Well, since my last journal, my life has gotten better. It got a little worse for a few weeks, but it got better in July. On June 22nd, I went to the local pride center and met someone. We started hanging out because she was offering me a place to update my Series X originally. She let me continue to come over until I was spending pretty much every day there. We fell for each other, and now I'm living with her. I went from struggling in a shelter to being on a lease with a roof over my head, my own personal bank account, sole control of my income, and the beginnings of getting into volunteer work for the local LGBTQ+ community and, potentially, independent modeling gigs if someone takes interest in my photos. I also have a new ref sheet from  vandclash on the way, so stay tuned for that!
Honestly, I'm not sure if anyone reads these anymore, but its nice to write down everything that's happened once in a while. I'm hoping to start uploading stories to FA soon, if I can figure out how to get it working properly. So maybe that will help bring in more people.

Until next time, this has been Revy.

Okay, so I guess I should start this by saying a lot of stuff has happened since my last journal. Some good, some bad, and some incredibly screwed up. I'd go in that order about stuff, but unfortunately, some of the good news relates to the screwed up stuff, which means the triggering content warning is now here.
In December, I got my name legally changed, which was a huge milestone for me as a trans person. I also entered into a polycule with two women who were friends of mine a few days after that while staying at their place for the holidays. However, my reason for being there is where the screwed up stuff starts. My IRL mother's boyfriend (specifying that because my close friend  Slyspirit has been more of a motherly figure to me over the years) moved in and got abusive towards me within days. It began as verbal harassment, but I left because it was already a mentally difficult time due to how much stress I was already under from the anxiety about my name change prior to the actual hearing for it. After I got a rather threatening message on Facebook from him, I didn't return to my former residence (more on that later) until halfway through January.. When I had returned, the boyfriend's disdain for me had somehow gotten worse despite the fact I had not been around at all. He started throwing things at me, which graduated into a physical altercation and attempts to starve me for not obeying him as if he owned me. I attempted to get a restraining order, which wound up being declined after two weeks because the judge somehow justified him verbally threatening my physical safety after it was stated that I'm transgender. Both my IRL mother and her boyfriend constantly deadname and misgender me, acting like my identity doesn't exist. If you think that's the end, it isn't. After several more months of dealing with quickly escalating abuse, the one final incident was me being threatened with a metal baseball bat next my face and having my phone stolen from my hand. Fortunately I had a backup that I used to contact my IRL mother, who wasn't home at the time, with the Wi-Fi signal. She called the police, who did nothing because there were no signs of a struggle and he had gone out to walk the dog like it was a normal day. Me being visibly traumatized (as if I wasn't already enough by that point because of all the crap I've lived through) wasn't enough for them to make the arrest despite the fact it was clear something had happened to me. I began carrying a bugout bag with me constantly, and a couple of days later, while I was at an event with my case manager to get some new clothes for free (since my wardrobe is still in the process of being replaced and I will take any chances to do so that I get), I told them what had happened and they got my connected with other people who helped me escape. I was placed into protective services for victims of domestic violence. I was escorted back to my former residence to pack a suitcase with at least a week's worth of clothes and whatever personal items I wanted to take with me. My IRL mother and her boyfriend were not told what was going on, nobody spoke to them, they just saw me come in with someone and leave with a packed suitcase. I was placed into a hotel a few miles away, and a couple of days later, I was moved across the state because I agreed to it. For 2 and a half weeks, I have been safe. I am checked on every so often while they search for a place for me to live permanently. In the meantime, I will be kept at this location, which I can not disclose due to a confidentiality agreement. I still wake up from nightmares every night, sometimes in a cold sweat, sometimes screaming, and sometimes thrashing. I will not recover from this any time soon, and I may never fully recover from the trauma of what I have experienced since December.
However, there were moments of light. I switched to patches in January and saw nearly immediate changes. I now look almost completely different to the way I did at this same time last year. I have made more friends, and have begun building a stronger support network. I have come to understand and accept that I'm non-binary, and have fully embraced my identity as such. I'm taking Finnish lessons as part of the long process of preparing to eventually move to Finland like I have wanted to for years. In March,  Nervous_Bird and I had our first anniversary, which was a very bright light in an otherwise bad time in my life. It has also been 10 years since we met and the course of my life was changed. Right now, my future feels uncertain, but I know that whatever happens, it will lead to me being there in her arms eventually. My birthday is coming up on the sixth of June, and doubles as the one year since I started Hormone Replacement Therapy. As one final note, I have been working on a redesign/rebranding of my fursona as part of trying to move on from things. I will possibly be commissioning the new reference sheet next month. To those of you who made it to the end of this, thank you for reading the entire thing. This has been Revy, giving you a report on how my life has been since the 3 month mark of HRT. May the stars guide you along a safe and prosperous path.

