Hey all,

So, the big day is coming up. I have most of my stuff packed and now it's just a waiting game. It's really over, isn't it? I mean, this whole college experience. No more waking up at 5AM, no more morning lectures; just work and then go home. I'm glad that I'm moving forward. I left high school during my junior year to get my GED and then started college when I would've been a senior. Can't say that most 19 y/o's have an associates degree, so there's that. I don't know what I'm trying to say here, heh.

I'm trying to make this real. Document how I'm feeling. I give Tacoma a lot of shit, but I'm gonna miss it a little. I've been through two of its winters now, and that has impacted my outlook on it. I've seen everything Ellensburg has to offer, that's why i'm comfortable in it. I feel like I''m at the top of the world when I'm there. To think that I'm going back is bittersweet; to be poetic, ashes to ashes, and dust to dust. I return from whence I came. It makes college feel like a detour. I'm sure that a lot of college students could say the same. To move on, or to move back is this huge philosophical argument in my head. See more of the world or look at the same streets for a while longer.
And of course, I could just move again whenever I want, but I don't know where I want to go. Perhaps I should look at Ellensburg as a Staging area for my life, a comforting valley where I'll always have a home. I can leave it whenever I want, and when I've had my fun, I can come back.
Now that I think of it, Tacoma wasn't any better for me than Ellensburg was, I didn't meet a ton of people, I didn't feel like i was part of any community, it was just same shit, bigger town. Maybe my feelings right now are the same ones I had when I was in high school and I just need to examine things from a distance.

I'm okay.
I've battled to get to this point. I will not let myself down.

What I often fail to recognize is the power of this community i'm in. I enjoy seeing other people passion painted across a digital canvas, I love seeing people come together with a common interest and enjoying a weekend together. I find comfort in that. No matter where I am, the window to this world is on the seat of my lap. I just need to remember that.
I am home, and it's magnificent!

Until next time,
- Fletcher~

Last year, I made a collage of photos from 2017 and uploaded it. I enjoyed teh concept, though the crafting was tedious. I wanted to do the same thing this year, but I fucked it up haha. I accidentally moved photos from my photography folder into the 2018_YIR folder, and tried to undo it with some CTRL+Z action. Well, using "undo" didn't return my files back to their originally folder, so know I have to downloaded them back from this site. Perfect! Anyways, that was a major buzzkill, so I decided to write my year in review. I'm pretty sure only one or two of your read my journals, so it's almost a wasted opportunity, but I enjoy writing, so here we go!


The Year of Growth

2018 saw an overall reduction in photos uploaded to the site, at least, ones I was proud of. I continued my trending theme of moto-centric photography that is admittedly, getting old and repetitive. The lack of proper equipment meant that I couldn't make the most of what little trips I made. Even so, college was my focus above all else, to my benefit and to my downfall.
It could be said that I have been removing myself from the furry community, my destructive habits lending a hand in backtracking what I've established. Hell, I even removed my last journal about the nightclub because I was embarrassed. But this is my life, good or bad, I want to share it with those who are interested and I want a document to look back on.
The header for these paragraphs implies that I grew somehow. For sure, I matured. The mistakes of 2017 did not return in 2018. I have maintained a full year of stable rental history with no roommate conflict. I have become stronger in the face of difficulty and I've gained knowledge and confidence in my trade. That's why i'm here in this sodding city. I've faced challenges that contributed to my growth. My transmission failed and I had to rely on myself to get back on the road, I bit the bullet and pushed myself out of my comfort one at the nightclub, I pushed past an old flame and freed myself of their memory, and I acclimatized to living away from my hometown. I'm sure there are other things I didn't mention, but those were the big ones.

Blooming a little late when it comes to my community involvement, I recaptured my identity on this site. I intend to invest more in my character in the future. I've remembered how much I love the furry community and how expressive I can be with it. I would love to attend a convention, and since I'm starting my career in a week from now, I can afford to travel. Washington State's Anthro Northwest looks like a blast, though west Washington in November is notoriously rainy. Anyways, I'm getting way off track here.

