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Another Raffle!!
Posted 5 years agoHey guys, guess what?
neonchan is holding a free adopt raffle!
Just go to their page, fav this submission, and watch them. Comment 3 words on the raffle post to get a ticket!
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36974021/
neonchan is holding a free adopt raffle!Just go to their page, fav this submission, and watch them. Comment 3 words on the raffle post to get a ticket!
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36974021/
Audiobooks?
Posted 5 years agoI'm thinking of adding an "audiobook" service to my writing commissions. Basically, I use my fancy microphone I normally use for streaming and read your story in a dripping, seductive ASMR type voice. For an extra lets say.... $20?
What do you guys think? Would people like that? I know I would, I'm definitely an audiophile.
What do you guys think? Would people like that? I know I would, I'm definitely an audiophile.
So you may have noticed I like raffles...
Posted 5 years agoAnother Raffle!!
Posted 5 years agoHey if you liked my raffle here's another one you can sign up for! https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37492577/
Portfolio Del Zorro
Posted 5 years agoHere's a list of everything I've written on FurAffinity since I got here. I'll update this journal with each new piece I write.
"Romeo's Dive" -- https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37310658/
"Romeo Buys a Gun" -- [IN PROGRESS]
I uh... need to write some more clean stuff soon.
"The Shimmering Corona in the Eastern Sky During the Fourth Great Freeze" -- https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37295426/
"Escape From Paw City (Pilot)" -- https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37321241/
"Not So Super Now" -- https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37430592/
"Familiar Fronds" Starring Mirvanna Scythes -- https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37433340/
"Denial Squirrel" -- https://www.furaffinity.net/view/38142262/
"Administrator Access" Starring Fariday --
Part 1: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37571257/
Part 2: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37582481/
Part 3: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37602169/
"Мерцающий Ореол" -- https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37451080/
"Побег из города Лап" -- https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37603308/
"Alan in the Alley" (WARNING: NON-CONSENT, GORE, MURDER, GUN VIOLENCE) https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37395360/
SFW"Romeo's Dive" -- https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37310658/
"Romeo Buys a Gun" -- [IN PROGRESS]
I uh... need to write some more clean stuff soon.
NSFW"The Shimmering Corona in the Eastern Sky During the Fourth Great Freeze" -- https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37295426/
"Escape From Paw City (Pilot)" -- https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37321241/
"Not So Super Now" -- https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37430592/
"Familiar Fronds" Starring Mirvanna Scythes -- https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37433340/
"Denial Squirrel" -- https://www.furaffinity.net/view/38142262/
"Administrator Access" Starring Fariday --
Part 1: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37571257/
Part 2: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37582481/
Part 3: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37602169/
русский язык NSFW"Мерцающий Ореол" -- https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37451080/
"Побег из города Лап" -- https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37603308/
SNUFF"Alan in the Alley" (WARNING: NON-CONSENT, GORE, MURDER, GUN VIOLENCE) https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37395360/
A Little About My Process... (Foxtrot Writing Style)
Posted 5 years agoIt occurs to me that it might be helpful for my audience if I gave you a little insight to my particular creative writing process, and what to expect when working with me. At first I thought maybe I should keep this information to myself... but in the end I decided that I would be most honored if other writers felt they could learn something from me and use it to improve their own work. So, feel free to use this format yourself if it sounds good to you. Just call it... "Foxtrot style" ;)
Foxtrot style was developed as a countermeasure to writing while suffering from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, but will still work fine for the neurotypical writer. It uses a blend of Descriptive and Narrative writing styles, and is conducted in 5 main phases. These phases are: Research Phase, Freewriting Phase, Storyboarding Phase, Drafting Phase, and Proofing Phase.
Writers: If you suffer from ADHD like I do, you may find yourself bouncing between these phases a lot at first. That's okay! If you keep up using it, you'll get better at staying in chronological order with them over time. I designed it to be functional even if you're having a hard time staying focused, so do your best to stick with it for a while, until it starts to feel natural. Do not let ADHD stifle your creativity!
Now, these stages may sound familiar to you, and that's because many of them are inspired by a common progression system used by many visual artists in our community. Whether on the page or on the canvas, the creative process manifests in similar ways.
Research Phase - I examine all of your reference material and make notes. If I don’t know your fetish (and there aren’t many I don’t), I research that here too. If you think of anything else you want me to see, we do that here.
Writers: Do not be afraid to ask your client questions about their fetishes if you aren't an expert. 99 times out of a hundred, they will be happy to tell you everything they know about it. You want this information. The more you know about their desires, the more likely you'll end up with a pleased customer.
Freewriting Phase - I start spilling out disjointed ideas, bits of prose and chunky dialogue until something sticks. This is analogous with a “sketch”. Make comments and edit anything you like during this phase if you think I need even more ideas or hate something I threw out there.