So, 3 months on HRT! It's been an interesting experience, to say the least! My chest has been sore most days, but less frequently in the past couple of weeks. I had to go bra shopping for the first time in July, which was an experience that had me nervous but excited at the same time. Dysphoria has been happening a lot less, and I'm doing so much better mentally than I was before! However, I do get mood swings pretty much every day thanks to the hormones. At least I'm gaining back a lot of the confidence I once had so many years ago though! I'm much more active on my social media pages again, and I'm less reclusive than I was before IRL! I'm living as me, no longer putting a mask on when I go in public or interact with people! At least metaphorically. I wear a mask with filters due to having asthma which makes me sensitive to some of the stuff in the air if the air quality is in the yellow or red zones. But yeah, just figured I'd give an update on how things are going for me! Not sure anyone reads these, but if you do, leave a comment if you'd like so I know my watchers are still around! Until next time, this has been Reveica, and I hope you're all having a wonderful day or night.

On Wednesday, June 1st, 2022, I was approved by my doctor to begin HRT. The pills arrived later that day, but I had to avoid taking them for the sake of the bloodwork I needed to get done yesterday. Today, at 6:08 AM, I took the first dose of both Spironolactone and Estradiol. Today, a new chapter of my life began. I will start becoming me. Years of waiting have finally paid off, and even just a little over 40 minutes later, I'm feeling happier and more confident because I know what the future holds for me.

Hello there! Since my last journal, a lot has happened. Halfway through December, my fiancé and I broke up, which led to me being depressed for a short time. I was able to move on from it quickly though, since it was a mutual decision for us to end the relationship. Over the course of January and February, my best friend of 9 years and I started to talk about just how much we actually care about each other, and now we're partners. The most recent news is I've finally obtained a detailed ref sheet for my fursona after 10 years of being in the fandom, but anyone reading this probably saw the uploads in my gallery already. As for an update on my coming out:
My mother is has basically refused to accept reality and my therapist so far has done nothing to help me get things moving towards starting my transition. I'm going to begin applying more pressure to the latter situation. Hopefully the next time I'm making a journal, it will be an announcement about starting HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy). Wish me luck!

It's been a while since I've posted a journal. But today is one that gives me a reason to. Today, just two hours before posting this, I took the first step in truly living my life as who I am. I came out to my mother about being trans mtf. I was terrified all day, but after talking to my best friend for several hours, my anxiety was reduced enough that I was able to gather the courage to go downstairs and talk to her. It got emotional, and it took explaining a few things, but in the end it worked out. She understands and accepts who I am, and while this may not immediately mend our issues, it can be a start. Soon, I plan to get a therapist and talk to them about this, and from there, eventually start HRT. It might take a while, but I feel like my life is finally moving in a positive direction.

Like the title says, I'm sharing an art channel my fiancé has on Telegram. If you want an example of his work, take a look at this upload in my gallery: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/34433527/
Here is the link to his channel: https://t.me/KibaArts7w7
Edit: If the link doesn't work the way it should, type @ KibaArts7w7 in the search bar without the space between the symbol and name and it should come up. We also got engaged on September 27th, 2020, I just edited this journal instead of making a new one that would have been exactly the same.

So I forgot I had a deviantart account for 3 years and finally remembered. I reset my password there and got it active again, so go ahead and give me a watch there too.

After a long process of getting my recovery emails password reset and then making multiple attempts to add it to my gmail app on my phone, I have now reset my password as of 5 minutes before posting this! I am back in action and finally have a reference sheet of my OC Draco Oatterraggia in the form of my own personal species designed for my writing project!

greetings.Esilvertail here. this journal is being posted today due to the fact that my schedule for Saturday is full. the day of darkness is upon us once again, as it is every year. the supernatural and mortal realms shall be linked once more, allowing creatures of both good and evil to roam the Earth. but enough of that. I am here to tell you that I am glad my favorite time of year is here. why is it my favorite? because I get enough candy to last me weeks before I run out. and candy keeps me happy. and when I'm happy, I get to pull my scare pranks. I have some good ones planned this year, haha. I will try to upload a picture of me in costume on Halloween, if I get the chance. but if you're going to costume contests, or going trick or treating, I wish you luck in getting rewards or tons of candy. farewell, and embrace the darkness of Hallows Eve...

