Mastodon accepted me to join their server explicitly for art.
I'll still be on the "social" one but I have one just for art now too.

https://mastodon.art/@ElysiumKitsune

I'm not sure if I mentioned this here yet, but I also made a tumblr only for art.

https://www.tumblr.com/elysiumkitsune

If there's anywhere else I should post my art, please let me know.

I even made a deviantART but idk if I'll post there. I am upset they're supporting AI type stuff. I don't want my art to train their system. Punching in prompts will never be the same as drawing. Real art has a soul behind it. lol

https://www.deviantart.com/elysiumkitsune

I talked to my Dad. :")

Somehow, miraculously... he will help with more of the hysterectomy than I anticipated. I really didn't think he'd offer any support because when I first came home in 2020, him and my mom pretty much forced me to de-transition for a year. I was a mess and a rather toxic person without any testosterone and it took years to rebuild myself after everything else I'd suffered, too. I am proud of where I am at today. After so many wringers of isolating experience, I am stepping into my true power.

I still split and lash out sometimes but that's nothing compared to the sort of episodes I used to have. Thank you to anyone who is patient with me and rooting for me to actualize at least some of my dreams. I don't know how to express my gratitude. If anyone prayed for my happiness, thank you. I think it's working!

I made a wish list for some basic things I'll need after my surgery that's coming up in about a couple of months. I don't have time to put away much of my SSI for anything. I don't have a spouse or much of a family and I'm disabled, so I am at a loss of how else I'm supposed to scare up enough extra cash in time.

https://www.amazon.com/registries/g.....YH7XT3HC2T8WSW

Alternatively, you can leave me a tip on my KoFi if you can't afford to offer major support. Small tips with loving words of affirmation mean just as much to me right now. I'm scared. I need all of the support and compassion I can get.

I will also try to make some original art to sell to garner support from those who are more incentive oriented. Hopefully I cook up some decent pieces soon. lol

I went to my hysterectomy consultation this morning and the surgeon is comfortable with the weight I am at. He said we can move forward with my procedure sometime in August or September. I have no savings, and no one to take care of me, but I am excited this is finally going to happen. I am mostly grieving how I don't have a spouse to be at my side throughout my healing instead of being grateful I'm a step closer to college, honestly. I'm scared. My insurance isn't even going to assign me a care giver.

I really need to figure out how to scare up some extra cash. I need something to make reading in bed more comfortable (something to prop myself up with!) a special toilet stool, and a pillow for comfort. I've also gotta stock up on stuff that's easy to eat without help since again probably not even friends will stop by to help me or my emotional support cat.

I'm spending the remainder of my day resting because it's so hot and I've got therapy tomorrow. Today was incredibly emotional. I'm thrilled the surgeon listened to me, though. Especially about my pain. They're going to toss a little oxy on top of my methadone in order to prevent me from spiraling into utter agony. For obvious reasons, I am shocked I was treated like an adult and given compassionate enough care in this regard.

If I start selling originals, feel free to suggest some content you might find buy-able. I was thinking I could do some more abstract art (just whatever comes out next time I dance with datura) or some cliche' fun themes like my favorite My Little Pony characters, Poke'mon, etc. Maybe I'll do a series with animal skulls and various poison path flowers, too... hmm...

I'll try to come up with stuff I can post here for a change. lol

I'm legally cleared to work as a "care giver" by the criminal analyst. Whichever agency I try with next won't give me a super hard time and dredge up my past like the last one did. I'm glad I won't have to explain certain traumas of mine ever again- at least in this context. Haha.

Oh, and my next hysterectomy consult is this Tuesday. I may have finally found a surgeon comfortable with the weight I seem to be stuck at. I don't know how long it will take to get this in but I'll work my best with whatever date I'm offered. There's not much I can do except the best with what I have. I hope I'll have money saved by then, though. I am supposed to be saving for my next place, too. I have nothing put away for moving. Expenses kept coming up. I've got to do better. It's "crunch time" as far as money goes.

I need like $1100 put together by the time my lease runs out. I should be looking at what properties might take me next as well. It has to be something that'll take section 8. I want to find something near the university and bio park. That way, it's easier to apply at the bio park and work my way through college. (Since care giving is random and unpredictable in most senses. All I know is the lady I help will die eventually, and idk what sort of clients I'll get after this.)

In between working on owed/promised art, I might try and sell some originals. I will try to come up with some subjects and themes that are enjoyable. I will do some brainstorming and get back to ya'll with whatever I cook up. I can't be as passive or flakey anymore. I need to apply myself.

Actual commissions are still closed until I make headway on my list, have a carrd page ready, etc.

