so...i've been thinking about my Franken Stein character a bit...and i kind of want to go in a different direction with him...was thinking a species switch to Anubis.

anyways, i'm looking for anyone willing to do a free drawing for me. Yes i know free is a vile word to most of you good artists x3

basically i want to have a male anubis done, with some other stuffs on him, i'll send specifics to whoever takes the job.

there's also a second picture i'd like done with the same character, this one would be a sex/yiff picture. M/M with two anubie (not sure if that's right for plural...)

so please, if you would be will to do these two jobs for free, or know someone who would, it would be greatly appreciated <3

yes, you heard me, i'm alive and well.

enjoying a momentous occasion of my birthday, in which i turned 20 years old

working on possibly getting a girlfriend, who happens to be a childhood friend of mine

looking at colleges (graduated from HS in may \o/)

moving on with my life

to those who may have doubted me:

a life without love, is not a life at all, but it is still a life nonetheless.

I have something to look forward to now, a brighter tomorrow if you will

hope this works out, she's a wonderful girl

love you all, be posting more stuff very soon <3

...Bootz  bootstrap has made it very clear...we're through...he doesn't think i can handle being just friends...so he cut contact...

I can handle being friends, it's just that i don't want to be friends, i want him back. So yes, i can't handle it exactly, because it's not a choice i would freely pick, it was the only option he left me after he decided to leave me behind. But why should i want to be with him now? because like i've been telling him all along, i love him, even though he's the biggest a%$hole i know.

That being said...i feel empty now...cold and numb...he wanted a friend to be there for him, but not interfere...well he created me...he turned a golden, pure hearted person...into a monster of malice and hatred...if he thought i was a monster before...i'm definately one now...

all i want out of life is someone to spend it with...someone who is happy with only me...is that so hard to ask for?...apparently it is, because everyone i fall for has turned out to be a worthless prick...so i'm closing my heart to the world...embracing the darkness...and setting out on the lonely path...never to love or be loved ever again...

so...me and  BootStrap had a bit of a falling out...seems i was a bit controlling in our relationship...

i love him so much...but things are just getting worse and worse...

his new love interest is  ClaudiaVampyrBunny

..they're only friends as far as Bootz has said...but she's effin wild about him..calling him "my kitty" and such....

..i just want to curl into a ball and die...

yep, that's right, it's time for another Meme

this ones kinda simple and you can fill it out for multiple people if you so desire


i choose....


 sashaws

 veedway

 sexycatyiffy

 bootstrap

here goes

1. Do you love this person or people?

Yus, with all my heart, i love them all so much <3

2. If this person or people were hurt, what would you do?

Bite those responsible in a place that shows and that hurts a lot, then comfort my loved ones that have been hurt as best i can <3

3. If this person or people were having a bad day, and decided to take it out on you, how would you react?

I would maybe get upset, but i would ask why they are acting like that and trying to calm everything down and such

4. Would you yiff this person or people?

Yus, but well, only 2 i guess, since it would lead to a whole bunch of bad things if i did with the other 2 (hopefully those i'm talking about can make sense of this x.x)

5. Would you act naughty or teasingly around these people?

Of course :3, though again, see the second half of the answer to #4

6. Would you like to be with this person or people?

er....yus, I am with 2 of them, but well.....aww nevermind, i don't need to be going there >.<

7. Would you want to marry this person or people

gah...yus, not saying more than that though <.<;


okies well...that was fun ^^;

I tag

 sashaws  veedway  chibi_tiger  bootstrap  sexycatyiffy

i really don't even know, my past failures at finding love should've taught me by now that i'm not ever going to be anything but lonely for the rest of my life

here's the score, last night i was talking to  sexycatyiffy and her mate  snowwy and my friend  bootstrap in a conference on YIM.

 sexycatyiffy &  snowwy started to get a little frisky and affectionate, and i started to get uncomfortable because truth be told, i love  sexycatyiffy and missed my chance to be with her when she spilt with one of her previous mates.

So i was uncomfy, and rather than leave and deal with it on my own, i drew attention to the fact that somewthing was bothering me. When  snowwy left later,  sexycatyiffy asked me what was wrong. I didn't hold back, i told her the whole truth, that i loved her with all my heart, and wanted to be with her.

Of course that led to a whole bunch of stuff, and people being depressed. The constant message i kept getting from  sexycatyiffy was "you're sweet, and i would've dated you, but you missed the chance to say something, and i'm mated now, i;m sorry..." that was pretty much what i got most of the time

I pretty much hate myself now, because i upset  sexycatyiffy and made a scene and made an ass of myself.

