health bullshit under control is... already having my mental health bullshit under control*. Vicious cycles are so much fun!

I wanted to bump that downer journal but all I could think of is another downer. 😀

*okay there's actually a lot more steps to it than that but I don't feel like going any deeper rn

Unfortunately I've been in a particularly foul mood since like Christmas (one of those broad "everything was supposed to be better than this by now" ones) and Getting Older Day just kind of made the whole things worse so I've been finding myself on the verge of just breaking into tears on-and-off all week.

I... don't really know where else to go with this, sorry.

Imagine that wikihow "guy attacks other guy with knife" image meme where the knife guy is labeled "being a whole-ass 1/5 of the way through the 2020s" and the victim is labeled "me still struggling to process most of the 2010s" or something to that effect, I can't be assed to actually make such a thing at present.

I caught myself wondering if this is the year I stop being nightmarishly exhausted but the only follow-up thought I had was "lol, lmao."

https://na.finalfantasyxiv.com/lode.....0ecf7bb2c87e45
(scroll down to "The following items can now be equipped regardless of gender")
AFTER TEN THOUSAND YEARS I'M FREE

*both my body and mind are coming apart at the seams
*my youth and free time

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NxPJ_BPSwU
I am simultaneously making grabby hands at this and getting protective - against my own dang self - of my Lalaboy I've been using since I first took up the game ~5 years ago and I don't think I've ever been more at war with myself.



(Maybe I'll pop a fantasia after finishing the EW MSQ since it's supposed to be a grand finale of sorts, I dunno.)

All I have to show for it is an ever-steady increase in exhaustion and internal screaming :|

(Still love how we're a whole-ass year into the 2020s and I'm still struggling to process most of the '10s.)

...is something I really wish I'd learned about at least a decade before I did, cos mine's kicking my ass real bad lately.

Didn't say anything cuz I was exhausted that day but I'm still exhausted so here we are.

I've been thinking about it for the past few months or so and my brain just isn't having it. I don't know if it's because of all my baggage I'd hoped to have sorted out by now but don't, or reconciling my cautious optimism in the first half of the decade with the exhausting bullcrap of the second (and by extension how a many people I liked early in the decade turned out to be pretty scummy), or what, but I sure as hell don't feel even remotely ready.

I still feel like crap after multiple years and I'm still deathly afraid of incredibly mundane human interactions and I fucking hate it.
Therapy didn't help shit because changes to my insurance meant I could barely even get any time in.
Not sure why I'm upset enough to ramble about this today as opposed to than any other but fuck it.

I turned 27 on the 6th; I've been getting therapy for various things the past few months so it was somewhat better than last year's but I still don't feel very nice.
Also, I finally got my 4 year degree, and it only took 8.5 years. Hurrah!