Well, the end of the year is coming up and I'm looking back to prep for my year in review.
It's been a hard year for some, me included. Super stressful, didn't get much done, despite high hopes when the year began.
Looks like we're ending the year looking for another place to live, as the house we've been renting was sold to some flippers. On the bright side, they gave us a few months to find another place to be - but time is running out and the house hunt... well, the mighty house is an elusive prey - hard to pin down.
Didn't do much in the way of art this year due to a long bought of anxiety and stresses. Hopefully I can beat the bar I've set this year in the next one. Hopefully next year is better than this one's been.
Hope springs eternal.
Anyway: as always, thank your for reading. And good luck in the coming year!

<scream carries over from twitter, through telegram, onto facebook, and out fa>

Today is my 5-year wedding anniversary with my husband. (Apparently the Wood anniversary... should I drop by IKEA after work? Hrmmmm...)
After five years of marriage and eleven years living together, I have no regrets. I would do it again everyday if I had to. He makes every day better just for being in it.

You may have noticed I haven't been terribly active the past few months.
Life has been pretty busy (work, social and family life). I've been pretty low energy. And a pinch of depression mixed in for good measure.
Time is starting to free up again and I'm feeling a little better. Hopefully this means more posts in the near future.
I have projects I need to work on and stuff.

A friend just finished his most recent EP.
Check out his music and if you like it, give him some $.
http://exitmouse.bandcamp.com
Oh, and I may have done the cover art for the EP. https://www.furaffinity.net/view/24332193/

Wordy word word wording wordily. Word wordy word word. Additional words.

Warning: this is journal is about the feelings and the internal emotional drama of an artist - so kinda introspective, self-involved, and full of just BS a person does to themselves.

So, some of you may have noticed a minor emotional melt down after Fursquared's charity auction specifically in regards to the performance of the print I donated. More specifically: I hear it did well - which is really nice - but I have insisted on not being told what it went for. No one has asked me why I've insisted on this but I kindof need to talk about it anyway - partially to deal with my own BS and partially to explain to others and myself why I have this kind of reaction whenever I donate art to a convention.

(The following paragraph is almost completely unnecessary - you can skip to the last two sentences and still get everything.)
I guess I'm going to start with a personal history lesson regarding me an art. So, if you look at my profile here, you'll see I opened this account in 2007 and actually started submitting art to it in 2013. If you check my DA, you'll see the account was opened in 2004 and a little art was posted in 2007 with a years long gap of me posting again in 2014. This sort of stuff says a lot about my artistic work ethic in that time frame and a lot about that time frame. Now, I have always wanted to be an artist. I remember back to first grade and working really hard to make some realistic and detailed art - I did not have the skills to achieve this at the time but we're talking about goals here. Now I carried on this design for my entire time in grade school (I was never a particularly good artist, mostly because I wanted to draw well but never really wanted to sit down and do the work developing those skills requires. Sure, I had good moments (won an award or two in school) but was definitely a small fish in a big pond kinda guy. When it was time to go to college, I wanted to study fine art. My mother did not approve (and after decades of experience and learning about life and my mother, I finally feel I have a good understanding of why - but that's a whole other therapy session) and after a lot of arguing I decided to pay for my own college and do what I wanted. And one semester later I realized I just didn't have the raw talent nor the disposition to carry through with that - and paying for college with a part-time job just above minimum wage without taking student loans is f***ing hard! Lots time off from school, time working, getting busy, developing a social life, self discovery, blah blah blah. Sure there was some art in the background, and then one day in 2013 I realized that despite identifying as an artist, I hadn't actually drawn anything in nearly seven years. And WHAM! it hit me: Was I an artist? Could I do this thing? Was I still the person I thought I was/had always wanted to be? How could I let myself come to this point? Seven years is a long time and I had just let it slip completely by me. - So that's kindof the cliffnotes version of stuff: always wanted to art, kindof a flake, never quite measuring up and not willing to put the work in. So, after 2013 I resolved to make art a real part of my life again (which I have generally kept to).

Much like any craft or skill you pour yourself into, most art ends up with a rather hefty emotional investment/quotient to it. And while I am generally only satisfied/happy/proud of any given work for the five minutes after it's completed (after which all the flaws become glaringly apparent) there is still an emotional attachment there. And because of that emotional attachment/baggage you get a lot of stuff artists have a hard time dealing with: criticism/critique ("that's MY ugly baby! How dare you say that!"), desire for validation ("Please look at my ugly baby and despair all ye mortals!"), rejection/apathy ("why is no one looking at my ugly baby!? Whyyyyyyyyy!?") Add into the mix a bit of imposter syndrome and the Dunning-Kruger effect and you generally have a bubbling hand grenade soup of emotional drama just waiting to blow up in your face. ("Wow.... that sounds awful. If it's that bad, why do it?" Because a) it can be and is a very rewarding endeavor: you grow as a person and your skills are always improving b) it's who you are and if you stop you are denying a portion of yourself c) it's straight up better than crack,man. The high you get when you've done something is truly epic, man, you just forget about the hangover.)

