2 weeks ago my laptop has given up the ghost. Yesterday I found out no data from the laptop's drive can be saved.
About 20 years of work has gone. Not to mention an artwork I was doing for 2 months straight just to show anything new on my gallery.

All is gone. Forever and ever

You may not know it, but I'm a frequent visitor of the TV Tropes wiki ☺️. I often think about what tropes specific for furry artists are. So I decided to make my own list, just for fun 😉️.

👉️ Comment Mute - this artist never responds in comments
👉️ Comments? What comments? - artwork pages of this artist has got the comment feature turned off
👉️ Don't! Thank! Me! - You can't post shouts on this artist's page with thanks for watch/fave/comment. Usually stated somewhere using exclamations or Caps Locks.
👉️ Orwellian Gallery - The artist from time to time removes all artworks from his/her gallery
👉️ Sketchy Artist - This artist knows how to use Sketches in his/her gallery and is proud of that!
👉️ Details on Details of Details - In this artist's pictures details are like Chuck Norris's beard: they contains more details! Very often this artist creates a very detailed artwork and call it a "sketch" (with "will be deleted later" optional)
👉️ One Breasts Size - girls (or not) in this artist's artworks has got all the same size of their breasts (usually in big/huge scale)
👉️ One Pose Only - this artist draws characters in one or very similar poses
👉️ No Non-human Genitalia Allowed - No matter what a species is drawn, the character will have got only human genitalia
👉️ Forgot to Color - the gallery of this artist is all monochrome
👉️ Linear Artist - pictures of this artist are very literally black & white. Very often drawn in a comic or funny theme
👉️ You All Look Similar - a phenomena when many artist seems to follow the same art style. So much you can't tell them apart
👉️ Gonna Fave/Watch Them All! - someone there really love the "+Fave" and/or "+Watch" button
👉️ Ain't a Watchtower - People watch this artist, but the artist watch no one
👉️ Dam Buster - from time to time this artist floods his/her gallery (and your submission mailbox) with a lot of artworks in a short time
👉️ Paranormal Streamification - this artist streams from time to time, but forgets to remove stream notifications from his/her gallery and/or journals after a stream has ended
👉️ Wall of... Stuff - the userpage of this artist is Huge

I've read journals from  trias and  beowulf100 about a cracker that hacked their accounts on Discord.

It seems it works like that: after cracking an account he sends to the account's owner friends a question asking for testing his new "game".
If you received such message from your friend about a game he/she wants you to download and run don't do that. This "game" steals your passwords not only to Discord but probably to other your accounts as well.

Stay vigilant!

Do you know what is bad? An Art Block that makes you afraid of drawing.

And do you know what's worse? An Art Block with the realization that each day spend not drawing anything means you are slowly but continuously loosing your hard earned skill, until it will be nothing left.



I wonder if there will be any new picture, I feel that there is nothing left. My FA account seems a bit like a ghost town right there, and I have no clue how to change that

In the recent days I had a lot of inner struggle. Now I know I have to severely limit the amount of money (and probably other things too)
that I spend on companies that are located in the USA. It is just the same thing I had to do with Russia, I simply can't support non-democratic governments 😢️.

Don't worry I'm not leaving FurAffinity. As long as there are people who want to listen me, whenever it is my art or my word, I will stay here.

...has got diabetes. We've found that about 3 months ago. Right now we did a blood test and it shown us... >600 units.

I...I really do not want to live with yet another death of someone I love 😢️

Yesterday, near a midnight my Grandpa passed away.

And I forgot to wish Him well at Grandfather Day :(

I literally lost any will to do anything. I feel so powerless...

Tagging system: some people like it, some not. It is used to group pictures together and to ease searching for pictures one likes.

But what if we could tag not only a picture but a user of this very site too?
How would you tag yourself to make people find you easier? What tags you would give to others? What you would give to me?

Today is the day we gather with our families and share presents

So, I wish you very merry Xmas, with a hope the Covid wouldn't break your celebration!

Exactly a week ago something strange happened to me. I woke away and felt absolutely no emotions whatsoever. For then I thought it's normal and temporary.
But now a week after that nothing has been changed. It's very strange and hard to describe: it's like if you are floating on the "ocean of nothingness", nothing makes you angry, sad, disgusted etc.

