I am not a artist, i dont draw art. I also dont commission art as i have no funds, all i have has been gifts. And those gifts in theory dont violate the TOS. That being said however the change thats been made... Is something I strongly disagree with. I think its cowardly, deceitful, targeted, and generally just a way to sanitize FA of the ABDL community.

I am strictly a diaper lover. I am not a adult baby. I have zero interest in being a baby or compared to one. However I did enjoy the art of non sexual orientation babyfurs. A babyfur in a used diaper was cute to me. I didn't find it sexual in any way, as shit happens, their a baby, its what happens. Changing scenes follow the same code, it has to happen. Or are you just going to neglect the child and leave it in a soiled diaper?

Will people find such art, distasteful? yes. Will people sexualize it? Yes. Does that happen with every other content on the internet? Your fucking right it does. Does that mean the ABDL community tolerates it? Fuck no, we dont.

Because of this I agree with the many that are mad over the 2.7 changes that have been implemented. I do fully believe those in charge should be removed, replaced, and actual though and sense used for 2.7. I do not believe they have FAs best interest in mind. And I do truly believe that Dragoneer, rip, would be very disappointed and upset over all of this.

Y'all really should be ashamed for starting a crusade against a community of people that just want to express themselves in a once safe space.

As for me, Il stay until there is no point to stay. Some of the artists I follow are still posting. So for them they'll get my favs and support.Assuming the powers that be dont ban me for this journal, which I suspect might hurt some feelings. (Sucks dont it?) But I am more active on twitter, until musk screws that up even more. I am also somwhat active on bluesky. My faolan01.blsy.social

I do have a take on the babification of the sonas of those that be. Im 50/50. On one hand i do feel we as a community should be the bigger man. But on the other, its freedom of speech at its finest, plus its not like this is a new trick. Newspaper and comrick cartoonists have been doing that for years.

Keep furry weird, be yourself, and stand up for each other. Else your community could be next.

Last year our cares battery had died after a few days of not being driven. Cold weather and snow being the cause. We replaced the battery. 6 months later its dead again, get it jumped, take it to advanced auto. They swap it out because it had corroded and they felt they had caused it or it might have been defective or improperly installed. So new battery.

Its been about another 6 months. Mom injured herself and couldn't drive for a week. 4 days no start, day 5 started but felt sluggish, 2 days no start, day 8 dead battery. Proceeded to need to be jumped up till Christmas. We disconnected the fuse that ran to the remote starter on Christmas, figured it was draining the battery. Car started and functioned without issue for the remainder of Christmas and 2 full days after. Today, Thursday December 28, car had no power. Jumped the cat and took it to AutoZone, figured it hadn't been fully charged so winter weather or alarm killed the battery. AutoZone tests the battery, its in good condition and fully charged at 100%. So if the battery is fully charged, why did it act like it was stone dead?

The problem: Car has no power, cant start or use any electronic components. Dead battery?
Cause: possibly faulty remote starter, pulled fuse.
Effect: car good for 60 hours.
The second problem: car has no power. Cant start, needed jump
Eliminated theories: Not the battery itself, alternator or starter. remote starter.
Current theories: dying or bad fuse/relay, Corroded connection cables to battery.

The wild card: Now we have no idea if the battery was actually dead, or if there is some kind of connection problem.
The car started at the AutoZone after being turned off. We drove it on city roads for about 15-20 minutes to get to AutoZone. Not long enough to fully charge a dead battery.

The question: was the battery actually dead or just a spotty connection?

Comments and theories highly appreciated, specially if your a car person.

Update: something is draining the battery.

Imply posted a journal about how his entire bank account was drained of all money by theft. Imply is a good person and a fantastic artist, they dont deserve this fuckery. So i ask any that read this, if you can help, pls do so. Even if its just spreading the word. Everything helps.

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9741809/

its been over a year since my las journol wher we got Kenji. Or newst memebr of the family. Hes growing up, healhy, playfull, but not very cuddly. I love him, but hes very much a brat. Sadly no long after we got Kenji, our oldest cat Zena's helth started o go on the slow decline. She was a heavy cat, suffering from hip and joint pain. Needless to say that kenji and her didnt really get alone. Specially when kenji go old enough to do what male cats do. It was decided that we couldnt let Zena be in pain. Her QoL was dropping and we knew it. So we made the choice to pu her down. She was taken to the vet Febuary 5th, 2020 and laid to rest. No more pain, no more suffering.

Come January more bad news strikes. My father, age 56, Passed away in jacobsburg, Ohio due o heart complications do to hypothermia. He wasnt discoverd until January 26th, 2020. I loved my father. He might not have been the best father for my as a young adult, but he was there when i needed him. But I wasnt there when he needed me. I bailed because I hated having to deal with the old man, his father, my grandpa. I wanted out. A operunity came, I took it. That failed and left me with two options. Go back to OHI and my dad but be in a bad situaion, or go to NY and be with the rest of my family. I choose option 2. He died alone, and cold, and I never got the chance to say goodbye. Hes home now, in a box, next to Zena.

All in all the year 2020 can die in a fucking hole filled with napalm and burn to ash. never to be spoken about again. Add on to tha Covid-19, the several life impacting situations with me or my friends, lifes been rough. We even plan on leaving NY state in a year and a half to two years. Thats assuming my brother can get a better paying job, mom can get the surgeries done to both her feat and go back to work, and I can get my mental issues and physical issues deal wih.

I did get my EIP finally after waiting 3 months becaue the IRS had a issue sending them out in several staes, including NY. And im rying to make that stretch as much as I can.

So yea, 2020 sucks, and i want it to be over.

With the recent suicide over someoen that I didnt know in the furry fandom, iv seen alot of those that were close to them commenting how they wish they were her for them more, and even some cotemplaing taking there own life because of various reasons. And as someone that was mere momens from pulling the trigger, and blowing my brains out, but didnt. I feel responsible to help try and prevent this from happeing to someone else.

