I am kind of starting to really like smiling friends so expect a M x FTM drawing of Charlie and pim going at it very soon

because I’m trans, most people in my real life don’t talk to me like a person with feelings or whatever
But because I’m a trans male, other gay/trans/etc people hate me and want me to die

I keep forgetting this when I try to make friends or get close to others.

https://ferric-oxide.tumblr.com/
Enjoy

-have to go for a pelvic ultrasound because my body hates me and wants me to suffer and is hurting a lot and it’s very bad everything is bad
-I have a girlfriend!
-i still feel a constant sense of loneliness that permeates everything and I am becoming avoidant again due to my… avoidant personality
-I started art therapy but I struggle very much with doing the actual art so far
-I am still being rejected from jobs nonstop
-and… I just want to feel like I exist for once

Shameless advertisement here but I’m opening up two single character commission slots (they will be coloured and digital) for 55 each!

Status: both slots are open!

Guidelines:

I can do: nsfw, sfw, different stuff that you may not always see in my gallery… I’m open to a lot of ideas!
I specialize in: male/ftm characters, mammal characters, the usual stuff you’d see in my gallery

I won’t draw: diapers, feral characters, child characters, some similar stuff not mentioned here, really if you think it’s something I wouldn’t wanna draw then just ask and the worst l could do is say no!

If this is of interest then please send me a note with your idea, and a character reference linked in your note! For now I’m only doing two pieces because I want to be able to focus on the artwork properly, i seem to work better when I take on less commissions at once- two per session is the best amount for me. Thanks for your interest in my artwork!

Ever since 2020 or whenever we had to all stop going out in public for a while (the pandemic thing) i find my life has become significantly worse, I was doing so well in school and had plans to go to college
being pulled from school and put into online classes made me feel so alone and ruined my ability to do anything, I don’t care about the Covid thing that much like I wore the stupid mask, I have my vaccines etc but still I just wish I could go back to before it all began when things seemed normal

I could actually socialize with people in the real world, now I just feel so alone. Yes the social isolating thing has long since ended of course but I still feel the effects of it, being kept alone for the year and a half in my province where the restrictions were, kind of messed me up mentally
I wanted to go back to college but I can’t imagine being around people anymore
And I try to socialize but I feel so scared, sure I always had bad anxiety but after the stupid pandemic started it got sooo much more horrible. I also feel so far behind in school afterwards that now I have zero confidence to go back. Does anyone else feel the same way?

Also please no inflammatory/super political comments I know we all have opinions on the covid/whatever thing but what I’m referring to is specifically the lockdown/isolation that a lot of people experienced.

https://bsky.app/profile/ferric0xide.bsky.social

I’ll post some doodles here from time to time, my profile is SFW but I don’t really care who follows or interacts with me (I don’t typically check my follows unless i see someone I know) so go ahead and follow

I’ll advertise some commission stuff soon, I have to get a medical ID bracelet for my epilepsy so that’s gonna cost a little bit for me :’)

well heck, to start, I had my first daytime seizure the other day.
It was a partial aware/focal aware seizure as they’re called which is really terrifying- I was just about to cross the street to go somewhere when it happened. Thankfully it didn’t happen as I crossed afterwards, I still feel somewhat messed up in the brain however I’ve been resting and taking care of my health :( they used to only happen in my sleep but I guess my seizure medication (lacosamide) needs to be put up to a higher level

I’m okay otherwise, I do have good sort of news, I forget if I said this before but my doctor is referring me to a gender clinic to get on hormones. I think the waiting list might still be long. But still, I’ve always wanted hairy arms! So that might be finally possible hahaha… I also wanted darker body hair and facial hair and a nice voice… I think it’s hot in a way, lol… if that’s ok to say. o////o

Also feeling a little bit better mentally, but still kind of lonely, I’m trying to contact people but my anxiety has always been sort of bad- it’s a bit better these days though. So maybe I’ll contact some people I’ve been wanting to talk to again for a while.

My summer was good, nothing amazing, wish I’d done more with it. But man the heat outside was unbearable for me. Maybe fall time will be better! Then I could finally go outside again.. I also thrifted a little bit and got some new clothes at the mall, feeling sort of handsome lol, which is rare for me! :03

Trying to draw more too, I’m using my new laptop and some new traditional art supplies I bought too but I lack the energy I had in the past for art. If I can get the energy back I’ll open commissions for art properly once more, for now they’re on an “ask me and I’ll see what I can do” sort of basis. ^^;

That’s all for this update, I hope everyone’s well. <3

As you’ve noticed, I only refer to myself as FTM online.
This is because I do not want to be seen as trans or any part of the trans community
This is not hateful. It’s for my own personal comfort
So please do not call me trans, transmasc, tboy, or anything like that, thank you.
Words like FTM and cuntboy are okay.
Please respect this, it’s for my own reasons.