At first sight it may sounds wonderful, and for a few days it was like that for me: I finally started to working on a (non-graphical) project that I had constantly put off until the next day. But when it started
to show some success I discovered that no emotions means you also doesn't feel happy of that success. Day after day my life become more and more bland, without colors. Working with any picture in this state is completely off the possibilities: if you can't put any feelings into your picture, what is it worth?

I described what I wrote above on some Discord server I'm in, and someone suggested it may be because of an advanced stage of depression. I have a diagnosed depression and I take pills for it, so on Monday I went to my doctor. She agreed with that diagnosis and raised the dose of my medicament. I felt a relief (in a very intellectual and non-emotional manner) that it will end, but then the doctor said I had to wait at least 2 weeks before I'll start to feel again anything at all.

Right now I'm waiting. It's hard to do anything else, because when I try to do something I'm unable to finish it. Playing games, watching movies, doing some work for yourself, all that things are not worth doing, if you feel nothing. What's worse I'm afraid (again, in a very intellectual and non-emotional manner) that my diagnosis was wrong or the change in my medication was not enough and after those 2 weeks I'll still be "ill".

Today I have got a meeting with my boss, and he told me he won't extend the employment contract with me. This means after 25th this month I'm again unemployed.

'nuff said :,-(

Well, actually I have got it since about 23 February. But until now I wasn't sure if I stay employed. Fortunately, today I got my first payday and a confirmation my boss wants me for at least next 2 extra months, so I can finally say I'm no longer unemployed!

I hope it doesn't mean I will be less active here (if that's possible), but on the other hand, I've learned to value free time more. When you got it in smaller amounts, you want to use it as effectively as possible.

But what's more important I got a job in a field I'm specializing and love: programming. During my past job-search times I even considered working in McDonalds, flipping burgers and etc. I'm glad I don't have to do it!

I had strange things happen to my lately. I found that many activities I did in the past just...don't seem to be enjoyable anymore. In fact in the last days I did literally nothing. It is like I lost my "push" to do anything. For example on Thursday I had a planed car driving training and... I told my teacher I "don't feel like I should do it". Then I thought it is because of the stress or that I just been too scared to drive. But now I see that whatever I want to do anything I drop it, for pity reasons. I don't know if I should call it a lost of motivation, because I really want to do something, it's just...I don't do anything. Even to write this journal I had to constantly tell myself "continue!" as I worried I'm doing something bad.

I dunno if I should see a doctor. I was low on motivation in the past, but then at least I did something. When I hadn't wanted to draw I played games for example. Now I don't play them either. That's not OK. It comes even to a point when, if I hadn't must to eat something because one of my medicines requires it, I wouldn't even eat.

That's just plane wrong...

With pleasure I announcing to you all that I passed my final exam at the university with maximum score. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Now I've officially got Bachelor's degree and you can call me Software Engineer :DDD

Now I have one more target to reach:
Find a job... >_> >_> >_>

Probably you all don't know it, but I in the near future I'll have my final exam in my university, which is in my country fancy called "defense of thesis" (because, well, you have to prove your thesis is correct). Because of the CORVID the exam date was shifted many times, but finally my university decided to start exam students this month. They decided also to do it online and required all of us to download and install a special software for that.

Since the beginning of this month I have visited my university's website every day to keep tracing when is my turn for the exam. I've seen how fields after fields were added to the list of dates, yet my field is still absent.

On the other hand, I've seen the software, I mentioned earlier, showed me that my professor added me to the group called "defense". I also have seen that some other people have chatted on the group and tested the software (because one of them stated that his mic isn't working, etc. etc.), so I asked the professor when I'll be "tested". I mean, I wanted to test the software of course :) .

About 3 pm. he wrote I must call him by phone. So I did it. His response?
I HAD my exam on 11 am. that day!



#@%&*! WHY NO ONE TOLD ME EARLIER??? There was no info on the website, no e-mails, no phones, nothing!

Fortunately, my professor was kind enough to make another appointment on Friday. He also told me to keep tracing e-mails from him. I'll miss no one! So, I had some good luck in this bad luck scenario. PHEW!

I hope I'll pass the exam and finally end my connection with this university, because their organization there totally sucks!

I going to tell you a scary/strange history.

Probably as many of you I've got my Internet via a router which connects to my ISP and distributes it to many other devices in my home through WiFi.

Today something bad happen and we lost our connection with ISP, so everybody in my home has no Internet. Everything says "no connection", even the router itself says ISP link is broken.

