I'm in the crunch time of my quarter--three weeks left. Final paper due tomorrow for comp--hopefully it'll help me maintain my C in that class. Final group project due next week for Group Dynamics and my portfolio for web page due next Friday.

Anything done? Nope. I'm slack ass apparently.

But it will get done and I'll be free from school for hopefully two weeks.

My position I lost with my school is reopening in June! I may re-apply and see if I can get it, even if I could only work there up till September--if I get to graduate then. Hoping I do nothing to screw up that chance! @ A @

Everyone is talking about the Avengers. It's making me Jelly. Wanna see it soooo bad. So, so bad. A friend said she'd take me to see it for my birthday, but, eh.

"Big birthday" this year, and I could careless. It's just another day--even if you don't turn 21 everyday. Jeeze, I'm getting old. XD

SURPRISINGLY want to go to the beach and sit at the water's edge--because I can't swim. Just wanna sit and chill and get a sunburn and increase my freckles. Then watch as the sunburn fades to a tan then fades away because I can't maintain a tan. Too fair skinned--must be the Irish in me.

And....just want May to end. Just because. No real reason. <3


End of my random, sooo....bye? XD

Today was an early day for me--I was up before seven because of my baby girl (my cat) after having my first real night's sleep since Saturday night. It was refreshing, and normally right now I'd be ready to curl up for a nap, but I'm not in the least bit tired. No. Not in the least.

Things have been, one in particular, and I've just got to say...What is wanted of me?

I've got friends that I make nervous just because of my habit of thinking and I don't understand why. My friend I talk to the most says she doesn't like me thinking because she never knows what's running through my head and she's afraid to say anything to me because she doesn't know if it'll be taken the wrong way or not.

I'm not sure how long this has been going on; since last Summer I'm sure. But I'm wondering if she's been thinking this for years...

She's not the only friend with this problem; the other worded it differently.

I just...what do you want from me? Is there a problem being me?

Is there a problem with me thinking? With me being cynical or sarcastic? With me playing around? Why fault me for things I can't change? I try not to call you out on yours...why can't you do the same?

I don't ask anything out of you other than to be there when I want to this, want to just pour my thoughts out--of my own accord. I just ask you to be patient with me--I know I'm not the easiest person to talk to, I know that things I say come out being opposite of what I mean. Just...patience. Please be patient with me and let me talk when I'm ready. Please don't pester me about what's on my mind...







I'm not looking for attention, I'm not looking for comments...I just...I just needed to pour a few of my thoughts out and I know no one really reads my journals.



But anyways! Hoping off the computer to be productive with some books that have been calling my name for a while~<3

My brain decided I'm going to procrastinate so hard this school quarter--only four weeks into twelve week courses. C's everywhere! There goes my 4.0.

Oh well. Life will go on, and I'm fine with that.

Thanks for reading if you did--because this was probably the most boring two minutes of your life. :)

I went to Nashicon in Columbia with a friend of mine yesterday.

I had a lot of fun in the few panels I went to--two Pokemon panels, watched some sort of Dating Game and part of something called "O.T.A.K.U," a panel called "Your Favorite Anime is Crappier," and then I played a game called Werewolf in the last panel I visited. I do believe it was this one: http://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/.....timate-edition

A werewolf killed my friend I went with and then a few turns later the villagers tried to lynch me. . _ . I convinced them I wasn't--"Werewolves can't wear silver!" The girl that was accused after me we, the last four villagers decided to lynch her, was the last werewolf. So we won! I thought it was pretty awesome and wanted to play another round, but we headed to the dance to meet some friends we ran into earlier in the day, but they had ditched us. :c

I saw furries! I didn't approach any, though. I didn't want to seem rude--"Hi, I'm a furry, too! Can I hug you and feel your fursuit's ears?" :'D Maybe I should make a badge of my fursona and wear it if I go next year--I really would love to go!

I was on borrowed money, so I didn't get much. I got an Izaya "deformation figure" (a four inch tall figure with a really big head) and about 8 buttons.

All in all, I had a good time and really enjoyed it. I think I needed it--I rarely get out.

But now the fun is over, I've got a ton of homework to do, and need to desperately go job hunting!


Until I can get around to job hunting--I wanted to do it today, but I was in bed almost all day because I felt ill--how do you guys feel about me maybe, sorta, TRYING to take commissions? I know I'm not an awesome, amazing artist, but I think I'm pretty decent. I wouldn't even charge much, maybe the most expense being $10, and you'd have the choice of digital or traditional. It's not set in stone if I do or not, but at this point, I'm willing to throw the option out there. Besides, it'll give me an excuse to do some art! Need more of it in my life with all these non-art classes I have right now.

Of course, it depends on what you guys think.

So, I passed my classes with A's, surprisingly; my mom came home two weeks ago and is doing well.


I'll probably disappear for a while--not that I post or say anything really anymore. My room's appearance needs some attention, my books need attention, and a character of mine needs some major pampering--and my ego I've had attached to him for years.


And by that, I mean this character is my pride and joy; I've put so much tlc into him...


