in april moderators abruptly, i think suspiciously, became aware of the dragoneer picture i made back in august, deleted it, and suspended me for a day, I think MOSTLY because I criticized, on my OWN website, their fundraiser and the person eventually revealed to be behind it, who was not actually identified by fur affinity at the time of my criticism, and it seems like i had to go through a bunch of folks to get a consistent answer about what I did that was actually actionable. And i wonder if any of them pointed at the second mascot in my drawing and asked "hey, who's this one supposed to be? Do we got TWO mascots?" They made me sufficiently paranoid about even linking to a page of mine which shows the picture, though this aftermush is still around. which the official account today "faved" suddenly, along with seemingly every other rednef picture ever made, presumably without realizing i was the same person they suspended over the matter alluded to in that picture.

And today we have a memey garbage site announcement and a new unsettling header for me to block.

february 2 addendorf: i have confirmation that he is not dead! i suppose it was just a message like any other that I did not know how to interpret
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addendoyle: I interpreted it as an "i will soon be dead" sort of message, nothing to do with following or unfollowing anyone's page, since that hasn't been a factor since november 2022 when I briefly attempted to force a cessation of contact. Contact continued but without an "official" page-watch. So possibly this means only the occasional unofficial non-watch visits are set to conclude. But if that is all it is, why TELL me, at the same as favor-marking my featured image? People drift out of each others' realms of awareness without a word all the time, and this seems different.

////////////////////////

this person  klarkkentthe3rd left me a rather ominous comment earlier, to which I was prohibited from responding. I sent a private message from an old account of mine but from what I can tell that message has not been seen and no further other activity has occurred here either. I know nothing about this person apart from that user name and "Andrew" listed on a counterpart deviantart page, and so I wonder what, if anything, is going on there.

In the past I had complained about some of his other comments --never in a personal manner but I can never truly know how I am perceived-- but I never figured I was a person of any importance in his life, not seemingly one his preferred artists, and thus not someone whose gripes should have any significant bearing, but I do apologize if I was mistaken about that! The sad fact is that it is very easy to put me off, but I don't experience any deep harm from this sort of thing and do not wish any to be inflicted, either.

will 2025 be better? I set the bar low in 2024 to guarantee it. I didn't even miswrite "2014" on purpose!

https://bsky.app/profile/bimshwel.bsky.social nice to be on a popular site early for a change and not have screwed it up yet

i also had one a year ago but it was still in annoying invitation only mode. But apparently it is open, functional, you can even post gifs (provided you turn them into mp4 first) and unlike weasyl actually used widely enough right this moment to have a dedicated misinformation campaign against it from musky shills who think elon is going to notice them and mail them some foie gras that dripped out of his mouth or something so that is nice if more people are getting focused on a system that hasn't yet totally given in to corporate interests and ruined its engagement system over that. It would be nicer if we didn't now live in the world of facts and counter-"facts" about every possible petty topic.
I also have pages on several of the sites listed https://www.furaffinity.net/view/53081268/ that are still viable. Cohost was sort of nice, and so it had to die. I guess fur affinity is still here also, despite all logic indicating it should have exploded a decade ago.
https://bsky.app/profile/respelia.bsky.social doesn't necessarily have a reason to exist at the moment but it might if the main one gets enough people following it that I think might be bothered by respelia sorts of garbage

another edit: I just discovered that the creep trying to doxx me and getting cheered on for it had amidst that posted pictures of my two minor cousins, with names and faces visible, right there on the softcore terrorism forum to try and get to me, while calling ME sick. How am I supposed to process that? How far does the "yeah but you kinda deserve it for posting there at all" excuse extend to cover? Are they 100% justified in enshrining lies about me next to personal identifying information about my relatives indefinitely just because I talked in the wrong place? fiddle deef foodle

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

maybe this makes me look spineless, but I was never especially spineful. As I say down there, I don't have the options that some people do.

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https://www.bimshwel.com/awnaw/diamondtierror.png

there is a conversation log. you can read it, but it gets summarized amidst this mess.

