How has everyone been? Anything new? Most likely.

Sorry i haven't been very active here. Like before I've been semi active just more active on telegram and twitter.

Maybe I'll upload something soon. I dunno yet.

I'm 18 nowwwwwwwwwwwwww woooooooooooooooooot

Welp my birthday is coming. Its a special day for me... I'll finally be 18 :3

Well in exactly 1 month and 19 days I'll be 18. I mean if that equals up to the 14th of August. But yea 18. And I'm honestly happy tbh because that's a major milestone. I stayed strong regardless of what happened in my life so far.

The sad thing is that I feel like certain friends are just disappearing and doing their own thing.

Honestly I get jealous of others. Sure i have a mate and I love him to death, but as of friends. I don't know anymore. Most of the people i see around have bros that they trust and care about, or a pack. I get jealous because I really don't have anything like that. I do love my mate, but I do enjoy the company of a friend.

Yea i call some people my bro, but most times it feels forced and one way honestly vnv. I think I'm going to stop instantly calling people my friends and just let them come to me. Because all I do is try to get people to come to me and become a friend with me only for me to realize they never considered me a friend to begin with...

Anyway i won't talk anymore about it. I'll probably start keeping this stuff in a place that isn't as public. I feel as though all everyone sees in me is a complainer. Someone negative that no one wants to be around. That's how it feels tbh. I'm honestly tired of it tbh. I'm tired of being forgotten and left behind.

Anyway. If anyone actually still wants to talk to me feel free to message me, but I'll no longer be the one to constantly start conversations. So either I'll be alone or not. Most likely not, but I'll see I guess.

So yea if you do still consider me a friend or something... just message me and we can talk.

I won't be posting many journals on here.

Though one of these days I'll upload some art I drew

I have alot of traditional drawings that i haven't shared with you guys cuz I'm lazy. Would you guys want to see them?

This place is prob the only place i really feel comfortable talking about things relating to my #1 kink goo lol.

I mean i dont feel as bad because it's not as weird here as it'd be to the public eye.

But yea... I've been addicted to goo for like 2 or 3 years. Alot of my characters and sona have either goo like abilities or some kind of corruption to them. Which i enjoy quite a bit even in a sfw way. But yea... kinda tired of hiding and not being active with what i want to be active with.


I just like the idea of one character assuming control of another.

I also grew addicted to a game called "Changed" So much goop but yea that game is essentially what i like about goo.

Recently i created a character. Well not recently, but yeh. He's like a german Shepard who's stuck unwillingly with a symbiote. One that is too powerful for him to handle. Basically this thing is drgonic and easily makes the gshep a metalic dragon when ever it wants. This basically makes him a beginning bad guy.




Anyway yea. I really want some art of goopyness. Like i basically jist want some art of what i like. Others might not like it, but i do


Yea....

I kinda miss my friends that used to talk to me everyday. Now everyone's off handling life. It kinda sucks for me, but i understand the situation. Things happen and im happy that alot of my friends have found a place to be happy in their lives.

I just wish that more people acrually wanted to talk to me. Lol I've literally not found one person as devoted to talking to me as i am to to. Maybe its because they too are tired of starting conversations just as I am.

Anyway I'm living and being semi productive

I also turn 18 in august jsyk lol idk what imma do.

Also ive been writing this all day. I kept forgetting to finish and post. Lol

Good night y'all

So o just realized that I've had an FA for 3 years xD

Not counting those I used for other things before that.

Anyway I've had an FA since a little after I became a furry.

I became a furry at like 14 low key. Opened up and created a fursona a few months after.

Sometimes you fall only to be brought back to a high point. Sometimes the sun will shine through all those clouds. Thankfully it did for me. My day was actually pretty good interesting.

I'm going to visit my god brother for the weekend. Maybe we'll play games. I hope so anyway.

What happened to my ability to help other when they needed it. Like I'm so frustrated with myself and others so often now. I'm frustrated because I can do nothing across this stupid screen but just wait to see if someone is still alive or not. I just hate it. I hate it when people decide ti just leave me for no reason. I just do.

I hate it when others give up. The part I just don't understand are that some are adults and some even younger than me. Where the heck has the will to live even gone?! How could you not hope that things will get better. Even if things seem at their worse its mainly a test. Its preparing you.

Life sucks sure. It'll always suck. Things happen.

Life does not make you at all. You make life. This means that no one made you cut yourself, no one made you suicidal. You are responsible for how you react and do things. You have a choice. Use it.


I'm seriously tired. I've experienced ti many time when a friend of mine threatened never to come back to me. They said they would die, but I can't give up on people. It makes no sense to me at all.

