Attended MFM again this year (yay! local con!) and it was fun. The new hotel is much nicer than the old, even if there are fewer meeting rooms for panels.
I am told the canvas print provided to the auction, featuring the art for this year's theme, did well. So that is nice.
Next year's theme is "Space" so I'll see what I can do for that.
It was nice hanging with old friends and meeting new (to me) folks. ^_^
Just a generally nice time.

So here's this year's and last year's stats per usual:

2023 submissions: 26 (Total: 607)
Total Page views: 50,155
Watchers: 316
views/submission: 67-418 av 156
ALT
2023 submissions: 11 (-3 if you don't count promotional materials; total 131)
Total page views: 22,565
Watchers: 436
views/submission: 56-800 av 302

2024 submissions: 28 (635)
Total Page Views: 120,923 (this cannot be a real number)
Watchers: 338
views/submission: 52 - 1148
ALT
2024 submissions: 12 (-2 for promos; total:143)
Total Page Views: 31,619
Watchers: 471
views/submission: 92-1184

I don't really have anything insightful to say this year. Um... keep on chuggin', everybody.

This entry, as ever, is mostly for future me. But if you're reading this: thank you ^_^ for reading to the end.

Happy Birthday, Everyone!

So MFM was nice this year. Once again, I spent most of my time in the game room.
Apparently attendance is up, and the folks did a good job running things.
Due to -stuff- I didn't get a donation together for the auction this year-but I am prepared for next year! Woo! woo!

Didn't finish my pre-con project of doing themed portraits of the directors, so I guess it's changed to a post-con project. (Have three more in various states of incomplete.)

All things considered: a good time was had.

All the words. So many words.
I have a small art backlog both in finished and unfinished stuff.
The rest of this month and start of next is going to a mess.
Let's see what happens.

Be well. Eat tacos. And thanks for reading.

Lot of death in my feeds recently. Well in everyone's feeds this morning.
There have been distant deaths of folks I did not know, but were known by those around me (i.e. Toronto furs are being called on to assist Taral Wayne's in clearing out his appartment and preserving his collection post-mortem - link will be editted in here later - probably).
Close deaths of friends and family members (i.e. my uncle shot himself in the head over the weekend).
And those somewhere inbetween, who we knew in passing and whose actions effected our lives in different ways (i.e. Definitely refering to Dragoneer's death, announced last night).
...it's going to be an interesting and busy few weeks coming up. There will be mourning. There will be depression and emotions and grief. And life in all its gall and heartless mercy will continue moving on.
I don't know what I'm trying to say here. But you're here (reading this) and I am here. So thank you. You and your existence are appreciated.
(I'm going to try to stop crying before I clock into work in a few minutes.)

As some of you already know, I am looking to reshuffle which art sites and social media I post to and am looking for suggestions of what sites to add to my roster.
Currently I am posting to or have accounts with the following sites (with notes):
Furaffinity - it's here. It's a staple because everyone is here. Familiar and intuitive systems.
DeviantArt - It's an old staple, but has become an AI hellscape. Still has some engagement.
Weasyl - Low engagement, but pretty straightforward UI.
SoFurry - it's a thing. Some engagement. UI is slightly less intuitive. Not sure how it works, but clearly does for some folks.
Inkbunny - It's a site. Some engagement. Decent user base even if it has some stigma attached.
FurryNetwork - Nice to post to but not activity, UI is not intuitive and I don't know how to even browse there.
Mastodon - cozy social media. ^_^
Twitter - stopped posting art there. Would like to leave but staying to keep up with certain accounts.
Tumblr - do not keep up with this. Minimal engagement. Most of my peeps left with the great NSFW purge.
Pillowfort - no engagement. Have to log in every time. UI is fine - just empty.
AfterDark.art - have account, not sure how to engage with this one
E361 - this is not a gallery. Would prefer if others dealt with this. I will send you a thank you note if I find you posting my stuff there.
Artconomy - mainly geared toward commissions, but has an okay gallery system.

Places I have heard about:
Itaku.ee
ummm... other places.
Any suggestions or input appreciated.
Where do you go to see and engage with art?

Time again for those personal metrics.