I'm sorry I'm so slow.

Sorry I haven't even been posting much abstract art on my other pages. I've been busy, but in a good way, mostly! lol

I forget if I mentioned much about this here on FA, however, I've been working part time as a "respite care giver." I've already taken several steps to officiate what I'm doing with an agency. That way, the family I do this for won't have to pay me out of pocket anymore. If their insurance pays me instead, it will work out better for everybody involved. For example, I might be able to eventually afford a car this way.

I already sent the necessary documents to their legal analyst concerning my background check. I'm not a felon, and the misdemeanor (family drama) they're concerned about happened 10 years ago. I feel optimistic about how everything went so far seeing as how I already got my badge, did orientation, etc.

It seems like the company wants to hire me as much as my friend does, however, the department of health criminal screening program has the final say. Please pray all this works out for me! It would get my foot in the door for many other amazing opportunities.

One thing this company would do is pay for my college classes associated with upgrading my status from respite caregiver to CNA. I would also like to take phlebotomy, and anything else that might give me an extra edge at the university. (I should also do my FAFSA again after I get my hysterectomy.)

Long term, part of me wants to strive to become a radiologist or an anaesthesiologist assistant instead of an English tutor. I will still take any Spanish classes I can get, though. Regardless of what the future holds, being able to help people who speak Spanish is important to me. There are a lot of Spanish speakers both here in New Mexico and in the country I am interested in immigrating to: Spain.

October holds two big milestones for me, btw. I will be 5 years sober and finally receive help with a neurologist for my seizure auras, insomnia, poor attention span, etc.

I am incredibly grateful.
I am a walking miracle!

Statistically, I ought to be dead but I am sober from booze n' heroin and living my best life. I used to think my "best life" would require my own care giver due to mental illness and chronic pain/fatigue but now I'M the one OTHER PEOPLE count on. I find it heart warming I've gone from being *in need* of care to being able to *provide* it!

Hopefully after my visit with the neurologist, I will use my CPAP machine more often like I ought to. Then I won't be such a flake in the art world. Thank you for your understanding and patience, everyone. I've had such a hard life and it was not easy to figure out.

Please let me know if anyone knows of any good books I can read or other trainings that might help me on my path to the anaesthesiologist assistant program. Again, if it's too much, then radiology is another possibility. The anaesthesiologist program is highly competitive. The more I do to make myself likeable and stand out, the better.

The fact I have a job as a care giver AT ALL fills me with a much needed, healthy boost of confidence!! I love the doors opening for me. I am a truly blessed person. I love the way my health has picked up and how I am growing in so many ways. I love it all. 🙏

& If you want to keep up with my studies, I made a tumblr for it!

https://www.tumblr.com/zekestudies

🧿

Is anyone open for commissions? I'll try to throw together a useable reference of the fursona I want an icon for ASAP. I would love to find someone who I could pay to make it for me to use here and Toyhouse.

I just noticed FA+ is an option, now. I am not sure how much it costs. I ran a Google search and got mixed results. Does anyone have the plus feature? Do you like it?

Furthermore, I should buy an icon before I even subscribe to this place. I am not good at making my own icons, but I'll throw together a ref soon and contact people until I find someone who is comfortable drawing my character. I will credit whoever I choose on my profile blurb so no one gets confused and thinks it's my work! :)

Piggybacking off my last journal, I guess I'll start this by saying I am glad I haven't changed my name or gender marker on official documents yet. Legally, there's nothing to discriminate against.

This is in regards to the current political climate where I live. They're trying to make it harder for trans people to leave this cesspool. When it comes time to get a passport, I will simply lie and say I don't identify as male. According to them, I'm just an ugly woman on testosterone who happens to have a beard. LOL.

I have no idea what college will be like next year. I know it'll be harder to get through that as someone who is trans, autistic, etc. I have to try, though!

I am also tired of trying to lose weight for the hysterectomy. NO ONE will direct me to a nutritionist. I've tried to get one (as well as a care giver) for years, now, and just been given the run around. I'm back up to about 250 pounds when I should be 230 or less and ugh. I'm pissed, but I don't know how to determine when I am """ready""" for surgery. Even if I lose more weight by myself, they'll keep saying it's not enough.

Soon, I'm going to insist on getting a surgeon that's comfortable with my weight and just go from there. I do not have a partner to help me out, though. This means I need to convince them to keep me at a facility for a week or two until I'm able to do more things for myself. I will have to hire friends I trust not to steal from me to feed and play with my cat.

