Life has been hectic. Mom had triple negative breast cancer and she has had treatment. I have burned a lot of bridges over the last four years. Many were close friends that I had for multiple years. I have and was struggling with my depression my other mental illnesses I won't sugar coat it. I had tried my hat in Tik Tok for a little and I had about 2000 followers. It wasn't amazing, but I had gained in my confidence to show my art.
Since then I have put my hat up and focused on less drama and more of my art. It is not the most successful or fancy, but it is mine. I learned how to personalize my art by making my own pastel's a few times with obscure ingredients. I also eventually advanced into using acrylics for painting in newer ways than I had imagined.
Some of the trauma I still carry is due to people I allowed into my life that were not healthy for me. Last year around April I ended up trying to better myself in more natural ways but I didn't realize that with other things I had taken created serotonin syndrome and nearly killed me.
I do my best to learn from my mistakes and the places I have left from but honestly the loneliness can be debilitating. I am looking for friends to talk to more but to be honest it is very exhausting.

I had moved out of my mom's oct13 2024 so far it has helped my life grow in different ways I am hoping to not fall back into bad behaviors too much . If anyone wants a background or random art piece let me know via DM I have a place where more of my art is though I'm hoping to put more on here soon.

I am needing donations or commissions for writing. Am low on money right now and between jobs. But i need to gain some Gas to help family for taking me to places. anyone who knows anyone that needs it or willing to help out id appreciate it.

Any donations will Get a story of their choice let me know what type of story. And depending on length and donation i will do my best to follow through.

Lot to update but not yet.

Thinking about doing a beginner Commission kinda thing maybe for a backround or simple design. maybe doing it for free at first, later on Possibly doing so for cost of a few dollars, then later on more if I get better. Let me know if anyone is interested either in comments or pm's.

Also Thinking about showing pictures of my chainmail with prices if intrested in buying some or think its a good idea Message in comments or in private messages as well! need help to know if this is wise or not please help and send feed back!

So those new and old and such whats going on in the world of firedeamon24? well.. Xander attempted to date a few people. One person basically was too much of an op rper and god modder... no way to even keep up or be happy. It kinda ended because Xander ended up killing the persons main char.. It was akword.. ended up with xander being called a slut azeal called a slut... so kinda was giving up and all that.. I have had one ankle surgery after my ex had left... roommates have supported me through that one.. and hopefully this one coming up again... Kinda terrified and sacared of how things will end up.. I have been lightly attempting to draw and write some but most of it kinda sucks... Missing having a mate but gotta cope with the old and handle it best i can..

Had ankle surgery and day after my bf left and broke up. Its been nearly month and 2 weeks and i feel alot has left my heart. Lot of decisions and emotional tears in my heart.
I miss my ex alot and i wish he wouldnt of left like that tbh. But i understand. Having residue feelings for exes and unsure if i should let the emotions die and let then have their happy days without me or if i should still fight for that relationship its so hard to know what to do at this point. The lonliness will be there regardless. Maybe i diserve this fate idk.

Works been ok. Been cutting again. Been feeling lonely stressed out frustraited and thinking about moving back to cincinnati. My bf amd i are having ups and downs well see how it goes. Wish i could stop cutting or just cut worse i guess.. idk anymore.

For those i havnt told or forgot to tell. Been single for a bit. Been relapsing into self injury since end of Sept. Lot has been going on and I've pushed everyone away. Been making jewelry more. Gaming semi more working 2 days. Otherwise nothing important to update anymore. Any questions pm / Tele / text if u got my most recent number.

Okay so where to begin. Working at kalahari now nearly 2 years. Um been with mate now 4 years.my sister is getting married and is pregnant. Been minorly writing and making chain maille jewlery. Been in a rut off and on for a while. But lately just been giving up talking to people. Ask for my telegram..or an updated phone number. Any questions ask!

1. Living in sandusky,ohio ish area.
2. Still with noogie our 4th year annaversery is May 16th.
3. I work...at a indoor water park as a buffet food carver(prime rib and ham) at kalahari..
4. I am trying to get manager classes and experience
5. Been chronically demotitvated deppressed
6. My mate lives 60 miles away and so far nearly 2 years its taken alot to see him..
7. I live with my friend and his mom. My friend has semi accepted he is a furry. Hes working on a futeristic scifi book. And a fantasy book-maybe.
8. Havnt cut. Nearly 3 years. I struggle with it daily. And i try to just keep it bottled up.
9. Azeal has new art. But unsure if i want to show it yet.
10. I got a new master so far it is going ok.
11.Feeling like a lot is going on but i guess in reality its in my head.
12.better update than last time ant questions just ask.