When I was young, mid teens, My parents that were never married started to argue and fight alot. Complicate that with a school that gave no shoits about me or my problems and you can see why I walked down a dark path. Eventually they did split up. Me, my mom, and my older half brother stayed with mom. My dad moved to ohio. After a year I moved in with my dad. I was tired of school, tired of my mom doing weed (At the time I was very anti drug of any kind) and I just hated my life. For the first couple years life was good. i wasthe last 2-3 years that wernt. My granpa moved in, and he was a hard man, did everything his way. I hated him. It was at this point we had several fireams in the house including one of my own. I was in a xbox live party chat when some people were arguing and I just couldnt take it anymore.

So I grabbed my gun, loaded a magazine, locked the slide and loaded a round, and pressed it to the side of my head. I hen told the people what I was planning to do, they spent the next 5 minues talking me out of it. If it wasnt for them id either be dead, or a vegtable. Ever since that day I have remand depressed and had thoughts of commiting suicide. But I never did, never even hought of attemptping it again. The memory of holding a gun to my own head has stayed with me, and is clear as day. It haunts, it scares me, and its not something I ever wish to repeat. I never told my father this. The only ones tha know are my closest friends, my mother, and my brother. Something thats sticks out is that my father told me that suicide is never worth it. It doesnt make the pain go away, it just moves it to someone else. My family and friends would have been devistated if I killed myself. What effects would my death have caused? Suffering for my mother? Hate on my father for letting it happen? Grief and saddnes to everyone? Surely a hell of a lot more then I was feeling.

Its these very things that make me wish I could help those deeling with the death of this person that commited suicide. hey blame themselves, and have even gone to hurt themselves over it. I know how the feeel as Iv been there. I just lost my dad to hypotherima in January. I know what is like o wish to have been their for them. I wish every day hat my dad was still alive. I have a friend that misses someone that was close to them. They also commited suicide and my friend has never been the same. I wish I could help him, but i dont know how. I wcan never nor would I ever be able to replace he person they loved.

This is why im making this journol. Theres no sugar coating this. So im sorry if this epsets anyone that reads this. You canno go blaming your self for the actions that others take opon themselves. Do not blame yourself for somone commiting suicide. Their are tools that those suffering can use to possably help them, you have a life of your own, you cant possably be where someone needs you all the time. Its just not possable. And even if you are, rying to fight the never ending thoughts that drive you to do this ac is not something that can be easily won. These thoughts drive you, they control you. They make you believe that suicide is the only answer, the only way to make he pain and suffering your tired of enduring stop. But the truth is, Thats all a lie. The pain doesnt stop, the suffering doesnt. stop. You might not feel it anymore, but those that were close to you, those that loved you. They will feel that pain forever, And tht pain can possably do to them, what it did to you. Dont let that happen. You have a choice, face your demons, fight back, and say no. Or let it consume you, and watch as the pain spreads even further. I know what pth im choosing, and iv walked it for 10-12 years of my life. Dont let it happen to you. Dont blame yourself, there is no-one to blame.

On the topic of blame, dont hur yourself over this either. Be it a suicide attempt or because it makes you feel human, or be it some kind of recompence. Dont go down that road. it will mess you up jaust as much as suicide will.

Just know this, you are not alone, their is help if you look for it, there are friends that will do everything the can to help you, But you have o remeber that YOU are the one that can truely help yourself. YOU are your own rock. Nothing can brake you if YOU stay strong. So please, I urge anyone that reads this. Please. Dont do something stpid that you might not live to regret. Please, I beg you. TAlK to someone, anyone. dont go to the extreame. Dont let pain and suffering be the deciding factor. Its going to be a long, hard road. It will not be easy, but you must perciver. If not for yoursef, then for hose you care about, for those that look up to you.

Dont spread the pain, improve yourself to make the pain go away. Bethere for each other, never think your alone. Because your not. here are others hat care about you, no matter what you might think.

So first of all, I need to say this. This is mostly to vent because some of what iv been seeing just greatly annoys me because of just how uneducated some people are on hese kinds of topics. Secondly, Im pro gun, BUT I also think somethings related to firearms shouldnt be what they are, So while I am pro firearm I do have my own feelings on cerain aspects. And finally, part of this rrant is brought on by what Sen bernie Sanders wants to do control wise with fireamrs if elected. So look that up for context. Ok on to the rant.

There are a lot of people that support the removal of so called "assalut weapons" but have no idea what there actually supporting. A "assualt weapon" is a modern day sporting/defence rifle that is semiautomatic ONLY. This means that for every pull of he trigger you will fire one round. These rifles do NOT come with a selector switch. A selector switch allows the weapon to select fireing modes such as full auto or burst. Now firearms like he M4 and M16 ARE fully automatic, or simply put, will keep fireing untill the trigger is released or runs out of ammo. These weapons are called Assault rifles. Named after the STG44 or Stürmgewer 44, nazi germanys late war automatic rifle. The word Stürmgewer literally translates to "assault rifle"

These weapons are not available to the public, atleast not in the way other firearms are. You can not go to a gun shop and buy these of the shelf. There heavilly regulated, They were purchasable this way back in the early days when mobsters ran the scenes. Its this very fact that lead them to be banned and regulated.

A "Assault weapon" is just a name for a rifle that looks like a military counterpart, but does not function the same way. Its only capable of fireing once every trigger pull. If you want to look at it in a diffrent light. Imagion a bolt acion rifle, This firearm requires the user to manually cycle he bolt everytime they fire. Semiautomatic fireams basically do the same thing, but without the user doing it. The rifle does it for them. Thats the only diffrence. Both rifles are equally capable of inflicting massive amounts of harm.

