While we're celebrating SharkWeek consider rewatching my Jawsome-ish review of the Street Sharks:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2w1J20YXmI

A friend of mine is starting a project, and it's quite interesting. Read more here:
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8757405/

I visited Norway, and am about to make a fool out of myself again!

Sorry for the dodgy camera work!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYmgDWZenA4

No matter where you stand, the EU is about to destroy the Internet. Many people are fighting, and we need more help:
https://www.change.org/p/european-p.....e-the-internet
https://saveyourinternet.eu/
https://www.change.org/p/stop-censo.....pe?signed=true
https://www.change.org/p/european-p.....es?signed=true


Here's more on it, in case you are curious:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QLFiYNHbAM

We can do this!

On June 11th 2008 I did begin to draw my comic.

Admittedly this is not entirely accurate. There have been a few other milestones to take note of:

September 4th 2005 - when I was drawing (for real) for the first time, and made my choice to become an artist

September 16th 2006 - I uploaded my first attempt to make a comic, when it was still called "Day by Day"
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/221728/
http://us.vclart.net/vcl/Artists/Jo.....1-by-date.html

May 1st 2007 - I have trouble telling if this is more of me just continuing the comic, or giving it a new shot, but it only lasted 3 pages anyway, and was still called "Day by Day"


I was very unsatisfied with how I was starting things off, and how unnatural it felt to just throw 6 characters onto the reader, so I decided to reboot this mess, call it "SevenPack" and introduce the cast one-by-one, and so on June 11th 2008 my comic had its start.

It's been going on ever since, for 10 years. In the meantime I have released 155 pages, spread across 7 chapters. I do hope to finish it someday. Admittedly with how difficult it sometimes gets to make it, I do keep thinking about ending it sooner than planned, but even that is bound to take a while.

In any case I want to thank all of my followers who have supported me and my work over the years, despite the shaky release schedules, and the chaotic nature of it all.

Thank you very much.

NOTE_1:
I apologize for not posting this a week earlier, when it was the 11th. Certain events transpired, that pushed me away from doing it.

NOTE_2:
I have posted a new video onto my YouTube channel, so check it out if you feel like it:
https://youtu.be/4eeLbJKOJh4

Yeah yeah, the earlier journal is much more important, but... I suppose things changing in my life might interest a few people
https://youtu.be/9p9cNG20ZFM

The internet is in danger once again, and this time it might be the greatest example of old people not understanding the internet ever, and we have to stop it:
https://act1.openmedia.org/savethelink
https://saveyourinternet.eu

Here's a few videos to explain this in more detail:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvXOfq3AB8s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwR34cT1grw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Yiny2EePIc

This year I went to Pyrkon once more, this time I was dressed up as a character from Danganronpa V3: Gonta Gokuhara, the Ultimate Entomologist.
https://youtu.be/tAJdFyjE5wM?t=4m33s
I did get some attention from fans of Gonta, and had quite a lot of fun with the other Danganronpa cosplayers, which..... Gonta will try hard to meet again!

Here are a few photos for those wishing to see them:
https://sta.sh/21kxg1i99wc

I have my reasons for asking this, but...... who plays/likes the Danganronpa franchise? I admit that something lies behind my question, but I don't want to reveal too much, cause it'd make things messy. For now it's just a general question about who's got a fondness for them.

Hello,

I best start by explaining, so that we are all on the same page:

As the whole #ChangeTheChannel movement is underway, boycotting Channel Awesome for the unfair way they've been treating their producers over the years, certain things that were kept secret did get revealed.

Justin Carmical, also known as JewWario, had left Channel Awesome in February 2013, and in January of the following year, he committed suicide. It was a very tragic moment for the website and it's contributors.

About a week ago, due to the incompetence of ChannelAwesome to keep these things secret (due to the wishes of the victims), it was revealed that in reality Justin was let go, due to accusations of sexual misconduct.

