I despise my country - and especially those who sit at the head of our country - because it behaves like a complete asshole. I express my sincere condolences to our brothers and sisters from Ukraine. Believe me, none of the normal-sane Russians, no one wants war. And everything that our fucking government is doing now is sheer absurdity and nonsense!

Honestly, we tried to overthrow this monster, we tried our best, but the senile side of our country stopped everything in the bud.

With this post, I want to express my position, as a Russian, that it is completely against everything that the bastards from above are doing.

Please don't think that all Russians are bad. There are scumbags, but they are everywhere. But what our government is doing now is a complete horror. I despise my country and nation for having to deal with this bastard sitting over us for so long. I am against war! Russian authorities - go fuck yourself!

I can no longer be silent.

Hey-hey-hey, there has been no news from me for so long, my jamb.
Nevertheless, I did not disappear anywhere, did not disappear, did not die, I just work. The work is hard for me, but I can handle it. You know what's funny? When I started to work hard, when I plunged into a fierce routine, I completely forgot about my mental problems. Yes, at times they still pop up, for example, when I think about my debts and deep debt hole, but... I hope that everything will be fine. Heh, if I could, I would write down that I took a deep breath.

So, once again I ask everyone for forgiveness. You are very, VERY good people, since you still endure and expect work from me. I let you down as hell, but... so far I have no means of making you a refund. Well, you know? This is a huge difference between the ruble and the dollar. I also have some problems with my PayPal account, which I would also like to solve in my spare time. But. Better then when I deal with all the debts.

Honestly, I do not deserve anything good, and even more so to live at the same time with such wonderful people like you. I... I honestly don't know what else to say. I feel disgusting in front of you. I'm very embarrassed. Honestly. Before strangulation.

Fuh... well, fortunately, I know how to admit my guilt and do not like to evade all sorts of excuses. By type, then there is no inspiration, then the hamster is ill, and so on.

In general, everyone with the past Christmas, Happy New 2022 Year and.. past Happy birthday to me...! Huh...! Hopefully this year everything goes a lot better!

| No. I am not taking orders now. Absolutely NOT. |

Postscript:
To be honest, I had a couple of moments when I, before being clouded in my head, wanted to commit suicide remembering what debts I was in and... how I naughty in front of my customers.

Well... where to start?

Probably, none of those present here knows that I, in the last ten years, have suffered greatly from bipolar disorder and the "bipolar depression" that is lamentable to it. And the situation is aggravated by the fact that now I have been found to have vegetative-vascular dystonia (VVD). Perhaps it was the catalyst for all my nervous and psychological instability.

Huh...

On the surface, you cannot say that I am a person with such diagnoses on my shoulders. This is understandable. I understand why I look like that. Because I always looked like a calm, cold-blooded and reasonable person who knows how to keep himself in hand even when the whole world falls on him. Yes. I am like that. Maybe a little awkward, laconic, humble, but... yes. I've always skillfully pretended to be... "ordinary."

I will not dissemble and tell you right away. Yes. I had many attempts to commit suicide, but each time, with absolute overwhelming, I stopped myself. Everytime. Because... because only completely broken people will do it. Roughly speaking, weak. Weak people. And all my life they instilled in me that I was strong. That I was born to be a strong person. Therefore, I did not want to at least not disappoint others in this. That's why I lasted that long.

I have never had close friends. Never. I've always been alone. Just like I never talked to anyone about my problems. Some will not understand, others will resist, and the rest will only sigh pitifully. I know it. I understand them. It is not every day that you see a person completely empty from the inside, who is so tired of his life that he does not want to live, but at the same time continues to do this only so that he is not considered weak.

I held on as best I could. Until now.

Why do I speak like I'm ready to die? Because lately, the emptiness inside me has just started to increase at an astonishing rate. I have been walking on the edge of the blade with my eyes completely closed for a long time, not knowing at all when the end will come. But. For the first time. I felt that already here. The time has come. Time to leave. Break off the edge.
Therefore, for the first time in so many years, I turned to my therapist with complaints about "parasuicidal thoughts". He, of course, prescribed me pills, recommended a specialist, and so on, but... I do not have such means to provide myself with receptions from a psychologist or psychotherapist.

So.. yeah. That is why I am here.

My therapist recommended that I start writing about my problems on my social networks, and if in "VK" my subscribers have long been familiar with my problems and have long come to terms with my constant complaints, then I decided to make a frank post here too. On the "FA". Because I do not know. It's easier to write here... for some reason. Probably due to the fact that this is a more global service and that no one here knows about my problems. Hah...

I hope you don't mind if I, from time to time, write here about such revelations? Well, not too often. Once a month there, at two. A-hah...!

And, don't worry about me.
If I still decide to end my life, then I will definitely say about it. I somehow found the strength to drag myself off the cliff, right? So I will definitely take the time to say "goodbye" to you.

Good day!

I have finally recovered and am now ready to share the latest news. I don’t remember, I told you here at FA, but nevertheless, I fell ill with covid again. Yes, I got sick with this nasty second time, heh. Of course, it was much more difficult than the first time. I haven't felt this bad for the last six or eight years. In general, thanks for not dying. As friends say.

Also, I finally found a full-fledged, well-paid job, which is why I have become so inactive lately.

I immediately apologize to my customers for such a long wait. I'm honestly working on my debts. As you can see, little by little, I still work. I have already paid three debts and left... um... how much is there...? Five... six... eight...? Yes, eight. In general, do not lose. I'm still here, albeit with my left heel. If something bothers you, you can write to me and I will write you everything you need to know.

Thanks to all. I hug. I love you all.

See you soon updates!

On the way there are two more lovely horny girls and that's it. Fortunately, this is already the home stretch, and after them I, finally, will fully sit down for old debts.

As I said, the work will be carried out incrementally.
First, a color with shadows for my pumpkin  tekharra, then two lineless portraits for Svetlana (from VK), then two YCH for  boonboop and  wolvensaint, and after that references for  koshatailwind and Christopher (from VK) will go.

Is everyone happy with everything?