There are those that want to call these firearms "weapons of war" I take issue with this. A musket is a weapon of war, A bolt action rifle is a weapon of war, a handgun is a weapon of war! All three of these firarms have served on the battlefield. All firearms are weapons of war, doesnt matter how big or small. They were made for a purpose, and they are used for that purpose.

So Benies stance of "assault weapons" is ban them, regulate them like full auto weapons. Well heres the thing. AR-15s and no that doesnt stand for "assault rifle" its armalite Rifle, the manufacturer, are one of the most popular rifles in the US, AK pattern rifles follow this trend, And no I will not call it a AK-47, because there not AK-47's. AK stands for Automatic Kalashinokov and the 47 is for 1947. Ak rifles in the states are not automatic, there semiautomatic. Again meaning one round for everyone pull of the trigger. So the AK in the states should really be called a Kalashnikov 47. Or a AK pattern rifle. As it looks like a AK-47, but isnt really a AK-47.

he also wans to do some things to help restrict "assault weapons" Some of which I agree on. High capacity magazines, magazines which hold 30 rounds or more. I agree that we shouldnt have this. Bump Stocks, stocks hat allow the user to automate the fireing process of semi auto rifles, without them becomeing fully automatic. Its a loop hole. I think it should be banned. Adding more background checks, applying that to gun shows/conventions. Should have been a thing for a long time.

But he also wants to do things that are, well insane. Fight the NRA, good luck with that. Institue red flag laws, laws that allow anyone to call the police, tell them they think you are a danger, and give them the right to take away you're firearms, for no reason other then someone gets paranoid that you have a firearm. Its already being abused, it needs to be refined.

Look, Im pro gun, im pro second amendmant. I think its something that american was built apon, And something that is a part of our culture. that doesnt mean I hink people should have access to fully automatic weapons like Ak-47s and M4s or M16s or M60s or M249s or anything like that. Or that we need magazines with capacities of 30/40/50/60/70/75 or 100 rounds, No I don think we need attachments that modify the way a firearm functions mechanically. But I also think going after a fireamr because it looks scary or has a pistol grip or a collapsable stock or a detachable magazine is just stupid.

Specially when more deaths are caused by handguns every year.

And yes, school shootings are bad, shootings in general are bad, but removing "assault weapons" will not stop that from happening, Any firearm can do just as much damage, if they know how to use it. Not to mention, That people have made fullyautomaic machineguns in the garage with items bought from there local hardware store. Its a issue you will never eliminate.

So yea, thats my rant. Educate you're selves, learn he diffrence between assaul weapon and assault rifle, learn that they both look the same but function very diffrently. and that the term is used to install fear. Its just a rifle, it does the same thing that a musket does. Just easyier to load and operate. Its called progress.

When I was younger I grew up playing GTA, battlefield call Of duty, you name it I played it. As I got older I still continued to play them still do. Going through all of high school I hated my life, even before that i hated my life. The resaon for this was simple. I hated most of my peirs, and hated those placed in authority possitions. The reason for this was I was bullied, picked on, you name, to to someone. Nothing happened, nothing fixed or resolved. This basically lead me down a path where I finally had enough and to things into my own hands and started to get into actual fights.

I have said and continue to say that if I HAD access to a divice of murder, that I would have killed several people at my school. And it wasnt because of violent video games, or not being fazed by death. No, i wasnt going to be any of that. t was all going to bee down to the fact that i just ABSOLUTLY HATED these people and really wanted them to die. Top this very day I still hold a grudge against these people.

You see idiots, its not video games. Its perosnal agendas, its religeous agendas, its simply just not likeing somone, It has nothing to do with a virtual world. And everything to due with ease of accses and nothing being done to help or STOP a situation.

I can give you a full breakdown of why I would have gone ballistic in my school: Several years of hardcore bullying, fighting, hazing etc, several years of no one doing anything to stop it, even in no tolerance schools, the principle not giving a fuck, the principle making sure I got the worst of it, even tho im the victim, and finally me just having enough and taking matters into MY own hands. These are why if I had a weapon, dosnt have to be a gun, a knife or axe would have worked just as easily, hell i almost stabbed someone with a pencil, But thats the reason I would have gone ballistic at my school.

Nowadays you have that very thing still happening, you also have personal agendas from people that just want to do it. For one reason or another. It could be because you have diffrent colored skin, difrent religeon, wealthier or poor, Just cause they want to, depression and hopefull suicide and so many many more.

you also have the relegious side of things, isis, home grown terrists, radicalized citizens, people from other countries. Etc etc.

You also do have mentally ill people, less common but does happen.

And finally, mass shootings and mass deaths happen simply because we have done NOTHING to stop them. Yes im a advocate for guns, But even I think there still to easy to get, yes I support the second amendment, but atachments that aid in making a semi auto as close to being full auto without acually being full auto should be banned and illegal. yes I like guns but I shouldnt have or need more then 5 to 10 rounds, not 30, 50, 75 or 100.

Needless to say, stop blaming you'e scapegoat that is violent video games, and start actually looking at the actuall problem that is gun control, mental health, terror groups, issues with schools and bullying, and just people in general that might one day just snap.

In the end, videogames are not the issue, its you law makers and politions that dont have the balls to go after the real issues.

End rant.

SO I was abruptly awoken by my mother dismorning to clean my room as my Aunt Danw and Uncle Mark were stopping by with a gift, for me. What they had was something I didnt expect.

They brought down a kitten from the farm they have. They were worried that he wouldnt survivve do to predators or starvation becaus of his side and nature. So now we have a 8 week old kitten.

Hes friendly and playfull, supposedly box trianed, and cuddly. Or so weve been told.

Were still tring to come up wih a name for him, Mom keeps leaning towards Kenji, which I find amusing because of A furry on here that goes with the same name. Thats a Japanese akita.