Writers: I use a technique I like to call "infodumping" here. Just hammer away at the keys, typing everything that pops into your head whether it makes sense right away or not. If you start drawing a blank, just keymash (asfnjgahwiarhdfg) until you think of the next real words to write next. Try not to worry about your spelling or punctuation here, and most importantly, do not backspace anything! The idea behind infodumping is that by freeing your fingers from the normal restrictions of your conscious mind, they will begin to also type things from your subconscious mind. You may find an idea in this text you don't even remember having!
Storyboarding Phase - I write descriptions of the scenes from your story in a matter-of-fact descriptive tone, one “block” at a time. Minimal dialogue and minimal detail. Think of this as “line art” but with text. When I’m done, I will summon you to make any desired adjustments and sign off on them.
Writers: It may help to think of this phase as "RP with yourself". Here you can just type out what happens without needing it to look super well crafted. Every time the scenery changes significantly enough, hit 'enter' a couple times and start another storyboard. This is a good way to get your ideas on the page and have a visual reference to refer to when you're writing your prose and dialogue.
Drafting Phase - You can think of this as “coloring the line art”. I start elaborating on the storyboards and turn them into prose and dialogue. I don’t necessarily write them in order, but I’ll smooth out the edges in the next phase. When they are all finished, I will summon you once more to review it. This is your last chance to make any last minute changes to the story.
Writers: Do not be afraid to draft your storyboards out of order. You already wrote out what happens, so you aren't likely to create any massive continuity errors by working out of sync. Also, this keeps you fresh. Hopping between different points of the story will keep your mind on it's toes, and creative ideas for your dialogue and prose will jump out at you more obviously than they would if you stayed on the same train of thought from beginning to end. Don't worry, you will be able to smooth out the edges between them in the final phase.
Proofing Phase - I will ask you once if you have a preference for the title, if not, I will title it for you. I then go through the final draft word by word and correct any and all grammar and spelling errors. I format the document professionally on a Microsoft Word .docx file. This is more or less the “shading” step of an equivalent art piece. This phase is conducted in private, and no more changes can be made at this time.
Writers: Remember, Proofreading and Editing are incompatible. No one can feasibly do both at the same time. Before you begin proofreading, make super sure neither you nor the client wishes to make any more plot related changes. Then, read your piece one word at a time checking for spelling, grammar, and phrasing errors. You can and should change certain words with synonyms to make them sound better, but don't change what happens anymore. If you do, you have to start proofreading all over again, and that's super annoying, I promise.
When the piece is complete, I then lock the document with a password in read only form. The client does not get the password. If edits need to be made after the Proofing Phase you will need to contact me again and explain what needs to be changed and why. If it's my fault, I will edit the piece for free and send you a new version, also locked in read only format.
Writers: For more information on how to password protect your final document from being edited by others, click here: https://www.bluepecantraining.com/r.....word-document/ . SAVE YOUR PASSWORDS BUT DO NOT GIVE THEM TO THE CLIENT. Have them bring the document back to you if they need any corrections made. This is to protect *you* from having your portfolio corrupted. If their complaint is your fault, I recommend fixing it for free. If it is not, you should be allowed to charge them for repairs.
And that's it! If you like Foxtrot Style, please feel free to implement in your next piece of work! And if not, please leave a comment about what you would do differently! If you have any questions about some of the finer intricacies of my process, send me a note and maybe I'll tell you a little secret ;)
Now then, grab your pens, and let us craft some masterpieces together~
Romeo Del Zorro
Foxtrot style was developed as a countermeasure to writing while suffering from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, but will still work fine for the neurotypical writer. It uses a blend of Descriptive and Narrative writing styles, and is conducted in 5 main phases. These phases are: Research Phase, Freewriting Phase, Storyboarding Phase, Drafting Phase, and Proofing Phase.
Writers: If you suffer from ADHD like I do, you may find yourself bouncing between these phases a lot at first. That's okay! If you keep up using it, you'll get better at staying in chronological order with them over time. I designed it to be functional even if you're having a hard time staying focused, so do your best to stick with it for a while, until it starts to feel natural. Do not let ADHD stifle your creativity!
Now, these stages may sound familiar to you, and that's because many of them are inspired by a common progression system used by many visual artists in our community. Whether on the page or on the canvas, the creative process manifests in similar ways.
Research Phase - I examine all of your reference material and make notes. If I don’t know your fetish (and there aren’t many I don’t), I research that here too. If you think of anything else you want me to see, we do that here.
Writers: Do not be afraid to ask your client questions about their fetishes if you aren't an expert. 99 times out of a hundred, they will be happy to tell you everything they know about it. You want this information. The more you know about their desires, the more likely you'll end up with a pleased customer.
Freewriting Phase - I start spilling out disjointed ideas, bits of prose and chunky dialogue until something sticks. This is analogous with a “sketch”. Make comments and edit anything you like during this phase if you think I need even more ideas or hate something I threw out there.