I know i should've just said screw it, and not let it get to me, or as i said, go off and be alone, get better and come back. But as per the course of events lately, nothing has been going right for me, and wooo!,  sexycatyiffy is extremely upset because of me! -end sarcasm-

so i don't even know why i bothered to fall in love with her in the first place....all the signs were there that I should turn around and not even consider it, but lo and behold, i've dug myself into another septic tank and am drowing in shit. fun part is, it's my own septic tank of shit, go figure?

if you're going to say anything mena or hurtful, don't bother posting, i already know i'm an ass, jrk, or whatever, and that i handled everything wrong

so please, just keep stuff like that to yourself, i feel bad enough as is

ok ok, so i was tagged by my mate  sashaws to post 8 truths about myself, so here goes

1. I love Italian food

2. I love to read

3. I love video games

4. I'm very loving, caring, and romantic

5. When i was 10, i fell and hit my eye on the corner of a wooden plank, and have a scar still to proove it

6. I love history, particularly the medieval, egyptian, and stuff pertaining the the world wars

7. I love all kinds of music, except rap :P

8. i like to read, and even write, poetry

9. I'm actually 19, a male in real life, and a girly boi *blushes*

10. i love  veedway with all my heart and soul <3


now...i tag....

 bootstrap

and i know there's more than 8, but meh, i'm a sort of open person ^^;

I know you're supposed move on and forget about the things that make you sad and depressed, i've been told, and have told that to people any times over.

But it seems i can't practice what i preech.

No matter what i do i just can't stop thinking about Vee, and when i do the pain comes flooding back.

It was the lowest blow i could ever take when i found out near the end of our relationship that Vee was engaged to Sasha long before she came to me.

So i never really had Vee, as much as he made me think i did, and as much love as i had for him, i never really had him.

I hurt more and more when i think about that, because he saved my life, literally. I was here before ready to kill myself, and Vee popped out of the blue and stopped me from falling into the grave. He told me he loved me and i tossed the knife aside. But i didn't know his love was a lie. He protests that he loved me, but when i did a few things wrong, he couldn't stand me anymore.

the only question i want to know, is why?

why did he come to me, tell me he loved me, agree to a closed relationship, when it wasn't closed in the first place, and pretend to love me, why?

I feel as if he was sent by the devil, to prolong my suffering.

so i'm ending this vicious cycle now.

Vee, you may have hated me for the death threats i made against myself, but this time it's no lie. I can't stand the pain any longer.

I love you all very much, but this is where i get off.

Since they don't ever seem to be getting the commison section fixed, i'll post it here for now


prices may vary depending on certain things so make sure you read carefully.


Story - 10.00 USD

Extras for stories are as follows

characters - the price of the story covers the cost of 2 characters

extra characters - 5.00 USD each

adult oriented - 15.00 USD plus cost of extra characters


Poetry - all poetry costs 10.00 USD

this includes a full page poem, if you want longer, it's 10.00 USD per page

PHOTOGRAPHY SPECIAL!!!

Standard - 15L$ per picture (gotta make something from it x3)

Adult - 20L$ per picture

Text or other captions/writing - 20L$ per caption

If you play on SL and want someone to do a photoshoot of you, give me a buzz, IM Eva Handsohn to set up an appointment, i can usually get to you ASAP, but if i can't, i'll let you know, i don't have photoshop yet, but i'll make do with what i have till i can get my hands on photoshop ^^


that's it for now, i might take up other jobs later, but for now, that's it ^^

Vee and i are over as online mates...things finally broke down and we split...and i'm about 2 seconds from killing myself...

however...i guess this is the bright side...we are still together in real life

online...we are friends...and i am now her mistress as well...

there are still pluses there...

but i just....can't stop crying TT

i have insomnia, and i'm out pouring my depresseion in here -.-

i've been really depressed lately because i feel like i might be losing Vee

she got mated to Sasha and when i express my uncomfortable feelings about it, she yells at me, then calmly te;lls me i'm overreacting and that it will be alright

for the record: the main reason they are together as online mates, is because of me. i got woken up one morning at 5am and had to hurry and pack my bags and leave the house to hurry and catch a bus in Ohio so i could go on my Senior Trip. I lost contact with Vee for a couple of days due to this, and she overreacted and thought i left her, which made her depressed.