Strangly enough I dont actually know how I feel about this. I still havent gotten over Zeus. And we still have Zena, And we dont know how she will react to this new arival.

i mean im still going o pour my emoions onto him, im still going to love him with eveything i have, it just feels strange.

Im done dealing with emotions, done with life, done with friends or those that I thought were friends. Im just done caring. I dont care about my self or others, I dont have any care to improve my situation, or care to seek help. All this life has shown me is that no matter how hard you try. You get fucked over in the end. So why bother to try? Iv been fucked over my entire life. Went through hell as a child. No one cared, parents split up, no one cared. Needed help finacially or to get somthing. Still no one cared.

Friends try to tell you that they care, but in reality, they really dont. Their world is only concernd about them, and those they like. If something is wrong with you, then you're a target. They make you feel worse everyday. To were the need to just end everything grows more and more. Or untill you reach the point where you just dont give a fuck.

Well thats where im at. I just simply dont care about anyone or anything. People want me to improve my self but I dont see a point, iv explained my reasons but they dont care, so why should I? They want me to get into better shape, but I have no want or drive to do so. They tell me to get a job. But I have no desire to do so. it will only end wih me being fired. or denied. Cant even get the medical help I need boh physically and mentally because others get priority or preferencial treatment. So again why try? why care?

I can't even play a game, or meet new people now with out pissing someone off. So I say fuckit. I dont care. Im going to do what I please and everyone else be damned. Maybe with time life will fianlly give me what I want and just straight up kill me. To much of a coward to do it myself.

People tell me iv changed, and there right, I have. I changed because all this world has aught me is that nothing matters, That those that need help will never get it and those that play the system get everything. 6 years ago i had the chance to pull the trigger, and attpemt to end everything. I was talked out of it. Now I know I should have gone through with it, Cause then people would have cared. Or at the very least given a fuck.

So all I have left to say is to just fuck off, leave me alone, I dont care one way or another. Life has no meaning, no hope, and no love. So why should I be any diffrent?

Zeus has passed away. I'm glad he's not in pain anymore, that he's not suffering anymore. And I'm glad that I could spend his last few days with him. While I did give finale good byes a day ago, I am sad that I could give him his good bye hug.

Good bye Zeus. You were a good cat for 15 or so good long years. I love you!

For the last month or to, my beloved feline Zeus has been losing weight at a alarming speed. We changed his food and that seemed to help. But early to mid October, His weight started to decline again. In the last week his health went from bad, to worse.

In the span of 4 days, He has basiclly become a skeleton. No musle mass, no fat, nothing but skin and bone. In the last 4 days he went from just deing skinny, to not eating, or drinking. Hes been dry heaving, Hasnt used the litter box. In the Last four days he went from walking with a slight limp, To a drunken stumble, Wobbling side to side, falling down.

In the last four days he went from a normal purr, to a broken and cherpish purr. In the last four days, he has been suffering, And we knew it. But couldn't do anything abou it. I love my cats, both of them. And I would physicaly die for them. It is October 23erd 2018. And we can no longer bear the sight of his condition.

Weather we can afford it or not, at 7pm ET on October 23erd 2018, Zeus will go to the vets office for the last time. Once there he will no longer be in pain, no longer suffering. It pains me to see him go. I love him with eveything iv got, And this is why I don't know if il be going to the vet with both my mom, and older brother.

Iv had depression since 2008, Im emotionally unstable. And I don't know if I could handle watching one of my family members die right in front of me. I know is a peacfull death. And I know it will be quick. But hes still my cat. We've had him since he was a kitten. I cant just let that go.

My brain tells me I should stay home. To say my good byes before he leaves and goes to what I hope is a better place. But my heart tells me I should go, To be there with him in his finale moments. To show him that I do indeed love him. I just dont know if I can take that. I promised both him, and myself that I would not cry untill he passed away. And for the most part, I have done that.

But I dont think I could be that strong in the final moments. Worse of all, We still dont know whats actually killing him. We all think its cancer. What ever it is, Its killing and stealing my best friend. I dont write journals that often. Nobody reads them anyhow. But if you do. PLEASE, PLEASE PLEASE! Send us you're thoughts and prayers for this difficult time.

Zeus was and still is a good cat, ANd he will be surely missed and never forgotten.

I lose hearing in my left ear. This has happened a few times in the past but never to this extent. My ear feels full, and heavy so I'm thinking its severely impacted ear wax. Which I do have a problem with as its one of the quirks with my ecto dermal displaysia. But its never been so bad that I can absolutely tell.

I'd say my hearing capacity in that ear has been reduced at minimum 75%. This is the worst case iv had with this issue. Weird thing is it was sudden. Normally it builds up. And iv been good for a while. So to suddenly have my hearing be basically gone in just 24 hours. Is alarming.

I told my mom about my issue because I want to be seen by a doctor asap, but I have no medical coverage because of some bullshit reason, and we can't afford a medical bill. Which sucks as this time there is actually pain. Not serious pain, but pain none the less.

Iv tried a few various things that have worked in the past. Things like hydrogen peroxide and cotton swabs. And iv used the latter with extreme caution. None of that worked this time around.

I'm hoping I can be seen by a doctor within the week if it doesn't improve soon. And if it gets worse then I'll have no choice, weather I can afford it or not.

Just what I didn't need

We moved. Succesfully. Spent all of wensday the 1st moving everything we own. AIncluding stuff from a actual house that we HAD, from 7 or 8 years ago. Needless to say the new living room of the current apartment is filled with boxs of who knows what.

Im thankfull to be alive, as it was 80 something on wendsays and all of us had pushed our limits. We have come to the conclusion that we all had heat stroke. But I took it worse for wear because of my ectoi Dermal displaysia. AKA my reduced ability to sweat. It got so bad that nothing I did, could cool down my body. If this was a stress test, I would have failed.