I don't know what else to say about surgery right now. I'm glad my art therapist got me thinking about it earlier, though. I need it over with sometime this year and that way next year, I can focus on getting back into college.

I am planning to learn Spanish and get whatever qualifications possible to teach/tutor in Spain. I have a friend who will rent a room in his house for ~250 euros a month. He wants me to come sooner, but I need some way of making decent money.

I'll be in a smaller city near Madrid. It's called Alcalá de Henares. Oh, and I might not qualify for a care giver here, but there is an agency I need to call when the headaches aren't too bad. They'll at least send people to take me on errands. I have a driver's license but I haven't driven in years. I hope there's some way for me to get back into driving again when I can (hopefully) afford to in Spain.

I will open up a few commission options as soon as I finish art I promised others! (I have principles against doing it any sooner.) I may have markers a friend tried to gift me coming in soon, but if not, I'll just open up ink/colored pencil drawings of MLP characters and take "pony commissions."

Not sure what else I will open for. I'm definitely comfortable with and excited to draw ponies, but I don't have a large body of work developed for a price sheet on Carrd or wherever yet.

Once I get in more practice with bodies, life drawing, etc. I may expand to include options that involve custom art of peoples' anthro characters.

I also want to finish refs of my characters and then make some adoptables to sell.

I will keep everyone posted.

I have great news.

On Saturday, I received a CPAP mask that's more bearable to use. This one doesn't blow air in my eyes. It's still a process to get in the habit of wearing it every time I sleep. Please wish me luck establishing compliance.

After my hysterectomy, I can focus on my legal name change, acquire a passport, etc. then resume my education. I look forward to it. Once I am done with college here and move to another country, I plan to re-do my online presence one more time surrounding the name that'll go on my ID. That will be more than several years from now, though. lol

Anyways, I better update my art list that I intend to finish. Here's some of what's on my mind:

* gift painting for a newer abortion clinic in my area
* Bawk's chicken doodles
* Justin's mountain lion
* Leviathan (thank you gift for someone on instagram)
* a series depicting Marchosias' return to Heaven
* birthday drawing for Ven
* Pippa's frog
* Mary's favorite Poke'mon
* MLP fursona reference
* shape shifter fursona reference
* Lissa's pet portrait of her cat Cliff
* UV's pet portrait of her dog
* Sofi's memorial piece of her dog

-

I'd rather not take on any more obligations until all of these are finished. Eventually, I want to open for commissions but I need my stuff to meet a certain personal standard and create a menu on Carrd with various options. It's going to take me a long time to figure it all out.

Thanks for your patience, everyone.

The company in charge of my CPAP supplies has been refusing to fit me for a mask that won't blow air in my eyes. I've called them 6 times about it and waited over a month! If it's not resolved before the year is over, I'm filing a grievance against the company. lol

In the mean time, I'll try to make due with the uncomfortable mask whenever I can. Eventually, they have to honor my request for a set-up that's more useable.

I feel like I'm not doing enough, but I know a lot will change after I acclimate to proper treatment. This will give me more energy to work on art, practice guitar, and lose enough weight to get the surgery date for my hysterectomy.

I'm not really in art block or uninspired anymore, at least. My body just can't keep up with everything I want to make and do.

I feel like this weekend was healing for me. I mostly just rubbed trickster (Datura + Fly Agaric) ointment on my forehead, prayed, and painted. I don't have much finished work to show for my time, but I feel like it was time I thoroughly enjoyed nonetheless.

I hope everyone else is in a decent place mentally as well! ❤️

I forget if I mentioned this here, but there's a high chance I'll come into a car I can drive sometime after Christmas. My friend has an old one from 1998 he'll legally pass to me for ONE DOLLAR if I can afford to fix the alternator, register, and insure it. As soon as I'm driving, I'm going to secure a part time job so I can continue to afford car expenses.

I'm grateful to eventually regain some agency over my own life. Fingers crossed everything works out.

Other things I need to work on include my transgender name change and then my passport. To protect my interests and privacy, I am not going to be "Ezekiel Oleander" on my irl ID. This will remain an alias/pen name and if I ever do connect the civilian name to anything online, it'll be after I finish college. I will likely be class of 2030 for my "basic" stuff, then who knows how long it'll take for everything else.

I have to protect myself from those who don't want me to get my degree, grow as an artist, or immigrate to a better community. There are people with ill will towards me and that's why I have to be cautious and strategic.

Anyways, I still haven't spoke with a guidance counselor, but I imagine my educational funding will mostly go to classes about art, writing, etc. I know those hobbies don't pay the bills, but they feed my soul. That being said, I want a career.