Sasha talked with her, and felt bad for her, and thusly decided that if she were Vee's mate, maybe she could make Vee feel better.Odd thing to note, Vee never told Sasha i was her mate already -.- and not only that, but when Sasha heard about me and Vee agreeing on an openmateship online. Due to her insisting on it when i hinted at it once before. She automatically assumed i'd say yes, ad put it in her profile that her and Vee were mates.

Vee also sent me something she said before that struck me as jealousy. it was, and i quote "..you're so lucky, i wish i had a mate like you, then everything would be perfect..." might be slightly off, but that was the general idea.

i hardly know Sasha for one thing. and two, i'm tired of the openmateship thing and want to go back to being closed, but Vee keeps fighting me on it because she doesn't want to hurt Sasha she says, that she's gotten attached -.-

and then i surf her FA and DA pages and see all the "Love you swetheart" comments and such, and it's just like shoving a knife deep intp my heart TT

i don't care if i come off as an overreactive, overprotective ass or anything. i know i have Vee in real life, and i love her with all my heart. But i don't think it's asking much to help my insecurity issues by being only with me online too -.-

oh well, time to curl up in a ball and wait to die, not much else i can do since i'm stuck in this openmateship hell, seeing as i can't leave the mates i have, becasue Vee says she'll leave me TT

see you all in heaven, or hell....not sure which one i'm going to...

-Eva-

This is for all those who have trouble letting go of the past, and for all those ridiculous people who chase after people who have no desire to be with them anymore. This ones for you!

Can you hear them?...

The voices from your past...

coming back to haunt you...

Let Goooo!

Just let it go,
the voices of your past, [Chorus]
open your eyes and,
just let it goooo!

You're following me,
asking me to come back, to, yoouuu!,
and you don't know why,
you can't live and let die...

[Chorus]

I hear the voices of my past,
speaking from my heart,
i start to listen,
but then, i think to myseelllfff

[Chorus]

Just let it go...
ignore the voices and just let, it go....

copyright © Eva41508


it's short i kow, and when i get the time, maybe i'll mix up the rock music to go with it, that way you can hear it too.

i met Nevin while i was with my 3rd mate, Lelouch Latzo, i could be off a bit, my memory is foggy about when we first met ><, anyways, while i was with him, she was my mother, and i loved her a lot.

things started going south with Lelouch, and she was there for me, and she and i became so close that we became mates and took eachothers partner slots. At that time also, i had a master i had been living, and my relationship with him was stressed too, he wanted to have a family, which he said he couldn't have if het had pets, so he let Nevin and i go.

I was upset, buut i got over it with Nevin's help, and moved back to HHFH (Homed Homeless Furs Hotel) a free living sim at the time, the sim manager of which, Ryanstar Scott, earlier became my adopted son.

Nevin and i lived peacefully, well sort, what with the problem she had with Dracon Howley, over what i was told by Diesia Auer, her best friend, was that Dracon was jealous of me and Nevin because Dracon had known her for a long time, but never been partnered to her, but i barely knew Nevin, and quickly became her partner.

I expressed concern to Nevin about this, at which point she told me not to worry at all about, as she didn't want me to get involved with it, so at her request, i stayed in the dark. I later heard that she had dropped Dracon as one of her many mates, and i was admittedly, happy.

things were pretty calm after that, Nevin got me to go Neko, and got me to buy a Serval avatar, and a costume and hair for it, so i could join in her and Diesia's Hellsing RP, which i gladly did, and to this day, i still love the Hellsing anime.

things didn't remain calm however, there was a moment i was worried about Nevin leaving me, because i crashed on SL, and when i got back on, i spied her fooling with Diesia, which i was later told that Diesia was drunk, and had talked Nevin into fooling with her in a place where one of her ex's fancied, as a revenge plot. i calmed down after getting a little heated and dealing with Diesia's repeated apologies

things again were ok for a while, but then i got wind that Nevin had brought Dracon back, and upon talking to Diesia, who i learned quickly was usually on the inside with information like this, found out that even she didn't know about it, so i logically talked to Nevin herself about it, learning in fact that she did bring Dracon back.

We got into a heated argument then, with me wondering why she brought Dracon back, and her fighting back, asking me why i cared, why did it bother me, and why did i hate Dracon. i then proceded to tell her things i later heard from Diesia that day. which was that people had been pressuring her to bring back Dracon because they felt she acted harshly before, Diesia mentioned in particular Yenwen's family, which she noted was the likely source of the pressure, and said Nevin needed to get away from them.