2018 was not a good year for my sex life. After the eviction scare, I shelled up. I did mess around a few times, haha. I invited an older gentlemen in for a one night stand and ended up talking with him for a couple hours. I enjoyed his company, but we didn't stay in touch at all. Later in the year, I was lucky enough to meet an Airman at McCord Air Force base. That night was definitely my best sexual experience, some of the details are groggy, thank to Jack Daniels, but my god was I taken up in ecstasy. I remember, he even prodded at me in the middle of the night for round two. Unfortunately, he didn't want a relationship and we dropped out of contact. I can't seem to hold anyone down. I feel pretty down about that. But I'm only 19, I'm sure my twenties will bring me more, and potentially better, experiences.

From the cityscape of Tacoma, to the wetlands of Tahuya, to the mountain range at Haller Pass, I flew across road and dirt to escape my room.
From struggling to live in a depressed state, to stepping up to the plate to become a better mechanic, I have developed myself for the better.

2019 will bring a more exiting and rich life for me. I will have a full-time job as a powersports technician, I will have my best friend a few blocks away from me, and I will have the resources to indulge my hobbies. I want to kill my loneliness, I want meet new people, make more friends, and I want live like a Casanova. I will not be beaten down again. I will stand in the worn in soles of my boots, head high in the sky, with the wind at my back. I will be free.

Since I joined Fur Affinity in Jan, 2014, I transformed a few times. Though my work is underappreciated by the site (either because my work isn't that good or because the theme isn't what people come here for), there are still 103 of you who watch me as I progress. I'm honored.

See you on the other side, where the grass is greener.
- Fletcher

So, where to even begin. I went to a nightclub last night. Now, I'm 19, so I'm legally not allowed there.
Why was I at a nightclub at all? It seems like it's not my scene. Well, for the last 72 hours I've been scatterbrained. So much going on. I'm so overwhelmed. With the holidays, a big move coming up, and a lot of arrangements to make; I've been thrown off the edge. It's winter break, my sleep schedule has me falling asleep as the sun rises. I re-read a book of mine. You could say it's a romance/drama. It got me feeling lovesick and lonely. The next night, I was in a 16 hour long Discord call with my friend. I enjoyed his presence because I didn't want to be alone with all these stressful events coming up. I was screen-sharing, mostly just memes and other shit I found. I decided to play Amorous for the first time. I shared the experience with my friend, and it was fun. At around 6AM I decided to call it a night.

The game was the last nail in the coffin for my level-headedness. I don't know why, but the game made me realize how lonely I really am and how much time I've wasted. I was over relationships and hookups--until now. My longing returned and staying in my room was killing me. I woke up later in the afternoon and did my usual routine. I played Amorous some for until the clock struck 10PM. I took a break. I had the idea of looking for nightclub in town; I found a few. Just like that, my mind was set. I was coming out of my shell and I was going to push myself outside of my comfort zone in the hopes that I could satiate this sickness.

I asked my friend what I should wear. He suggested something casual. Fair enough, it's fitting for my first time. I have no idea what i'm stepping into, after all. It'd be embarrassing to step into a calm gay bar in revealing clothes. So, I put together a tasteful outfit. At this point, most of my stuff in packed up in boxes and bags for the move, so I was limited in my choices. But it all worked out. I picked my mint-green boxer-briefs, olive green skinny jeans, my favorite pair of boots, a long and slim purple t-shirt, my usual baseball cap, and a thin flannel overshirt. Perfectly casual, if not a little gay, which is the point.