Writers: I use a technique I like to call "infodumping" here. Just hammer away at the keys, typing everything that pops into your head whether it makes sense right away or not. If you start drawing a blank, just keymash (asfnjgahwiarhdfg) until you think of the next real words to write next. Try not to worry about your spelling or punctuation here, and most importantly, do not backspace anything! The idea behind infodumping is that by freeing your fingers from the normal restrictions of your conscious mind, they will begin to also type things from your subconscious mind. You may find an idea in this text you don't even remember having!
Storyboarding Phase - I write descriptions of the scenes from your story in a matter-of-fact descriptive tone, one “block” at a time. Minimal dialogue and minimal detail. Think of this as “line art” but with text. When I’m done, I will summon you to make any desired adjustments and sign off on them.
Writers: It may help to think of this phase as "RP with yourself". Here you can just type out what happens without needing it to look super well crafted. Every time the scenery changes significantly enough, hit 'enter' a couple times and start another storyboard. This is a good way to get your ideas on the page and have a visual reference to refer to when you're writing your prose and dialogue.
Drafting Phase - You can think of this as “coloring the line art”. I start elaborating on the storyboards and turn them into prose and dialogue. I don’t necessarily write them in order, but I’ll smooth out the edges in the next phase. When they are all finished, I will summon you once more to review it. This is your last chance to make any last minute changes to the story.
Writers: Do not be afraid to draft your storyboards out of order. You already wrote out what happens, so you aren't likely to create any massive continuity errors by working out of sync. Also, this keeps you fresh. Hopping between different points of the story will keep your mind on it's toes, and creative ideas for your dialogue and prose will jump out at you more obviously than they would if you stayed on the same train of thought from beginning to end. Don't worry, you will be able to smooth out the edges between them in the final phase.
Proofing Phase - I will ask you once if you have a preference for the title, if not, I will title it for you. I then go through the final draft word by word and correct any and all grammar and spelling errors. I format the document professionally on a Microsoft Word .docx file. This is more or less the “shading” step of an equivalent art piece. This phase is conducted in private, and no more changes can be made at this time.
Writers: Remember, Proofreading and Editing are incompatible. No one can feasibly do both at the same time. Before you begin proofreading, make super sure neither you nor the client wishes to make any more plot related changes. Then, read your piece one word at a time checking for spelling, grammar, and phrasing errors. You can and should change certain words with synonyms to make them sound better, but don't change what happens anymore. If you do, you have to start proofreading all over again, and that's super annoying, I promise.
When the piece is complete, I then lock the document with a password in read only form. The client does not get the password. If edits need to be made after the Proofing Phase you will need to contact me again and explain what needs to be changed and why. If it's my fault, I will edit the piece for free and send you a new version, also locked in read only format.
Writers: For more information on how to password protect your final document from being edited by others, click here: https://www.bluepecantraining.com/r.....word-document/ . SAVE YOUR PASSWORDS BUT DO NOT GIVE THEM TO THE CLIENT. Have them bring the document back to you if they need any corrections made. This is to protect *you* from having your portfolio corrupted. If their complaint is your fault, I recommend fixing it for free. If it is not, you should be allowed to charge them for repairs.
And that's it! If you like Foxtrot Style, please feel free to implement in your next piece of work! And if not, please leave a comment about what you would do differently! If you have any questions about some of the finer intricacies of my process, send me a note and maybe I'll tell you a little secret ;)
Now then, grab your pens, and let us craft some masterpieces together~
Romeo Del Zorro
Commissions Opening Again Soon!
Posted 5 years agoI've finished all the smaller commissions from this batch! Special thanks to 
branitztli, 
mirvannascythes, and 
featheredtrash for the work! I had a ton of fun writing all three of these beautiful pieces.
I'm still working on my larger project, but I'm almost done and will open my commissions back up as soon as I am. This one is a huge undertaking, and is about five times longer than anything else I've worked on. Special thanks to
fariday for hiring me for my biggest project yet! It's a super good story too, very sci-fi, very lewd. I can't wait to finish it.
As soon as this project is over, I will be holding a FREE RAFFLE for a writing of your choice, including my professional OC Jelly-Ann! You will be the first to hire her, for free! (The final 'Chapter' tier is not available for this Raffle. I'm sorry, it's just not feasible for me to give that away for free. It's just soooo much work man, please understand.)
I must tell you all, the demand for my work has really brought a tear to my eye. I haven't been here long, as you can see from my profile (July 5th), but I've already made such good friends and clients with some of the coolest people here. I feel very loved, and I have you all to thank.
I look forward to writing more naughty smut for you all very soon!
Love,
Romeo Del Zorro
branitztli, 
mirvannascythes, and 
featheredtrash for the work! I had a ton of fun writing all three of these beautiful pieces.I'm still working on my larger project, but I'm almost done and will open my commissions back up as soon as I am. This one is a huge undertaking, and is about five times longer than anything else I've worked on. Special thanks to
fariday for hiring me for my biggest project yet! It's a super good story too, very sci-fi, very lewd. I can't wait to finish it.As soon as this project is over, I will be holding a FREE RAFFLE for a writing of your choice, including my professional OC Jelly-Ann! You will be the first to hire her, for free! (The final 'Chapter' tier is not available for this Raffle. I'm sorry, it's just not feasible for me to give that away for free. It's just soooo much work man, please understand.)