Acting protective of her, as i tended to do, sometime for my own benefit of not wanting to lose her. i talked to her mother jenney Yifu, and got her to listen to me, she agreed, but said there was nothing she could do, she couldn't make Nevin do anything.

Word got to Nevin that i talked to jenney, and she was mad at me, asking me why i was going behind her back trying to turn people against her, which if you've been reading this, you can tell was not my intention.

that night i went to bed, and when i woke up, i found that i had been unmated and unpartnered, kicked from Diesia's land and from that sim, and muted by her and Diesia.

needless to say,,. i practically died, i loved her, and she kicked my out like i meant nothing to her at all. even the expensive Valentine's day gifts i spent my own lindens on to get for her, meant nothing to her.

i later was talking to my son Ryan, and he said he wasn't going to be my son anymore, because he felt left out of the family, so i lost my son too, and a little later, my house at HHFH, due to them no longer being able to support a rent free sim.

so i was dead for the most part, and wanting to die, and i did something rash which nearly caused my death. i cut myself, deep, but apparently i fail at suicide too, because i missed my important veins, and ended up calling 911 because i was bleeding out of a huge gash in my arm.

but before i did that, i wrote a poem, which i had a friend send to Nevin, which she promptly muted and ignored the poem i wager.

i'm better now, and not so depressed, the scar from my failed attempt to die is gone. and those of you who have read this, now know the real truth behind me and Nevin, and i ask you on thing now.

who is the evil one?

what does love mean when you're separated by a piece of cold glass?

when you're too far apart to feel anything but the empty void between?

when you emote what you do, instead of just doing it?

what then does love mean, other than what you say it means?

you say you love, but can you love a cold piece of glass?

or the words displayed on the glass?

i don't know the answer, but i try to believe it's real, but i....i just can't feel the love from this cold piece of glass...

I know not how it happened, how my heart managed this triumphant return. I thought at one point it was lost, never to love again, destined to live amonst the pages of time, pondering questions never answered. But alas, i was wrong, again my heart swells with that oh so familiar feeling of love.

I have felt the sting of loss many times thus far. For that sting i no longer desire to feel. For now i live afraid, afraid of that which is my greatest tool, my heart. I fear it leading me astray, leading me towards the sting of lonliness, of pain, of sorrow. For my greatest tool, is also my greatest weakness.

It may be that i am too trusting, or perhaps too forgiving. Be that as it were, my love knows no limits. I have loved another, even when that person has not loved me back the same way. I've felt the sting of lonliness all too many times, the pain of loss, the sorrow and mourning of loss.

But with this figure, for whom my heart does burst with joy, i fear no more my heart, for i know that with this figure of beauty, i have no reason to fear anymore.

i know not why so many saw fit to use me, abuse me, and leave me on the curb, hurt, and afraid. My heart has always been of gold, loving with it's fullest extent, those who have opened their hearts to me.

Why was i scorned thusly? Left alone on the curb? the answers to these i do not know, what i do know, is that i loved all those before this Goddess, with all of my heart and my soul, for what they sought beyond that, i could not see, for i gave my best to them, and my best was not enough for them. For this goddess however, i can be myself, and she will love me all the same. I don't have to try to be perfect for her, she takes me, just as i am, a mortal being

What happens when a heart is broken, but the meaning never clear?

when the heart is destroyed, but the reason never known?

when time moves on, and people change?

what happens to that heart, i ask you that?

was the heart accused of things that weren't true?

branded a liar, but never telling a lie?

and what of the love the heart once felt?

with this great void, will it ever cease?

with the means of it's decease still unknown?

these things to me are still unknown, as unknown as the reasons for the parting between me and my sweet Nevin, i know not how it came about, only that i have been branded a liar and many other harsh things, i no not if i did these things of which i have been accused, but the lingering of the answer to these questions, causes my heart to still yet bleed, for Nevin. i loved her with all my heart, was overjoyed when she was my mother, and almost died happy when she was my mate, but apparently i just wasn't good enough for her.

I doubt she'll ever read this, and quite frankly, i gave up any hope of ever even being friends anymore, if you are reading this Nevin, i don't care if you tell me to go f*** myself, i still love you, even if i somehow did those things i've been accused of, my love for you will never stop, i'm sorry for what i've done, and i don't know how to make that clear to you, i want there to be peace, but i'm certain there never will be. I'm sorry for bothering you at all after we split, i had no idea i was such a bad person.

Cheers!,
-Eva