I'd rather not but I feel an obligation to myself to mention something that has been going on lately

Some guy who i have seen occasionally like-marking my posts for a few years, and who shared a mutual friend, came to me, seemingly asking me to pass along a message. He got banned from a forum full of reactionary maniacs and seems to be telling me, through rather colorful second-language english-: "this isn't true, they've misidentified me." I didn't know what good it would do but I decided to try and pass along the message since I, no credit to myself, have an account there that I mainly used after furaffinity's garbage handling of dragoneer's death because most of that forum's users despite purporting to loathe furries with zealous fervor have accounts on every furry site and browse them more in a week than I do in a year so to supposedly keep informed, and occasionally valid information slips through the abuse and irrelevant racism in their reports.

And so I passed along the information, as best I understood it and as best I understood the request, which seemed to say "this matter INVOLVES me but don't share THIS message specifically." Which made my delivery extra awkward and no surprise convinced no one but DID lead to the reactionaries, who turn out to have branded this guy (AND the mutual friend) PEDOPHILE over his weird fandom jargon that I don't recognize but they do because they're all pervy digital bog-dwellers just like him, deciding that I must therefore also be, and you can't argue with them to any positive end. They call you guilty in the same breath they introduce the charges and then their cronies regurgitate the lines for pages and pages and fill your inbox and your own profile page with incendiary fabrications. For being anti-furry they sure love a good kangaroo court. It is difficult to function when I'm getting that, and I dwell on it afterwards. Obviously. Even when they're "nice" they do it in a mean way. I shouldn't have been there. But I got so many POSITIVE reactions before they turned on me that I got spoiled by it. Don't trust anyone who you can't know.

And THEN it turned out this guy wasn't, isn't even really banned; he has a network of alternate accounts with which he deliberately drops incriminating hints but that supposedly all lead to different people, and I wonder he if actually IS the supposed mutual friend because they talk the same way and like the same stuff, including fascist xenophobic politics, but operate in different venues. One is the artist and the rest are there to post on his behalf and make him look fandom-worthy, and if necessary get banned in his place. Sort of like how nft bros inflated the value of their own valueless tokens to try and get other saps to buy in.
Or maybe they're different. *update* he claims to know nothing. I am willing to believe it. But I obviously trust and distrust the wrong people regularly.

I consider: I tried to do a favor for someone that I thought was genuine, who is anything but that, and in fact supports ideologues who would giddily execute him for the stuff he gets off to, and his response was, essentially, "be anonymous, drop the subject." I don't believe in pretending to be "normal" and then being a creep privately and waging war on anyone who isn't pretending. I don't have that option, anyway. I have personal standards, sometimes beyond reason, but I'm not going to misrepresent myself to play a prank on people who are more like me than the person I am misrepresenting myself to, nor will I lie about someone whose art I dislike just to hurt them.

You might think I deserve kiwi wrath to some degree for using what i read from its past wraths to cast dispersions on the fund raiser. Maybe I do! but the fundraiser looked dubious before I knew who was running it, I never named anyone involved, accused them of sex crimes or gave out their addresses.

incidentally here, specifically https://inkbunny.net/s/1949817 and https://inkbunny.net/s/1949833 are the "evidence" against me. On dumb old ink-bunny, two pictures out of however many I favorited from the same guy in the dearth of most any other artists I knew still posting there, this is the WORST dirt the kiwstappo could find on me, and it's NOTHING, so they made up scandalous sounding descriptions. These don't look like people, they barely look like ponies, and nothing identifies them as children of any species, though admittedly I never watched the pony cartoon, and thus don't obsessively memorize character statistics like I'm sure the kiwis don't.
--Even when most of the "friends" I had here in 2010 cut me off over my refusal to do so I wouldn't watch it. In fact I couldn't even stand the sight of the beasts for years afterward. I thought my getting over that and finding mild aesthetic worth in this person's eccentric fan art of them was a good thing. Now 5 6 7 years on that's suddenly the smoking rubber band paper clip launcher against me--
They're just weird little aliens. In addition to not looking like children they look nothing like the tacky characters I myself draw or have ever coerced someone else to draw for me. Friggen i DARE you to ask any of them, pinderhooks, crazydragon, intricatevision (don't ask intricatevision, doesn't actually have anything to do with me), what my prime recurring requests are. I'm embarrassed of it but I occasionally had would to ask "can the legs be longer? apologies for any trouble!" "If possible, could the breast zone be bigger? If not that is fine!" (I say "zone" to mentally distance myself from what I am requesting). Occasionally "Could the shoes NOT be off?" back when I was less discriminating about who I bought from. But THOSE mutants there? They're short, the orange one is REALLY short, they don't even have socks, much less shoes, much much less comically oversized mammaries.

