Things are bleak, aren't they?

Hey, I've mentioned on Twitter and Bluesky, but my FancySkunk telegram account was banned recently. I'm on a different account AmbrosiaSkunk for at least now, but potentially long term since I'm losing hope that I'll get my main account back.

They didn't tell me why I was banned. I've tried appealing but Telegram has god awful customer support. The unofficial subreddit has told me I was likely banned for using a Google Voice number. Funny part about that is that I've used that number for like 4 years without issue. Even funnier part is that the only communication I can find from Telegram saying not to use Google Voice is a 9 year old tweet. So, I don't know how I was meant to know.

So, oh well. Lost all my chat logs. Lost edit rights to all my sticker packs. Probably not going to remember all the chats I was in. If you know I was somewhere, please add my new account in. It would be hugely appreciated. <3

Been quite a while since I posted any sort of journal on here, so I thought I'd hit y'all up with the life update.

Off the bat, I'm working through a backlog of art that hadn't been posted (some is already up, I'll post more over time). It's all Sebastian art, and once I'm done uploading it, that character will be retired. Sebastian is important as he was my first character, and was more or less an unchanged from when I first joined the fandom bar some minor design tweaks. To put it simply though, we're at a point where his time is up and he won't be getting anything new.

Those of you who follow me on Twitter (pinned tweet), or read the info on my most recent submission before today know why that is. I've come out as a trans woman, and from here on will be using a female skunk character named Ambrosia. Stylistically, she's *essentially* just Sebastian but female, but I want a clean break so I am considering this a completely new character. My gallery folders have been re-organized a bit, so that I can separate pieces based on which era of my life the art is from - Sebastian Era or Ambrosia Era.

Last off, I'm putting it out there that I'll be at FWA this year barring jury duty screwing me over completely. If you see me, be sure to say hi!

Feeling so very re-energized with regards to fandom activity after returning from my first con in nearly 5 full years.

There's going to be some changes on my page here, chiefly:
* Reorganization of previously submitted pieces
* Deletion of some very old content that doesn't really need to be here anymore
* Uploading old art pieces that I put off featuring
* Combing through info to update

Once again, I'm finding that you get out of this fandom what you're willing to put into it. And once again I'm finding myself looking to put in more than I have been previously.

This is awesome. I never realized how much I craved order in my gallery. I suppose that's no surprise though since I crave it everywhere else too. :P

Well I have returned from AnthroCon 2013, and I must say, it was an interesting time. I say interesting, rather than either good or bad because so much happened on nearly every part of the spectrum. To preface the experience, I had hit a rather heavy bit of bad news right before the con, and almost had to cancel last minute for financial reasons. Luckily, I did get basically dragged along for it, and arrived in Pittsburgh Wednesday evening.

Now, one thing that might not seem obvious is that when you’re in a bad mental state, surrounding yourself with incredibly happy people can make things a lot worse on you. That unfortunately happened to me. After an okay-ish Thursday, I had a miserable Friday, largely spent in the room watching the Food Network and sleeping. Sad, I know, but that’s what happened. I was a massive sourpuss for a large portion of the con, actually.

We had the misfortune of two people who were committed to the room not showing up, not being contactable, and then being at the convention. I won’t mention names, and these are people who I had not mentioned previously, but there’s nothing more despicable in my mind than making plans, breaking them at the drop of a hat, offering no real explanation, and costing someone $400.

Now, that covers a lot of the bad. Despite all that, I did have some good times there, and I consider myself very fortunate to have gotten the chance to meet up and talk to a few people. Those of you whom I did meet up with, I want to apologize if I seemed awkward and aloof. I was a bit of an emotional wreck and I let it affect things a bit too much. I wish I could do a lot of things over and let myself enjoy the con rather than having let myself shut down as badly as I did for most of it.

That said, I want this con to be an overall positive despite the negatives I experienced, so I went hunting for gems and I managed to find one. Recently, as some of you may know, I have been finding the fandom less and less fun, and considered leaving it. Being at AnthroCon showed me something though. The reason I’m not having fun is because I’m not letting myself have it. I’m not participating in things; I’m just retracting into a shell and blaming everyone else for not dragging me out of it. That is going to stop.