I was ready to go. I was excited. This was the *real* nightlife. Lots of people, loud music, alcohol flowing through the patron's bloodstream. A deadly combo--I love the idea of it. I made my way to A club that will remain unnamed. It's hard to find unless you're looking for it. I was actually trying to get to The Mix, but got lost (I don't ride through downtown that often). Either way, I was satisfied. I could hear the loud music from upstairs. It wasn't something you would dance to. It was slow. Maybe it was a one-time thing? I cautiously walk up the stairs, wondering if there's a bouncer anywhere. I didn't see a sign that stated the age restriction, so I was in luck. Then, a guy in his late twenties/early thirties walks out of the entrance. He sees me and says "you shouldn't walk in here looking that scared." Did I look scared? I shouldn't be, I was there with intent. I was just trying to avoid making a bad entrance. Well, looks like I already did. I greet him and we talk some more. I told him that I was looking for The Mix, but he gave me directions. He seemed puzzled by me. I'm an awkward person for sure, but was my speech really that confusing? I was very shy and I was avoiding saying something stupid, so I spoke with caution and reservation. Note: Don't do that next time.

He lead me back inside after I admitted that I didn't care which nightclub I was at. As you may know, I ride a DR250. My only transportation. So I needed to set down my stuff somewhere. The man I met said he'd take care of it. I handed him my helmet and jacket and he gave them to the bartender to stow away. I felt extremely out of place. I figured it would be busier, but I was wrong. There were 4-6 people sitting at the bar counter, all the tables were empty. No one was playing pool. I hoped that everyone migrated to the dance floor. I told the man, let's call him L, that I was going to the other room (i figured it would be rude to just walk away). I walk into the dance room and I am greeted by more slow music, but at an ear-damaging volume. Inside, there was a clearly marked spot for dancing, with polished wood floors and a family of disco balls hanging overhead. There were four guys on the other side of the room, standing along the counter. There was one guy behind a laptop controlling the music, a group of women next to the door I came in from, and one man on the dance floor singing karaoke.

The sight was sort-of a let down. This wasn't like my fantasy at all. I sat on the nearest stool. I didn't want to draw attention to myself. I idly watched as guys took turns singing, loudly, along to thee music. I frequently adjusted my pose. I wanted to look comfortable, not tense and closed up. Despite the karaoke, I felt almost at home in the dance room. I only dance, alone to my music, but I like the energetic feel of a room like this. Even if there weren't too many people there. I glanced around the room, seeing if any of the guys were looking at me. They weren't. The girls would look at me, though. I would find out later why those two groups were singing and dancing drunk on a Sunday night. The guys were there because a friend of theirs died and the girl were there because they wanted to show their 19 year-old, pregnant GF that she could still have fun. So, no one was there looking to shack up or be promiscuous. My taste in men is weird. When I'm horny, I'll melt for any guy who's fit and makes advances on me with confidence and purpose. Even if I'm not turned on by them as-is. With women, I can be turned on my the sight of them alone. None of the guys caught me eye, and I figured that the women came to a gay club so they wouldn't be cruised. I continued to sit, even when more exciting music came on and more people started dancing. I was scared to embarrass myself in the spotlight. I could get down I wanted to, but I'd need a good friend and some alcohol first.

One of the girls (We'll call her T) approached me, she was a little drunk and, thus, talkative. She asked where I was from and if I was LGBT. She told me why her friends and her were there. It was a nice gesture. Girls are always the first ones to approach me at a social setting when I'm sitting alone , so It's nothing new. They usually just want to see me have fun. I usually never let loose, but I'll perk up and talk for a while.
My ears were ringing from the volume of the speakers and nothing was happening, so I decided to leave the room and check out the rest of the club. I paced the walls, not looking at anything in particular. It was so empty and I felt that I was so misplaced. T called me over to the bar counter and asked if I was drinking age. I told the truth: "No, i'm not."
The bartender wasn't surprised, but picked that moment to inform me that I couldn't be here. I kindly said that I was unaware and that I'd leave; I didn't want to cause any trouble. T asked what I was doing for the New Year, and I said nothing exciting. She wanted to give me her number so she could call me and invite me to a new years party. I gladly accepted the offer, I liked the idea. She picked up her drink and we walked back to the dance room. She still hadn't given me her number and I had to go. The bartender handed me my gear and I assured him I would leave soon. T told him that she just had to get me her number.