YET...

My personal mobile HAS Internet. Through WiFi. From the same router which says nobody in my home is supposed to have any. I double (and even triple, quadruple,...) checked if it hasn't got it from my mobile provider (you know, if you can't find a WiFi with Internet, you just get it from your mobile operator). But nothing like that happens. It...just "sucks" Internet from that broken router. And broken ISP.

Is my mobile haunted? Or is a SCP?

Today I decided to upgrade my OS. Having practice with previous upgrades this time I remembered to copy my personal files on external drive.

I copied everything.

EVERYTHING.

Except my firefox profile...

...

...

...

$@#&^%!

At least I had my passwords for FA and other sites written somewhere else on a paper, which I did someday "just in case". But forget everything else >_>

Pigeons.

I like them. When I's a little kid I chased them, and I still do it now, even being a 31. Through all my life I made thousands
strategies and plans of how to get one in my hand. People told me I should stop doing it, because pigeons are dirty and so and so
and I should find a better thing to do.

But I couldn't.

About a month ago I went to Warsaw to return a book to a library. A coincidence happen that I had to go somewhere else because of
complications and had to take a tramway from Central Station. I's there not the first time, I commute to the university by this stop, but then I had to got on the other side of the tracks. And there were a lot of pigeons even that this place is in constant rush by humans. They just sit there and don't care about all those people on the stop.
Some of them were siting on a barrier. I didn't thought too much, I just went to catch them. They ran away before I could touch them, but ONE of them was too sluggish, sleepy or something and I got him.

Finally!

I had got a pigeon in my hand. I could feel his weight, his soft feathers, how he struggled to escape and, what I wanted the most, to caress him. I felt so happy, even that there were other people who probably thought I should leave the pigeon alone. But I didn't give a damn for it. Unfortunately my tramway had just arrived and I had to go, so I released him.

For the rest of the day I thought that all of this was a dream. I thought I simply felt down on a pavement and dream off the whole thing. It is like if your mind couldn't take the fact that you did it, that it was true, that you did the impossible.

I wanted more.

Two days ago I had yet another business to go to the same stop again. I went to the same place where were a lot of pigeons and tried to catch one of those at the barrier. But this time no one was sleepy and I looked like if all of them took a lesson from before.
I was about to give up but then I reached to my pocket. Just before I went to the stop I ordered a meal at KFC which I couldn't eat all, so I took French fries and put them in my pocket for later. You may know what I did next: I threw one fry to the pigeons and ALL of them rushed for it. Had got a little chaos on my legs, I reached for one pigeon.

I did it again.

This time he didn't want to flee and this time I wanted to have him a little longer. About 12 minutes longer. Through all this time I went to another stop, I went by tramway to another street, and walked a while. All this time nobody stopped me, nobody noted me and, I'm almost sure, nobody probably was aware I had got a pigeon in my hands. Now I could caress him and take a closer look at him. I looked at the shape of his wing, his claws, beak, and eyes. I's wondered how he can breathe if he has got no nostrils. I's happy again. Of course the time has come to release him too. He flew straight ahead to the central station.

And again my mind couldn't take the fact I had got another pigeon in my hands, that I didn't dreamed it all. It is like you used to try to catch them all this time with no success, and when you finally did it, you think it is not real. Like, this time you were connected to The Matrix and all that happen only in your mind.

Being pessimistic sucks...

Let's hope it will be better than 2018

Today is the holiday we give presents to our beloved, so I wish you all Merry Xmas!

Long time no send any journal, so have this: Happy New Year!

Yeah, it will be bad news today

About a week ago I found my body doesn't react right on insulin, thus making my glucose level high.
Now I'm scared to death (almost literary) °o°. I had know a very good artist  skunkworks who lately (well 2 years ago) had deceased because of diabetes and I'm afraid I'm going to be next!

Imagine that your every day can be the last day, and you will find how bad I feel now

Today I was been on Zootopia in cinema, and I can tell it was worth it! I watched trailers so I thought I know some scenes, but they made something different in the movie, so I can't say I watched them twice :).

There is one thing throu: should I spoiler to you? ;p

To all of my watchers and all the people here in FA have a happy New Year !!!

A very good artist and my friend  rrrax needs money. If you have some to spend check her journal. If you don't have $$$ yet want help: spread this news around :)