We were stuck between me and another alter. I still cannot tell ho is who. We are frightended
.

It's been quite a while since I was last here. One major thing has occured. I realised (for maybe the twelfth time) that I'm probably a system. I hate calling it a system, but that's what most people with know it as. I currently have 5 known and active mates, with at least 15 that are (hopefully) just dormant, if they even existed in the first place.

I only wish I knew exactly what happened to cause all this. I'm traumatised. I'll be this way forever.

I posted about this on my tumblr blog but I'm often rather comfused by self. Got diagnosed lvl 1 autism and totally believe it, but I have struggles that make me wonder wtf I'm doing.
I shouldn't be struggling with typing, talking, or reading, but...I do. It's not that bad I gues because can force myself to be normal but sometiwms I just...can't do anything.
I remember when I was getting tested for autism, I had no problems expressing myself, even though it feels, *feels* like that's no long er accurated.
I'm like clinically bad at math, but don't have dyscalculia. That means nothing, I just thought it funny.

Sometimes I need to write in simple sentences. Ones that to the average reader seem broken or grammatically wrong. It's odd and I hare it because not always like this, but it happens. It's comfusing.
It especially happens when I feel my name should be different (Pinion speficecally). It's very strange. Pinion types simpler sentences and doesn't really talk.

I...don't exactly consider myself a freak. I still feel out of place in cis, trans, and intersex spaces, but I have nonhuman things to worry about so Idrc about that....haha......yeah....

I wish I could have more CZ friends on here. But I don't know if there are any others here.
I can only talk to myself for so long, y'know?

I feel like such a freak. If I am intersex then I guess that's it for me. I was originally proud of the notion but now I realise I'll fit in even poorer than usual. I'm already full of mental disorders that make other people see me as an anomaly, why not pile onto that?

If there's one thing I hate, it's myself. I'm too stupid to tell when or if I'm being bullied, and I feel like it's about to get worse.

I don't feel like I belong in either Intersex or Perisex communities. I feel like I should just shoot my face and get it over with or something.

Boy, sure wish I knew why antlers were so damn hard for me to draw. It's a main component of me. I'll learn anyway.

I hate having as many diagnoses as I have. I feel like people either feel like they have to feel bad for me, or they want to make fun of me.

I used to be dead. As in, I used to have Cotard's syndrome. I was big black fluffy dog. I'm still that, but it's not nearly as strong.

I just showered, and I couldn't stop checking out my little facial hair in the mirror. I have sideburns, a growing moustache, and hair under my chin.