I must tell you all, the demand for my work has really brought a tear to my eye. I haven't been here long, as you can see from my profile (July 5th), but I've already made such good friends and clients with some of the coolest people here. I feel very loved, and I have you all to thank.
I look forward to writing more naughty smut for you all very soon!
Love,
Romeo Del Zorro
So I completed my first commission, and well...
Posted 5 years agoSo apparently I'm fully capable of writing snuff, too. I went to a dark, dark place to write my first official piece. And you know what? It didn't feel as terrible as I thought.
It felt kind of good, actually, I got to indulge in the mindset of the shittiest kind of person in the world, and then blow his brains out when I was tired of him. I feel like I did a decent job of capturing the fear and pain inherently associated with non-consent, and framed it in such a way so as to neither condone nor condemn it. Also, I never miss a chance to kill a hyena >:3
Anyway you can read "Alan in the Alley" here. But Trigger Warning! This story contains graphic scenes of date rape drugs, alleyway rape, aggravated assault, gratuitous gore, gun violence, transphobic slurs, and murder.
Don't say I didn't warn you: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37395360/
And if you want your own porn or snuff piece, check here for my current prices: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37366343/
I look forward to doing this again soon. This was a lot of fun, even if it made my skin crawl while doing it.
It felt kind of good, actually, I got to indulge in the mindset of the shittiest kind of person in the world, and then blow his brains out when I was tired of him. I feel like I did a decent job of capturing the fear and pain inherently associated with non-consent, and framed it in such a way so as to neither condone nor condemn it. Also, I never miss a chance to kill a hyena >:3
Anyway you can read "Alan in the Alley" here. But Trigger Warning! This story contains graphic scenes of date rape drugs, alleyway rape, aggravated assault, gratuitous gore, gun violence, transphobic slurs, and murder.
Don't say I didn't warn you: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37395360/
And if you want your own porn or snuff piece, check here for my current prices: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37366343/
I look forward to doing this again soon. This was a lot of fun, even if it made my skin crawl while doing it.
I won a piece from LittleBadWolf
Posted 5 years agoI'm so excited I wanted it to be a surprise to y'all but I can't hold back anymore
This is the piece I won: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37330481/
It's gonna be Jelly-Ann! With the new recolor!
aaaaaaaaaaa
This is the piece I won: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37330481/
It's gonna be Jelly-Ann! With the new recolor!
aaaaaaaaaaa
Check out this free raffle!!
Posted 5 years agoDisclaimer: I got an extra raffle ticket for making this journal~
Anyway check out this awesome free raffle! If I win, I'm getting Romeo's cam girl career started~
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37224832/
Anyway check out this awesome free raffle! If I win, I'm getting Romeo's cam girl career started~
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37224832/
Free Raffle!! Come Comment!!
Posted 5 years agoHey this is a free raffle and it looks really cool!! Come see it!!
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37076422/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37076422/
Happy Non-Binary People's Day!
Posted 5 years agoHappy Non-Binary People Day! I am neither a man, nor a woman! This is a summary of my journey so far.
CW/TW: Hate Crimes, Homophobia, Bullying, Gratuitous Violence, Sexual Assault, Rape, Suicidal and Homicidal Ideation, Authoritarian Abuse
To be perfectly honest with you, I didn’t even know what non-binary was until relatively recently. I’ve struggled with my gender identity for most of my life. I often confused it for sexuality, and at one point convinced myself to ignore the concept of gender completely, due in large part to society’s prescribed binary gender system.
I was about 10 years old when I first suspected I might not be a boy. But what other option was there? I didn’t feel like a girl either, and that left me pretty fuckin confused. I didn’t tell anyone about this, and I don’t *think* I changed my behavior in any way, but I think the local kids could “sense” something was off about me. Soon, everyone at school was calling me “gay” (everything was “gay” to these numbnuts). It started with mockery, then progressed into bullying, until one day…
They just started beating my ass. I stopped counting how many times I took a blind sucker punch in a hallway only to turn around and see every one of my fellow students pretending nothing had happened. I stopped counting how many times people would literally just walk up to my tray at lunch and simply take my food, to eat or sometimes just throw away. I gave up on any hope that my guidance counselor and principal would put a stop to it. This seemed to follow me to every school I went to, even when crossing state lines.
I spend most of my childhood years in fear or in pain, because of a concept I didn’t even understand. When I finally figured out what “gay” even meant, I was pretty sure it wasn’t me (spoiler alert, I was wrong). My feelings weren’t about who I wanted to have sex with, my feelings were about my place in a 2 gender system and how I didn’t feel comfortable with either option.