If anyone has any specific questions or comments you can ask here or in notes. I have complicated reasons for this

Thank you again for understanding

I’m opening a slot for one portrait/head shot for 20$, cause there’s a sale on this one piercing website for Labour Day, and I wanna grab a new jewelry piece for my septum piercing. I’ll finish it up today BTW, if anyone’s interested!!

The good news here is that I’m waiting to start testosterone, my doctor is referring me for an endocrinologist and also to go to a transition-focused clinic

The bad news is that I still don’t know how to tell my parents (that I live with) and there’s the (very probable) chance that they’ll reject me or outright be angry, or maybe even hate me over this decision

Are there that many guys who are actually into ftm characters? Or even IRL trans men? I don’t see a lot of male artists who draw ftm characters much, or if they do they often seem to make them much more feminine (no hate, it’s just not my type of thing)

I had more to say but I would be rambling…

I’m gonna be cleaning it up soon and removing some stuff I don’t really care for, so if you want to save something please go ahead
I also have most of my art on my USB stick so I’m not worried about losing much, I just want to get rid of some old things that I don’t like a whole lot now
That’s all!

my mental health has been absolutely horrendous with me being around a specific person IRL and pushing myself to be someone I’m not, and cannot be. it feels horrible to force myself into a mold that I just never understood or could fit.
I feel trapped and I don’t know what to do right now. do I be honest and face absolute seething hatred? do I continue lying to myself and everyone else in the real human world?
I constantly need reassurance and permission to be myself but also I never get that from my family, and I don’t exactly have IRL friends
I kind of keep wishing everything would go away, I wish I could have a normal life but unfortunately I’m a bad person and I’m not happy with whatever god gave me

I have not felt this suicidal before, I have not felt this awful in years
I tried so hard to reach out and get help and change my life but nothing ever seems to work. I am so alone and my living situation cannot be escaped. im trying so hard but i have almost no emotional support in my life whatsoever.

i gotta draw nsfw again
itll all be under the adult rating though so you dont gotta see it if you dont wanna
i just..........................have many thoughts.... u__u (hides my face in shame)

I dunno I’m feeling kinda lonely, yes I have friends but, I’m always lookin for more

If anyone wants my discord username feel free to send me a note to chat =w=

For anyone who’s commissioned me, I’ll start work on those either tomorrow or on monday- I had my third EEG exam (this one was a 24-hour test) so I’m very tired from it :( not feeling too great. I also missed some of my epilepsy/seizure medication for the past three days and I feel sorta awful cause of that, it’ll take a day or two to feel better since I’m taking it consistently again

I’m thinking of switching over to just SFW art, (outside of commissions of course, because yknow how it is)

No hate to explicit artists obviously, it’s just that personally I’m not that into sexy stuff very much on a personal level, i enjoy nudity in a more artistic sense so you may still see some non sexual nudity in my pieces. I might keep my older pieces up for now just because I know people liked them and I don’t feel like going through everything to find what to remove

Nsfw profiles can still follow me too, I tend to not follow people on here unless I know them, or if I just really like their sfw art

Again I’ll still do it for commissions, just may not post it publicly because i tend to not feel great posting it for everyone to see (of course if you commissioned me you can post the drawing if you want! (With credit!))

so the big news:

---

I have epilepsy... Honestly, I wasnt surprised to hear this! I suspected something but after my neurologist confirmed it today, its a sort of relief as im starting medication soon. i had two EEG tests that came up abnormal and also im going for an MRI scan in a few months, a sleep study (my seizures happen when I'm asleep.... and they make me tired, and in turn i get more seizures since seizures can be triggered by a lack of rest!) and also i have a 24-hour EEG coming up as well... so it's a lot!

My mental health is better sort of, i moved to the basement of my dad's house so i have way more space, it feels way better, i feel like an actual adult man sorta for once!
i'm looking for a job too... still. i keep applying but montréal is crap for finding employment these days, its busy here in the summer but theres a lot of college/cégep students who get all the good summer jobs! so not much for me

i am making way more pixel art too. downloaded aseprite and i have fun with it, id ideally make a short silly vieo game on the computer someday when i have the opportunity to grab RPGmaker 2003 :PPP
and finally, learning to play keyboard music...... slowly hehe

not very good at it yet but it's a start! one day i will make a song

okay thats enough rambling for me! just wanted to update my dear watchers on here. i hope everyone is doing well!

I finally set up the midi keyboard (oxygen 8 v2) that my brother gave me
It’s really cool!! I suck sorta because I failed music class in grade 4 but my psychologist suggested that I pick up an instrument or a new thing just for fun. I do a lot of visual art but never music, so I’ll try to have fun with it
I’ve been playing around with it this afternoon and it’s very fascinating!!

it’s ferric-oxide
Go follow it nowwwww

I need you all to gimme some cute woman characters to draw
Characters from existing media only, please

i'm back! had some mental health difficulties and almost deleted my account... but i decided not to
hope everyones been doing well!