Getting grandma's house cleaned out to be sold. Trying to get art for my mate and I. Life isn't easy but I keep going. Keep getting demotivated,off of school and a job. Still need to apply for food stamps so that mayyy help. Feeling annoyed at how things are going at the house but nothing new.

The good. About 6months not cutting, I got commissions done of my mate and I, and of different fursonas of mine I've met new fur's that are talented, or simply unique in their own ways. I'm also going back to school in August so that should be Intresting and my mate and I have started a jewelry / design kinda company that has sold pretty well mostly to friends and customers decently close to us. The bad, struggling with bed bugs at my house it isn't pretty or fun (in any way). My grandma is getting sanity worse along with her falling and such. The urges for cutting all that struggle every day. My mate bearly has Internet which causes stir craziness and can be hard to handle. And apparently, I am hard to deal with given people still constantly avoid me or get pissed off at me. Hell, I'm angry/deppressed at myself. The ugly is the suicidal tendencies still come and go, I found out my fur mom and dad broke up
And my fur dad may want to go and see me. We will see how that goes. I'm anxious about the whole thing, but I made sure my mate has to go...anxiety and fear along with overall shitty emotions have been getting worse so sorry if I annoy/upset anyone by asking for help or talk about it. being a hermit and keeping it to myself just makes me do so more out of my control.

What is love? Everyone says 'I love you'and force FORCES me to say 'I love you too' but really truely, what the fucking hell is love. I don't know anymore. Is it true loyalty, is it compassion, is it faithfullness. I have no fucking clue. Does that mean I truely don't love? Probably, I mean my mom forces me to say it, I haven't fucking loved her truely in a long long time. Sisters expect me to say it, still no love left, same with my step father and my dad. Why do I even try? Hell there are furs that seem to think 'I love you'should be used all the time. Yes I care and think about u guys. Hell some I even dated. But do I really know how to love? Is it sex is it the intimate connection with a 'lover' fuck if I even know anymore. I'm at my limit and I fucking give up..

Old demons laughing by andrew zlenka 2/5/2014 old demons mock me...laughing in my face..no lover for me..no new friends or compainions for me.. Every time I try an old demon pushes me further...further into the solitude I deserve...after a while I submit..I let the demons take over to punish myself..to force my legs to bleed my everlasting life onto the ground where the water washes it away..but pent up tears only able to cry out with the blade..it hurts..not enough to cry out..but just enough to torment me and agonize me..I feel so isolated I start to rock I give up as my essance slowly ebbs away the wound slowly closing the tears...why do I try...why...why...

Failing spanish I thing. Thourally demoralized. Tired of ssdd and same old drama from the same old asses and the same old distrust or oh you hurt me in the past I can't trust you. My theory is why the fuck talk to me. Why burden me with your fucking company if ur just going to use me and not even support me. At home my grandmas being used by both my aunt and mom and I'm to the point I'm fucking done I just want out of this god damn town. Idk prob back to cincinnati for all the same old drama and old exes idk...-shrugs-fuck it why the hell do I even care. Those who I care bout love ya. Those who been burdening me I have to say fuck you and have a nice day somewhere else. That is all.....................m........

Been a while since I posted anything on here (not that many care/ notice) I'm alive. Struggling with the fucking cuttin and personality disorder b.s other than that many of my exes are back/were back in my life and its starting to not really help me get over what I did wrong in each relationship. I burden myself with the guilt of what I've done wrong I don't really focus on the hurt I've received and just focus on healing that first. -shrugs-oh well. Oh and living at my grandma's is getting worse n worse..idk...its been hard lately with no social interaction, no mate no friends near physically. And the fur fam almost always busy or let's be honest don't want to deal with my deppressin ass.