When I was 17, about a month before I joined the Army, I was smoking some dank ass kush with my friend Gabby, when I let it slip that I didn’t think I was a boy. Bless her heart, she too was blinded by the binary system, and automatically assumed I might be a girl. So she did what any supportive and stoned friend might do when discovering their friend is trans, and let me try on a bunch of her bras and underwear. We spent a couple hours in the mirror, trying on different sets and trying to see how I felt in them. Before I could properly explain what I was feeling, however, we ended up fucking in her underwear, and I forgot all about it for now.
About a month later, I joined the US Army. I was excited and happy to finally escape persecution for my “gay”. That relief was short lived. About 2 weeks into Basic, the other recruits started making fun of me too. It started with “innocent” little jokes about Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell, progressed into stealing my hygiene supplies, and then, as before, the sucker punches came. At this point I was familiar with the song and dance, and just resigned to it. I didn’t try to tell my drill sergeants. I didn’t try to explain myself to anyone. I just gave up.
5 or so weeks into Basic, I found out we’d be going to the live fire range for marksmanship reasons in about a week. Intrusive thoughts filled my mind. At first I was vengeful, I thought to myself “as soon as I get real bullets, I’m going to kill as many of these motherfuckers as I can before they kill me.” Then, I convinced myself that if I was so outnumbered, maybe I was the one who should die. I decided that as soon as I got out to the range, I’d turn my rifle on myself.
Needless to say, I chickened out. But what I *did* end up doing was shooting a 39/40, first time go. My drill sergeant made a comment at formation, “don’t fuck with [DEADNAME], dude can hit you from 300 meters away.” This earned me a little respect, and a week later, I earned an Expert badge from the grenade range, and again from the bayonet course. (When you have more than one, you just hang little bars that say “grenade” and “bayonet” from the badge, it looks sort of like a ladder and is honestly kinda cute). Apparently, you’re less likely to get beat up by your platoon if you’re “gay”, but really good at killing people.
They spared me for the rest of Basic Training and I got through AIT fine, because I wore my badges in Class A’s every Friday for inspection before we were allowed to enjoy our weekend. I kept my mouth shut, and I guess nobody wanted to fuck with me. I thought I was in the clear. Nobody cared that I was “gay”. I thought I finally beat the stigma, I did something good so the soldiers wouldn’t beat me up anymore. I did it.
So anyway, once I got to my first duty station the beatings resumed. Not nearly as often; where in school I was getting beaten nearly every day, now it only happened every 2 to 3 months. An improvement to be sure, but I never could shake the constant fear that someone in my company was just going to kick me in the nuts randomly, or smash my lunch in front of me, or whatever the fuck they had in mind. Again, I gave up, because I was “gay”. I stopped resisting. I just stuck to my duty the best I could, and didn’t make any friends. That was fine, until…
It was during my second deployment. I can’t bring myself to get into detail about it yet, except to say it’s literally my most vivid memory. Long story short, I was gang raped in the motor pool with a grimy, oily broom handle because I was “gay”. The only person I told this to before today was the worker investigating my PTSD claim for disability benefits.
Those guys made it onto my personal “DNR” list. I was a medic, you see, and there were 4 total people who I decided I wouldn’t try hard enough to save if they ended up wounded. I would make it look like I tried, or pretend they were low on my triage list. None of these 4 ever got wounded, and in retrospect, I don’t think I would have been able to kill them if they had.
Anyway in 2012, I let my contract expire, and ETS’d. I receded into a hole for about 3 or 4 years, and completely ignored my gender identity. It was only a few short years ago that I was introduced to the concept of “non-binary people”. What a godsend that was! I finally felt like I had a place in society! I had a name! I wasn’t “gay” (yes I was), I was non-binary! But now there was a new problem.
Non-binary is kind of vague, you see. It covers a LOT of ground. All it really means is “not a man, not a woman”, and you I felt like I needed to narrow it down from there. I’m still stuck in this stage to be honest. Besides, I’m a little behind the curve in my understanding of the concept of gender at all. I need to decide whether my outward gender expression, or if my place in society is more important to me. If my outward expression is more important (and it might be because lol ego), then I am genderqueer. If my place in society is more important, then I am genderfluid.
For the first time in my life, I feel comfortable enough to pursue my feelings about my gender, to narrow it down, to put a name to the face, as it were. I am non-binary, and I exist despite every effort to prevent me from doing so.
CW/TW: Hate Crimes, Homophobia, Bullying, Gratuitous Violence, Sexual Assault, Rape, Suicidal and Homicidal Ideation, Authoritarian Abuse
To be perfectly honest with you, I didn’t even know what non-binary was until relatively recently. I’ve struggled with my gender identity for most of my life. I often confused it for sexuality, and at one point convinced myself to ignore the concept of gender completely, due in large part to society’s prescribed binary gender system.