We crossed the sound barrier back into the dance room. She got distracted momentarily and walked over to her friends before coming back just in time to swap digits. The club owner, a skinny, short, and old man ushered me out *kindly*. I was apologizing on the way back down, saying that I didn't want to cause trouble and he assured me that he thinks the drinking age should be 18, but that if the liquor people showed up and carded me, he could get fired. That really made me feel bad. That was way too risky. The girl walked down with me and protested, which I thought was unnecessary, but it was nice to see someone stick up for me. Her friend was 19, too, so she could've easily been in trouble as well. We finished trading numbers and she went back inside, saying that she would text me on new year's eve.

At last, I was exactly where I thought I would be: booted out of the club with no one by my side. I was there for 20 minutes, which was enough for my thirst. I'mm sure the club was busier on Friday and Saturday nights and special occasions. But I wasn't getting any of it until i'm 21. I noticed L standing on the sidewalk looking at me. I told him what happened. We chatted some more and eventually moved to his car because it was pretty cold. He clearly took interest in me. He was very charming and had a way with words. I was trying to tell him why I was here tonight, and I ended up talking a lot. That feeling was still in me. The heartache, the lovesickness, and anxiety. So I would pause and try to figure out how to competently make my case. He held my hand and told me to say what I felt. This was new. No one's ever talked to me and looked at me like this. Sure *plenty* of guys are attracted to me and practically drool when they see my ass and cock, but none of them could sooth me like L did. I trusted him, even though we'd just met. I continued speaking about my interest in mechanics, which he found super attractive, thankfully! He began caressing my face and I stopped talking. He stroked my cheek with the back of his fingers like I was a delicate glass cup.
He stopped and we held hands again. I continued talking. Eventually he kissed my cheek. He was dying to do more to me, he made that very clear. But he also felt embarrassed about his advances. Like it wasn't in his control. I reassured him that he was very welcome to do it again--so he did.
It was a little odd. I didn't know if I wanted to keep going or not. I had this internal force telling me to go all-out, while I have another saying "pull out and go home." The rest of the night was a battle between them that ultimately left me in an indecisive state.
I talked more about my background. He seemed genuinely interested. He rested his hand on my thigh. I was pleased with this move. He began stroking my inner thigh and I stopped in my tracks, short of breath. If he was trying to turn me on, he succeeded. I let him continue his sexual onslaught, to my pleasure.
He reached a hand down my back and gave my ass a squeeze. He then leaned in for another kiss. I was in a trace. My fingers were tingling, my heart was racing, my breath was heavy, like there wasn't enough air left in the world. And I was, of course, hard. I closed my eyes and left myself melt withing his grasp.

He stopped, likely to make sure i was okay with it. We talked more after that, eventually he had to go inside to pay his tab and grab me a water. All that talking and moaning had made my mouth dry. He was in there for what felt like several minutes. I left the car and stood in silence outside the club. The karaoke machine had stopped. There was a rat across the street running back and forth silently between his hiding spot and a paper bag with leftover food inside. L came out with water and handed me one. We talked outside some more and decided that he could follow me home. While I was riding home, I was deciding whether or not to accept his offer of going out to eat after I changed. I lost my appetite a day or two ago, I was only eating when I had to because nothing looked, smelled, or tasted good, so I wasn't hungry for anything. I wanted this night to continue, even though I wasn't sure if I was going to fuck him or not. I told myself that I if I stay home, I will regret it. I pushed myself further into the danger zone and opted to go with him to Denny's.
When we got there, I got an uneasy feeling. The sexual buzz was wearing off and my shy, not-horny self was taking over. And he could tell. I didn't eat much at all, and I felt sick. Not only was my lovesickness keeping me up, reducing my appetite, and making me seek out a mate, but it was stopping me from calming down enough to actually communicate smoothly. He got up to pay the bill. I sat at our booth and cried a little. How did I fuck this up? How could I fuck this up? We went back to the car and drove across the road to an empty parking lot in front of an LA Fitness. I tried to tell him what I was feeling, but couldn't. I physically couldn't tell him that, though his touch was magnificent, I wasn't visually attracted to him. I found out more about him at our breakfast in Denny's, and it was turning me more and more off. I saw the normal side of him, not the sexual side.
I cried a little and calmed back down and casually talked about my ex's, something we could both relate to. He drove me home, I said I'd call him after I got some sleep and cleared my head, and returned to my room.

