Well I miss having my computer and my old copy of Windows XP so that I could write stories for people I've recently decided that I wanted to either create or commission art for some of my favorite characters and stories that I've written but never published.

Eventually I may write new stories based on these characters but for the time being I'm going to commission in all likelihood a couple of local artists that I know could use the help. When the pieces start arriving I'll see if I can put links to their websites whether they're on deviantART have a personal website or even shutter Facebook.

i have seen the new fa navigation method and frankly i don't like it much. the thumb nails aren't clear on my phone and it makes it harder to simply click next last and the rest of the option because they are words just a group of submissions. even if they had been icons of the options it would have been better then this current layout i my opinion.

if you know me then you know i a don't post to many journals and b don't join to many contest. so for me to be doing both i really have to believe in what is competing for. case in point this link here
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17118315/

goes to a campaign to raise funds . they working on creating fur suite of one of their characters Betty. i would love to see it become a reality even though i'm a bit strapped for cash at the moment but if you not maybe you can help them on their way to making betty part of our 3d world.

copied from http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2236885/

YOU JUST WOKE UP NAKED IN BED NEXT TO ME..... using only 3 words, what would you say to me??
Note: If you comment, please copy and paste this as your journal, so I may comment on yours as well. Be a good sport.

Dental surgery bites I kid you not for the second time during the winter holiday season i found myself in the dentist chair. well in this case like last time it was an oral surgeon. again it took over and hour for them to remove the tooth. i had warned the surgeon about how hard a time i had last time almost three years ago but they didn't quite believe me. not until the surgery started. to say that it hurt would be and understatement. it started out all normally and good. the surgeon numbed me up nice and good so that i didn't feel any pain at first but about 40 minutes int it started to hurt. i tied to bear with it but it was no use. thankfully the surgeon's assistance took notice and the took about 5 minutes to numb me up again. still as many of you know painkillers are less effective if your take them while you're already in deep pain. i could still feel the echos of then that had set in but thankfully the had become distance and new pain wasn't really added until the roof of my mouth got scratched up a bit as they were trying to pull out the bits of my tooth. It came out in around three pieces this time around and all in all i'm grateful to have the tooth but i hope to never have to go through something like that again. of course the real pain will hit when it hits my pocket book.

what can i say but that i'm getting older on top of that this past Friday i turned thirty. normally every year (since 20) my birthday has left me depressed as i thought of all the things i have yet to accomplish. this was a reoccurring theme to my birthdays for the last decade but this year was different. i spent most of my birthday at work and then Saturday i had a double shift and worked just over 12 hours. it's not that mind the time i really need the hours nowadays. what really caused me distress this weekend was not that i'd turned 30 or that i didn't really celebrate. what got to me was that yesterday in a moment of carelessness i injured my self with a hedge trimmer. i knew that i was unfamiliar with the tool having never used it of any no manual hedge clippers before but still i left myself relax and as i tried to trim a set of branches lower on the bush the trimmer bounced back and two of my fingers were cute. let me assure you i still have the fingers. heck i'm, typing with them now albeit not very well with one of them. what mortified me more thee the injury was that after it happened and i'd tended to the wound a hundred reasons why it would never have happened ran through my mind. i'm grateful that it wasn't worse but in all honesty it should never have happened in the first place. i'm far too old to be as careless as i was yesterday and it shows

Religion seems more likely then not to be the act of chasing enlightenment, salvation or redemption. what strikes me as sad about it is that religion is also one of the leading cases of strife in the worlds be it the past or the present. holy wars have erupted time and time again over the centuries as peoples seem to chase what is the meaning of life on this earth is. just bring up the topic or religion will rub many people the wrong way but it seem the right way to being this journal.

In a book i'm currently readingi read the lyrics "science chases money and money chases its tail and the best minds of my generation can't make bail" and it got me thinking. why do we do anything here on this blue , brown and green earth? when scientific advances are made among the first question asked are will it make money? are the fandoms really that different?

perhaps it that the current chapter of Raine dog is chasing my tail http://www.rainedog.com/ that made it stick in my mind but it made me think are we all really chasing something? if so what are those in the fandom chasing? i ask because i really don't know.