I’m going to re-focus myself on what I loved about the furry fandom and why I wanted to be a part of it. I’m going to let myself have fun. I’m going to let myself make new friends. I’m going to stop being a wet sock who feels awkward around everyone. This is also coming with some much-needed out-of-the-fandom changes. I’m going to make myself do things more often. Even if it’s just a video game, anything that isn’t just sitting around doing nothing is an improvement. I’m going to push to lose the weight that I’ve been saying I should lose for years now. I’m going to stop blaming myself for everything and being constantly crippled by worrying and self-doubt.

It’s a complete overhaul from the ground up, and I hope that I find the support in my friends to make it happen.

Where are you staying?
Somewhere in the Westin. I forget which floor.

What day are you getting there?
Wednesday night, sometime around/after 8pm.

Who will you be with?
Rooming with: and (hopefully a 4th if we can find one this late)
Hanging out with and (and probably more)

What is your gender?
Last I checked, I was a dude.

Are you taken?
Yes

How old are you?
22

Can I talk to you?
Unless it looks like something important is going on, go for it.

Are you cliquey?
Not really, no

Can I touch you?
If you touch me unexpectedly, I will probably not be happy.

Can I hang out with you?
If this is the first thing you ask me, then no. If we talk a while, and have things in common, absolutely.

Can I buy you drinks?
I do not imbibe alcoholic liquids

You like shinies?
Not a big fan of the shiny side... unless it's money and you're giving it to me. >_>

Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Signs point to no

How tall are you?
5'10"

Are you nice?
I'd like to think so.

Can I stalk you?
Absolutely not.

How long are you going?
Wednesday night through Monday morning

Do you have an artist table?
No one wants to buy scribbles

Do you like parties?
Maybe; depends on the party. I don't drink, and being sober around drunk people isn't always fun.

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Saying my name helps, but if I'm being an oblivious dumb, then you could tap my shoulder or something.

Where will you be most of the time during the day/s?
I don't even know yet, but I won't have a car so I won't be too far from the hotel at any point.

What/where will you be eating?
I'll be eating food in places.

What's your goal(s) for the con this year?
Setting goals just makes it feel like work. I'm just going to try to have fun.

Holy mother of God, that was an amazing convention (and my first con ever at that!). It was mass euphoria and I didn't want it to end. Although, being there for the entirety of Monday after everyone had left did help ease the PCD because we got all our sadness out of the way staring at the empty con space that was booming with furry fun not 24 hours later.

I also got to experience a miracle. Saturday morning, I woke up with a terrible pain in my eye that only got worse as the day went on. I was forced to go to con ops to attempt to get help, only to find none. I dragged myself to see Julie Bunny Must Die with pain in my eye so bad that it was continuously tearing. As the performance (which was incredible!) ended, I stood up to applaud, and my eye felt completely better. Julie Bunny healed me with her powers of observation. x3

There was also the amazing adrenaline rush of attending and bidding in the charity auctions. In the scheduled auction, I was bidding from the back for the Megaplex 11 poster, and in the closing ceremonies auction, I bid from the front for Orlando's iron artist piece. There something about throwing your hand up and shouting a large dollar amount that really just gets you pumped up. I may not have won either, but at least I was jacking the bid up to raise more money for CARE. Here's hoping that I can buy a print of that Megaplex 11 poster some time because the "art department" came up with some fantastic work.

Even though it was my first con ever, I did get to sit on a panel for The Rabbit Hole as an LNCS cast member. I didn't know what I was doing, but apparently it worked out well. Not a lot of people showed up, but that's not what it was about.

Really though, the most fun I had at the convention was in the room with the other LNCS guys, acting like jackasses the way we normally do over skype, except with physical interaction things got MUCH stupider. I was worried that things wouldn't gel as well in real life as they do online, but they did, and it was fantastic.

---

Now for the sad part. I arrived home late on Tuesday and was told that my cat, Luigi, was put down on Friday. The poor thing hadn't been feeling well, so my mom got him out to the vet. Luigi's chest was filled with fluid and there was evidence that he hadn't eaten for days, and hadn't had a drink in at least a day either. The vet never did pinpoint exactly what was wrong, but the three options he had it narrowed down to were not promising; it was either an incurable immune disease, a form of heart failure/disease, or cancer. In the best case, he would have had operable cancer, but in going that long without food, his liver was nearing shut down anyway. So, after 11 years with us, my little Luigi was put down, ending his recent pain and suffering.

