I will be sticking with personal art from now one. I may post requests from friends and what not, but I just kinda give up on commissions. I have been trying for years with little to no success and the furry market is very hard to get money out of. Kinda like trying to squeeze water from a stone. With more and more furries trying to make furry art or something furry related into a business as well as the advent of Patreon, it had made it impossible for me to compete. My mental issue make it hard for me to stick to any sort of upload schedule and I have no money to get ads.

Not to mention I really have a HUGE problem with Patreon. But that's a can of worms I'd prefer to keep shut. If you want details, feel free to note me. If you ask me to draw something for you, I may do it for free or I may charge money; it depends on the complexity and how I feel about said project. Thank you and I doubt anyone will read this anyway! Ciao!

Don't comment on stuff when sleep deprived. I ramble too much and can be a bit more blunt than normal. It'll probably get me in trouble some day. That is all.

I am still alive. I just haven't been drawing lately. I've been more interested in writing lately.

KaBLam? Anyone? That show was a huge part of my childhood! I always looked forward to it and got super excited whenever it was on. I remember my favorite bits being Sniz and Fondue as well as Life with Loopy. I wish it had lasted longer than it had but eh. The reason why I bring it up is I found almost all of the episodes on Youtube and have been watching through the whole series.

Lately I've been struggling with some personal issues that have been caused by the way I was raised. My mother and father treated sex and anything pertaining to it as something extremely evil as well as shameful. The idea of me even holding hands with my then boyfriend repulsed them. Imagine the fits they threw when I started reading adult fanfics. I was actually told I was disgusting for reading it.

Now, when I began to draw it stayed mostly clean until my hormones actually started to work. I used artwork as a medium to explore a forbidden subject and it was a great relief to me to be able to express my normal, healthy desires that I had been told were wrong and filthy. Until my parents began to dig through my artwork that is.

That's been years ago but I still have that deep sense of shame within me. Whenever I draw something adult in nature, I often can't show it to anyone without losing the drive to finish it. The same goes for adult fanfics that I write. I often lose motivation to finish them and intimate scenes are hard for me to write. If someone so much as looks over my shoulder while I'm writing an adult scene and I'll simply stop working on the fic for a long while or just plain scrap it. I've been trying to overcome this personal problems but its not always easy.

I find myself wanting to go help someone who I will never meet and have never met. I find myself wanting to reach out to him to offer him a safe place to go when he's sad even though I know it would never happen. I suppose you all are curious as to who this is and why I feel such a strong pull to help. All I ask is you please don't laugh at me. It's Marilyn Manson.

The guy has to be incredibly lonely if you think about it. He's never had a stable relationship, all the ones he had ending fairly soon. He obviously has MASSIVE emotional issues that he can't get over that's not helping this issue. He also seems desperate for ANY companionship as he starts another relationship literally right after one has ended. I honestly don't think he's happy at all. I also don't think he has very many friends that actually care about his well-being.

I know all of this sounds SUPER stalker-y but I seriously just want to be a shoulder to cry on if he has no one else. I'm most worried about him doing something dumb due to him not having a support network than anything. Also, everyone needs a safe place to go when they're sad, even Rock Stars.

I was browsing Horrific Fursuits and came across this: http://horrificfursuits.tumblr.com/.....st/44878091820

That's my original Manson suit. I'm kinda amused by this. XD

I've been writing some fanfics. Right now I'm actively working on three at a time. I have a lot of manic energy and I can't focus on art right now, so I guess writing is a good outlet. Unfortunately most of my fanfics are human based so I don't think many here would be interested XD.

If you're curious, here's a link: http://members.adult-fanfiction.org.....?no=1296897627

I dunno why but I wanna draw some pony O.C.s so I'm going to offer a 50% off deal for full colored pony pictures. Each picture will only cost $5. There will be limited slots for this deal so hurry and snag one!

1: (Sketch done.) (Awaiting payment)
2:
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So much dumba**ery... I need a good long break from the world...

Today I found out Robin Williams died. found an article saying the guy doing the autopsy suspected suicide by asphixiation. I hope this isn't true.