Last year's review:
2022 submissions: 23 (-1 if you don't count promotional submissions. total: 581)
Total Page views: 16152
Watchers: 282
views/submission: 72 - 209
ALT
2022 submissions: 14 (-3 if you don't count promotional submissions or alt versions. total: 120)
Total page views: 8542
Watchers: 386
views/submissions: 129 - 849


This year's review:
2023 submissions: 26 (Total: 607)
Total Page views: It says 50,155 (but I don't see how I could have accumulated 34K views in the past year - maybe they changed how they calculate this)).
Watchers: 316
views/submission: 67-418 av 156
ALT
2023 submissions: 11 (-3 if you don't count promotional materials; total 131)
Total page views: 22,565 (a 7.6K jump is a lot more reasonable than 34K but I still don't believe it)
Watchers: 436
views/submissions: 56-800 av 302

So... I think they started calculating all views of your art along with all views of your main page, which really inflated numbers this year.
Huh... Felt like I did less art this year, but the submission numbers are about on par with last year.

Eh.... I don't know what else to say to future me right now. Ummm... "Number go up"
Bleeeeergle blargle.

If you've read this far: thank you.

Happy Birthday, Everyone!
^_^
And a merry "don't explode" in the new year!

It's the beginning of the month, so folks are probably getting spammed with these kinds of journals, but oh well.
For those in the back who are not aware:
I am open for commissions.
If you liked my recent RPG inspired portrait of Miko (see here: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/51082459/) or just like some of my badge/portraiture stuff, I am taking commissions over on Artconomy (see here: https://artconomy.com/profile/Exindiv/about).

Time again for my personal logs:

Last year's review:
2021 submissions: 16 (total: 558)
Total Page views: 13,662
Watchers: 252
views/submission: 44-122
ALT
2021 submissions: 25 (total: 106)
Total page views: 6453
Watchers: 293
views/submissions: 66-846

This year's review:
2022 submissions: 23 (-1 if you don't count promotional submissions. total: 581)
Total Page views: 16152
Watchers: 282
views/submission: 72 - 209
ALT
2022 submissions: 14 (-3 if you don't count promotional submissions or alt versions. total: 120)
Total page views: 8542
Watchers: 386
views/submissions: 129 - 849

Numbers about on par for last year as far as submissions go. Views were generally up.
Figured out some new techniques. Got a lot of things working for me this past year.
A pretty solid year, art-wise. The rest of the world? Still pretty much on puree.

Anywho! We'll see how the new day job effects things in the coming year.

As always: thanks for reading.
Pretty dry stuff - as it's a bench mark for when I have the bad brain.

Happy Birthday, Everyone!
(If you know, you know.)

Yep, I'm open for commissions.
I'm trying out Artconomy and offering a few badge/portrait style slots.
https://artconomy.com/profile/Exindiv/about

Cross posting between my regular and AD accounts.
Going to test the waters and open for commissions.
Opening three slots for digital work (badge/portraits, sketches, or illustrations).
I'll be using an application process (application here: https://forms.gle/2zHAPiVGp6ZKWF4fA), which will give me a bit more agency in what I work on.
I'll close the application form in one week (10/5) and choose what to work from those submitted.
My apologies if this process does not work for everyone, as I am trying to find a system for this that works for me.

Well, until I can peg down a replacement for my currect day job (looking to jump ship for better pay and something that looks like benefits), looks like I'll be shilling my art on the regular to suppliment my income.

To that effect (as my Discord folks already know) I'm putting together a commission application - so keep your eyes out if you're interested.

Currently putting together a ToS and something like a price sheet.
Will probably post availability and slots when I finish this last YCH offering.

Thanks for your time and eyeballs.
(writing a duplicate journal on the AD account)

For those that missed it: auctioning off 3 badge commission slots. Ends Friday.
<additional words here>

Link to post: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/48054789/

It's happening.
On the 25th, number go up.
You have been warned.

Well, it happened a few weeks ago, I caught the plague at work. Boss brought it to the office and shared it with everybody.
First tested positive on May 11, but my symptoms started on the 9th. My case was on the worse side of "mild" and I was pretty sick for over a week and only tested negative again on May 22.
If I hadn't had my three jabs, I can definitely see where this could have killed me.
I've mostly recovered - but I still have a persistent cough and my stamina is nowhere near what it was/should be (I tire/get winded easily and my active heart rate is just through the roof). So, I'm trying to take it easy so my body can properly recover.
I'm probably going to have to do some kind of paid work/YCH here or on my AD in the next couple months to make up for lost pay, so if you're interested in that kind of thing: keep an eyeball out.
Otherwise: stay safe, keep masking, and take care of yourselves.
And as always: Thank you for reading.