So, since I started posting my art on a regular basis, I've also be dealing with the issue of exposure. Every artists who posts stuff online wants people to see their art; they want people to comment on their work; the internet is our refrigerator and we're all children hoping people will tell us what good arters we are. Unfortunately, it can be really hard to find your audience or for your audience to find you. Over the years, the quality of submissions to internet art sites like FA and DA has been just amazing: from clearly amateur to professional grade in just a few year. And the quantity of art is just: amazing. It's really easy to get lost in a flood of simply amazing art. It's hard not to compare yourself to "better" artists and be discourage. And it's even harder when you realize there are just sooooo many amazing artists out there. Sooooo many. It's hard for a lot of good to decent artists to sort of despair when they can only get a handful of people to look at/comment/or fave their work. It's taken me years to deal with this stuff on my own and to try to align my expectations so I don't feel a constant failure when I post art and don't immediately get an overwhelming positive response in the form of view/faves/comments. (To give you an idea of how things are: I've been actively posting for roughly five years I have 149 watchers and am now averaging about 50 views, 5-8 faves, and 1 comment per post - and that is a huge improvement over last year. People just starting out have it really, really rough; unless they're a break-out success you can only really expect 10 or fewer views, maybe one fave, and zero comments for anything they post in their first year or two.) Currently I am sort of in a hard won acceptance and comfort in my place in the community: I don't expect I am ever going to be hugely popular, I am probably going to remain a hobbyist for the foreseeable future as there's not a whole lot of interest in my work and it doesn't really make money, and I don't think I could deal with either if I did become popular or successful.

(The past two paragraphs kindof explain why I don't currently advertise actively, either: I don't really feel like I'm "good enough", can't really deal with the pressures of commissions well, and don't think I could live up to exceptions (mine or anyone else's).)

So what does any of this have to do with auctions? Well, we've establish that is a thing I do because it's a part of me and anything I do generally has a great deal of emotional investment involved in it. So a few years ago, I decided to donate some of he inks I did for a local con to their charity auction (india ink on bristol board: odd sizes, original work). So, I sat in the auction and waited for them to come up and they didn't do very well. They didn't do very well at all. They ended up being batched together and going for a few dollars ($3-$7) after the auctioneer had to steadily reduce the opening bid before anyone bid on it. This was devastating. It still hurts a lot. It really says a lot to an artists when several hours worth of labor and effort sells for as much or less than the cost of the materials - and it doesn't say anything good to them. After I had enough time to calm down from that, I ended up asking myself what would have been a good number for that to go for? And I really couldn't come up with a satisfactory number there, either. So, after that I resolved not to sit in on any of my work being auctioned again. My reasoning being: If the number is too low, I'll have my feelings hurt; if it's a big number, well then I'll be all knotted up about why I as an artist haven't achieved much in the way of success and why I can't sell my art for that much. Either way it's a no-win situation for me, so I just don't engage the situation. "If it's going to hurt so much, why donate at all?" Well, I want to help the charity and the convention some, and well... I do still have enough of an ego to think "maybe someone will want this" and it'll sell for something.

So, yeah. That's what that's about. That's how I feel about stuff. And that's why I kinda had a minor meltdown after the auction.
(This isn't a plea to people to tell me my work's good or anything - on some level I know it is and I'm proud of it enough to post it for people to see; I'm really just rubbish at accepting compliments - and that's another therapy session in itself.)

Anywho! Thank's for sitting through the self-analysis and exposition journal. I know a lot of artists who go through similar stuff, so I'm not alone in getting emotionally worked up over some pretty crazy stuff. But yeah - Take care! Don't explode! and I appreciate you!

Just got back from Fursquared: which was a ton of fun! Really enjoyed all the panels and meeting & seeing a lot of the friends & people I chat with online and some commissioners.
Um... really thought I'd have a lot more to say other than I really enjoyed the con and the people. I could list out all the neat people I met and saw, but that would be a long list and I'd invariably leave someone out and hurt their feelings - but it was super nice seeing you all!
Additional words here. Yeah!

Well, my computer is having serious issues. I'm currently at the point where I am going boot in safe made, back up my art to an external source, and restore to a three year old back up. If that doesn't work, I will probably have to move on to replacing my computer.
Either way my computer is going to be out of commission for the next few days.
Edit: well my backup disappeared, so I guess I will scavenge my files and reinstall Windows. Woo. Going to have to wait a few days for a few discs and parts to come in.

