Is anybody going to ANE? Interested in hanging out, gaming, or doodling together?

I'm at Texas Furry Fiesta right now guys. I'll probably take this journal down when I come back home.


You ever seen the Lego Movie? You know that scene where Emmit enters the saloon for the first time in "The Old West?" That's pretty much how imagine every North Easterner like me acts whenever we go to Texas.

I've been drawing again lately, got a dozen or so new things scanned. The thing is, they're all just shitty sketches, not inked or colored or shaded. It really pains me to post shit like that on FA because of how crude it looks by comparison of the commissions and gifts I have in my gallery. If I upload too many sketches then my whole gallery will look like crap like that. I know that on FA people really prefer inked and colored art.

I don't know if anyone really wants to see the pictures I've been doing lately. I showed them to a few friends on Skype but that's all. Like I said, not really sure where to put them if I did make them public. Anyone want to see them even?

I've been reading a lot of sci-fi lately. in fact, in the last year or so I've read more books for fun than I have all my life before. Kinda sad that I only discovered the joy of reading at age 30, but as a dyslexic reading was always something for *other* people to do. I would hear people talking about reading Harry Potter or the Animorphs as a kid and just feeling like that was a club I was excluded from. Even in college I only read as much as I had to, and I hated it, so I assumed that all reading was like that. It wasn't until I read my friend Trick's novel that I kinda realized that reading for fun was something *I* could do.

Anyway, I've been reading Honor Harrington, Through Struggle the Stars, The Lost Fleet, Star Carrier, The Culture, and most recently Night's Dawn. Something I've noticed, though, (especially with Knight's Dawn) is sprinkled in with the action and storytelling is romance and sex scenes. Now, I don't mind the sex, but as an asexual it doesnt really *do* it for me. Now, these really aren't romance novels, so it's not the focus of the books. Still, I could imagine that, were I into hetero sex, it might be a nice bonus for while reading.

This got me to thinking "wouldn't it be nice if there was something like this, but with vore instead of sex (or in addition to) so that I could enjoy it along with the story?" It'd be even more enjoyable for me since I get such a kick out of my vore scenes having some kind of context and consequence to them. Even if it wasn't exactly the kind of vore I liked, I still would really dig the idea.

I guess I've already made two attempts at creating something like this myself. First there was Macro Lyfe, the comic I was updating three times a week. That was obviously going to have vore in it, but it would only be part of a broader concept with character development and world building. Of course, we all know how misserably THAT project failed. The other project has been the tabletop game I've been trying to run. It's supposed to be about 1/3 storytelling, 1/3 fight scenes and dungeon crawling, and 1/3 vore roleplaying between players and NPCs. I've had some success with that one, though I can tell not all the players like the concept of vofe in a "serious" game.

Back to the point, I do still wish there was something - a novel or graphic novel or webcomic or something - that was mainly about the story, the characters, and the world-building, but still with bonus vore content thrown in for the delight of all us voraphiles.

More furries need to take to heart the lessons that can be learned from Foxy from FNaF. If you feel like someone important isn't watching you, you should reach out to them. Chances are they just need to be reminded of you. You shouldn't mope and brood about feeling ignored, after all, chances are they are just busy paying attention to something else.

My mate of 10 years just moved out. We didn't break up or anything, it's just she suddenly got into grad school (neither of us really thought she would but figured it was worth a shot) and we've been scrambling to get her ready. It was never part of the plan that I'd move with her, there isn't room in the dorms and I'd just be a burden financially. Still, she's only been gone a few mins and I already feel lonely.

People who've known me for a while will know that Indigo and I haven't had the best relationship. We've been on the verge of breaking up for years. Really recently, though, we really started patching things up. I still don't know what the future holds, whether we'll stay together forever or if this is just a smooth section with more turbulence ahead. For now, though, things are going to be really quiet for me - which is something I've desperately needed for a long, long time. Quiet, relaxing, but also depressing.

I may finally go play Skyrim or Mass Effect to get my mind off things.

Something in vore that i have never gotten tired of is predators with long sticky tongues like a frog's or like Yoshi's. They're just oh-so-perfect for slurping up small prey. I'm not *sure* that aardwolves have long sticky tongues in that way, but that's how I like treating them. The only thing is that characters that have that trait seem to be exceedingly rare. In my long time doing vore RPs, I think I've only ever met three, and for various reasons I can't or haven't been able to RP with them.