I was thinking maybe something with translation, linguistics, or even teaching. I was curious about radiology but it doesn't seem realistic for someone with my set of challenges.

My grasp of language despite my brain injury is satisfying. Maybe after enough enrichment and practice, I'll write stories that end up selling well.

I'm planning to start at the University here in Albuquerque for the 'main' degree, then see if this one liberal arts college in Santa Fe will have me. They made it more affordable to people who live in poverty, so there's more hope in the regards of funding, at least.

After I'm all finished studying, I want to raise enough money to become a citizen overseas. I really don't feel proud to live in the USA. I have no idea where to settle down. It's gotta be somewhere I can at least still get vraylar and testosterone. I'm a mess without those meds.

That being said, I wish to see France, Spain, and Thailand. I have friends in France and one other local friend who is interested in leaving to Spain. We'll see what's most disability friendly, I guess.

I hope remarking on my plans doesn't seem like bragging. I had one ex 'friend' accuse me of that, but I think she just couldn't stand my sense of ambition tbh. I don't see what's offensive about sharing my dreams of things I'd actually like to achieve, but whatever.

I only want to associate with people who want me to be happy and reach my goals anyway.

Good riddance to her.

I hope I have time to paint soon. I have feelings about a certain individual I need to release in a healthy way. Basically, they deny the harm they cause. They have hurt me a lot.

I really don't deserve all the negative energy they sent (and maybe continue to send) me. When I told them this, they said I do. They also told me I deserved to have COVID last year when I was sick through Christmas, New Year's, etc.

I should probably do a general return to sender spell again soon and send back anything that doesn't resonate with me. That way, it'll be easier to continue to heal from everything.

I'm glad I don't have long COVID, btw!

After I lose enough weight, I'll get my surgery date. Once I get my hysterectomy and heal, returning to college is going to be a blast. I look forward to making more friends and growing as an artist despite the fact there have been people who tried to sabotage me in this regard as well.

Try as they might, no one can block my blessings. I love how my dreams aren't shot. It helps to remember no one will ruin anything that is actually meant for me. ❤️

I was kindly invited to Toyhouse recently. I'm not sure how long it will take me to actually fill out my profile and submit content, but I am excited to be there. This is going to be fun.

Feel free to tell me who you are in there and I will add you. I'm still re-reading all their rules and such for now but I can start following people.

I just joined the Cara app and eventually I might even try the updated Sheezy Art site.

You can find me on Cara as "EzekielOleander." (Same as a lot of other places.)

Even though I don't have a lumbar support chair to go with my art desk quite yet, I have been opening up more in my work and making more time to draw these past few days. In general, I am thinking more about my art again and it's a nice feeling.

I think my recent experience with a little datura and amanita muscaria helped! You can anticipate me to post more soon.

I don't post (or even login) much because a lot of my art isn't "furry" however, I'm on other sites and gradually building up my skills again. I might even join Sheezy Art and Cara app as I come up with more material.

After my hysterectomy, I am planning to go back to the university I dropped out of in my late teens. I'm turning 32 in August.

I have a lot of positive feelings surrounding resuming my education. I never thought it would be in the cards again. I thought I would always be too mentally and physically unwell to succeed in an environment like that but my CPAP machine is making a difference and so is methadone.

I haven't spoke with a guidance counselor about what I will major in yet, however, whatever the case, I will take as many art/writing credits as realistically possible!! Part of why I'm going back is simply to get better at things I love.

I switched my settings to say I am open for trades and commissions but I'd recommend not approaching me for anything until I start finishing some of the stuff I owe from a long time ago when I was homeless or just struggling. As soon as I get my lumbar support chair, I will make more regular time to draw at my art desk.

For my own reference, here's what I owe soon:

• "chicken doodles" for Bawk because they paid for my Uber when pain management screwed me over and I had to suddenly switch to methadone

• Leviathan from the Goetia for someone on instagram because they gathered funds for someone who mattered to me when sober living kicked him out and he was going to freeze in the snow

• mountain lion for my local friend Justin because he helped me with part of the admin fee when I moved into my current apartment

It feels like I am forgetting something but that's probably because I intend to gift a few people too. If you commissioned me and your request is not on the list, please speak up and I will fix it.

Thank you everyone for your patience.

I'm not sure how active on here I'll be.

I am gradually getting into making art again, but I don't know how much of it will fall under the category of "furry." I will certainly display anything here that fits the criteria, though.

You can also find me on Instagram, Bluesky, and Facebook as "Ezekiel Oleander."

I'm on Poke'mon GO too.
My code is 333560266057

Other places you may find me include Letterboxd and Goodreads.