Well, it's about a month late, but I should probably do my annual "Year in Review" for 2017.
Main account:
Total submissions 2017: 76
Current page views/visits: 4112
Current watchers: 149
Rough average views/submission: 25-60
Alt Account:
Total submissions 2017: 26
Current page views/visits: 747
Current watchers: 50
Rough average views/submission: 20-45 (with some serious outliers)

With the quantitative stuff done, let's move on to qualitative stuff.
My art is looking a lot better: more polish, better anatomy, posing, and composition. I've done a lot of experimenting and some of my techniques are becoming easier and more streamlined.
Also, had a few commissions (and a repeat customer). Didn't hit the $400/annum mark where I have to list this on my taxes, though.

There are a few things I wanted to do this year that haven't really panned out yet. Things I still intend to finish. (Two items got finished this month that should have been completed last year.) And there are a few more projects I want to take on that I'm hoping to see done this year. Wooo! So much to do. So much left to grow.

And as always: If you're reading this, Thank you. I really appreciate the support of everyone that's followed/watched, commented, faved, viewed, helped, and commissioned me this past year. Thank you.

We celebrate a birth and prepare for another year, that's what we're doing. ^_^ So Happy Birthday, Everyone!

I don't like writing personal stuff on these things but I thought I'd let people know why I haven't been very active this month, as some people have been asking.
While Inktober took a lot out of me, I was only planning on taking a short (read "week long") break before getting back to my art. Unfortunately, I came down with a rather nasty sinus infection which completely drained me of energy (so much so that I had to take a few days off my day job and go to the clinic). I was just getting over it this weekend - only to get a bit of food poisoning last night (another day off work - but I'm feeling somewhat better, now).
My suddenly dodgy health aside, my husband contacted me this morning (he's been at his mother's the past two weeks) to let me know that they had "the hospice talk" this morning. So, I'm probably going to be a bit unavailable for a few more weeks.
Um... I'm sorry for burdening any of you with this information. I hope you're all doing well.
Edit: about 9 hours after I posted this, my mother-in-law passed away.

And so ends Inktober. Did the entire month with the official suggestions. Some days were definitely better than others.
I am glad I did it and glad it is done.
Thank you all for bearing with me through it. ^_^

Well the con was nearly two weeks ago and I've had time to unwind and reflect on the convention.

First: I really, really, REALLY needed that time off from work. Nothing like taking a week off from work to prepare and attend a convention to help recover some from serious work burn out. Woo!

I ended up spending most of my con time running MFM's first Art Gallery (21 hours over three days). They were very insistent that it be called an "Art Gallery" and not an "Art Show" - presumably on the grounds that they wanted to be clear in the title that art was for display only and not for sale, a point I didn't really think was clear by their title choice, but the matter really wasn't discussed with me in very much detail and their reasoning never explicitly spelled out. But the naming issue was really just semantics and they let me display people's art, which is exactly what I was asking for so I am not complaining!

The Gallery was fairly well received: we had slow but steady traffic the entire weekend and it was really nice watching people comment on and enjoy people's work. A number of contributing artists and visitors commented on how they were glad the convention was finally providing a display area, and a few more expressed interest in participating next year (which was really gratifying). Also, the interactive finger painting portion of the exhibit seemed to go over fairly well and was auctioned off in the charity auction (you can see a picture of it here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/24721226/).

In addition to the Gallery, I found the time to do a little gaming with friends, meet some new people, attend a couple panels, do a little Karaoke, and generally have a nice time. So yay!

So, now I'm sitting sitting about next year and everything this year gave me to think about. The most important take away from this year was that people that work the cons are some pretty great people: not only they work for months in advance to prepare for the weekend, they often don't get to enjoy a lot of the activities happening during the con because they're busy making sure they happen. It's pretty impressive. And now I need to decide if I want to do the Gallery next year. If I don't, there's a good probability no one else will and it just won't happen. And if I do, I will be losing most of what is traditionally the one voluntary break from work I take each year. (Really need to work on my work/life balance.) My husband is definitely for it. And maybe I can wrangle up a volunteer or two to help us out if we do it again.

Anywho! I've got a little while to think on it. And in the meantime, the flats have been gussied up for FangCon! (Though, Draconis might debate me on whether the changes were an improvement.)

My friend  Kittyheart is doing commissions to pad his income while he looks for a new job. He does mostly cute kink stuff, but his style is equally cute for non-kink stuff too.
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8367973/

It's July. It's hot.
And my annual blues are back again.
The heat kinda drains the energy, and the annual commemorations sorta drain the soul.

