I was there, maybe you saw me? Who could say...

I'm better now, that is all.

Since I'm basically hiding here and no one know's who I am, I feel I can put this without making myself upset.

First off I have a huge problem with sharing my feelings, I hate to complain about things because I feel guilty. here are other's who have it way worse than me so why should I complain. I don't like to comment on things people say because I'm afraid I'll offend them or detract from their point. Basically I go out of my way to accommodate others at my own expense. I can't take a compliment either, I'm working on that, but I feel it's only so I don't offend the person offering the compliment.

Honestly, I've been depressed for a while now, that's why I haven't been posting. I haven't told anyone, I can't share things like that. It takes me forever to warmup to a person, Every time someone's interested in me I break their heart because I'm too slow. It really hurts because what they don't realize is my heart is broken too, maybe more because I don't get over it and I made them upset which is a huge issue for me.

I don't know what's going on with my body and mind, I don't know what I should call myself. I've always said I was straight but I've never really been attracted to people like that. I do have sexual attraction but not based off of gender or even sex! I don't even feel like a male or a man, I don't feel female either. What is there? I can't tell people that because I'm too white and cis looking, peopled just say I was doing it for attention. I ca't be trans, because I prefer male pronouns right? What is that?! I get more negative attention towards nonbinary sexuality and genders than anything else. People I know who are perfectly fine with homosexuality are very down on trans or bi people. My friend told me that there is no such thing as bisexual, I couldn't say anything to him with out outing myself so I just frowned! I've never even had sex I've not been interested enough to actually try. I do want to, but with who? I won't unless I really love someone but everyone moves too fast for me! I feel trapped and there's no where to go, I can't tell my parents...

I'm on the verge of tears, I feel like I've been holding all this in too long. I still so no end in sight though. I can't draw, I can't sew, dance or do any of the things that used to make me happy. I had a lot of fun this weekend but then today I slipped back down, is this just how it's going to be? I'm not likely to respond to anyone if they comment on this, I don't want anyone to find out enough about me to maybe know who I am. I just needed to vent and this is the only place where I'm separate from the rest of the world...


In short: Woe is me, BAHHH

Hey, you're looking at dog porn online. If someone says something gross or creepy on your art, that is kind of expected. Don't get upset if someone talks about masturbation on your porn art. Masturbation should be implied.