Everything has been confirmed since. Justin is responsible for raping several women. I now see plenty of people who express very strong emotions: some feel anger, others are sad, some are in some denial, while other people feel betrayed. Several people who had crossover videos with Justin are now deleting them, some are just putting disclaimers in front of them, so that everybody knows that... they know, it's just been made at a different time.

I myself am still in a rather conflicted state, I need some more time to accept everything. Still, I did actually make something related to Justin in my comic:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12966419/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13782275/

The "cameo" joke, including that black ribbon, and the whole chapter was at the end dedicated to him.

So I now feel awkward about the whole thing. Should I leave it the way it is? Should I add some disclaimer below? Should I replace Justin's image with someone else? should I leave the panels blank?

I just... don't know. I have trouble hating Justin, cutting him out. I accepted the truth, but I guess it didn't quite sink in yet.

If I was to ever print my comic out (God forbid), then I would feel obligated to change things more properly anyway.

Ugh.... basically... what do you guys think I should do?

Allright, in my last entry I talked about how I got here. Now it's time to explain why I feel really lost right now.

Seems natural that after striving for something for about 10 years, and then losing it barely a year in, I would feel weird. I don't really regret my decicion. It was a bad job for me, and I have new goals in sight now. However there's some concerns about... if things won't go wrong again.

Also there's how I was told that I am very lacking in terms of knowledge/skill in terms of aestethics, and I believe it. I'm in no desire to challenge that idea. It makes sense. I experienced it at work! I think like a programmer, not an artist! It's not even making as sad, as it likely should! I accepted it, and given how much pain this caused me, I'm more than willing to give up, and instead do something purely logical/mathemathical, like programming.

This leaves me feeling weird when drawing. Knowing that I am exceptionally lacking in these areas. Kind of makes me question if I ever had fun drawing.

I also need to point out that ever since coming to Germany, I hadn't made a single review video. I lost my motivation there as well.

Who knows, maybe it'll all get back to me in due time, but as of now, I feel quite burned out. I see promise of change on the horizon, but most definitely, it's not quite there yet. Here's hoping for my eventual return to my former shape.

Warning: If your time is limited, you're best to ignore this for now, and await the next journal entry, which'll focus on my emotional state, and is far more important. I rather get your support then.
=====================================================
=====================================================

As of writing this, I am back in Poland. I'll return to Strausberg in a couple of weeks, just to finish a few things, but this is basically the conclusion of that chapter of my life, and I felt like talking about it.

Around November 2007, when being dissatisfied with the college course that I picked, and how lonely I was feeling, I decided that I needed to turn towards computer graphics, and find a job in Germany, where I'd start a new life, close to one of my online friends.

It took several years, education at a few schools, until I finally had a Bachelor's title in IT, with some computer graphics qualifications. I landed a job at a small company, still working from Polish borders, earning crap, but hey it was a step forwards! I started looking for something better, less than a full year into it. It took over half a year, but I found a job in Strausberg.

It was an advertisement agency, I got myself an apartment, the pay was more than suited my humble needs, it felt great!

I had privacy, I had been earning good cash, things seemed chill for quite a long while. However around the time the 1 year anniversary happened, I started to slow down with all production on all fronts. I hadn't made a new review since coming here, I hadn't drawn much artwork since, etc.

At first I just called myself a lazy bastard, then I started making excuses, that I have a 45 hour a week job, so no wonder I'm so busy, however by the end I could not deny that the job was wearing me down. Constantly the same sort of tasks, with the same sort of complaints... having to deal with my boss, constantly hearing complains about the margins that I'm setting up, the font-sizes, the colors, and all that junk! At the same time, I was told that I am NOT allowed to listen to music on my headphones during work, or to watch videos, which just made work all the harder, because I couldn't have anything fun on the side to keep myself "alive" so to speak.