Anyway, that's enough of me complaining. I don't know if it's really an appropriate thing to make a journal like this, but I figure, what's the worst that could happen? Last time I posted a LFRP journal I met some of the best friends of my life.

So um, does anyone else out there like having a sticky tongue?

Anyone want one of my pathetic scribbles? I'll try to do 3 today and they are first come first serve. BUT, you have to give me an IDEA of what to draw. Just saying "Draw me" and when I ask you "what should I draw you doing?" and you say "IDK, whatever" you are disqualified. This journal isn't long, so shame on you if you don't even read it.

I started drawing again as of FAU, but the only thing I draw is my shitty "hurricane of lines" scribbles. Like, I don't think they even count as sketches since they are so poorly formed. Still, some people seem to like them, so I was wondering if I should bother scanning and uploading them. I know they wouldn't even compare to the gift art and commissions I've been uploading latel and I probably will end up losing viewers, but whatever it's not like FA is some game. Let me know what you think.

I got absolutely sick to death of my old Tumblr blog, so I started a new one. Not much more to say than that. The URL is here:

http://ahungryaardwolf.tumblr.com/

I am on so many painkillers right now, I am so out of it. The operation went super smoothly, despite the surprise hemophilia. This is like wisdom tooth extraction on crack (not to mention I had all four wisdom teeth pulled out in addition to the osteotomy) Anyway, just an update on how my recovery is going and why I am gonna be so out of it for a while.

Well it looks like it's going to be more like "The two years of pain." A while back I posted this journal: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3915153/

Basically to correct a horrendous open bite, I have been in braces for over a year now to prepare me for the jaw surgery. Specifically, I am getting what is called a "Lefort Osteotomy" and unless you really like gory pictures I suggest you don't image search it. Here's a tame picture I found for it: http://www.cforalsurgery.com/files/.....am-of-face.gif

Basically it involves removing a wedge of bone from my skull, right under my sinus, and then fitting the skull back together using rivets. It's so much worse than the mere description I first got - "We break your jaw and let it heal in a new position." Oh, as a bonus I'm getting all my wisdom teeth pulled out too, just in case the osteotomy wasn't enough.

They're gonna leave me in the hospital for a few days for observation. After that the REAL fun begins. I'll have my mouth wired shut for a little while, but even after that I won't be able to chew solid food for several months. The procedure also severs some nerve endings, so I apparently will feel numb on my cheeks for up to two years. Even after I start being able to chew solid food, apparently it will take months before it stops hurting and my mouth will feel really weird (since they're changing the shape of it)

Oh, also, in preparing for the whole thing, I found out I have mild hemophilia - so that's a thing.

Edit:
The procedure is this Tuesday. I forgot to mention that. That was the whole point of the journal.

Pretty much what it says in the journal subject line. I'm not sure what else to say other than that. I'd been considering making a group like this for a few years, really. I noticed there was really no other group that fit this particular niche. I am really really really hoping I'm not, like, overstepping my bounds by creating and running this group. It's not like I invented this sub-fetish anyway.

Anyway, here it is if this is your thing:  ObjectVores

In just a few hours I'll have been sober for a month - which is the longest I think I've ever been sober in a long long time. The question is, what should I do next? There were a lot of times I restrained myself by thinking "Just wait until the 1st, you'll be able to have as much as you want then!" But I dunno... I don't want to relapse.

I don't know why I'm randomly making a journal on the 17th day of my attempt to go sober. Like I said ealier, I have, like, a phobia of making journal entries. I have dozens of ideas of what I want to say, but I never say any of them because it feels like I'd just screw it up. Like, unless I obsess over my ideas and write a hundred drafts I am not allowed to share my thoughts.

And then I'll just do something like this.

Anyway, deciding to start my sobriety at the start of the month has made keeping track of how many days its been pretty easy. It's January the 17th, that means I've been sober for 17 days. Frankly I can't believe I've gone this long... it suuuuucks. Every day I get this almost painful desire to drink. Absolutely anything and EVERYTHING sets me off. Frustrated with work - need a drink. Phone meeting I hate - need a drink. Online drama - need a drink. Feeling unmotivated to get work done - need a drink. Stressing out over relationship issues (which happens almost all the time) - need a drink. Even positive things do this. Like, if I finish a piece of work ahead of time and feel good - need a drink, to celebrate.