Some may react asking what do i mean? Obviously we can not become the enties that we would portray or even imagine are selves to be. perhaps we like to see as part of the world we live in. in time with patients such a thing may be achieved but would it really be the same? would and rabbit born in a genetics lab really be bug's bunny? or a could a mouse be either Micky or Minne? what is it we wish to achieve or is there simply another way to belong?

when i started out exploring the fandom i was little more then a ball of undetectable energy that drifted from world to world and made bodies or of dust, water and free flying bacteria. i was not human true but then i was not a fox, a wolf, a robot or even a changeling i was simply a mind looking around and belnding it were i could to discover the worlds of others like a voyger on an endless voyager of discovery

I don't really need a meme to know that I AM sort of nerdy but I thought it was fun so...here goes.

ANIME/MANGA NERD

[x] You watch anime.
[x] You read manga.
[x ] You buy/collect anime DVDs or manga volumes. (YuYu rocks )
[x] You own some other form of anime/manga merchandise.
[x] You have referred to an anime character as 'hot' before.
[ ] You have cosplayed.
[ ] You have done so in public.
[x] You have been to an anime/manga convention.
[] You have created/joined a fanclub for an anime/manga character.
[ ] You have created/joined a hateclub for an anime/manga character.
[ ] You have squealed when you found out somebody had the same name as an anime character you knew.
[ ] You enjoy drawing anime. (I really wish I could draw anime)
[x] People you know know you as the 'anime' person.
[x] You know that it is pronouced 'mawnguh' and not 'manga' like it is spelled.


Anime/manga nerd = 8


ART NERD

[x] You like art.
[ ] You actually consider yourself an artist.
[ ] When using art supplies, the brand of them matters to you.
[ ] You have a favorite brand.
[ ] You have asked for art supplies as a Christmas/birthday gift before.
[x] You give people your drawings as gifts.(well potter and weaving mostly)
[] People actually ask for your drawings.
[ ] You are/were known as 'the art person' at your school. (No..I don't let people know I draw)
[x] Instead of just 'brown' or 'pink', you'd be specific; it's 'sienna brown' or 'blush pink'.
[ ] You have taken an art class outside of school.
[] You have considered a career as an artist.
[x] Your school papers are always covered in doodles. (Hahaha...that's so true)
[x] You have a favorite artist.
[ ] Your drawings have been framed.
[ ] You carry a sketchbook with you everywhere you go. (I used to in college)

Art nerd = 5


MUSICAL NERD

[ ] You play a musical instrument.
[ ] You play more than one instrument.
[ ] You actually really enjoy playing your instrument. (That sounds naughty!! ^_^)
[ ] You've given your instrument a name.
[ ] You've participated in an extracurricular activity for your instrument.
[ ] You are known by what you play.
[x] You listen to classical music.
[x] You are wondering whether that refers to the classical music genre or the classical music time period.
[ ] You have a favorite composer.
[ ] All of your friends are from your band/orchestra class.
[x] You write music.
[x] You've had discussions with your friends about music; your favorite composers/instruments/musical time periods/key/etc...
[ ] You have considered a professional career with your instrument.
[ ] You are never nervous playing for other people.

Musical nerd = 4


VIDEO GAME NERD

[x] You play video games.
[x] You own more than 4 different video game systems.( my computer alone if four game systems)
[x] You've had debates over which system is the greatest.
[x] You play video games every day.(almost. work is gettin in the way now)
[x] You have played a video game for over 10 hours.(17 strait)
[x] You have songs from your favorite video games on your MP3.(earthworm jim among others)
[x] You love to talk about video games.
[] You memorize the dates for when a new game is being released.
[] People know you as the 'gamer' person.
[x] You spend more time on video games than you do hanging out with friends.
[x] Your gaming system is in your room. (all of them ^_^)
[x] You have preferences when it comes to what company your game came from. (square soft was my favorite)
[x] You've had debates over which company is the best.
[x ] You keep playing a game until you beat it. (i'll always come back to it. i'm still playing megaman on since i never beat it)
[ ] It makes you angry when you found out somebody looked up cheat codes on the internet to beat their game.

Video game nerd = 12


COMPUTER NERD

[x] You use the computer every day.
[x] You have an account/username on some sort of social website.(FA and DA count right?)
[x] You go into random internet chatrooms.(i have in the past)
[x] You spend at least 2 hours a day on the computer.(try 5-8)
[x] You use computer faces.
[x] It is hard to go a day without using the computer.
[x] You spend time in online forums.( a member of several )
[X] In the forum/chatroom you use, you are known there by everyone else.(just about just ask for e and see)
[x] You have friends you have only met online.
[x] You have actually met an online friend in person.
[] U cn ezly rd 'txttlk. (i can barely spell in English let alone any other language)
[ ] You have said 'lol' or 'omg' in speech that is not online.
[ ] You can type really, really fast.