Anyways: indefinite hiatus. Starting about 11 tonight.

I can't wait for my class quarter to end. I've got two classes I'm behind in because of health issues with both myself and my mother. I could barely move for a week, and then when I could finally move around well enough, my mother started having extreme stomach pains--I ended up taking her to the hospital.

She has been in the hospital since February 10, and it is now the 20th. She initially went in for a cyst on her liver, then they found a problem with her lung, put a tube in it, and yesterday they had to scrape pus out of her lung. Sadly, though the surgery went well, they couldn't get her off the ventilator. They were supposed to try and get her off of it again this morning, but I've yet to hear from my brother who went to see her. I'm hoping all goes extremely well and she'll be home before the week is out; if not, I will go visit her Wednesday.


I have a research I have to finish today--it's the last day I have to turn it in. Sadly, it's a holiday and my class doesn't hold a session today. That means turning it in eletronically through e-mail, which is no guarantee to my teacher getting it before the day ends. I really cannot affford to fail Composition--I want to keep my 4.0.

I also have to finish animating a 3D model for my Animation II class. Animating a 3D model is NOT easy--at least for me. The good thing is I have the basic rig, so he runs, jumps, bends, and moves his arms and head about. It's due by the end of class Friday night, but I'm no where near a 'finished model.'


Outside of this, I'm waiting for my "break" to come up in two weeks, although I still have to make up 2 classes over it--because my school is strict on 12 weeks in each class, and by the time break rolls around, it will only be week 10 of Comp--so I can pick up on drawing. I have an art trade over on deviantart, hoping to get more, and considering,. one more, about maybe taking commissions. I know I'm limited in what I draw well, but it would be worth stepping up for. But it's still just something I'm considering--and if I go with it, I'll make another journal with a list of what's available and prices.


So this journal is just to say "I'm alive," "Life is kicking my ass," "I plan to submit something artsy eventually." If you even look at my journals or art, I hope to have something worth your viewing.

Talking to myself~

As usual~

Because it's how I roll~


Anyways; been confusing myself a lot lately. Yup. I feel like I'm not saying the right things to a friend of mine and that I'm not being fair to them. That it's annoying them. I don't want to annoy them. I like them way too much for that. :<

I was a dumbass last night and burnt three of my fingers on the stove burner. I now have a funny spiral pattern on my index, middle, and ring finger of my left hand.

I'm 20. And know how to use the stove. How I did that, I'll never know.

Decided to clean house on my laptop. Wasn't quite as hard as I thought it would have been. Happy happy computer.

I need to shut up and art. :I

Speaking of art, I've been asked twice why I don't do commissions (on deviantart, not over here.) Answer: I have a confidence issue with my art. I don't feel it's up to the level someone would want to buy it. That and I have a small watcher base.

But money is tight and I'm considering it. :Y Probably will think of a price list or some shit. Probably uber cheap stuff.

Let me stop rambling.

Here's Fenny:



Celtic >> The Hawthorn Tree - Hawthorn people are charismatic, creative and full of new ideas. They are multi-talented and adaptable. They often do well in the performing arts. They have a gift for influencing others but are also sympathetic. They are lively and spontaneous people and are good communicators. They have wonderful self confidence and make great leaders. They are also adept at inspiring others. They are honest and sincere friends as their natural sympathy make them good listeners. They unfortunately have a volatile temper and can show bursts of anger. They are also adept at devising brilliant plans and schemes. Their biggest strength is their ability to know the weaknesses of their enemies. They are however not ruthless people. Hawthorn people are often participants in a variety of sporting activities. They have a sharp sense of humor that is full of innuendo. This talent often attracts them to writing and journalism. Public media draws them due to their wonderful communication skills. If they can keep still long enough, they make sensual lovers. They however tend to be difficult to pin down in a permanent relationship. They make excellent parents who cannot be fooled by clever kids. They lead a colorful and exciting lifestyle. They tend to try a little bit of everything and often appear ageless.

Native American >> Deer - This Native American animal symbol is the muse of the zodiac. The Deer is inspiring lively and quick-witted. With a tailor-made humor, the Deer has a tendency to get a laugh out of anyone. Excellent ability for vocalizing, the Deer is a consummate conversationalist. This combined with his/her natural intelligence make the Deer a must-have guest at dinner parties. Always aware of his/her surroundings, and even more aware of his/her appearance, the Deer can be a bit self-involved. However, the Deer's narcissism is overlooked because of his/her congeniality and affability. In a supportive environment the Deer's natural liveliness and sparkly personality radiate even more. He/she is an inspiring force in any nurturing relationship. Left to his/her own devices the Deer can be selfish, moody, impatient, lazy, and two-faced

Western/Greek >> Gemini - Gemini is the third sign of the zodiac, and those born under this sign will be quick to tell you all about it. That's because they love to talk! It's not just idle chatter with these folks, either. The driving force behind a Gemini's conversation is their mind. The Gemini-born are intellectually inclined, forever probing people and places in search of information. The more information a Gemini collects, the better. Sharing that information later on with those they love is also a lot of fun, for Geminis are supremely interested in developing their relationships. Dalliances with these folks are always enjoyable, since Geminis are bright, quick-witted and the proverbial life of the party. Even though their intellectual minds can rationalize forever and a day, Geminis also have a surplus of imagination waiting to be tapped. Can a Gemini be boring? Never!