I wanted to write this so I could organize my thoughts and analyze what happened, otherwise it's just noise. I haven't slept yet and the sun's about to rise, I might just stay up and shower.
I should have declined his offer to eat out. I should have left tonight on a great note. Instead, I pushed myself to a point I was not ready for. I will go out again eventually and it will be a better time, for sure, but right now. . . I don't know. I don't know what to say or feel. I just hope I can eat and sleep normally again. I don't want to be alone anymore but I don't think I want him. I think i'm just desperate.

I felt restless, so I decided to ride into downtown Tacoma and gets some shots of the 11th St bridge and the skyscrapers. It was fucking cold and I thought I could hold the camera still enough, but I failed. A handful of photos turned out okay and I'll see what I can do in post, but the cityscape photographs that I was hoping to get are not good enough to upload. So, When the sun finally comes out, I'll get some action photography of my on my bike. Seeya in several hours, Watchers!

Hey everyone!

I found the ol' camera. And I'm gonna get some photos of Tacoma for you all. Seeya then!

This week has been long. Or so it feels.

On Monday, I traveled up to Bellevue to be evaluated for the clinical trial I talked about in my last journal. It wasn't a bad experience, it just required a lot of introspection that h/ad me feeling. . . odd. They asked me a bunch of questions, I took some cognitive tests, and they drew 6 vials of blood, which felt weird. I couldn't sleep that night and missed class entirely on Tuesday. On Wednesday, I made it to class on time and spent the day putting a Kawasaki Prairie 400's CVT and bodywork back together. I also cleaned and reassembled a Kawasaki Nomad 1500 carburetor. And then reassembling the intake system on it and tried to get it running. I made it to class on time Thursday. I got the Nomad 1500 running (turns out the carburetor wasn't inside the intake boot all the way. It felt great. Then I got to work on my driveshaft lab. I picked a Kawasaki Nomad 1600 for this lab. I removed the rear fender, rear wheel, mufflers, gearcase, swingarm and the driveshaft. I checked the wheel for lateral and axial runout, I also checked the rear wheel axle for lateral runout. Everything was going smoothly and methodically. Met some new people at lunch at the bus stop that's not actually a bus stop (it's the campus' designated vaping/smoking area). Which was nice. There was a girl from the carpentry program. She was. . . interesting and pretty.

Lunch ended and I got back to work on the Nomad. I started disassembling the gearcase which houses the pinion and ring gear for the final drive assembly. I had to mark the ring gear teeth with machinists dye to see what the contact pattern looks like; it failed. Not sure why. I stated feeling tired and depressed after that. So I paused and tried to remove the ring gear for the drive spindle. I damaged the spindle boss as a result. I talked to my instructor about it and he said that in order to remove it, I'd need a blowtorch and some lube along with the prybar I used to try and remove it. So I felt like shit even more. At that point, I looked ahead on the lab and I had to measure gear backlash and pinion gear bearing preload. I felt overwhelmed in my current state of mind, so I decided to call it a day and I'd do that stuff tomorrow. I found out on Thursday that my mom lost her job on the 29th. So I felt panicked to try and find a job. She gave me a form to give to my former employers at Larson Powersports that says that I'm no longer employed so that we can be given food assistance. I also asked them if they still needed another technician and my service manager said he'd ask around and get back to me. They're good people. Before I left school, my instructor told me that a motorcycle dealership in Olympia was looking for technicians, so I called them that afternoon and they were happy to meet me. I emailed my resume to the service manager and said I'd be there on Saturday to meet in person. I'm excited about that.