Computer nerd = 10

i want to that Itax for these memes. it was a fun ideal

Someone accused me of lying today. it started out as a pretty good conversion originally. we were talking about anime. The hour was getting not just a little late but very late as it was after 1 am my time heading towards two and i was more then a little tired. the work day on Saturday was form about 7:30 am until around 1:00 pm. this was not all that bad but to ensure i got there on time i set my alarm for 5:30 am and by 6:30 or 6:40 i need to be on the road heading for work. i worked my day as security and then ran a few errands.

By the time i got home it was getting late but Sunday was my day off as i work security for a bank. i decided to go on second life and discovered there was going to be a meeting in one of my groups. i went the the group house and the meet was already in progress. i really enjoyed it and even thought the meeting ended there were still some people around to talk with. i knew it was late but i figured hey i don't get much time to enjoy second life why not make the most of it. a few hours later one of the two i having a conversation with asked mere where i was from. i told them i mean i had now reason not too. then the said that considering were i was from there was no reason for me to be talking as i was.

it was about then that i realized how badly my control over my spelling was slipping. during the best of times my spelling is less then good. it just borders on acceptable and all. i apologize and realized that it was already well after midnight i'd been up around twenty hours. i tried to explain my situation and said that i should probably head to bed. the gist of what was said by one of them was " so you've been up almost a day ? well i've been up four two why aren't i spelling as badly as you then? " i told them that they couldn't judge me as if i was them because we are all different and so forth but they went on to call mo not just a liar but a fucking liar. said that i couldn't work in a bank and so forth because of my spelling.

this was intolerable. i didn't claim to be rich i didn't say i was something i'm not i simply told thing how they were. how is saying i'm working security in a bank some sort of glamorous sought after job or position? answer it's not it's drudgery that keeps me fed and with a roof over my head. i figured people will believe what they want even so i told them look i'm not lying. this person then assumed i was doing the blame game going to blame the teacher form my troubles. it's not like that i had to ear my way through school i need help.

ECHO http://www.echoja.org/ then SMA came to me in 8th grade and tested me. i passed 8th grade and was part way though freshman year in high school when they came back. they set me up with a computer to help me over come spelling and handwriting difficulty. this is how i passed high school. i had to earn every grade i got but i did the work and got my self into collage. since high school the spell checker has been my best friend. even when filling out incident reports i still need them and to hear this person calling me a liar over some thing i have struggled with since third grade? it hurt but it also angered Me here hours later i'm still angry and and now after given my self time to cool off some i have to post this to let myself vent so i'm sorry if this upset you to read a whinny post but i need to let it out.

long story short just because someone has a problem or an LD doesn't mean that they lie about themselves or what they do.

why are people like this? i may never understand. my friend has pretty much just ended a relationship with a controlling and less then faithful online mate but now that ex mate whom has playing around blatantly is saying that they wee wronged. one top of that the person is demanding the removal of thing that were once gifts for this alleged wounding of their pride never mind that they are officially mates with someone else whom may note even approve of the ideal of a triple. this person treated my friend as if they were merely a source of amusement and pleasure most of the time and demanded both obedience and commitment not even showing the love they were supposed to feel for my friend. needless to say this does not go well with me and while i shall not attempt to hurt this person directly as my friend would not wish it i will advise others who ask me about them to be wary of them. maybe in time this person will grow up. maybe they well lead the different between a person heart and A PSP game but then maybe they won't until they wake up and find themselves all alone and wonder why no one will risk there emotions to try out friendship let alone mateship with them. what ever happens my friend made thier choice and i support them. they opted out before they got too hurt by the persones self centered ways.

there's no simple way to say this but well life is putting me through the thrasher right now and i don't know how much longer i can put up with things as the are. so i'm taking a little break. i'll be back you can be sure of that but it's probably be a week ore more before you all see me again. take care of yourselves

I'm sorry to say that death has darkened my home again. my dear dear Valarie has passed away. i don't think any of you knew of her but that's okay. she was very important to me and though we've only seen each other a few time over the past year her death is a painful reminder of our mortality. she's already missed and there will never be another to take her place. while she may not have been related to me by blood in my heart she'll always be my aunt Valarie

i know i don't come here very ofter but form now on i'm going to try to be more of a participate here even though i have nearly 1300 unviewed pieces of art to look at well closer to 1220 as i have seen some of them today i plan to start posting works of my own thong the are only good enough to be considered scraps compared to the are talent i skill i seen her. hopefully over time i'll improve and people will like my work. now i've never been one to live boldly but if i keep everything inside then i'm not living am i?