I haven't been keeping up with posting things. And I haven't been finishing a lot of what I've started. I have a fist full of projects up in the air. A lot of things that need to get done, that I'm barely pushing forward. I know I'll feel better in a few weeks when the temperatures start to fall back below sweltering and I don't have my birthday or another academic cycle I'm not participating in to look forward to. Seems like the older you get the less you live up to your own expectations.

Sometimes it's just hard not to fall into a self centered, self pitying spiral. Where you know half of the awful thoughts you're thinking aren't true and the other half aren't really fair, but you can't see the point in arguing with yourself. Was having a conversation with another artist, asking me for advice, and I had to keep myself from simply saying, "I'm pretty much a failure of a furry artist. I really don't see how I could help you." Blaaah. Brains can be terrible things.

As always in these matters: I'm inconsolable. But I'll get over it in a few days/weeks and get back to business. Thanks for bearing with me. You remind me that these thoughts and feelings are just baseless and wrong and give me something to come back to.

Oh gosh! Oh gosh! Oh gosh!
It's already June! I've got so much to do! So much to prepare! So much to finish! Oh gosh! Oh gosh! Oh gosh! I am not prepared for the indefatigable arch of time's arrow!
Things to work on:
Con art for Fangcon, MFM, and FurSquared (most of them haven't asked for it and/or aren't expecting it, but you have to support the things and people that you love). Currently have a little done for MFM, have sketches for Fangcon and Fursquared - which probably need a bit of noodling before they're ready for coloring.
Project Tasty Sponge - is actually moving along at a slow but definite pace at the moment. Gotta keep at it.
Things to prepare:
MFM Art Gallery - MFM is letting me host a gallery space for displaying attendee art (yay!). So I need to get the flats back from Keefur and Draconis, so we can repair and refurbish them; maybe make a few more flats; get a few tables; finish stocking supplies; work out interactive stuff; generally finish planning; and PROMOTE PROMOTE PROMOTE (I've kinda let myself get behind the curve on that).
Blergle blargle! So much to do!

On an unrelated matter: I discovered over the past couple weeks that I am allergic to poison ivy. Yay! Got a really bad case from clearing out the back yard and ended up having to got to the ER on Memorial Day. My arms and left eye were all swollen up and I ended up missing most of a week of work. It was particularly bad and took more than a week to recover as I am not allowed to take benadryl due to having an allergic reaction to that the last time I took it for sinus issues (my lips done swelt up). Two weeks after exposure, I am almost completely healed up, though!

Noticed the other day that I had not made any posts here in two months, so I uploaded a few sketches. A lot of the things I'd been working on were either not appropriate for this gallery or not for general consumption. If you're interested in seeing everything I post, I would recommend going to sofurry or furiffic, as I don't filter any of my posts there and everything I'm posting ends up in those galleries.

Um... words words words...
Thanks for reading!

This is not a thing I typically do, but every little bit helps, right?
A friend is trying to drum up some business to help pay some medical bills and expenses. If you're interested in custom jewelry or bit of fur, click the link below.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8172889/

For once Dragonhead's usual hyperbolic statements are not so hyperbolic: it has been nearly a month since I've posted anything. And while it's often a case of having produced art and just not gotten around to posting it, this time: not so much.
While the usual issues of work (stress and massive work load), gym, and social activities eating up most if not all of my free time in a given week. I've also been guilty of a little work avoidance.
I'll try to do better and get a few things done and posted so I can avoid breaking my resolution to post at least something every month.

Set up to do some digital and streaming, only to find that my tablet has lost whole swathes of the vertical and horizontal. Guess I'll be buying a new tablet. Helloooooooooo amazon!
(sorry DH, that means no streaming for a week or two)

Well, it's the last day of the year, which is usually when people look back and gauge how they've done.
All the stresses and blah of the year in general aside, I'm just going to focus on my art - since this is sort of an art site and all.
This year wasn't as productive numbers wise as last year, with only a little more than half as many submissions as last year (probably attributable to not doing inktober this year). I also didn't work on or complete certain projects I had hoped to do this year. On the other hand, I had a few commissions, which is a big change. And I've put out some of the most technically demanding and impressive work I've ever done this year. Over all: I think I've done alright.
I'd like to thank everyone who has been with and helped me through this year. If you're reading this, that includes you: Thank you.
Cheers! And here's to the hope of a new year!

I don't know what day it is, but it's probably not Tuesday.
Anywho! Ask me a questions and I'll try to answer it by Tuesday.
Thank you in advance!

Happy Birthday, Everyone!

I have the best followers. The BEST.
That means you!
You're awesome.
You may return to your regularly scheduled awesomeness. ^_^

It only took 9 years, but as of this morning my pageviews here have finally exceeded my pageviews on DA.
Woo! (I don't know why, but I've been watching it slowly creep up for the past few years.)