It's now Friday, and I shut off both my morning alarms. My cat's attempt to wake me up failed and I officially got out of bed at 12:34pm. I watched some idubbbz videos and when my mom and brother were gone, I made breakfast. The bacon was good, but my omelette tasted like shit because I thought adding some pepperoni would be a good idea. I tested out our new espresso machine. It worked pretty fast and tasted good. I then showered and brushed my teeth, got dress, and started a load of laundry. THen I got bored listening to today's H3 Podcast and decided to write about my shitty week.

Overall, I missed half of the school days and didn't make too much progress. I've disappointed myself again and now I feel depressed. It's a horrible feeling, like I should be doing better but I'm too ashamed to face the people I think I disappointed. Now I have a new challenge for trying to gain employment and I'm thinking that I wont be able to finish my program as a result. Though, I'm not leaving school to work some shithole food service job, I'd be starting my career. But i've worked so hard jsut to have an associates degree that says that I worked hard for the opportunity to be a motorcycle mechanic. It's just a piece of paper, but it's what I've been working for and suffering for to earn.

I need a friend right now. I need someone to show me that I'm not alone and that I can do this, but I'm a hundred miles away from my closed friends.

Hello watchers,

I check FA every day for submissions from the artists I watch, but I have not uploaded any new photography in recent. I'd say that I'm bogged down with college, but honestly, college is a breeze. In my last journal, I talked about my bike's transmission issue. While that was happening, my smartphone took a shit and died. I bought a cheaper, simpler flip-phone because I was strapped on cash. So I can no longer take the less-than-ideal quality photos you have been seeing for the past year. Before that, I would borrow my mom's DSLR for my photos. As I am on my own now, I can no longer use it. I'd buy a camera myself if I was still really into photography, but I don't have the passion I used to.

Photographers online seem to do pretty well with photos of landscapes and cities (and vehicles). Those subjects are not costly to observe. I could still return to that in the future. But my audience hasn't grown and it never really took off. Not that I'm looking for fame and recognition, it's just that this is a furry website and my work isn't really the saught-after art people come here for. I'm not too invested in the community as it is, but I do appreciate the artwork, so I stay. A handful of you have Favorited most of my work and I want to let you know that I appreciate your support and attention. The only other place I bother uploading my work to, is Tumblr ( http://rennytherider.tumblr.com/ ). But my stuff isn't well-received there, either.

You all have been here and watched me grow from an edgy juvenile to an adventurous adult. My wish for adventure is overshadowed by my newly acquired fear of breaking something. I'm a little reclusive. When I was a teenager, I would wander my small, but beautiful town with a camera and admire its content. In Tacoma, it's not like that. I do not wish to remain here longer than I need to. Hopefully, you will see more from me when I return from whence I came. So know that I am still here and that I'm not going anywhere.

On another note, I have some updates.
To start, I'm halfway through my last quarter at Bates Tech. I'm almost at the end and I'm almost about to begin my career as a motorcycle mechanic. I truly enjoy my line of work. Fixing things brings me great joy and satisfaction. I enjoy riding just as much. I'm scared though. I've felt for while that I'm losing myself. Or, the person that built this page. Who longer for love and who was not alone in the world. He who climbed Craig's Hill in winter to look over the city with a swollen heart; he who pushed against his teachers and superiors because he was not ready to grow up yet. He's lost to trauma, heartbreak, and distance. I mourn him, because despite not having hope for the future, he was profound and he had is friends by his side. Finding meaning in time spent messing around.

Where I am Right now is not because of him. It's because of me. Because I had the nerve to get up off the floor and succeed. I don't know if it's worth it. I somehow feel worse. Maybe once I'm free, I can return to him. Until then.