Freddy's gate
Category: Art and Photography
(Disclaimer I do not own Nightmare on elm street series or Baulders gate 2 (for PS2)
Freddy's Gate
By Andrew Zlenka
(Intro)
Freddy Kougar's mother had thought when her demon like child was put into her womb again that he would be easier to contain, yet Freddy proved to be more than she could ever think to handle so to protect the children of Elm Street she sent her son as far away as she could away from them. Not knowing where he would end up she regretted to see that it was a world of darkness that Freddy ended up Consuming an Onyx tower and using it to gain a physical form for as long as the tower now stood. Until then Freddy Kougar's reign of terror now was under a City called Baulders gate where five hero’s now are called to the city side by side they attempt to vanquish this evil yet so far Dorn and his wife Venetta whom originally lives in the city disappears and Vhaldra worried that something wrong has happen now searches for them hoping to find them in one peace. She does not know that the nightmare has just begun for her and the others.
Chapter 1
Sorrow such a bitter lullaby caressed the man’s cheek softly as he felt the pendulum on his chest. How was he to survive this excruciating pain and sorrow?! He wondered panicking worrying about his lover Venetta. He hoped Freddy Kougar did not get to her yet, that at least she had a sliver of a chance to survive."Dorn You know that you won’t survive, not while I have Baulders Gate under my control “Freddy grinned as he looked down at Dorn as he is strapped down with a leather cloth so that the pendulum could cut him in half. Freddy Kougar wore a simple red and black cloak that had two razor claws as his insignia with a three wheeled instrument of a sort over crossing them, also he wore a simple leather amour that was dyed in stripes of red and black, his leather leggings completely black along with scale boots that was the color of fresh blood, and to top off his disfigured head a simple brown hat, strapped to his right hand was a simple five razor edge steel claws, his only weapon that he usually used except the use of fear and insanity upon others, and oh how he loved to torture them! Tisking softly and growing bored Freddy leaned down to Dorns ear and said "I’ll tell you a secret now that you are about to die, The onyx tower is now under my control, apparently my lovely bitch of a mother had taken me here to protect the stupid bastards that had killed me the first time “Freddy then takes his claws and slowly cuts onto Dorn's shoulder that made Dorn even though he was a strong warrior scream out in pain. " And now that I am alive and well again I can have fun here, until I die again and then hopefully I am back to Elm Street to torture my murder's children and family that is left HAHAHA revenge ever so Sweet isn’t it?" As Freddy said sweet the pendilum had cut Dorn completely in two in one swing the screams could be heard inside the Bloodmire manor.
The servants of Bloodmire manor shivered with fear and anxiety of what that scream had meant. As they did many of the mutants and experiments began to fill the Bloodmire manor from basement and chase the servants. Many of the grotesque experiments were armed with a claw similar to what Freddy had on his arm yet there's were made of bone and skin. Their eyes glowed a simple green and their skin a pale pink as if a tiny bit of sun would burn their flesh. As the mutants slash the servants down, the front door of the Manor exploded and Vhaldr; a dark elf monk with a simple leather cloth set of clothes on except for a pair of enchanted scale gloves on. Scanning the room quickly Vhaldra sprinted forward into the mass of creatures and did a spinning sweep to make all in that area fall to the ground. She then drew her staff spinning it into a chest of one of the mutant's and then their skull killing it instantly. The other mutants now recovered simmered back to the cellar entrance where Freddy was watching the fight. "Very impressive for a pretty piece of dark meat, though you maybe a little too tough to chew for now, I have to go now but please let me introduce you to a few...Friends? of mine “as he says this Freddy disappears in a small bang of red and black mist and a four headed mutant man stumbled forward it was a giant of a man and had Freddy like claws on both of its arms though not covered at all it looked very excited to see Vhaldra. Behind the four headed exited mutant was a mutant wolf with quills out of its back and a tail of spikes it leapt forward and snapped its poisonous jaws at Vhaldra.
Vhaldra not in the mood for wolves at the moment proceeded to smash the staff over its head cracking the staff in two and stunning the beast for a moment, the four headed man then bellowed in rage as if it was angry that the wolf was hurt and started stumbling faster at Vhaldra. Not in the slightest amused of these beasts the praised her spider goddess for a fight and proceeded to use the two cracked pieces of the staff to impale the wolf's head into both sides of the staff it whined for a moment then was still. As she finished with the wolf the man swung its razor sharp bones at her. She grimaced as one cut her arm and left a very deep cut, yet she ignored the pain and upper cutted one of the two center heads and it exploded on impact startling the other three as they also exploded in unison. "Now that this madness is done I can look for Dorn and Venetta. Perhaps the cellar first to look for that disfigured man was very dangerous looking and unlike the other mutants.”She proceeded now with more caution than before as she went down the cellar stairs praying to the spider goddess that the claws were nothing but a simple nightmare that would pass as quick as it had began.
In the Purple Wyrm Inn Borador waited for his friend Vhaldra she was a dark elf, though he didn’t care much he loved mischief and chaos. Being a four hundred year old dwarf didn’t help him much though he was able to learn how to ransack people and shoot crossbow bolts that were explosive and burning. Borador wore a simple leather outfit with a type of eye glass in his right eye along with a very heavy pack that looked like it belonged to a mountaineer. The weapons he had on him was a simple cross bow and a finely crafted short sword. Muttering to himself he says" Always the damn dark elves that must be late hopefully she is alright" The cloaked women across the room looked as if she was startled and leaned closer to listen to his mutterings Ulua wanted to know if her sister Vhaldra was alright. The moon elf next to the dwarf nudged Borador to be quiet and whispered to him “you know better to say such things in this place even I know better!"He hissed. Flushing with embarrassment Borador hissed back "at least Ysuran I know when to worry about her!" The human woman named Allessia across from them leaned forward and said to them "shush either way if she doesn’t come back in four hours we will go search for her in the manor alright?" The two men nodded and began to slowly drink their mug of water still quietly worrying about what may or may not happen to Vhaldra.
Vhaldra began to weep as she saw Dorn's body it was cut cleanly in two and his shoulder had looked as if it had been cut up by a very sharp knife. Knowing that she must move on and try to find Dorn's Wife Venessa; Vhaldra proceeded back up the stairs to the first floor knowing that it would be the second floor that some of her questions would be answered yet. A small part of her questioned if she really wanted to know the answers. As she made it to the bottom of the stairs a chilling evil presence could be felt up at the top of the steps. Unsure of what it was even with her night vision Vhaldra cautiously moved up the stairs knowing that at any moment she could be attacked and she prayed by the spider goddess that if she was that she would survive again.