(P.S. The current CDC guidelines are complete b*llsh*t! They're written entirely to get folks to go back to work. Like the 5 day guide is based on when folks are the MOST infectious and the mask requirement indicates that folks returning to work at that stage are probably still infectious. <grump grump grump> <additional ranting here> )

Time's arrow makes fools of us all. We aren't who we were, but we carry them with us.
I have a number of anniversaries of various kinds coming up and I've been spending an unhealthy amount of time thinking about where I am, where I've been, and where I'm going. So before I actually hit any of those anniversaries I (and the sangria I've been drinking) thought I'd look at some numbers and try to find some silver linings.
So first, some anniversaries:
In a few months I turn 40. (Date not disclosed because I've never been really good about Bdays.)
5/14/22 marks 15 years on this site.
8/22/22 marks 9 years actively posting art on this site.
5/1/22 marks 7 years of my NSFW account experiment.
In all that time I've learned a lot of things. 1) That being an artist is a part of my personal identity I'm not willing to let go. 2) That I'm not really cut out to do art in a professional basis and it's better for me on a lot of levels to just be a hobbyist - and that's okay. 3) That there are some metrics for "success" that are not things I will likely reach in my lifetime, and that I need to set my own goals and metrics for what success is for me.
I'm not the same person I was when I started this journey. With age I've gained a form of patience I didn't have when I was younger. I've learned how to enjoy the process of making art (and not just wanting to have done art but learned how to enjoy the doing) and how to enjoy the process of learning (though, that's always an ongoing thing). I've learned how to enjoy others' art on various levels and that it's not really a competition - everyone at every skill level and style brings something different to the table and there's something to admire in each of them (instead of feeling threatened and jealous of "better" artists or "better" than those just starting out or with a "lesser" style). I've been on a long and difficult journey regarding my worth as an artist and my "value" in regards to $$ and popularity. I don't know if the person I was 15 or 9 years ago would have embarked on this journey if he had known what was to come. I can say it was worth it, though.
I may not have met a lot of my goals, but I have met a few. My skills have progressed to a point I can tackle some the styles I wanted to tackle when I was in highschool. I've been the GoH at a con. And while it may be small compared to others', I've got a good following for my art. ^_^ Heck, I've even managed to do a few Capitalisms without having a total meltdown! Woo! Winning!
All things told: While I still get moody and emo and have the occassional downward spiral, and my fair share of regrets - I'm doing pretty okay and have a lot I'm grateful for (including a lot of the folks reading this).
As always: thanks for reading.

Edit: A lot of this is how I fight my negative thoughts: remind myself "it's not that bad" "I'm not where I was" "I've made progress" and "Is that really what you want?" "what would I do if I had ___? Would it make me happy?"

TLDR: Me rabbling about how adminning/moderating groups is hard and providing zero advice/recommendations on how to do stuff. Sort of self-indulgent prattle.

So due to recent events in the news and personal mental correlations dues coinciding incidents, hearing people talk about and thinking about my personal experience in policing furry spaces.

Up until about a year ago I was an admin/moderator for our local furry facebook and telegram group(s). I left them on my own initiative as I just didn't have it in me to continue. For me the two major factors for this were: 1) when a long time and fairly prominent member of the local furry community (and personal friend) died; I posted the announcement to the telegram group and no one seemed to know who I was talking about; 2) while driving home from the funeral of a family member who had died of Covid and being criticized for my position as an admin by someone who had also criticized my refusal to allow the group to be used to arrange meets due to Covid. I just didn't feel like I was connected to these strangers in the group and I didn't have the patience or thick skin needed to deal with it anymore.

In the many years that I got to moderate the groups, I had to deal with multiple instances of personal drama and had to learn and grow from each instance and the mistakes I and others made. We fell into a lot of the same traps a lot of folks make trying to be fair or impartial. I learned that no matter how tempting, a mod has to make a call on their own and not put it up for a community vote (as then policing the group becomes a popularity contest). Always communicate with other mods and provide chat logs with them so they know what you're doing/have done and why. And sometimes there's just no right answer to a problem - like when folks want you to take action against someone for something they're accused of doing in private, outside of the space you're moderating (they haven't broken the rules of the space and frankly you don't know any of the folks or motives of anyone involved).

Bleh....
But yeah. Thinking about all this since it's in my twitter feed and I just got back from a family wake, so memories just bubbling up.

I left those groups last year. Informed the other mods of the facebook group ahead of time. Tried to rustle up a replacement mod/owner for the telegram group(s) - kinda half gave up on that and just passed one off and deleted the other. And just left.

I don't have the disposition to do it anymore and I don't miss it. I occasionally wonder if it was the right thing to do. For me? Sure. For the community? I don't know - and I gave up my place to question it.