The cats are a mixed bag right now. Zena has actually gone around and explored a little, seen as both cats have been kinda kept in moms room while stuff got figured out , Zeus is... well hes tramatized. Wont leave moms room on his own, RUNS back if hes taken out. And hides under moms dresseer most of the day and barely comes out for basic needs.

If he should die because of this move, and how terrified he is because of it. I will personally hunt Mr. Radanty down, And NO ONE will ever see him or find him ever again. And that you can qoute me on.

In other retrospecs we finally got cable, phone and internet again. Hurray! Took the guy 2 hours on Thursday to run completely new cable, Course my brother was pissed because the router and modem got place in moms room, And he likes his playstaion hardwired for gameing. So that pissed him off and he put it in his room, He was also pissed of at what the guy "had" to do in oreder to give us service, which required new equipment, so everything my brother had wired up, was disconnected. And other things. So while me and mom liked the guy, He was nice and friendly. (youngish) My brother does not.

But were moved, were ok. fore now. So il be around again.

Just really broke. So we found a place that will accept us and the cats. Its not what we were hopeing for. But it will have to do. Its costing us about $900 -$940 a month. With pet fees included. Hence the 940. In other words, we can barely afford it. But we have no other option.

Its also like 5 blocks from the city, So there is a chance that we will encounter the bad side of the city at some point. But at best we only have to wait 2 years or worst case 1 year before we eithewr leave NY state anfd go to Virgina. Or have to find a new place to live. The land lord did warn us that rent might go up again next year. Because costs go up. But if that happans we get 2 full months to look instead of a 30 day BS notice.


Update on our current situation.

The landlord did not go through proper channels for the eveiction. So even if he took us to court he would lose. And we would have gotton another 30 days. But dealing weith him for another month would have been torcher. As he has already threatend us with violance more than once. I was hopeing he would do something stupid like change the locks, or actually try to cause physical garm to my brother. Sadly he hasnt done that.

In other news reguarding me. Im glad its over. Ever since this whole thing started my mental health has plumited. I seriously contemplated committing suicide by hanging a few days ago. And i feel the only thing that stopped me was the lack of rope, and the knowledge of how to tie a noose not. I dont like talking about my feelings much. Or the things iv done. So these thoughts and the only attempt I have are very close to me. I know that its not worth it, And that if I did commit, that many people would be sad and heart broken. Mom has literally told me she would loose her mind and need to be hospitalized for insanity.

It just shows me that I am loved. And I guess if I really wanted to die, I could have just stood on the train tracks that are by my house. Guess that proves I dont want to die. Not like that anyway.

In other news, we are worried about our cats. Mostly Zeus, hes lost alot of weight and it doesnt make sense cause hes always eating. So we think he might have cancer. And considering he was a stary barn cat when we got him as a kitten, his background is a complete mistery. Zena (yes I know its xena, but thats not how we spell if for her) Is just full of clumped hair called mats. And there getting worse, We shad her shaved once because of it, But we lack the $$$ to do so again. And none of us are to keen to get clawed up to try and do it our selves. Moms doing what she can....

In car news, it needs brakes. Specificall new brake pads. But to have that done is like $400. Money we dont have. Sadly if we dont get new pads it will go from 400 to $1800. Because We will need new pads, rotors, and possably calipers. Moms car has disk brakes. Not drum brakes. And while I have done brakes In an actual shop. I dont have what I need to do it. And I dont think my brother, who pays for the car, trusts me to do it. Which is just dumb, because its my mom, and all three of us use that car for everything. Granted me nor my brother have a license so mom drives us everywhere.

I thought about getting my license but the actuall though of driving scares me. And I dont want to have a panic attack when driving, so yea.

Well thats it, Thats everything thats happend since my last update. Granted next to no one reads these. Even if they do they never comment. Every now and then I geet one comment from someone thats not Caleb or Cave. (You know who you are, thank you) So this is it, my next update will probably after the move, wish us luck, we'll need it.

So 12 days ago we recieved notice that we were being evicted. Since that happand we have been looking for a new apartment in new York state. And with no such luck. We have till August 1st to find a new place to live. That accepts pets (2 cats) and is preferably below $1,000 a month. And has to be a 3 bedroom. Sofar were pretty screwd.

In other news, found out why we are being evicted. Come to find out our land lord cheated on his wife, and is being divorced. Shes taking the house. So now he needs a place to live. Hence why we are being evicted.

In Other other news. He is also proving how much of a asshole he can be. Hes threated to call the cops on us multiple times and have us forcably removed, Hes verbally attacked my brother and called him a drug crazed maniac. Even so far as to say he will be cavity searched by the police. And im waiting for him to come to the house for X or Y reason, Make a fool of himself and do something stupid. I really REALLY hope he does something stupid.

So yeah. If anyone lives in New York, Around the East Rochester area, or close by, And knows of any apartments that are 3 bedroom, allows cats, and is around $800ish. Then that would be fantastic.


And before you ask no, We wont do a house trailer, we would rather not be in the city, and no we cant do section 8.

So yesterday I found out that me, my mom and my older brother are being kicked out of are apartment. The reaseons why are a bunch of BS. A strange smell of a foreign substance (cant prove) Me living in what was a 2 bedroom apartment. (been there over 4 years, and he knew I was there from day one.) And poor house keeping (Bottles and cans, in bags, ready to be tajen in.

Thought or downstairs neighbors had something to do with it. And they still might. But found out that our landlord was caught cheating on his wife. So there getting divorced. She wants the house, so hes kicking everybody out so he and the new girl can live here.


We have till Aug 1st to find a new place to live. Trouble is, mom is unemployed and on disability while waiitng to have 3 surgerys done, one for each foot, and one for left hand. Im unemployed, And my brother dosent make enough with his job for this.