I've also got some other news. I have been enrolled in a clinical trial for the first ever autism-specific treatment. It's a drug trial for balovaptan. It's supposed to help with communication and social skills. It's a three year process, and I'm not sure if it'l work; I mean, how do you gauge the effectiveness of a drug that improves such an abstract concept? Nevertheless, this is a breakthrough. I'm not looking forward to the regular blood draws, though.



I needed to get some things off my mind, so here you go.
Thanks for reading and I'll see you next time.

So, a little more than two weeks ago, on a Friday morning, I was ready to make my way to class the same way I have done for months. I step into my garage, open the bay door, throw a leg over my steel steed and pull out the kickstart lever. Usually it takes her a few kicks because of the hot weather (and the pilot screw is set a little rich, Note: lean drop the pilot screw when this is over). The day before, I went on a wild ride through town, popping the best wheelies I've ever done. I was bored and needed to expend my energy. It worked. I rode her into my garage with the engine running. That was the last time I rode. You see, that Friday morning, I tried to kickstart my engine and all I got was the gears skipping (they gear teeth were not engaging). I should have been panicked, but instead, I was excited. This was a mechanical mystery that I got to solve. In reality, this was a grave situation, my only mode of transportation had failed me and it could be expensive to repair. So, I removed my gear and raced upstairs to ask my mother to take me to class.

Later that day, when I returned home, I brought back with me, some tools in order to remove the clutch cover and get a good look at the issue. I suspected that the kickshaft ratcheting mechanism had wore out. If that was the case, then it would be an easy fix. After begrudgingly removing the right-side footpeg and rear brake lever, I unbolted the cover. Everything looks fine, for now. I remove the kickshaft and see that all if well with the ratchet mechanism. Hmm, what could it be, then? I noticed some chipping on the gear teeth, this led me to the kickstart idle gear (the freewheeling gear between the clutch basket and the kickshaft). It, too, had chipping on the teeth. Looks like these two gears weren't playing nice with each other! I grabbed the gear to rotate it and felt that there was way too much play. It was actually flopping around. To, either the I.D. of the gear ad wore out or the idle gear pin wore out. So, I called my local Suzuki dealer to see how much the parts would cost. After a few seconds, the Parts employee told be that the kickstart idle gear sits on the output shaft of the transmission. And in her own words "if that shaft is damaged, then you've got bigger problems." The reality of the situation is slowly creeping in and I feel a deep amount of dread. This could get expensive.

Next day, and I have the tools I need to remove the clutch assembly. The clutch was in my way of seeing the whole gear, so I had to be moved. After a minute or two, I have the clutch off and I saw something terrible: The end of the output shaft had cleanly broken off and the output shaft bearing had shattered. This set me off on this two-week excursion that I am just now finishing up on.

So, what was done? Well, I had to remove the engine, completely disassemble it, and replace the output shaft. I bought a used bottom-end core (assembly) on eBay, which is where I got the shaft. I replaced other transmission parts, including the bearing, on of the shift forks, the oil pump, and kickstart assembly. I ordered all the replacement gaskets, o-rings, and seals.
When the engine was apart, I inspected the crankcase. I found that the inner wall of the crankcase had been chewed up by the 1st gear, uh, gear. This discovery led me to my diagnosis:
The output shaft bearing failed first, leading the output shaft to rotate in an eccentric pattern, wearing into the crankcase walls. This is why I kept seeing metal shaving in my oil whenever I did an oil change. Eventually, the cracked bearing wore a groove into the shaft that worsened overtime, weakening it to the point where the end snapped off, which caused the kickstart assembly to "skip." I also noted that the output shaft seal had gone bad, and was leaking oil. The seal was either shredded from the metal shavings, or was widened by the eccentric rotation of the shaft itself.