The Pitch

So, I would like to run a vore-themed game of pathfinder. I've seen a few people running games like this and I would like to try my paw at it. My approach might be a bit different though. Even though vore would feature predominantly, I would see it as primarily a story=driven game. Some vore might happen in combat, but I foresee most vore happening outside combat with NPCs.

At the same time, I don't want a game that is nothing but eating each other. In my game I would like combat, storytelling, and vore to all sort of transition into each other, breaking the monotony of the other two. There would be full scale combat, story arcs, AND detailed vore scenes, just not all the time. In fact whole sessions could go by without one of those elements. I don't want to compromise any of them.

Since I’d like to take the story seriously, I would like to take the vore seriously. When someone gets eaten, whether its an NPC or PC, it needs to matter. There's not going to be permavore, as that would make vore really high stakes and probably impossible to work with. Reforming takes time, and is only possible under certain circumstances, so it’s more than just a minor inconvenience. I’ll get more onto that later

Goals

There are a few reasons I want to do this. First, I would like to try to have a setting where vore happens in some kind of context. I would like there to be ramifications for vorish actions, both positive and negative. Doing one vore RP after another, in total isolation, feels like being stuck in the Groundhog Day movie. In this game, eating NPC A will have an effect on NPC B, and so on.

The second reason is more simple: I really want to be part of a long-running RP with a group of people. Pathfinder seems like the popular choice for a ongoing RPG, but I would happily run Ironclaw or learn a new system (heck I would run F. A. T. A. L. If I had to at this point). I just miss having a long running game.

Third, I have come up with a furry, vorish campaign setting that I really want to play with. I've been quietly working away at it for years, and I'd be bummed if it never went anywhere. I will get more into that later.

How I plan for it to work

Vore and reformation in my game is based on "soul storage." When a predator digests their prey, they obtain and store the prey's soul within their body. Depending on how familiar the predator and prey were beforehand, they might even be able to communicate. Most towns are built around Artifacts of Reforming, which allow predators to bring those they've digested back to life. There are also one-time-use reforming crystals that can be taken with you. A particularly magical being might be able to reform their prey (or even themselves) without a crystal, but that ability has a long cool-down and is very physically draining. If a predator eats another predator, they get all of the souls that that predator ate. They could thus "save" any prey that had been eaten by a nefarious predator by eating them.

So say one of the players ate a locksmith NPC and then later needed to break in to something. They would have the option to reform the locksmith and see if they will help out. This is also a great way to transport prisoners.

As great as all this sounds, it does come with a cost. First of all, anyone who takes the vorish feats is marked as a predator and MUST eat someone every few days. Each day that a predator doesn’t eat someone, a little counter will go down by one step, which eventually leads to stat penalties. The only way to reset this counter is eat someone. They’ll have a few days, but after a few sessions they will be pretty much forced to sneak into some village and gobble up a resident.

This leads me to the second issue, almost all NPCs are unwilling prey. Even though most towns are built around Artifacts of Reforming, that still doesn’t mean that random villagers and farmers are willing prey. The nearest Artifact may be several days walk away. There’s no guarantee that the predator will reform them any time soon, or even at all! There’s obviously going to be a stigma between the prey species and the predator species.

There’s one last bit that I’d like to cover, too. Since the souls of the digested prey can communicate with the predator if they know them well, this means that a digested PC may still be able to take an active role. I haven’t quite nailed down the mechanics of how that’ll work, though. I’d like to experiment.

Random Character Ideas

Here’s a list of some random NPCs/PCs I’ve thought of just to sort of be thematic.

Aureana is a female jaguar cleric. She’s the type that’s always out there to do good and help others in need. While preaching, she would talk about how important respecting nature was and how the food chain was part of it. She felt like - because she eats people - she has to devote herself to society.

Barron Caseum III is the lord of a small village. He is a mouse, and he outright forbids any predators from eating him, or any of his friends and family. All such mice mark themselves by wearing blue and gold capes, all the rest of the rodents he seems to not care about.

There is an evil band of slavers lead by an anthro wolf. They abduct their slaves by eating them and reform them into chains at their own hideout. Somehow they’ve managed to get their hands on an Artifact of Reformation of their own.