It just hurts so bad. I can't take the constant death. I don't care how much I don't talk with you. When I talk to you and the next you disappear never to say a word for months it'll hurt me horribly.

This is why I want life to hurry up. I want to get to the point where I can be therw for those who are hurting.

Even just being there. I want to try. I have dreams and I bet some of you do too. So what my dreams may be a little far fetched, but I want to try my hardest.


You know why I haven't dropped dead to the ground yet even though I wanted to do it so many times? Because I had dreams and I had the fear to drive me. Everyday I deal will hell because I don't want others to feel it. Everyday I smile to hide my true sadness so no other will be sad.

Sure I may be 17 and some will say "you're still a child. You wouldn't understand. " so what? I know what right is and I know what wrong is. I know that I lived 17 years for a reason because god could of let me die at a few months old when my mother tripped and busted my tiny little head open. He could of said "let him die" but no he brought me here today and I will never foresake my life.

Nor will I give up on anyone else's life.

That's why I'm tired. Its like I'm carrying the weight of everyone on my shoulders and it hurts, but I'm still surviving. I'm still moving and I won't stop till its my time to go.

So please don't give me an escuse why you can just go and end your life. You've survived this long for a reason! Stop blaming yourself for everything. The past is always in the past. You only need focus on what you can do to better yourself instead of crying over spilled milk.

STOP GIVING UP please...

I know some will ignore this, but for all of you out there I care. Even if no one else in the world cares. I care. So please don't give uo because life truly will get better.

-sighs - It pains me everyday ti see that everyone will rather give up than face the challenge in front of them. To take the easy way out instead of making the most of what you had.

This message might hit a wall, but I hope it'll help someone.

Never had so many people be so concerned about me in school tbh. They could generally tell I was sad even though I tried to put on my best straight face. Gosh this week has been horrible so far.

Oh well I guess. Gotta live through it. Gotta fight the darkness that tries to swallow. Gotta survive.
I will ^^


🎵I won't give up, no I won't give in till I reach the end,
then I'll start again 🎵

I doubt you'll ever see this lol. But you messaged me and because you blocked me I can't respond. But if you do end up seeing this for some reason then:

No, who de heck is that.

Its saddening to know one of my best friends gave in. He gave up. I still haven't given up on him. Its just really sad and infuriating ti have someone block you twice. Especially when all you're trying to do is help them. Its just so sad. I'm just so sad. I genually wanted to help them. I wanted to be there, but in the end all that I did was for no reason. I tried and failed...


Its things like this that makes me want life to hurry up. I want to meet and greet and talk with each of those I care about. I want to help them even when it seems I can't. Sometimes all everyone needs is a hug or a supporting friend. I'm tired of friends feeling so bad for themselves that they fall under.

I promise everyone on here that unless by force, no matter what you do, I won't judge or treat you differently, and you'll always be a friend in my book. I won't give up on anyone. I won't leave anyone like I've been left. I declare this from now on.

If you leave me, you can always come back. I'll welcome everyone with open arms.

I'm open to talk to most days, just note me. I care. The moment we talk I care. Even if I don't follow up I care. I'm here to help when I can. Even if I myself am down in the dumps like now.

Bye now...

I rarely feel like this. Sad and angry at the same time.

I'd say more, but I ran out of steam after messaging a certain person who kinda pissed me off tonight.


Anyway hey guys. What's up?

Hopefully!
Parents say we'll be driving there this weekend to Orlando! I've never been to Florida so I'm so excited! Wooooo

Also sorry for the lack of responses. I forget to check my FA at times and its not like I get a notification when everyone responds sadly. But yea if I don't respond sorry. I'll get to you eventually ^^.

It always feels like forever when I finally say something really on here tbh. Its gotten a lot quieter tbh. Time is just flying sadly.

Hopefully you guys are alright. I'm kinda going through a rough patch in a way. I'll survive though.

Like you go back and look at your sonas and just sigh as you don't feel like you were creative enough vnv I mean bleh.

I feel like that alot right now. Though weirdly motivated.

I wish my friends would not go through so much. I'd rather feel all their pain and more. I'd rather them all be happy for once. It makes me angry to see my friends going through something so crazy without me being to do nothing.

God I really hate negativity. I guess that makes me a hypocrite. Oh well. I really am angry at it. Everyone has to go through stuff at times, but no one should ever have to deal with it daily. Everyone should be able to just smile a few times a day. When I meet them I'm going to do my best to make each and everyone of them smile no matter what.

I plan to visit everyone of them. One day I will accomplish that goal.

So I'm back after a four say break and I realized I felt kinda lonely because outside of this I only have two in school friends, but none I could talk about anything to. My week has been up and down tbh. It was weird. I couldn't facw my temptation to come back, but honestly I miss all of my friends so much. I've been writing about my week in the little blog I made and I think I'll continue to write in it as well.