I was about 10 years old when I first suspected I might not be a boy. But what other option was there? I didn’t feel like a girl either, and that left me pretty fuckin confused. I didn’t tell anyone about this, and I don’t *think* I changed my behavior in any way, but I think the local kids could “sense” something was off about me. Soon, everyone at school was calling me “gay” (everything was “gay” to these numbnuts). It started with mockery, then progressed into bullying, until one day…
They just started beating my ass. I stopped counting how many times I took a blind sucker punch in a hallway only to turn around and see every one of my fellow students pretending nothing had happened. I stopped counting how many times people would literally just walk up to my tray at lunch and simply take my food, to eat or sometimes just throw away. I gave up on any hope that my guidance counselor and principal would put a stop to it. This seemed to follow me to every school I went to, even when crossing state lines.
I spend most of my childhood years in fear or in pain, because of a concept I didn’t even understand. When I finally figured out what “gay” even meant, I was pretty sure it wasn’t me (spoiler alert, I was wrong). My feelings weren’t about who I wanted to have sex with, my feelings were about my place in a 2 gender system and how I didn’t feel comfortable with either option.
When I was 17, about a month before I joined the Army, I was smoking some dank ass kush with my friend Gabby, when I let it slip that I didn’t think I was a boy. Bless her heart, she too was blinded by the binary system, and automatically assumed I might be a girl. So she did what any supportive and stoned friend might do when discovering their friend is trans, and let me try on a bunch of her bras and underwear. We spent a couple hours in the mirror, trying on different sets and trying to see how I felt in them. Before I could properly explain what I was feeling, however, we ended up fucking in her underwear, and I forgot all about it for now.
About a month later, I joined the US Army. I was excited and happy to finally escape persecution for my “gay”. That relief was short lived. About 2 weeks into Basic, the other recruits started making fun of me too. It started with “innocent” little jokes about Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell, progressed into stealing my hygiene supplies, and then, as before, the sucker punches came. At this point I was familiar with the song and dance, and just resigned to it. I didn’t try to tell my drill sergeants. I didn’t try to explain myself to anyone. I just gave up.
5 or so weeks into Basic, I found out we’d be going to the live fire range for marksmanship reasons in about a week. Intrusive thoughts filled my mind. At first I was vengeful, I thought to myself “as soon as I get real bullets, I’m going to kill as many of these motherfuckers as I can before they kill me.” Then, I convinced myself that if I was so outnumbered, maybe I was the one who should die. I decided that as soon as I got out to the range, I’d turn my rifle on myself.
Needless to say, I chickened out. But what I *did* end up doing was shooting a 39/40, first time go. My drill sergeant made a comment at formation, “don’t fuck with [DEADNAME], dude can hit you from 300 meters away.” This earned me a little respect, and a week later, I earned an Expert badge from the grenade range, and again from the bayonet course. (When you have more than one, you just hang little bars that say “grenade” and “bayonet” from the badge, it looks sort of like a ladder and is honestly kinda cute). Apparently, you’re less likely to get beat up by your platoon if you’re “gay”, but really good at killing people.
They spared me for the rest of Basic Training and I got through AIT fine, because I wore my badges in Class A’s every Friday for inspection before we were allowed to enjoy our weekend. I kept my mouth shut, and I guess nobody wanted to fuck with me. I thought I was in the clear. Nobody cared that I was “gay”. I thought I finally beat the stigma, I did something good so the soldiers wouldn’t beat me up anymore. I did it.
So anyway, once I got to my first duty station the beatings resumed. Not nearly as often; where in school I was getting beaten nearly every day, now it only happened every 2 to 3 months. An improvement to be sure, but I never could shake the constant fear that someone in my company was just going to kick me in the nuts randomly, or smash my lunch in front of me, or whatever the fuck they had in mind. Again, I gave up, because I was “gay”. I stopped resisting. I just stuck to my duty the best I could, and didn’t make any friends. That was fine, until…
It was during my second deployment. I can’t bring myself to get into detail about it yet, except to say it’s literally my most vivid memory. Long story short, I was gang raped in the motor pool with a grimy, oily broom handle because I was “gay”. The only person I told this to before today was the worker investigating my PTSD claim for disability benefits.
Those guys made it onto my personal “DNR” list. I was a medic, you see, and there were 4 total people who I decided I wouldn’t try hard enough to save if they ended up wounded. I would make it look like I tried, or pretend they were low on my triage list. None of these 4 ever got wounded, and in retrospect, I don’t think I would have been able to kill them if they had.
Anyway in 2012, I let my contract expire, and ETS’d. I receded into a hole for about 3 or 4 years, and completely ignored my gender identity. It was only a few short years ago that I was introduced to the concept of “non-binary people”. What a godsend that was! I finally felt like I had a place in society! I had a name! I wasn’t “gay” (yes I was), I was non-binary! But now there was a new problem.
Non-binary is kind of vague, you see. It covers a LOT of ground. All it really means is “not a man, not a woman”, and you I felt like I needed to narrow it down from there. I’m still stuck in this stage to be honest. Besides, I’m a little behind the curve in my understanding of the concept of gender at all. I need to decide whether my outward gender expression, or if my place in society is more important to me. If my outward expression is more important (and it might be because lol ego), then I am genderqueer. If my place in society is more important, then I am genderfluid.