This meant that at work, I had 2 modes:
-bored out of my mind
-trembling in fear, cause someone critiqued my work in a harsh way

I reached a point where the part of my brain, which is responsible for me feeling self-hatred, was giving up! Literally, it felt like it was telling me: "Ya know, I should be telling you that you're a worthless piece of crap, but this job does suck, so ... I'm giving you a pass".

That's when I knew it had to end. I told my boss that I'm quitting, and now, I'm back with my family in Poland, with my current plan being to become a back-end developer.


I admit, a thousand things are going through my mind right now. Even if there's been more than a month of time, there was little room to breathe during all of it. I feel exhausted, and it's not quite going away.

I originally planned to give an explanation of what I'm feeling at the moment, but explaining where I'm coming from, and why all of this is happening seemed quite important as well, hence why I started with this first.

Soon enough I'll write about what's going through my mind right now. I'll see you then. Thank you very much for reading!

I do not have the mental condition to put this into words:
This art style:
https://sta.sh/216dl16daqas
I need to learn it as fast as possible
Does anyone know any good tutorials for it?

This is urgent

Last night I had a dream, that I met Steve Buscemi, gave him some compliments, and then, all of a sudden, he was wearing a costume of Falkor from The Neverending Story, and was slowly undressing into a Las Vegas Showgirl

... as weird as that sounds, I kind of want to see that!

Hey, #NetNeutrality
it's kind of a big thing

Go and help:
https://www.battleforthenet.com/

So I caught a virus, and am stuck in bed. Other than the throat-ache, I'm quite happy. This gives me some time to play games and think about stuff. There actually was a topic that I felt like discussing, and why not now when I have the time to do it?

I noticed that there's plenty of people that pursue stuff because of potential fame, and/or money, cause those two go together. If I'm to focus my attention on the 2 things that I do have experience with, it'd be: being a YouTuber, and being an artist.

Both proffessions require:
-talent or skill -talent being natural, while skill is learned
-frequently delivered content - so that people want to follow you for more
-very likely a focus – something unique or selling out

That last point is what I'm planning to talk about in detail. Naturally you might have some unique content that attracts people, but the easier and faster way is to just sell out. In the case of YouTubers, it'd be to cover hot topics. If you do vlogs, then you HAVE TO talk about Logan Paul, you have to exploit his exploitation of a dead body, if you do movie reviews, then you have to review the newest flicks, or at least some movie very related to the one coming out. With artists it might be about drawing fanart of popular characters, and furry artists... they just have to post yiff, possibly even rule 34 for the extra attention, but to be fair, I've even seen non-artists just commission other people, and their characters gaining such a popularity, that they opened Patreon accounts, to help them buy more commissions, and these guys get hundreds of dollars!

I want to underline that I am not trying to attack these people. Some of them turned this into their jobs (well not the non-artists of course!) and they might be pinching for money, so they do cover these specific things, and who knows, maybe some of them do genuinely love this stuff, and there is no selling-out in place.

No matter what, it would be selling-out if I did this myself, so I wouldn't go for it. Additionally, in the recent years, I've given up on all hope of my comic or my videos ever gaining any kind of popularity. I feel like it'd be just fine making stuff for my friends to see, and nobody else. However I do see a much lesser motivation coming from me recently, quite possibly because of this. Who knows, maybe it's just cause the job frustrated me so incredibly much, but … still, could be more.


I just want to end this with a question:
Who do you guys think I am? When you think about me, what sort of image forms in your mind? I do mean that in an intentionally vague way. Do tell who „Farel“ is to you?

Today I approached my boss, and delivered the necessary document to file for cancellation of the contract between us. This means that I have to work until the end of February, then all throughout March , so it's not like I'm gone the next day, but it does basically mean that I am out with one foot already.

And yes, it means that I'm returning to Poland.

There's a lot of paper work to be done, so I'll be busy with that for a while, but I assume at this point you guys got used to not seeing much from me these days.


Anyway, that's the big change happening in my life right now.