It is probable that the excessive load placed of the output shaft from Thursday''s wheelie fest pushed the shaft to its limit. This situation has been difficult emotionally and financially. I have spent well over $300 just to get my steed back on the road, and I'm still in the process of re-assembling the engine. By tomorrow, I will have my motorcycle back, the the toll has been heavy.
If you remove the money from the equation, this is a great project and a great test of my skill and knowledge. I just happy that this wall all be over soon.

Thank you for reading!

To all my followers who may be wondering when my next photograph batch will be, I will be riding East to my Hometown for a few days. I will be sure to get some unique shots along the way, but no promises.

After a month, I am back. I'm not proud of why I was suspended. Let's jsut say I learned my lesson. In the meantime, I went on another off-road trip and will upload them shortly.

Hello!

It was been almost five months since my last major update. Since then, as you might have noticed from all my recent photographs, I've been all over the place on my loyal dirt bike, Suzy. I've had a blast riding and I'm glad to see that some of you like the photos from my adventures. In my last update, I talked about college and moving and a few other things that I was sorting out. I'm happy to announce that I'm three weeks into college and six weeks in Lakewood!

I haven't made any new friends outside of my college program and my roommates. I've had some fun on Grindr, though, and it's helping me get out of my shell. I did meet this one guy, whom we shall refer to as "A," and he's really cute. But I'm not really attracted to his body. I feel like shit about it, because he's a really great person, but I just don't know if I should keep on dating him if I feel like it won't work out. :/ Maybe I'm just overthinking this or maybe I'm just an asshole. I don't date someone if I don't want a future with them, so that's where the conflict is.

Bleh, moving on to less personal topics. My college program is amazing and I've learned a lot. I mean, I get to earn credits from working on bikes! That's fucking great! However, yesterday was a bit different. Now, everyone in that class, except one person, is considerably older than me. They all share this sense of humor that I'm trying to adapt to, but it's becoming difficult to fit in with everyone. I just feel like a joke in there, I get the same vibe from my instructor. I'm terrible at making jokes and every time I try, I fell as though I'm making a fool of myself. Perhaps I've become too relaxed in the program. Perhaps it's time to keep my head down and keep to myself.

My roommates are great guys and our house is really nice. They're gone most of the time, so I've become quite acquainted with the three cats that live here. It's not that different from when I lived in Ellensburg. I'm a short ride from the nearest gay bars/clubs in north Tacoma, but you have to be 21 or older to get in, so I'm shit outta luck there :/

Well, I can't think of anything else to update on, seeya later!

- Sean

Hooray! The big One-Eight. I've made it this far.

Good day! I have some news:

> On June 1st I will finally be 18! Hooray! It's a bittersweet moment for me and I know that I have o make some changes to my life, but I'll make it any way I can. Here's to new beginnings!

> I'm going to college this year! A few years ago (maybe even several), I sincerely never thought I would go to college. I just couldn't stay up or pay attention in school and the subjects I actually tried in were narrow. I eventually just gave up. In March, 2017, I earned my GED. I did something that no one thought I could do, including myself. It took me just five months to study and take the tests, and I finished high school a year earlier because of that.

I will be attending Bates Technical College in Tacoma to earn my associates degree in powersports technology. With that degree, I will become a motorcycle mechanic. I start in September.

> I got my motorcycle endorsement in September, but wasn't fortunate to get a job until March. Now, I can finally afford to buy my first motorcycle! I put a down payment on it and will pay the rest off in the first week of June, then it will be mine!. Curious what it is? It's a 1990 Suzuki DR250. I vow to never own a 4-wheeler! My die-hard-ness will probably bring me many ups and downs, adventures, and tall-tales; but that's the best part.

> Photography, right; the art style that you all watch me for! I will return to this, but just know that it will mainly be bike-themed. I plan to go many scenic places on my Suzy, and you will all be there to witness it with me! Better camera equipment is on the way--when I can afford it.

That's it for may 26th. I'll see y'all on the flipside!

- Sean