So now we need to find a 3 bedroom Apartment thats lower then $900 a month. Were paying $525, would be increased to $725 after were out.

And to top it all off, Mom got herself a 2nd degree burn on her arm while cooking. So yeah, that happend. We dont know what we are gonna do just yet. Im personally hoping we make the jump and go to Virgina beach. As its closer to all my online andf furry friends. But well see.

If you asked me 3 years ago when fallout 4 was announced, On my thoughts on a multiplayer or co-op fallout game. My answer was, im not intreasted in a MMO fallout. I want a single player fallout.

3 years later fallout 76 has been offically shown off at bethesdas E3. And with it comes some hype, And a want to play it. The more thought I put into it the more I find myself OK with the Idea. I kick myself to this day for not getting on the ESO bandwagon when it went FTP. Now to much has passed for me to get into it. Iv also heard bounty horror stories where people cant play a character because they have a 12k bounty.

But fallout 76 looks like a game I could have fun in, even being a Online only game. Its not a MMO. As only 12-24 will be on any given server. So someone like me that really enjoys there single player experiences, could enjoy fallout 76. A game which for the most part, il probably end up playing by myself. As most of my friends wont get it, or wont have the time to play it with me, or worse yet, play it with out me.

But while I can say im honestly excited for the game, I do have my concerns. The game has no TRUE single player. Your single player is you playing it by you're self and with up to 23 other people. And these players could be solo like you, Or with a partner, or a group. And the threat of anyone of them wanting to just attack anyone at random is very high.

I used to play the division, but when you needed to go to the darkzone to get good gear. it became a shoot on sight senario. Where you killed any player you saw, so they didnt kill you instead. Now take that premise, and apply it to the entire playable world. Now you have 24 people that trust no-one, and shoot on sight. Maybe not to be a dick, or ass hole. But because they dont want to take the chance that you are one.


And then Power armor comes into play. I already know that power armor works the exact same in fallout 76 as it does in fallout 4. You can ell this by examining the gameplay from E3. And I mean its the exact same. So its balanced in that you need fusion cores to operate it at full capacity, need a frame to use it, and all the peices need reapir and can be broken. But how do you handle a group of 4, vs 1 player?

Its this that makes me worry about the nature of this game, and why i feel you almost need people to play with, Just to help deture potential attackers.

I will say that im curios about the beta, I will be pre-ordering so I can play the beta. And get a hands on rundown of the game.

All in all, Im excited for the game, more so then I was. And I cant wait to see how the new settlment mode will work when dealing with new threats and enemy players. and how death effects the player. its obviously not perma death, but whats the risk to dieing? Whats the reward for killing another player? And how are they gonna balance explosives?

I will say that the ginat sloth made me laugh, and I was real giddy about them haveing a MG42 in the game. I wounder how weapon crafting will be used in fallout 76?

Well thats all my thoughts and rambalings on the topic, Fallout 76 release Nov 14, 2018, only 4 months give or take. So all abaord the hype train, On our way to west virgina, our home of vault 76.

I have played All the fallout games from fallout 3 to fallout 4. So natually when I heard of fallout 76 my intreasts where peaked. I seen the trailer. And the only thing that happaned was, What is fallout 76 going to be? Because the trailer told us nothing.

Well if had my ears open to all the discussions and the rumors and what iv been hearing, Doesnt entirely sell me on the game.

Im thinking its going to be a MMO, Like Elder Scrolls Online, or ESO for short. Now I havent played ESO. only because at the time it was a subscription based game. And I already pay for XBL. So I wasnt going to pay more for ESO. But if Fallout 76 where to be like ESO and be an online MMO. Then I guess Id have to wait and see how they handle it.

Others think its going to be a single player spin off game, Which I highly highly doubt. They havent done one yet why started now?

And the latest rumor is that its going to be a survival MMO. Like RUST. And while im not opposed to the idea, I know ALOT of people hated the building mechanic in Fallot 4, so thell hate it if thats what fallout 76 is.

So my offical thoughts are as follows, Fallout 76 will not be a single player game. Maybe a co-op game, but more then likely its going to be some sort of MMO. If it doesnt have a paid subscription il probably get it. If its a survival MMO based of the fallout univers then Im a little more intreasted, If the community isnt a buch of raider A holes anyways.

But in all honesty were better of waiting for the offical word from bethesda. And go from there.

Typically I stay far away from politics. Or any subject that has extreamly radical points of view. Some examples being the election of a certain ignorant president. that will get us into a world war. But thats not the point of this journol. No. This journol focuses on the current in hoouse situation of the alt-Left vs the Alt-Right.

Now, I dont care about either of these 2 "factions" As far as im concerned there both right, and both wrong. If you want to be treated like a person, then act like a person. If you dont want to oppress'ed, then dont Oppress others. And if you are ghoing to use violance as a tool to further you're cause, then you better prepair for someone to take that violance one step further.

But heres my main point. I just read a post that compaired Wolfenstien, A game that came out years ago. And is set in a alternate univers where Nazi Germany won WWII, And is super evanced with technology. And compared it to whats going on right now. Their post basically lined up all the wolfenstien games from the years and said the following for all the games: Wolfenstein: Kill all nazis. People: Oh ok cool.

They did this for every release of the game and compared it to real life events

What the fuck is wrong with you fucking idiots? Lets compare a video game that has you fighting for the liberty of the entire United Staes of America, where a alternate timeline happend, and Germany won WWII and invaded the US. And the resistance is fighting to get it back. To Our actual timeline where We are free, Not under Naxi Germanys control, Have laws, arnt haveing wars in the middle of the street (Excluding gang activity are police firefights) And can freely voice or opinions and beliefs thanks the the first amendment of the constitution.

Now you want to take that premice of killing VIDEO GAME eneimes which view you as a hostile target to SHOOT AND KILL ON SIGHT! The same thing you do to them. And do that to REAL PEOPLE!