Blah blah blah - additional words.
Thanks for reading my ramblings.

So, I'm feeling chatty and feel the urge to ramble about how posting art online feels like a Skinner box but I really don't know how to broach the subject because it's a big old ball of thoughts and feels - so let's talk about endless emotion blah blah we put ourselves through! Whee!

So first: a Skinner box is a science device for testing and training behaviors in animals. You have the box, you have a behavior, you have a reward mechanism: you got a Skinner box!

So, posting art online as Skinner box: You have social media and online galleries, you post your art, you get feedback (likes, comments, whatever): you got a Skinner box!

So what is this particular Skinner box trying to train our brains to do? What sort of effect does that have on artists? What's going on? Well, generally it's post art > get the good brain chemicals. Unfortunately, our brains acclimatize so after a while you get used to things and you either have to post more and more or your have to post bigger stuff to get MOAR BRAIN CHEMICALS!

Generally, a lot of this is ultimately unfulfilling and leaves even popular and successful artists feeling worthless and unloved because they can't seem to get any sort of satisfying engagement or they just get burnt out. Some lose sight of why they enjoyed art in the first place and it all becomes painful, meaningless blaaaaaaaah.

But Ex! This sounds like a problem. How do you fix it?
I don't know. I'm just a bat on the internet. Best I can tell you is what kinda sauce to serve with this grumpy meatball.

But yeah, my general solution (which I don't actually do as often as I'd like, but nobody's perfect and we only have so much energy) is try to provide positive feedback. But Ex, doesn't that feed into the problem? Eh. Maybe. But it's what I'd like in that situation.

But yeah. Artists have a lot of head stuff to deal with. The work almost never matches the vision. There are so many other artists that are just so amazing at what they do, it's hard not to nose dive into a downward spiral of unfair comparison and personal inadequacy. And it can be really hard not to tie your personal self worth in with your art and the response thereto (wooo! that's a really tough one to deal with.) Don't see why folks can't have a little dopamine as a treat.

(Additional words here. Very angsty and emotionally frot words. So words. Much feels.)

As always: Thanks for reading my brain vomit! Please come again!

For those interested: I have a discord server.
Link: https://discord.gg/k3S6ugn4
I posts art and WIPs there as I work on them.

It's time again for me to log my annual metrics! Feel free to ignore this post.

Last year's review:
2020 submissions: 51 (total:542)
Total Page views: 10,680
Watchers: 227
views/submission: 37-149
ALT
2020 submissions: 21
Total page views: 4040
Watchers: 174
views/submissions: 40/102 - 674

This year's review:
2021 submissions: 16 (total:558)
Total Page views: 13,662
Watchers: 252
views/submission: 44-122
ALT
2021 submissions: 25 (total: 106)
Total page views: 6453
Watchers: 293
views/submissions: 66-846

So, not as much total art this year. Though most of it was paintings which take longer - I need to do more inks. They spark joy and are quick and easy and make my numbers for this look at fat and happy.
This year has been weird and long and short and full of things happening. I don't know. I'm really happy with some of my current work in general. It makes me feel like I'm getting somewhere.
Brain not working great right now. Additional words. Woooooords...

As always: thanks for reading, if you did.
This is generally to help me keep perspective and help when I have bad brain.

I will be opening two slots for Art Deco style portraits with foil accents similiar to what I did for Qrik here:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/44714214/

Slots will be $65, with payment upon completion.
Recipients will receive full rez copies of the completed work upon payment.

Comment or note me to apply for a slot.
Applications should include a link or description for the character to be painted.
Applications should be submitted by end of day Thursday December 2, 2021.
I'll try and notify selected applicants by Saturday December 4, 2021.

Artist reserves the right to reject or decline any application prior to completion for any reason.

Edit: It's 12/3 and the application window has closed. A little disappointed about response: (two responses total) but it also means I don't have to send out messages to anyone informing them their application was not approved - so, yay! It's also the best response I've received to an open commissions announcement on this account - so, also yay! Just got to be honest with myself: timing on this was not great, and without a compelling visual to advertise it this announcement was not going to get much traffic. Bright side, with folks permission, I can use the resulting images from this to compile a suitable advert if I do this again.
I've already sent notice to the two folks that submitted applications.

Thinking about doing some more Deco style portraits in the not too distant future. However, I have some gold foil textures I purchased from Hibbary a while back and I'd really like to use them for a certain Klimt touch.
Would anyone be interested?