The world of Miiar

I’ve thought a bit about the actual back-story and setting the game is going to take place in, too. Here is a bit of history:

Hundreds of years ago a powerful necromancer was on a worldwide conquest. Hundreds of kingdoms had fallen to him and been reduced to undead wastelands. Everything the living races could throw at this necromancer was slain and turned undead, making his undead empire even more powerful. He was even starting to get to the level where he would start slaying and defeating the very gods.

The trouble was, while it would take the living races years and years to raise a formidable army, the necromancer could raise an equal sized undead army with about as much effort as snapping his fingers. That’s not to mention all the resources that the living races needed - food and supplies - that the necromancer could simply ignore. Even a victory against the necromancer would scarcely mean anything, since another undead army would simply be awaiting the victors.

Since the very life of the world was threatened and civilization was collapsing, a bunch of druids came up with an epic-level spell, empowered by desperate nature gods. That spell was to “transform every wild beast of the forest into an army" and thus created anthros. Now the living races could raise armies just as easily as the necromancer, and the war eventually came to a close.

Now, unfortunately, there weren’t nearly enough domestic animals to feed all the obligate carnivore anthros. There was barely enough food to feed the surviving humans, much less all of the new anthro herbivores. On top of the food shortage, all of the animals still held all their previous instincts. They had, after all, been wild animals only a short while earlier. So they all started eating each other despite having been given sentience. What was left of civilization completely collapsed. The dwarves hid in their mines, the elves disappeared into dark mystical forests, and the humans fell to barbarism.

There were still a whole lot of necromancy doodads laying around from the previous war. Eventually an order of wizards of unknown origin developed the technique for soul storing and reforming using the Artifacts. However, the area where that technology/magic is available is still relatively small. Most of the rest of the world is covered with herbivore and carnivore anthros fighting with each other.

What I’m looking for in a player

Just from reading everything so far, I hope that you have sort of an idea of what kind of player I’m looking for. The game is going to be character based and story driven. The players need to be ok with plot-heavy stuff, even though vore is pivotal element. None of this “I eat him cause he looks gud,” stuff. Just like I'd rather not have players randomly set livestock on fire because they think it'd be funny. That being said, I'd like them to really enjoy the vore when it happens too. I like to think of it as the vore-equivalent of romance in a epic fantasy novel.

I hate to say it, but I sort of foresee this game appealing mostly to people who plays as predators but don't mind being a switch occasionally. I think I could accomidate a pred-only player, but I don't know if I'd be able to make a prey-only (or even mostly-prey-only) player happy. If they did get eaten all the time, they wouldn't be able to directly involve themselves nearly as much. Who knows, though, maybe I'm wrong.

Above all, I need players who will make the effort to be present at each gaming meet-up. I need their patience as well. I am HARDLY an expert at Pathfinder. In fact, I've barely played D&D before, so I'll be learning as I go.

Also I'm working on a map for the campaign setting right now.

I wonder why I have such a hard time writing journals? So many people seem to be able to go page after page and post journals every few days, but for me it's this hugely intimidating thing. Oh well, that's a different issue.

Anyway, I just want to announce that I am going to try going dry this January. For those who know me, they've probably listened to me bitch about my relationship with alcohol. I drink too much. I drink for the wrong reasons. I drink too often. I drink alone. It's bad. Identifying the problem is supposedly the most difficult part, but lemme tell you the other parts are no fucking picnic.

Normally I wouldn't want to beg or even draw attention to myself, but this is going to be HARD for me. This is going to be a hard January and I'm going to need all the support I can get. I really mean it. This is going to be a project for me. I don't know about some people, but it's DAMN hard finishing a project without any sort of feedback. I will fail if I don't get any sort of response. I may have to write journals more often about this later on or something.

The person I was going to stay with at MFF has suddenly run short on cash and had to back out. I already have plane tickets to Chicago but no one to stay with. All my other friend's rooms are full. Does anyone have an extra space in their room?

So, it's been over a year since I've uploaded any drawings. I figured I had quit drawing for good. The thing is I do doodle from time to time. This is really low quality shit, though (even lower than what I used to upload, believe it or not). For some reason I have an irrational desire to upload this crap, though. I know my art if awful, but I think the question is whether I care or not. The answer is that I seemingly don't care that it's terrible and I want to put it on my FA page anyway. I figure, if lots of people start unwatching me, well oh well. I guess I just had it coming.