Do you not understand that every human being on this planet has the right to live? Has the right to follow what theybelive, aand has the right to defend them selves. And that killing anyone, weather you feel if its just or not. Is a serious crime. MURDER, SECOND DEGREE MURDER, AND MAN SLUGHTER are NO small crimes, They will throw you'r ass in prision, and you will stay there for most if not all of you're life.

You cant just go out and kill people because you dont agree with them. Insiting violancce will only lead to more violance. And seen as that has alreay stared with this "punch a naxi bullshit" How long do you think it will go before you punch the wrong person, And they pull out a gun, and shoot you several times, and you wind up dead? And the kicker. It would be a justified killing, As it would be in self defence and they were in fear for there life.

Also, How long before someone comes to these rally's, or marches, or protestes, or what I like to call them, Riots. With the sole intention to kill as many of the oppisite side as they can. Both sides have already started with violance. So the next logical step to violance. IS more violance.

Sooner or later we will be having full blow wars from the Alt-Left and Alt-Right where each one is gunning down the other. It fucking stupid. If both sides would just listen to the other, maybe something could be done to help both sides reach a agree ment. But thats never going to happen. Because both sides have already gone to extreames to get ther view across.

And dont even get me started with that Antifa crap either. If there was ever a group that needed dealing with, Its this one. They say there anti facists, but they read speeches straight from Hitlers mouth.

And for you Black Lives Matter people out there. Fuck off. If you reqlly belive that only you're life matters, Then you dont desrve what you are asking for. ALL life matters. Doesnt matter if you're black, white, cacation, mexican, chinese, etc. All life matters. And untill you're "faction" Decide to hndle all the black on black crime, Where 2 gangs go to war with each other and leave 5 dead. Then you have no right to talk. If black ives matter, then why doesnt the lives of those taken by rival gangs matter? Why does it only matter if it happens by a cop? Why does i only matter if it happens some way other then gang violance?

And why on earth should anyone just hand over the possetions to a black family that lives in poverty? If i worked hard to get where I am, I ain't giving you squat. Get off you're ass, go out into the world. Get a job. And earn what you want. Dont just execpt you're current situation. Strive to improve it.

And for anyone out thaere that I just seriously offended. Oh well. I really dont care. Its my opinion. My freedom of speech put to use. If you dont like it, Them im sorry that you're so over sensitive to what everyone, but you're self thinks.

END VENT

I know very few people actually read this, But for those that do, Its about high time for an update on things.

So for starters not much has cahnged with my life. Im still single, Still a DL, Still have no job, no license or car. And only a few actual friends that can visit me. I still live with my mom and older brother. And im still haveing various medical troubles.

But on that front I have had 2 surgeries done on me in the last couple months. The first was an eye lid lift, to help improve my vision. And the second, which happend just today, Was a dental surgery where they removed 10 teeth.

A little background as to why these were done. I have a rare medicla condition called ECTO DERMAL DISPLAYSIA And in simple turms, its the reduced ability to sweat. Whidch means my body doesnt sweat like it should. Im basically like a dog. But it also comes with other problums, Like lacking anamal on my teeth So my teeth dont have that protective coaing on them.

Im 24 years old. And im starting the path of haveing ALL my teeth pulled. and being replaced with false teeth. I never took care of mine, because there was no point. Nothing I did would save them in the long run. No iv started with my planned course of action. Remove them all, good or bad. Im done with the pain, done with the stress, done with the hassel.

My dentist wants to see me in about 2 weeks o do the other side of my teeth, but I think im going to wait atleast a month to let my left side heal abit before torturing my again.

In other news, iv been playing a new game, Fortnite. And I find it to be rather fun and enjoyable, Its in earlt acces, and it has its bugs and issues. But its fun.

So that is all that has happend since my last journol. Thank any and all for reading.

There are points in everyones life where they have to make the tough choices. Where to go, who to keep and who to let go, Personal life or friends and family. These are all things that everyone eventualluy has to answer. And currently, Im at one of those impasses.

I have 4 questions that I need to answer.

Who to keep, Who to lose, To get a job, or to prioritize friends and family.

These 4 choices are proving to be harder to answer the initially thought. I have a squable amongst a group of friends, And the end result will be someone will be getting kicked out. Its hard becuse I care about everyone involved. And everyones opinon matters. Its not really a esy question to answer as it will change the lives of everyone involved. Be it for better... or worse.This decison for me however was a easy one to make. I trust my close friends. I have there back, they have mine. This question was a easy one to answer.

However the other one is not so easy.

I am tired of not haveing any money of my own. If I wantt something I have to ask others for the financial support to do it. I dont have a job. And I dont have a real excuse for why that is. I could work. But I choose not to. The reason for me choosing not to is very simple. My friends. My closest freinds all work. And it takes its toll on them both physically and mentally. And I like to be there to help.

But this means that I have mo money of my own. Which brings me to my next hard decision. Do I stay home. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. so I can support my friends, or do I go and find a job so that I have spending money and can help support my family with bills, And possably help out my friends with small gifts and such?

This is a decision that I have yet been able to answer. And have put off for quite some time. And my reasons, well there not the greatest. I dont want to end up working all day and sleeping all night, as then my friends never see me. All tired and sore, just wanting to rest. I hate it from my side, How would they feel from theres? But I want to be able to afford my own things, to help where help can be offerd. So im not just a do nothing nobody taht lives with there mom rent free and with no bills to pay.

Its to the point where I feel that its a signifficant impact on my depresstion. And its one reason why my depresstion s as bad as it is.

Which leaves me in this position... Do I work and have money, Put sacrifice time with my best friends, Or do I stay with them, but never have anything of my own? This is just something I just cant answer yet. JHust another one of those hard decisions I will eventually have to answer.