Mr. Williams you were a great man. Funny and always trying to make the others around you happy. You were a light in many peoples lives. For people who knew you as well as the many that truely loved your movies, you were a treasure. You will be forever missed and no one will ever take your place. I hope that you are in your heaven now, smiling down on all of us.

has given me the task of building a site from scratch as part of me learning how to code. Right now I only have a bit of the display up but the project is going along great!

Basically a long time ago was given the task of making a new furry art site. The project got abandoned due to budget constraints but he got the domain for free. So he's pretty much been having me build it just because it was sitting and collecting dust. I have a lot of plans for this site and I hope to accomplish them. Wish me luck guys! I'll post a link once I have at least a front page to look at.

Just keep in mind that it won't be functioning until I learn more coding.

We're trying to generate traffic and trying to get as many people in as we can. I will give out the credentials to anyone who asks. We might not op you at first as we don't want any griefers. Just don't destroy our stuff and we're good. Anyone interested?

I know I have no place to say anything but I've noticed a disturbing trend among furries.

If you have a mental illness or suspect you do, seek help. Doctors are there for a reason. Taking medication may seem frightening or you may simply not want to take it but its there to help you. I used to be afraid of medications myself. The side effects can sometimes be intimidating or unpleasant but you have to ask yourself if dealing with the illness is better than the meds. In my case, my illness seemed less frightening than the medication I would be put on. I had heard several horror stories of the side effects or the meds not even working for my illness.

I had years of pain, years of lost friends, years of loneliness and a broken relationship to show for my stubbornness in seeking help. As I have stated in previous journals, I have biploar 2. My particular case deals with anxiety, depression and explosive rage. It was so bad when I was younger that I went off on anyone for anything. Now a days the rage has gotten more manageable but the anxiety has made things really hard.

Before I was put on medication I would have daily 'freak-outs' where I would simply run away from home for a while or just blow up at my mate and room mate. I was unpleasant to be around and didn't realize my condition was hurting others simply by them being around me. It took several years of patient prodding on my mate's part to even get me on meds to take care of it.

You may not realize it but all of the unpleasant behaviors you exhibit may be a result of your mental illness and not taking meds. Taking meds could mean the difference between having friends or not for a lot of people. Meds could probably improve several lives if people would just take them.

In closing, its not worth it to ever ignore a mental illness. It could get worse over time or your friends could end up losing you to suicide. Please, for those who care about you, seek help.

Due to unforseen circumstances we will not be moving when we thought or with who we thought. We are currently making emergency plans. If you want more details, note me and I might tell you more. As it is I don't want anymore drama.

If you want to offer support feel free to add me to a me onto a messenger. I will not respond to questions publicly out of respect for everyone involved. I'll be offline for a few days because I'm quite effected by the situation emotionally. Please give me time to cool off. A nice word is always appreciated but please, no more drama.

Lately I've just gotten on meds for my bipolar 2. I've recently had to deal with the absence of anxiety. I don't know what to do with myself recently. I've never had anyone believe in me even once. My mate and room mate are helping to turn me around. Please stay patient. I apologize for delays during this process.

Last night at around 1 or 2 in the morning, all the images on FA were replaced with a picture I drew. http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12903416/ <-- This picture to be exact. The problem only lasted a few moments but it was kinda weird. Did anyone else experience this or was it just me?

Tonight the people in the apartment below us apparently broke up because the guy cheated on the girl. How do I know? Well the girl was VERY VERY loud about it! She was screaming, yelling, crying. Saying things like "Let me go! Get off me! You're hurting me!" just to draw attention to herself. Apparently he wasn't hurting her at all. She was just screaming that so he would let her walk out. Even going so far as to scream REALLY loud for help when she didn't need it.

Naturally, after such a display, the police show up but at our door. They looked so confused when I answered the door all cheerful. They were like "Is there any yelling coming from here?" I just kinda pointed down. The whole complex must have heard her. Gal's got some lungs. I feel bad for her but she shouldn't have made such a scene about it. There might be someone out there in need of actual help.

Again, he wasn't hurting her or hitting her from what I heard (and I heard everything). He was just preventing her from leaving. Probably because its 1 a.m. and he didn't want her to get hurt. At least I hope that. Ah, the joys of apartment living!

Just thought I would try it out. Not expecting a lot of response but I will draw an answer to the comments. Basically ask Manson (Ref: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3925359/) anything you want. But be aware that he's rather nasty at times and can have a bad temper.