well, good news is I'm finally getting out of the hell that was a residential placement for school. bad news is that I have a friend I won't be able to handle getting torn away from. she means so much to me, and I haven't told her how strong my feelings are for her, not completely. I have to move up to Connecticut a few weeks from June 26th and I can't handle the the fact that she and I only have a week left together....once again I have found love and I am being torn away from it....I'm ready to give up..... *curls up into a ball and starts crying*

is there anyone who will do a free ref sheet for my sona? I've been needing an actual image of her for a while. I want to be able to show her appearance instead of just describe it. I need an NSFW one and an SFW one.

hey everyone! I decided to continue operating on FA!

I am no longer operating on FurAffinity. I am now on Inkbunny. if you want to keep following me, watch me here: https://inkbunny.net/Esilvertail
FA has been fun, but Inkbunny has a lot less restrictions and a lot more people who will do free images for me. so if you want to keep track of me, watch me on there.

in case I have no access to FA tomorrow, my birthday is June 6th! ^^ I will be 16 years old! I am a happy wolfgirl! ^^ *runs around in circles chasing my tail*

just letting all of you know I'm still on Earth. I've been very very busy lately, so I won't be too active. I hope to get a laptop soon so I can be more active on here! sorry for being so silent! ^^

I can't keep going.....I just lost my fursister....the closest I had to family.....all I ever do is screw up....things are never easy for me....my life is hell.....I just want it all to end....to go to sleep and never wake up....I may never be on FA again....I'm not sure right now.....

one year. one year of being a furry. and might I say that it's been the best year of my life. I have met so many awesome people and become so confident in myself all because of this one video I ran across on YouTube. furry pride, forever and always! oOOo
and here is the video that led me to discover this amazing group of people:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-q1z6iY11M
all of the furries here on FA that have watched me, I thank you, because I wouldn't have made such amazing friends without you.

ok, so I am updating my project. the species that will be made available are:
Veidra Wolves
Annik-Arii
both species are of my own creation, made before I joined the fandom. I hope to upload the reference images of the two species soon. this fur has been busy at work with these species. once I have the images uploaded, comment on them saying if you're interested in having one as a fursona.

an update to the previous journal. I am trans male to female, but I won't be taking hormones or getting the surgery or anything like that in my life. inside, I identify as female whereas physically I am male. I don't mind having a male body. I may be female inside, but that doesn't mean I have to be on the outside.

I realized I was transgender a couple days ago. my sex is male. but in my mind, my gender, how I see myself on the inside, is female. I'm not going to tell my family. after I figure all of this out, as I am very confused right now, coming to terms with the truth I (only a little) wanted to avoid, I might start my transformation while living with my mate. leave a comment if you'll support me through this, as this is a very tough realization about myself to handle.

hello everyone. the new school year is going to be a new start for me. no more hiding the fact that I'm gay. I'm going to go clothes shopping before the school year starts and get some cute outfits. I'm going to be open about my sexuality now. I'm a sophomore in High school. I've known I'm gay since 7th grade. time to be open about it. to show I'm not scared. some of my friends have said I'm crazy for doing it. but I'm going to show people I don't care what they think. it's time to be open about who I am. this is me, and it always will be.

I'm hoping to go to furfright this year. I'm moving to Connecticut soon and I've been wanting to attend a convention since April. I'm not sure if any of my watchers have been to furfright, but if you have, can you tell me what it's like?

my boyfriend broke up with my on Skype... I don't know what to do any more.... I haven't cut myself in 3 months and I'm worried I might end up cutting myself again.... please, anyone who sees this....I need some support right now... whether comment or note, just give me some support....

well, it's no longer a secret from my mother that I'm gay (I know I said I'm bi, but I have an EXTREMELY high attraction to boys). I told my mother that I'm gay. she seems to be ok with it but...I'm not so sure. I think she's going to kick me out soon. she looks at me like she hates me now. I have nowhere to go if she kicks me out. I don't know what to do! if I get kicked out, my boyfriend will have no way to pick me up and take me back to his place. and I can't warn him since he can't use the computer to talk to me. someone please tell me what to do! I don't care if it's a comment, note, or shout, I need help!