The thing is, although I have a scanner, it apparently is just too old to work with modern operating systems. So I guess I need a new scanner. The problem is that scanners cost money and I have very little motivation to spend any on one. I mean, I just went on about how crappy my art is in the previous paragraph. Like I said, though, it's an irrational desire and it's just been bugging me lately.

So I guess I'd like to try something. I want to see if I can make enough money on commissions to buy a scanner. There are two problems with this plan, though. First, art is shitty shit (see paragraph 1) and I can hardly imagine someone would pay for any of it. Second, I will have to get the scanner before I can digitize and upload said art. I can't really accept payment upfront, since I don't have the damn thing. The point is I wouldn't be able to ACCEPT the commissions until I had enough people willing to pay to reimburse for the scanner.

Now, I don't want to sound like I'm "testing" the fandom. I hate it when people do that. Like "you can't see any stuff until you guys pay for this thing for me >:C." I guess, it really just amounts to the fact that if I got people to sign on to something like this it would give me a lot more motivation to do it. I don't even need ALL the money for the scanner, if I even just got a large amount of the money needed I'd go and buy the thing. So yeah... motivation.

Commissions would be fore the standard amount. 5 for a sketch. 10 for an ink. 20 for a flat color. 30 for shading.


TL;DR: If I get 80 dollars worth of commissions I'll go and buy a scanner and upload all that art.



Oh, also I'm not a fox anymore. I'm an aardwolf now (not a hybrid)

Ok. I want to rant. I promise myself to stop being so negative in journals, but I am just so strung out right now.

I want to know how you are supposed to make friends in the fandom when everyone is built into these tightly knit social factions and NONE of them are accepting new members. I try my goddamn best to be friendly. I talk to people I haven't met yet and I try to be engaging and listen well. I am terribly shy, but I think I am pretty good at not ACTING shy. It is just a matter of overcoming anxieties. But as much as people appear to enjoy my presence, I NEVER seem to get a second thought from anyone. I am just some nice guy who exists, not someone to actual make welcome.

I am not saying I don't have friends. Of course I do, some very recent, and I am so thankful for them. Its just... it seems like everyone else has more than a few individual friends. It seems like they are part of something, and I wish I could feel the same way so badly.

I especially wish I had some I could meet in person every once in a while. I keep hearing stories of how "me and my local furry friends did this," or "my local furries have a long running game of D&D" or "it's great when my 'pack' does..." etc. I've gotten more and more bitter and jealous when I hear that. I feel like I can't deal with the iscolation out here for too mucn longer. Its already given me lots of bad habbits. I just don't know what to do.

Apparently not even going to local furry meetups helps that much, because many of the people I hear from say they and their "pack" avoid meetups at all costs...

Basically it comes to this: how the fuck are you supposed to make friends when no one is looking for any more friends?


Sorry... written in the heat of the moment... but I don't think I'll be able to sleep until I have this off of my chest and out in the open.

I've had a serious hankering to play some minecraft, but I don't really know anyone who's running a server right now. If I had my choice, I'd prefer to play on a FTB modded server, but if not I'll play on a Tekkit or Vanilla server happily. So yeah, if anyone has anything like that running, please lemme know?

I just added my skype, msn, aim, and yahoo contact info to my FA page. Just thought I'd mention that.

The scanner i've had for over a decade still works like the day I got it. They just don't make 'em like they used to anymore. However, I don't think any driver exists that will let it work with my new 64 bit processing system. Not sure if its important, but I already had lost the drive to make art for a while now. I haven't had the will to tuch pen to paper for about a year in fact. The reason is simply that, in the years and years I've been drawing I haven't seen myself improve one inch. In the mean time, I've seen a good dozen artists start with mere scribbles and are now highly respected artists in the community. That comic I made was like a last ditch effort to try to seek improvement, while hoping to compensate for my suck at art with hopefully good writitng. Well, I feel like I failed spectacularly at both those things and the drive has left me ever since.

I've had a few ideas i've felt like doing since then, and I even got some sketches done, but the loss of my scanner made it feel pretty pointless once again. I think if I ever really do ever get the urge to draw again I'll try getting a tablet instead.

I don't really know what the point of this journal was, hopefully not seeking pitty. I think I just wanted to vent, as usual, and maybe update a few people on my status whom might be wondering.