Mirror of Truth
By Andrew Zlenka
Started 10/27/2013 10:02 Pm
Finished….

Prologue
The artisan sat at his table and looked at the materials in front of him. There was a mirrored material, to use and shape in a cylinder shape. A few pieces of wood and a satin cloth that would be able to go over the mirror. He started to carve an opening for the mirror to be held then started fitting the back of the support of the mirror to hold it in as he did he murmured a prayer of pure truth and what each person truly looked like would be shown to both the watcher, and those who see them afterword., but keeps them looking like the species that they are.
The artisan smiled as he glued the pieces together as the mirror part set in its place then he nailed the cloth to the top of the mirror so that the mirror is cloaked until a person voluntarily looks into the mirror. Satisfied that his mirror was finished for his customer he placed it in a box. The door opened and a chime went off the artisan instinctively walked to the front of the shop and was confronted by a customer. The man looked of aristocratic nature and of high magical nature he asked “The mirror finished artisan?” the artisan smiled and walked back to get the box he just filled and brought it to the front for the customer to look at. The artisan with skilled fingers took out the mirror to show the customer the mirror still veiled. “May I show you a sample of the fact that it works?” asked the artisan. Nodding impatiently the customer replied bellowing at him “yes, yes get on with it!” The artisan patiently turned the mirror to face him then reviled the mirror. His face originally was very worn by his trade now had cleared up and brightened as he looked and watched his reflection in the mirror. The artisan then put the veil over the mirror again and put it back into the box and put the lid on top and handed it to the customer. The customer searched through his satchel and dropped a bag of seven-hundred gold pieces then took his mirror and left in an impatient huff. As the artisan heard the chime go off and the man storm out into the street he started to pick up the loose pieces of gold that had fallen out he could hear a scream of horror coming out from in the streets around the direction of the customer leaving. The artisan shaking his head sighed disappointingly and to a point sadly knowing that the customer more than likely had not gotten the results that he had been looking for-end 10/27/2013 10:24pm

Broke up with my mate ended up making him break down because of me. had courted him for 7 months? then we dated for like 3 weeks. And I broke up cuz i'm an idiot. He ended up cutting because of me and how I acted To be honest I feel like an idiot. Not gonna go in the specifics of why we broke up. But, ended up causing accusations afterword that were not true because of others talking. Like always I assumed and attacked him for the wrong reasons.. Children services were at my house cuz of my 15 year old sister pretty much not getting to her appts and being late a lot at school last school year. Going to Cleveland State soon.. Gonna get to do my classes soon..really scared. but to be honest I still hate myself at how i just destroyed my ex mate. I guess that is what i do best. push away those who love me most then do my best to keep them away :/ been thinking of it all and it hurts. Just hate the cycle would end already.