howdy. I would be glad if I got that off my chest but I reckon it is stuck there for a while.

I figured Sciggly and utterly unidentified company were on the same page with https://www.furaffinity.net/user/felisrandomis/ , but despite raising over two hundred thousand dollars with presumably more on the way through sales of dead dragoneer doohickeys, Felis, supposedly dragoneer's roommate, had to start a DIFFERENT fundraiser to get money to move out of the house that the first fundraiser was meant to be dealing with the loose end expenses of. They can set aside 8000 hypothetical dollars for a totally optional big party and over $30k more for supposedly non-urgent payoffs that they won't explain, but not a fraction of that to resettle the person they are kicking out? It just gets dirtier and dirtier. Or looks that way. To me, from here.
I don't know any of these people --despite https://www.furaffinity.net/view/53961977/ that drawing from last year, we aren't in contact and do not even acknowledge each other on furryfinito- and I would like to stop having awareness of the first dumb fundraiser so it stops feeling like my business to have an opinion on it. I have it ad-blocked in this browser but I know it's still secretly floating up there.

while we're at it https://www.patreon.com/bimshwel https://ko-fi.com/bimshwel, sure give ME money, too. I have to pay my sister's student loan.

My drawing last week was in bad taste and perhaps premature but https://shop.furaffinity.net/collections/dragoneer-memorial-collection on this very site now you can be sold merchandise based on the no-longer-living status of Saint 'Neer, complete with the creepy little infinity symbol that makes the accounts of deceased site users. They want him to be like Elvis Presley or Michael Jackson, other people who had crummy lives and couldn't manage money but whose estates make a eh killing off their deaths, with the difference being this is just some weird dragon thing that hardly anybody has heard of rather than an international celebrity. They can say it is to raise money for whatever they want --and I am still not completely sure who "they" is-- and it will still be trashy to me. Even just these dopey little trinkets but the presentation seems to indicate that there will be more.

You are of course free to not find it trashy! I would miss this site in a way if it no longer existed but I am not strongly tied to it so I may have a more distant assessment of the lengths to which I am comfortable with its owners going to guilt users into sending them money than is normal.

edit4: post-domain-redirect "hack"
the person sciggles responded to my inquiry with
Hey there, sorry for taking so long to respond. This is the first moment I've had to really look at my messages.

If there is excess funding it will go into a savings for any hardware or necessary emergency funds for FA.
although with the goal changed I don't foresee there being any excess funding but I do not want to be antagonistic about it, especially with that cruciFAxion drawing on all my pages now.

edit3: now they have updated the thing with a slew of new expenses. I appreciate the increased amount of information and that this notice is removable, but some of these items are really screwed up. I noticed "$38.4k - Fur Affinity past contract services owed (expense found after GFM launch)
This covers contract work that was already completed for Fur Affinity but wasn’t yet paid for. While these are not an immediate need they are a required expense." what the heck that is outright Trumpian, to hire people, not pay them, and then never talk about it. What sort of contract work would that even be? Building a gazebo so the server can go outside? How long ago did this happen? Was dragoneer (or whoever) EVER planning to pay whoever these apply to? DId they file lawsuits suddenly? That is NOT good management. I wish D had asked for help while he was still alive. I wonder if it was for the manufacture of those awful plush dolls that were being sold a while ago.

edit2: I suddenly wonder: WHO is to "own" fur affinity if community money is being used to finish paying imvu for it? Prior to this the impression given was that imvu had been out of the picture for years.
edit: (this previously said "I object to" the link, which perhaps makes it seem like I oppose the idea of it rather than the particulars of it)

they already exceeded the goal BEFORE putting that there, and I have no reason to believe that money will be 100% put toward the stated expenses, ESPECIALLY surplus money, if those expense estimates are even accurate. I won't disparage the dead beyond what I already have but those aren't the ones begging for money now. I do not understand why this doesn't have the X on it that every other site announcement has.