I beat Persona 5, and decided to write a (non)review of it...... and you can read it, if you don't have anything better to do:
https://farelthegecko.wordpress.com.....iew-persona-5/

I would like to ask you for your attention.

Initially I had a lot of stuff that I wanted to mention, but in all honesty, certain things have far greater priority, so... let's get to the thing: my job.

In October 2016 I moved to Strausberg, got a job as a graphics designer, and certain things were not off to a good start, but hey I was learning. Boss told me, that he had no income from me during the first 6 months, and that made me panic. It was clear that I was bad at design related work, so I wasn't getting those anymore, so I focused on programming websites, and it seemed like I had a thing for it. I was the only person with an idea how to program websites for smartphones. It felt like we finally had something.

However I noticed how unsatisfying this work felt like. I was being chained to a single project for weeks or months. All throughout I get to hear criticism:
-Why did you do this like on the drawing?! You were supposed to use your head to figure out that this is not meant to be like this!
-Why did you do it like this?! I gave you a drawing where it's perfect, so why do you mess around?!

People complained that I'm wasting time, and that got me paranoid... but at this point, my self-hatred is giving up. Right now it's shrugging and saying
„Dude, I could tell you that you're worthless, but... you work 43 hours a week at this boring job, where you just keep getting criticized for not doing your job, not fulfilling your quota, while they don't give you enough tasks or tell you that you should not note how many hours you actually spend on something. This sucks! This one time, you're not the one to blame.... MAYBE that you picked the wrong job, but.... whatever“

I'm growing sick of it, and I'm questioning if I wouldn't be better off doing some programming related job, something very uncreative, … I'm actually so desperate for something, that I'm even thinking about getting a Master's Degree in Computer Science, just to remind myself what all of that junk was about.


… so that's something I felt like venting about. I don't like the direction where my life is heading, and it might again mean some changes. Definitely in terms of career, but perhaps also my living location. Would I stick with Germany, or should I return to Poland?

Hello dear audience, I felt like letting everybody know that tomorrow I'll start uploading the newest chapter of my comic, weekly, on Saturdays.

Furthermore, for everybody's convenience, I'm mentioning where my comic is currently presented:

-FurAffinity - where I just now created separate folders for all the chapters
-DeviantArt - same
-Facebook - where there's a whole group for the comic, each chapter having a separate album
-and most recently Weasyl. I just joined the place. Admittedly, with no big interest in posting much beyond the comic there, but.... I'm there now in case anyone cares
https://www.weasyl.com/~farel

So... yeah, this crazy nonsense continues!

My dear friends and allies of justice, I want to wish everybody a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!

May 2018 bring us some positive changes!

I'd like to use this chance to promote a friend's new video. He's trying to get back into reviewing, so ... Consider giving him a watch, okay?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rMSzwmjqpCw

*sigh*

I'm suffering some major burnout lately, which I realize must sound crazy, because how can one feel burnout, when one doesn't do anything? .... well... I manage to.

There's stuff going on, messing with my head, and yesterday, at my manga drawing class, I was told that I should redo the whole first chapter of my comic, because it's pretty dreadful. At first this sounded logical to me, but as I went home, I felt pissed off. I felt like screaming, throwing things around, or crushing something at least. I turned off Skype and any other messenger, because I just could not handle talking to anybody.

I am such a useless piece of shit, that cannot accomplish anything anymore, but here's I'm told... "Hey, you remember that corpse that you try to hide in your closet? That you are so ashamed of? Get ready to spend the next 5 years of your miserable and pathetic life polishing that turd!"

I get that my attitude is childish, but I genuinely feel pissed off. It all makes me question when the last time was that I felt happy about what I was creating.... if I ever had to begin with... if I wouldn't be happier if I just gave it all up.

Yes, yes, it is incredibly childish of me, but given what trouble I go through, it sounds so sick, like "You're sad about not making progress? Well, you should be making even less of it!"


Sorry, I just feel so angry and sad