For the first time in my life, I feel comfortable enough to pursue my feelings about my gender, to narrow it down, to put a name to the face, as it were. I am non-binary, and I exist despite every effort to prevent me from doing so.
DIY Oviposition
Posted 5 years agoDIY Oviposition by Fatal Foxtrot
(So one day I decided to do a science experiment to simulate the feeling of having a clutch of eggs inside me. Here are my results. You can download the Word document here! https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37240749/ )
DISCLAIMER: This is HIGHLY unsafe. I do NOT recommend trying this at home, and if you do, I didn't tell you to.
I hard boiled some eggs. Like super hardboiled. They're super tough and rubbery. The shell came off of one of them with no effort, but two of them were lumpy and misshapen afterward. I froze the eggs for a couple hours.
To my surprise, the yolk hardened significantly more than the whites. The whites were even rubberier and tougher. The eggs felt like a large ball bearing surrounded by a silicone shell.
I heated up some lube in a 3 ounce syringe. It was a little warmer than I like, to counter the cold eggs. I took the first frozen egg and rolled the condom over it with surprising ease. I lubed it up and got into position.
I lied down on my back and opened my legs, raising my butt off the floor a little. The first egg slid in without a problem. I immediately felt filled. I wiggled a little, trying to get my bearings and it went straight for my prostate. Nestled in and stayed put. I tied the other end of the condom to the back of the G string I was wearing. I took a few steps to see how it'd feel, and it rubs on my prostate with each step. It was cool, but not cold.
Then the second egg. Same as before, lubed it up and got in the same position. It started to slide in, then I felt contact with the other egg. I switched position to all fours to open up a little, and the second egg slid in just fine too. It was then that I felt them bumping into each other. It took a lot of concentration to tie the ends of the two condoms together because the feeling was so intense.
It's incredible. I feel full but not bursting. Every step I take, they bump and rub against each other, and my prostate, like ben wa balls.
It was then that I noticed I was very cold inside. I tried squeezing a bit to see if it would warm them up but it only made it worse. I grabbed the syringe and enema tube. The enema tube slid inside me with no effort whatsoever, the eggs must have had me open. I grabbed the plunger and shot a stream of the hot lube inside me.
This was incredible too. It was hot, but for like 2 seconds. Then the temperature balanced out a little. The eggs were still cold, but it was acceptable. The lube caused the eggs to rub and move against each other even more, with even the slightest movement. It was at this point when my arousal started peaking. I like this. I really, really like this.
I tried to walk again, but my knees got weak and I fell to a crawl. I crawled around on my hands and knees like that for a while, the eggs milking the hell out of my prostate. I'm leaking everywhere.
I started eyeing the third and final egg. The "twins" as I call them, as this one has two yolks. I'm going to do it. Third and final egg, slipped in the condom just like before.
The third egg wouldn't go in easily while I was on my back. I had to roll over to doggy again. When I did, I felt both eggs slide further inside me, giving me room. The third egg popped right inside me with an audible noise that almost sounded like a cartoon. It popped in and I immediately felt twice as full. I can't move. It took every ounce of concentration I had to tie the end to my panties, with the others.
It's beyond incredible. Unlike anything I've felt before. I can't walk but I can crawl. The eggs got cold again, so I took another shot of fertiliz-- I mean lube. I took a much bigger shot this time, I felt myself expand a little more with it. It's cold, then hot, then warm again.
The eggs feel like they're starting to soften. They squirm and squish against each other now instead of just bumping. When I squeeze them, they're cold again. When I stop squeezing, they warm up. My theory is that the yolks are still frozen but the white has thawed.
I can't hold still anymore. I have to walk. Turns out I can't walk, I have to crawl. They're moving so much. Squirming around inside me, rubbing me in all the right ways. I reached down and pressed on my abdomen. I can feel them. I can feel the lumps inside me through my abdomen. They squirt away elsewhere inside me when I press on them.
I'm crawling around on all fours. The clutch feels very free and unattached to anything but incredibly filling. They're sliding against each other and my prostate with every slight movement. I'm leaking all over the place, my panties are soaked. I might lose my mind.
I couldn't take it anymore, and started orgasming everywhere. I barely touched my dick at all. I started rocking forward and backward, making them slide around all over my prostate. I could feel the weight shift inside me when I waggled harder. I did this until the little trickle of cum became a series of massive, cockshattering shots. My vision went white and I collapsed onto my belly. The eggs smashed.
That feeling was completely unexpected and absolutely mind-blowing. The fullness feeling abruptly reduced dramatically, but I still felt the weight of all that heavy egg inside me. Nothing came out yet. I squirmed around on the floor on my belly feeling it all squish around for a moment, squishing the eggs every which way until the feeling stopped arousing me.