Lately my anxiety has been acting up really bad. Its gotten to the point where I almost think I'm going to have a heart attack or faint. Almost anything or nothing at all can cause me to have an attack. For a few days now I've found myself switching between constant anxiety or crippling depression. Its gotten so bad that I find myself crying over nothing.

Just this evening I found myself bordering on quitting drawing. That, for me, is a HUGE deal. I've been drawing and creating since I was 12. I've longed to make myself into a freelance graphic novel author and have been trying to work towards that goal. I've never once cared if people liked the stories I would tell. I used to just let go and have fun with it. Now I can barely sketch anything. I find myself stressing out over if people will like the things I draw.

I'm almost creatively crippled as well as realizing I have to give up my dream. Not to mention that most of the time it feels like I'm playing to an empty house. All of these problems have been piling up until I almost broke tonight. I almost threw away the one thing that meant everything to me for 95% of my life.

I'm also trapped into getting a job to pay for rent. I have a huge fear of having a job. I don't know why and I wish I didn't. Its just plain uncomfortable have a massive panic attack all the time I'm at work. Sometimes I find myself wishing I could just quit and become a hermit.

TLDR; my anxiety is really bad and I wish I could just do art for my job.

Thanks for reading.

May be unpopular, may not be but I adore Cheese Sandwich. I also couldn't get over Weird Al singing pony songs.

Reasons why I like Cheese Sandwich:

- He's adorable! Look at dat hair! Dat cutie mark!
- He's probably the only pony that can rival Pinkie Pie for sheer weirdness but I don't find him annoying like I do Pinkie.
- He gets some of the oddest frontal expressions ever. They seriously make me giggle.
- His songs are catchy and I've found myself wanting to watch the episode just to hear them again.
- Weird Al voices him. I've always liked Weird Al. Even back when he had that weird live action children's show.

If I could draw in the MLP style worth anything I would draw Cheese Sandwich a lot. What makes me curious is how would Discord react to Cheese? Pinkie, Cheese and Discord joining forces would be a truly horrifying thing.

I'm sleep deprived and a bit loopy. Please excuse me while I giggle crazilly to myself and talk to potatoes. Anyway, I had a lot of fun doing the artistic freedom freebies! I may do more with different themes. It all depends on my boredom levels. Back to doing wolf things for now. *runs off squealing*

I've never done a multi layer PSD in Sai before and apparently all the layers have to be made visible in photoshop before you can see them in Sai. Who knew? Always fun to learn by mistake. Imagine my horror when I opened the PSD in sai to work on it and all the layers but one were blank. T___T Took me two times to figure out what was going on.

I'm offering a short lived deal because I'm bored! :D

I'll be doing a free artistic freedom custom character.

I'll only be offering 5 slots! First come fist served!

Just answer these questions:

Three favorite colors:
Anthro or feral:
Gender preference:
Real, fantasy or monster:


Slot 1: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12439078/
Slot 2: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12461514/
Slot 3: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12478586
Slot 4: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12520827/
Slot 5: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12625841/

Closes when I get five people. Closes 1/13/14

Story behind this:

and I were sitting in a car and we were being silly, hyper furballs. I have no idea who started it but it all went downhill went it did.

Sung to the tune of the 12 Days of Christmas

On the First day of Fapsmas my foxy gave to me, a used condom in the damn tree,
On the Second day of Fapsmas my foxy gave to me, two dog dildos,
On the Third day of Fapsmas my foxy gave to me, three cock rings,
On the Fourth day of Fapsmas my foxy gave to me, four modded plushes,
On the Fifth day of Fapsmas my foxy gave to me, five riding crops,
On the Sixth day of Fapsmas my foxy gave to me, six nipple clamps,
On the Seventh day of Fapsmas my foxy gave to me, seven odd fetishes,
On the Eighth day of Fapsmas my foxy gave to me, eight dirty whores,
On the Ninth day of Fapsmas my foxy gave to me, nine glory holes,
On the Tenth day of Fapsmas my foxy gave to me, ten pony fleshlights,
On the Eleventh day of Fapsmas my foxy gave to me, eleven bottles of lube,
On the Twelfth day of Fapsmas my foxy gave to me, twelve foxes fucking,

Happy holidays all and I'm truly sorry for breaking your brains.