this world is not fair i understand that yet i don't, there is so much pain and it strikes with mindless cruelty. it hurts just to be alive some times. early tonight or was it yesterday i'm not sure anymore when this will be posted. there has been pain in the world for as long as there has been history. this is something i can neither confirm nor deny but i do know that we hurt each other daily and for no reason that i can understand. even is i write this i'm trying not to cry because one of my friends is in pain. the sources of their pain? some one i want to hurt very deeply and I've never meet them or heard their name. so why to i want to hurt them? because their actions hurt my friend deeply they took advantage of one of my friends childhood companions and for i don't know how long raped their child. the poor child not only suffered this abuse but she is now expecting and is not fully able to compered the situation form what i under stand. when confronted about this the person ins question became threatening and my friend who found out late was not there to take up for their friend at the time this hurt them as it hurts me that i'm not there to comfort them. the pain of being to late to help someone directly the pain of being unable to act. this are little pains that linger and fester in the wake of the greater pain of what wrongs that were created by this fiend. every hour since i've heart i think of things to punish this fiend ever half hours i think of things that if i was with my friend i could do to comfort them. every few minutes i think of my younger siblings and the world that are growing up and and pray for their safety. god knows i can't be there to watch over them all the time but i hope that he will.

god there are so many ways to hurt each other. to cause each other pain why can't we be other their helping each other. pushing ever so gently on another forward so that the other will gain : a little peace , a little happiness, another reason to smile. i don't want the world to hurt like it is now. i don't want pain both our own and other to be the future of you growing generation. i'm not saint. never let anyone confuse me with a bastion of piety or a follower of any one religion but i understand that they way things are going we can't survive. we can't live like these. Even our hopes for the future are becoming darker to where it is hard to tell are dreams form our nightmares. <b>this can not go on. we need a change. our children are crying. lets stop the pain </b>

This new years eve a slice of hell broke lose and invaded my life. How did it start?
Well it all started with what was supposed to be a routine dental examination and X-ray in prepare for surgery in a week or two but it turned into an on the spot wisdom tooth extraction.
The extraction process took about and hour form just before 10am to just before 11am. For one hour I endured between 6 to 8 needle injections of Novocain. The surgeon want to give me more when he found out that during the drilling I could still feel pains from the tooth and gums but I declined. I was not willing / able to face that needle again and he respected my wishes. The pain was there but slight and form my point of view it was better to bear a little pain then to be stuck by yet another needle containing a vile of Novocain. The extraction was a hard one they used all their tools the thing that looked like a crowbar for teeth the drill the hammer / chisel combination thing well. They used it all and wound up cutting my tooth into about 4 maybe five pieces.

After the extraction I emptied my checking account of all but about 70 dollars and drove to the gas station I needed to fill up for the rest of the work week as my take was at less then half full. I stopped for an errand on the behalf of my mother as he sister needed something. No sooner then my gas hit the tank then my car dies on me. It was the fuel pump going out. With so much of my money gone I didn’t have enough to get a tow and I was a state away form where I lived. To make matter worse when I tried to call for help I found out my phone was out of time. Spending precious money I recharged my phone and called around for help. I then called my job to ask for a pay advance to cover the cost of a tow and found not only was it impossible but that my job depended on me making it to work that night. The car stopped tow nightmare went on for just shy of six hours when I was able to get help form my mother aunt and grandmother on the other side of the family. (That’s how I found out what was wrong with the car). Arriving home I managed to collapse on the bed and not the floor and wonder if I would heal properly or even be able to afford my medicine. Time passed far too quickly and in four hours I was up and showering to go to work. The snow really slowed my commute and the final bus was over twenty minutes late getting to my stop causing me to be half an hour late. But as the say no day is ever all bad

Around 12:10 am during a time when I was with my boss of the night my phone rang. I excused myself but when I looked at the phone I was glade that I didn’t cut the phone off like I normally would when going to work. It was someone dear to me calling to wish me a happy new year and it snapped me right out of my funk and bad mood that I’d been in just hearing his voice.cheered me up that much. all in all thanks to him my near year's day turned out much better then my new year's eve for which i say thank you Sky

well as much as i like art i'm not very god at drawing either furry or human figures. still i do have the odd piece that i think comes out nice. in a few minutes i'll post my first piece of art on this site. it's a piece i drew while looking at a book mark. it took me almost 2 weeks to draw it.