Mated. And I am happy that way. Been kinda over thinking a lot I suppose. Starting my BA in August and been procrastinating getting my id and books I guess i don't need them immediately but kinda feeling a lil without purpose. But been writing a little more lately. Takes the edge off depression. Figured out that That with any kin id be its a Gargoyle. I protect others from what hurts them no matter what it is with out much bias. Missing some friends that used to be friends and wondering i do miss them. but do i really want them back in my life? I mean will anything on my part or theirs? Is it really worth it. So far all i can do is just mull it over more and let time tell. Anyways. Been experiencing more of the odds and ends of the furry world finding friends to talk to and kinks and fetishes that some i never knew existed or even knew that i would like, and others that i would never in my life like. heh. so fear. Except for not having a short term purpose life is decent. Been getting some counseling but the counselor doesn't really lead the session so its hard. I hope when i get my BA in psychology and further that i do a better job than what she is doing *sighs* almost a month left till i go live with my grandmothers and I don't know if ill really be on here after that, not that I am on that often anyways.

Depressed kind of told off a part of my family last night. Been drinking too much energy drinks and caffeine. Been suicidal again and kinda regretting how i've been acting. Been asking for help from others but I don't even know what i need to calm down. I don't want to go to those i always go to and drain them emotionally. at the same time been feeling abandoned and unneeded. Of course as things never could get worse i lost my I pod and been just not sure what to do anymore. Lost and in my own mind i guess. BPD is acting up and Just don't know what I am anymore..Feeling like disappearing again...
Also...Got angry at my friend when i was at the flea market cuz i kept losing as i Played magic the gathering..Idk..felt like i couldnt do anything right today. Then making people upset and such or just worry about me..its taking a toll on me... :/
On a side note...

Friends have been finding what kin they are and such and I just wish i could find out where i belong in the fur community. Lately, I just am a shape shifter...I don't want to always live this way.I don't know....

found out a good father like figure died two days before my birthday. Six months previously his fiance had a child. The same day he had a heart attack. since then he has had heart failure n was recovering weeks before his death. he sied from an ashma attack his fiance at work and his nephew coming over he too weak to answer the
door that he got the land lord found him nt breathing. they took him to hosp where he died. Now his fiance is alot younger n living with tbe family for support with the child. My friend left three other children with an ex wife. he was around 50. The kicker is my bday is in april the 5th and i jist heard of his death a week ago. I am struggleing between that and two people attempting suicide ive ended up cutting again and going through a phase of my life where i want mate/ bf but im so afraid...

having a rough time right now fightimg with my mom sisters and stepdad. feeling like getting drunk lately. Getting used to the urges to want to cut. Getting annoyed at the fact i miss assholes that i have out of my life now ( shadowfox8588/shikikit). I learned that i dont really rwgret my decisions but i do hate the people in my life that makes my life a living hell. honestly im ready to move in with my friend in NJ and never look back in ohio. eh, relationship wise im single. i like a specific skunk but i know it aint time yet. wes keeps playing mind games and talking about the people he likes. i honestly wish i would stop listening to him talk about the people he likes. hes just gonna get hurt the same way blarion hurt him. ugh.
So done.

Eh ended up having fun with a yiffy time wif a fur.. ended up doing in wrong place and some people overreacted about what i had done :/ just a rough week..

Staying at Tiggy's house. My mom should be healing up in the next two weeks. Got to see Wes :/ he didn't stay cuz of Claustrophobia...SO far it really is a fun experience..I am still shy but i am doing my best to learn and adapt. Am going to my first fur meet tomorrow making Baklava to bring wif us should be fun..

I am trying to look for a pair of ears, tail and that so i can look more like a wolfie...I know i don't have enough time right now to get it for tomorrow but woulda been nice...