Anyway I'm back and I doubt I'll ever leave longer than a week cause life is lonely lol.

If anyone wants to chat just note me and I'll answer when ever I'm on FA or if you have a telegram just message me there.

Like.
I'm so stressed out lol.
Idk if taking a break from social media will help me pull myself together or not, but I seriously need some kind of break. I feel like I rely on others for my emotions to much. Which isn't good in the end.

Recently I've been going through alot mentally and sometimes those around me just seem to bring out the worse. I love this fandom and all and I'll prob never leave it, but I need to face my bad and disruptive habits and addictions. Attention seeking is one of many. The more time goes by the more I realize that my emotions changes drastically depending on how much attention I get. There are times where I'll avoid doing work that needs to be done just to find someone to talk to. It gets worse when no one is found.

Like it wouldn't affect me there and then, but out of no where I would feel a rush of negative emotions. Sometimes its because I felt alone or something. Sometimes I literally feel like I feel others feelings cause ill always end up finding out someone else had a bad day or something. Its pretty exhausting.

That's not even the only thing. I'm going to take a break from starting conversations because that's all I do. I realized that Everytime I forget to text someone or message anyone no one ever texts back. I understand some are busy and all, but to never text back bothers me. Sometimes I wonder why I bother if they honestly never really wanted to talk in the first place.

Tho sometimes I can understand that some are shy and all. Some don't know what to say or how to start a conversation. But when I really think about it. Only a hi or anything tbh can start a conversation with me.

Anyway I'm tired. I have multiple sides to myself that conflict constantly. I want to talk to people who generally enjoy a small conversation or becoming a friend. I'm open to anyone becoming my friend, but another side of me is tired of being the one who starts any conversation. Like literally 90% of my conversations start out with me talking be cause I'm tired of being left alone, but about 60% of all my conversations ends in neither side talking for a long time. 30% end in those forgetting about me all together.

What's the point in having so many watchers if barley any are active. I only talk to about 10% of them. I can't fully blame others tho as I too end up not responding after awhile. This is why I can understand some perspectives, but in all honesty I'm really tired. Its draining me alot. In 4 years my happiness has just been sucked away.

I'm not saying anyone is to blame, but everything is just going.

I only have one friend that has been with me from the beginning since I've joined the fandom. I have a few that have been here since last year, but mostly all my close friends have gone. My friends list changes so often that sometimes I forget to change it.

I really only keep it up there so others who are my friends would know, but honestly I want to take it down all together. I'll prob do that too. Because now honestly I can't tell anymore.

I'm that guy who would love to make friends with many people, but I assume to quickly that others are my friends when its not the same on both sides.

Long story short. I need a break to clear my head. It probably won't be long, but if possible I'll keep myself away from social media until March. Which isn't too long honestly, but its a start nonetheless.

Tonight I'm gonna disable my account until sometime in March. I may leave it up till tomorrow so friends don't panic. But yea, I'm going through alot in many areas right now.


Also I'm planning to make a blog just for personal stuffs. If anyone wants to see that I'll prob be leaving a link in this journal later.

Anyway love you guys. I'll be online for awhile today, but tonight for once I'm gonna do what I say I'm going to do.

Edit: yea not gonna disable account :3 but I am going. Love you guys.

Also here's the blog flamincanine.tk

Literally I've been concealing and hiding his gooeyness for so long beside a few small things lol. Idk why, but I usually just kept it to rp lol. But Yea I want more goop of flame.

I just need to figure out for one who draws goop and two how much lol. I also would love to learn to draw it myself lol.


Anyway that's my weirdness of the day.

I'm just thinking back to when I joined the fandom and stuff in 2014 lol.

I'm also thinking back to when I first started drawing. Also how my friend  ubermedic got me to break my shell of uploading to FA. Now look at me. I'm posting stuff everywhere lol.

I really wanna redraw some of my old drawings for my friends. Compared to then I've improved some.

Imma prob draw  ubermedic first haha. If ya see this bro know Imma draw ya again.

I need to sit down and write out each of my sona's purpose in Flame's lore. Lol

Glad I feel better now, but already my teacher gave us some annoying stoichiometry...

First I woke up sick as crap on Saturday and it stayed all day.
Second that ruined a chance to go to a meet that I was about to go to.
Third on Sunday we went to the hospital and I ended positive for influenza.
4th painnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
5th apparently since I was the only one to sign up for a college course for reduced tuition they canceled the whole program. They needed a certain amount from my school to keep it working, but since people don't understand how big of a difference $121 is from $1,081 they didn't take advantage ... And now I'm messed up. Uggggggggggggggg way to go life!