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School is kicking my ass.
General | Posted 6 years agoAnd I really don't know what to do about it. I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water here...
Crying
General | Posted 6 years agoBeen living with that feeling for months again, where all I want to do is break down for no reason. It's like I could cry at any second but don't have the tears to spare because they just won't come.
It's been more than two years...
General | Posted 6 years agoJust over two years ago...
I hurt someone who really mattered to me. I thought it'd help them. I thought they'd be better off without me in their life, so I vanished on them. I know it hurt them, because they sent me messages constantly trying to see if I was OK. Messages that I read with tears in my eyes, then forced myself to ignore, because I was so certain that this was the best choice for both of us. They sent me the last message a year after I disappeared, which is just over a year ago now. I think about it every day, and it kills me a little more every time I think about it.
I still follow them here, taking quick glances at their page every time I can muster the strength to look, before I throw my phone across the room and collapse on my bed, crying my eyes out. And yet I know I deserve this pain, and more than likely so much more, because I hurt one of the kindest souls I've ever met.
You know what I see when I look at their page? I see someone who has the capability to grow as a person, which I clearly lack.
I'd like to contact them again, throw myself at their feet and beg for mercy...
But I don't deserve it. I'm happy to see them moving on and living life, as I sit alone and think about my sins. It seems a shame that sorrow and regret cannot cause a man to die, but I think it all the more fitting that I'm to bear some fraction of the pain I caused for the rest of my life.
I miss him dearly.
I hurt someone who really mattered to me. I thought it'd help them. I thought they'd be better off without me in their life, so I vanished on them. I know it hurt them, because they sent me messages constantly trying to see if I was OK. Messages that I read with tears in my eyes, then forced myself to ignore, because I was so certain that this was the best choice for both of us. They sent me the last message a year after I disappeared, which is just over a year ago now. I think about it every day, and it kills me a little more every time I think about it.
I still follow them here, taking quick glances at their page every time I can muster the strength to look, before I throw my phone across the room and collapse on my bed, crying my eyes out. And yet I know I deserve this pain, and more than likely so much more, because I hurt one of the kindest souls I've ever met.
You know what I see when I look at their page? I see someone who has the capability to grow as a person, which I clearly lack.
I'd like to contact them again, throw myself at their feet and beg for mercy...
But I don't deserve it. I'm happy to see them moving on and living life, as I sit alone and think about my sins. It seems a shame that sorrow and regret cannot cause a man to die, but I think it all the more fitting that I'm to bear some fraction of the pain I caused for the rest of my life.
I miss him dearly.