It's such a bizarre juxtaposition that I still can't process everything. My brain keeps bouncing back between the happy moments of the convention and the shock and sadness of my cat's passing.

---

That aside, I'd like to try to end this on a happy note. Attending Megaplex really cemented for me what this fandom is about, and the good it can do in one's life. I don't want to go crazy, but I'm going to be putting myself out there way more than I have been. This was my first con, but it will not be my last. I'm planning to head up to the last day of FAU (August 19), and I'm tentatively planning on attending next year's Anthrocon. I don't know if these plans will work out, but at least I'm trying now.

Additionally, I have to say that being around talented fursuiters like FoxAlbiAzul and OrlandoFox (and others, but they were the two that stick out most in terms of my personal interactions and observations) is really making me want to attempt fursuiting myself. I have a slight advantage in that my character lends itself better to a partial, so I save a good bit of money. I have no idea when this will be happening, but it's on my radar. I absolutely know that it's not financially feasible at the moment without irresponsibly breaking into some reserves,so it will remain a long-term goal for the time being.

In the short term though, I'm incredibly motivated to make changes in my life, both within the fandom and outside of it. There are aspects of me that I'm sick of, and for probably the first time in my life I feel empowered to change them. This is the best I've felt about myself and my future in years.

I'll be flying out to Megaplex tomorrow morning! I'll be there from Thursday evening until Tuesday morning-ish.

It's going to be a blast. ^!^

Alright, so here we go, I'm throwing iTunes on shuffle and writing down the first line or two of each song that gets picked (English songs only, no band repeats, might skip ones where the title is prominent in the line). The bonus songs are songs that were not randomly picked, and are worth 2 points for whatever arbitrary justification that I have for that. If you guess the song and artist, you get a point. Most points wins. Winner gets... a drawing of a trophy? Sure, let's go with that.

And we're off!
1. Oh, when I was young, I was so full of fear; I hid behind anger, held back the tears
2. (Ad lib) Not a dime, I can't pay my rent, I can barely make it through the week
3. What is not, not to like... a shiny bike. No lock, no key, it's there for me. Freezepop - Bike Thief (LoneWolfRaven)
4. Shake your butt (not too hard), shake your butt (not too hard)
5. I looked under chairs, I looked under tables; I try to find the key to fifty million fables
6. Camera got them images, camera's got them all, nothing shocking...
7. We're scanning the scene in the city tonight, we're looking for you to start up a fight
8. I want to keep my money and give away absolutely nothing
9. This shining city built of gold, a far cry from innocence Avenged Sevenfold - The Beast and the Harlot (LoneWolfRaven)
10. Only yesterday they told me you were gone, all these normal people, will I find another one?
11. Go on and ring my neck, like when a rag gets wet, a little discipline for my pettiness Faith No More - Midlife Crisis (LoneWolfRaven)
12. Every time I look into your loving eyes, I see love that money just can't buy
13. Well you ask me 'bout the clothes I wear, and you ask me why I grow my hair
14. If you squeeze my lizard, I'll put my snake on you
15. Come forth for the cattle call, confront the evil river you can't control Devildriver - Clouds Over California (wease)
16. We took the freeway out of town, we found a place to settle down
17. Had an atomic bore - in 2004, did some atomic tricks - in 2006
18. Goddamn you half-Japanese girls, do it to me every time
19. Well we were just another band out of Boston, on the road and tryin' to make ends meet Boston - Rock and Roll Band (Quasiskunk)
20. I thought I saw him on the video, a trance is keeping him under
21. Whoa, thought it was a nightmare, low, it's all so true
22. 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4, we accept her, one of us! Ricardo Autobahn - The Golden Age of Video (bipolar-wolfcat)
23. Console me in my darkest hour, convince me that the truth is always gray
24. Some people say my love cannot be true, please believe me my love and I'll show you
25. Attack! Attack! Attack! It's a trap! Attack! Attack! Attack! It's a trap!
26. City's breakin' down on a camel's back, they just have to go, 'cause they don't know whack Gorillaz - Feel Good, Inc. (bjkgreywolf)
27. Can't you see I'm easily bothered by persistence, one step from lashing out at you Pantera - Walk (LoneWolfRaven)
28. I'm pulling the pavement from under my nails, I brush past a garden, dependent on whales
29. Driving around within your car, the thoughts are piled up very, very far
30. All right, now dig this, baby. You don't care for me, I don't care about that.
31. Faster than a bullet, terrifying scream. Enraged and full of anger, he's half man and half machine. Judas Priest - Painkiller (wease)
32. Leave me alone it's nothing serious, I'll do it myself, it's got nothing to do with you Muse - Cave (LoneWolfRaven)
33. I see your sister in her Sunday dress, she's out to please, she pouts her best
34. [____] we got no flowers for you, just these three miserable cunts sittin' in the backseat, tappin' on the offbeat
35. Midnight gettin' uptight where are you, you said you'd meet me now it's quarter to two
36. She keeps Moet et Chandon in a pretty cabinet Queen - Killer Queen (Quasiskunk)
37. It's early morning, the sun comes out...
38. Transmission, third world war third round, a decade of the weapon of sound above ground
39. I got the wind at my back and my foot to the floor, I ain't comin' back to you no more
40. We could sail away, or catch a freight train, or a rocketship into outer space
41. I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand... Warren Zevon - Werewolves of London (Quasiskunk)
42. I don't know where I'm going, but I sure know where I've been
43. Well we got no choice, all the girls and boys, makin' all that noise Alice Cooper - School's Out (wease)
44. The direction of the eye, so misleading, the defection of the soul, nauseously quick
45. I was cuttin' a rug down at a place called the jug with a girl named Linda Lou Lynyrd Skynyrd - Gimme Three Steps (Quasiskunk)
46. Fly into the rising sun, faces smiling everyone, yeah she is a whole new tradition, I feel it in my heart
47. Oh, peace is a dirty word, she used to be a painted bird, yeah, and war, she's a whore, don't you know we love her more and more?
48. You're keeping in step, in the line, got your chin held high, and you feel just fine
49. Nothing to do to save his life, call his wife in, nothing to say, but what a day, how's your boy been?
50. Load up on guns and bring your friends, it's fun to lose and to pretend Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit (LoneWolfRaven)