I dont know why im doing this, but to hell with it. If you have any questions about the guy behind the screen/my sona. Now is the time to ask. I will be 100% honest, And the only questions I will not answer is super persoanl info, Like my SS number or exact adress. But everything else is fair game.

So fire away.

Its been sometrime since I posted a journol here, Longer since that iv actually had a negative journol to post. But I feel like those that care, or even like me might want to know whats been happening in my life as late.

Iv been in a lot of pain lately, Some emotional, but mostly pysiacl. Iv had some back pain for quite some time now, Mostly do to the fact im a serious gamer and spend my days gameing. (Call me lazy, or just waiting for a solid idea of what to do) But thats been getting progressivly worse. But I can't do anyhting about it because I was shut off for my insurance.

Which means I can currently be fined for not being covered.

To make matters worse, A lot of emotional thoughts have been going through my head of late. Some reflecting a choice I made many years ago, Where I comtemplated suicide. Look im not proud of what occured that day, And I would undo it if I could. But I cant, And now I live with that every day. Iv also been thinking about my dad. He left when I was in high school. 11th grade to be exact. I spent some time with him, 5 years before moving back in with my mom, To seek medical assitance and get out of a bad situation. Its still not a great situation, but its a better one.

Not to long ago my grampa passed away. And im not sad about that, For he was a evil man. (molested is own daughter) But he was the only person my dad really had left in the world. Now hes alone. He lost me, and I lost him. For better or for worse? Idk yet.

And then life just keeps slapping us in the face. My mom is having 4k in taxs held untill she can prove that im disabled, Which even I don't know the answer to that anymore, and that I live with her, Which I most certainly do, And she wouldn't have it any other way. But our power bill is super high from the winter season, So we are constantly getting shutoff notices. Which we can't fully pay because she only makes around $200 a week. Which is barely enough to pay car insurance, and maybe 2 cards.

Add to that that a restrant we liked changed there menu so much that we never plan on going back, as the no longer offer anything we like. So 10 years of loyalty wasted. Its not much but it still adds to the whole life sucks factor.

But the icing on the cake, The car. It broke down Last Friday. Leaving my mom stranded in the middle of nowhere for 2 hours. (We don't have cell phones because money is super tight) She made it home safe, The car how ever is not so lucky. It needs a completely new engine. The timeing belt had slipped and was sucked into the engine, Bending and breaking everything inside and basically destroying the engine form the inside.

A replacment engine is $3500 not counting labor. Which is way out of the question. We simply don't have that kind of money. Hell we can baerly get food for the week. So now we need to look at getting a new/used vehicle to replace the Sazuki.

All this combined has really messed with my depression. Iv been depressed for, lets see it was 2009 or 2008 when dad left, so about 7 to 8 years. Iv been in a styate of depression. I do better then most, and can sort of hide it, but every know and then the sadness in me escapes and, it just happens. I should seek some kind of actual help. But agin no funds to do it.

So yeah, thats everything of importance that has happend in my life as of late. Sorry that its a pretty negative journol. But this is what has been happening in my life, this is as real as it gets ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. There is no turning back. So make the best out of what you have. Before things get to this point.

If you read this, Then thank you. You deserve a hug.

So this is going to be about a furry, Who I will not name because im not a complete ass. That felt it would be a good idea to tell family and friends about there fetishes. This did not go very well for them. They first told there parrents. Which resulted in a more or less negitive out come. They then told close friends. One of which didn't care and the other a bit freaked.

Why would you do that to you're self? You know yo'u're into something thats considerd taboo, and is generaly fround upon. Yet you not only tell you're family, which sees you as a full grown adult, and may have very diffrent views on certain things. But then you tell you're friends that dont really need to know.

Yes im A diaper fur, yes I wear Diapers, Yes I use, and yes MY family and friends now. The diffrences, I told my mother when I was living in a completly diffrent state in a diffrent house. Not under her control. So I could not suffer from ANY negitive side effects. Thankfully my family is very open minded. So that saved alot of effort. And my friends, well 90% of them I met on here, and are fellow ABDL's.

But knowing this, I still cant logically see a reason to tell anyone that doesnt need to know, that you're into X & X thing. Specially when its as taboo or strange as being say a Furry or a AB/DL. I mean you don't go up to you're mom and say "Hay I like watching porn at 11:05 am. Or atleast I hope not.

Now as far as telling someone you're Gay, Bi or what ever. Thats on you. Thats something that I feel should be told, Specially if you're going transgender or falling in love with the same sex. Just because it could end badly if people find out the hard way. Not saying its going to end well either, But atleast you told them.

That being said, It just seems like a lot of people are just setting them selves up to bebome a outcast. Telling someone ANY of the above has the potential to cost you everything. It can cost you you're friends, Family, Reputation, and sometimes even you're life and freedom.

So my advice to anyone that wants to tell someone about a fetish, Is simply to not do it. If they don't need to know, don't tell them. Just don't do it. (Unless its a drug problum.) The only exception is if you are getting married, if its something illeagle, something you need help for (say drug abuse/self harm)And maybe MAYBE someone that you completely trust. But thats a BIG MAYBE!

I don't mean to sound like a douche cannoe. I just feel that someple furries out there think that they HAVE to tell people so they can achieve something. Well im here to tell you that that's not the case. If its not causing anyone harm, and its not illeagle or dangerous. Keep it to you're self.

Take it from someone that has gone down that road, And got a rare happy ending

Recently a very talented friend has just lost his job and needs to save up some money for a family outing and basic needs untill he can get everything back to order. So he is offering discounted art on various YCH's and adoptables and all sorts of other art related things.

His name is Ulrhic. He is a great guy and his art is very detailed and done with great care. Just look at my one and only pic and judge for you're self. So if you can, Please go give him a look and help the poor guy out. Thank you.