All three eggs came out with no problem whatsoever, in their condoms intact. They definitely looked smashed up in there, unrecognizable as eggs. They went straight into the trash.
I don't know what to say. I feel like I experienced something impossible tonight. It was exactly what I fantasized about and more.
(So one day I decided to do a science experiment to simulate the feeling of having a clutch of eggs inside me. Here are my results. You can download the Word document here! https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37240749/ )
DISCLAIMER: This is HIGHLY unsafe. I do NOT recommend trying this at home, and if you do, I didn't tell you to.
I hard boiled some eggs. Like super hardboiled. They're super tough and rubbery. The shell came off of one of them with no effort, but two of them were lumpy and misshapen afterward. I froze the eggs for a couple hours.
To my surprise, the yolk hardened significantly more than the whites. The whites were even rubberier and tougher. The eggs felt like a large ball bearing surrounded by a silicone shell.
I heated up some lube in a 3 ounce syringe. It was a little warmer than I like, to counter the cold eggs. I took the first frozen egg and rolled the condom over it with surprising ease. I lubed it up and got into position.
I lied down on my back and opened my legs, raising my butt off the floor a little. The first egg slid in without a problem. I immediately felt filled. I wiggled a little, trying to get my bearings and it went straight for my prostate. Nestled in and stayed put. I tied the other end of the condom to the back of the G string I was wearing. I took a few steps to see how it'd feel, and it rubs on my prostate with each step. It was cool, but not cold.
Then the second egg. Same as before, lubed it up and got in the same position. It started to slide in, then I felt contact with the other egg. I switched position to all fours to open up a little, and the second egg slid in just fine too. It was then that I felt them bumping into each other. It took a lot of concentration to tie the ends of the two condoms together because the feeling was so intense.
It's incredible. I feel full but not bursting. Every step I take, they bump and rub against each other, and my prostate, like ben wa balls.
It was then that I noticed I was very cold inside. I tried squeezing a bit to see if it would warm them up but it only made it worse. I grabbed the syringe and enema tube. The enema tube slid inside me with no effort whatsoever, the eggs must have had me open. I grabbed the plunger and shot a stream of the hot lube inside me.
This was incredible too. It was hot, but for like 2 seconds. Then the temperature balanced out a little. The eggs were still cold, but it was acceptable. The lube caused the eggs to rub and move against each other even more, with even the slightest movement. It was at this point when my arousal started peaking. I like this. I really, really like this.
I tried to walk again, but my knees got weak and I fell to a crawl. I crawled around on my hands and knees like that for a while, the eggs milking the hell out of my prostate. I'm leaking everywhere.
I started eyeing the third and final egg. The "twins" as I call them, as this one has two yolks. I'm going to do it. Third and final egg, slipped in the condom just like before.
The third egg wouldn't go in easily while I was on my back. I had to roll over to doggy again. When I did, I felt both eggs slide further inside me, giving me room. The third egg popped right inside me with an audible noise that almost sounded like a cartoon. It popped in and I immediately felt twice as full. I can't move. It took every ounce of concentration I had to tie the end to my panties, with the others.
It's beyond incredible. Unlike anything I've felt before. I can't walk but I can crawl. The eggs got cold again, so I took another shot of fertiliz-- I mean lube. I took a much bigger shot this time, I felt myself expand a little more with it. It's cold, then hot, then warm again.
The eggs feel like they're starting to soften. They squirm and squish against each other now instead of just bumping. When I squeeze them, they're cold again. When I stop squeezing, they warm up. My theory is that the yolks are still frozen but the white has thawed.
I can't hold still anymore. I have to walk. Turns out I can't walk, I have to crawl. They're moving so much. Squirming around inside me, rubbing me in all the right ways. I reached down and pressed on my abdomen. I can feel them. I can feel the lumps inside me through my abdomen. They squirt away elsewhere inside me when I press on them.
I'm crawling around on all fours. The clutch feels very free and unattached to anything but incredibly filling. They're sliding against each other and my prostate with every slight movement. I'm leaking all over the place, my panties are soaked. I might lose my mind.
I couldn't take it anymore, and started orgasming everywhere. I barely touched my dick at all. I started rocking forward and backward, making them slide around all over my prostate. I could feel the weight shift inside me when I waggled harder. I did this until the little trickle of cum became a series of massive, cockshattering shots. My vision went white and I collapsed onto my belly. The eggs smashed.
That feeling was completely unexpected and absolutely mind-blowing. The fullness feeling abruptly reduced dramatically, but I still felt the weight of all that heavy egg inside me. Nothing came out yet. I squirmed around on the floor on my belly feeling it all squish around for a moment, squishing the eggs every which way until the feeling stopped arousing me.
All three eggs came out with no problem whatsoever, in their condoms intact. They definitely looked smashed up in there, unrecognizable as eggs. They went straight into the trash.
I don't know what to say. I feel like I experienced something impossible tonight. It was exactly what I fantasized about and more.
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