Chinese >> Ram - Rams are peaceful and often seem serene. They are introverts by nature and are friendly, patient and quite. The can be extreme pacifists, disagreeing with and detesting violence of any form, including everything from heated verbal discussions to actual physical confrontations. Rams live according to their strong beliefs and values. They do no handle shades of gray when it comes to right and wrong. The calm and introspective personalities of Rams make them quite imaginative and creative and strong listeners who often take in tons of information before deciding what they think and feel about any subject. Rams struggle to believe in their own abilities. They must work hard to recognize their own strengths, attractiveness and skills. Rams often must overcome insecurities in order to take greater risks in life so they may reap greater regards.




[I'm bored, okay? :I]

I'm posting journals because I'm trying to be active. YAAAAAY!! *spastic arm flailing*

Anyway, stolen meme I've seen around.

- What sort of artist would you most identify yourself as?
Minimalistic illustrator? Cartoonist? I draw very little now-a-days, and when I do, there is very little going on in the doodles.

- What would be your secondary identity?
WRITER. Or, craptastic, minimalistic, designer. Probably writer; I'm better at that than designing.

- What forms of art do you dabble in, but don't excel at?
Digital. I can't get a grasp on the painting and linearting. OTL Also, semi-realistic art. I...I suck so hard.

- How would you describe your 'style'?
FAUX ANIMU. It's crap and very heavily influenced. I actually dislike it.

- What medium do you favor most?
TRADITIONAL. I don't do much of it anymore, but I get very excited over the smell of new sketchbooks and drawing pencils. Love my coloured pencils a lot. ME GUSTA!!!

- What are your favorite subject matters?
I'm not entirely sure. Figures (anthromorphic and human,) animals, scenery. Fantasy.

- What are your least favorite subject matters?
Sonic characters. WoW races. Most fanart, actually.

- List your Artistic Strengths
Uuuuuuuuummmmm.....Traditional colour? I don't know.

- List your Artistic Weaknesses
HANDS, FEET, DIGITAL COLOUR AND LINEART, MUZZLES. I could go on. :'3

- Which of the above weaknesses would you most like to see improve?
IMPROVE ALL THE THINGS!

- Adult Content. . . yes/no?
More the most part, no. I don't have much of a sex drive, so adult content is very minimal. SOMETIMES I draw it, if something inspires me to, and then it's more for relaying the shared emotion as opposed to the actual act. I'm not much of a deviant. I won't post it, though.

- Adult Subject Matter you favor?
Nothing really. As I said before, I like the emotional part as opposed to the actual act.

- Schooling/Training received in the arts?
I took Art all through high school. I'm currently attending ITT for my associates in what was formally called Visual Communications. It's the commercial side of Graphic Design from what I can tell.

- Schooling/Training you'd still like to have?
I'd like to go for Illustration one day. I think I'd like it much better than Graphic Design.

- Would you consider yourself prolific, or a 'quality over quantity' sort of artist?
I would say yes. I don't crank much out, but when I do, I am for as high-quality as I can get. Sometimes I slack off and do something real quick with no quality, but that's for relaxing. :3

- Would you considering yourself a Fine Artist, or a Commercial Artist?
Neither.

- Where would you like to be in five years?
Oh god. I don't know. I'd LIKE to have published a comic in five years. It's a goal I've yet put into motion. I have my basic plot figured out, some of the characters, their relations and history, back stories, and the lick; but nothing in way of the actual art. So...yea....COMIC ARTIST IN FIVE YEARS.

Happy Halloween you guys. If you don't celebrate it; happy October 31st.

The highlight of my Halloween? We got one trick-or-treater, and my friend and I are doing a seasonal RP. Whoop.






NEXT YEAR I'LL DO SOMETHING WITH MY HALLOWEEN, DAMMIT.

[I'm confident enough that no one will read this; I want to mini-rant but LJ won't let me post. Here will suffice.]


STUPID!

STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!

I really really stupid today. Why did I do that!? You DON'T tell your friend that, especially if you know they don't reciprocate your feelings!

YOU DON'T DO THAT!

YOU DON'T, DON'T, DON'T, DON'T, DON'T DO THAT!!!

Even if it's not outright! You just DON'T.

I caught myself crying, and I feel like I'm about to do it again, and my chest is hurting.

I hate this. I hate it! I hate it! I HATE IT!

Why was I so stupid...?

What makes it worse is that I'm confused about it; I don't even really know if I DO feel that way or not...And I hate it so much...

Happy Holidays, guys. Enjoy the family scene, I guess. *does not really look forward to it. dis-likes crowds of any variety*



Side note, maybe there'll be more art after the first of the year--one my goals for 2011.