Bonus: All I have is all I need, enough for love but not for greed
Bonus: Bless these children, blessed he who barbeques
Bonus: I was dancing when I was twelve, I was dancing when I was twelve T. Rex - Cosmic Dancer (LoneWolfRaven)
Bonus: To Moscow I came seeking fortune, but they're making me work 'til I'm dead Pig with the Face of a Boy - A Complete History of the Soviet Union, Through the Eyes of a Humble Worker (PyroTheFox)
Bonus: The Indians send signals from the rocks above the pass, the cowboys take positions in the bushes and the grass Squeeze - Cool for Cats (wease)


Scoreboard:
LoneWolfRaven - 8
wease - 5
Quasiskunk - 4
PyroTheFox - 1.99
bipolar-wolfcat - 1
bjkgreywolf - 1

...officially Skunktember!

http://twitter.com/#!/skunkagenda

You have to put up with us either way, so you might as well enjoy it. ^!^

UGH I just spent the past 3 and a half hours filling out job applications, and there are still a couple places that require hard copies. Also the one place had a stupid error on their application where I was unable to click the "Next" button to continue.

All and all, I got applications sent off to Home Depot, Petco, Target, WalMart, McDonald's, and two different Burger Kings. I'll have paper applications done for Gamestop and Lowe's soon, too.

So, here's hoping that casting a really wide net will yield me some results.

Just watched it. Honestly, it wasn't all that bad.

They did make it seem like all furries are suiters, and she did mention the darker sides of the fandom. However, overall she just looked like some random idiot.

More importantly, though, the reactions from strangers and her family confirmed that suiters look insane to normal people.

 monochromekanon challenged me to this, so here goes nothing:

Comment here and I will...
1. Tell you something I'll learn about you by looking at your FA page for 13 seconds.
2. Tell you which color you remind me of.
3. Tell you my first memory of you.
4. Tell you what Pokemon you remind me of.
5. Ask you something I've always wondered about you, and your answer has to be as vague as possible to keep the suspense.
6. Tell you my favorite thing about you.
7. Give you a weird nickname
8. Tell you what's on my shirt right now.
9. Challenge you to post this on your journal

I make absolutely no promises that I will respond in any kind of interesting manner for all questions to all people, but I shall try. :3

Okay, I didn't think I'd be doing another journal so soon, but this needs sharing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yW1uDZTk4eo

A song has been written for me... and it's awesome.

Written and performed by  colour