I did send a message to that Sciggles person asking about it, but I am afraid of talking to people like that --holders of relative power whom I don't know or know anything about-- and I already feel too mentally invested in this.

I don't know why I care, but I feel an irrational need to state this.
I have seen at least four people, and I don't know many, casually speak of dragoneer starting or creating fur-affinity, and he didn't, and it is not clear to me why people think he did, apart from seeing each other saying that and accepting it as fact. granted, the written history is somewhat incomplete and only to be found on some weird off-site wiki page but it generally does not contradict my past understanding.
He was however involved very soon after it started, sooner than I expected, and supposedly became the full owner by 2007, while on Alkora's own page there is no claim of "hey I was a big deal around here once," as if not wanting it to be known. But unfortunately I know.
Maybe dragoneer can be thanked for being passionate about it for a long time, and buying it back, even at a loss, after selling it to imvu. I generally didn't have contact with people who knew him, and otherwise I only ever saw him mentioned in a negative fashion by the people I did have contact with, although by now I don't reckon I have contact with any of them. I suppose I can only hope those reports were inaccurate. I think I SAW Dneer during one of my extremely ill-advised convention attempts in the 2009-2012 period but that was all.

All pages are available (though always subject to further revision) and free to view at https://bimshwel.com/ope/wud/ . assuming you have not looked before, I do recommend starting with the first part. The good thing about that is you probably won't see any nemitz for thirty or so pages

https://bimshwel.com/ope/wud/ again

only about five minutes altogether, so far.




I cannot remember which if any I mentioned here previously but the first two are now more at the effort level of the third one than they previously had been

There SHOULD be a fourth part, eventually, though it still only exists conceptually with typed lyrics and midi accompaniment.

also note that despite furaffinity being minimally changed from 2009 or so it displays these better than deviantart does https://www.deviantart.com/bimshwel/journal/first-beet-of-the-year-cartoon-1029042548

howdy good day. february has been pricey. if you are curious, many are https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery/fmirsokp/folder/726182/moving-objects there. the simplest would probably be in the $30-$50 range, but keep in mind that complexity can go up exponentially with higher resolution and more complex motions, and figure complexity also varies. if you have a set budget I can try to adapt to it. this site's icons are 100x100 pixels and can be apparently up to 75 kilobytes in size, (a whole 20 kilobytes larger than 15 years ago) but I am not personally restricted to that.

and the "normal" commission form remains over http://eh.bimshwel.com/ there, with a pantsless discount still possible


any direct contact method is acceptable, as far as I know


I am always working on -something- and this is not an emergency, so do not worry about me, certainly. Not over this anyway.

https://www.subscribestar.com/bimshwel
https://www.patreon.com/bimshwel

look see there(s)

hopefully you missed my hastily removed post about this several days ago, in which i mentioned having a patreon page (and also that I would not mention it again this year) but NOT a subscribestar page and wondered if i should get one, then considered if it is worth asking about and free it is worth trying. AND I did not realize I would need several days for the thing to be "approved." Consequently it only has a few 2024 entries right now; I never know if i WILL get approved so I definitely wasn't going to fuss over a backlog if I might NOT be approved, but going forward theoretically I would post anything old that has "merit" but is yet unfinished or exhibited and otherwise put the new things on both.

The only "perk" is commission discounts which obviously is not everyone's cup of bees, especially with the many limits on mine, but I do not trust myself to offer other perks without the perks becoming my life, and that would be counterproductive, as I barely have a life and barely manage that.

ALTHOUGH maybe I am supposed to CHOOSE one. fiddle deef doof I have no idea, I am too cheap and self-centered to subscribe to anyone else who is presently posting anything so I do not know how it is meant to work. in any case it is THERE if you want it, or the other one, and even if you don't, and additionally I will quite possibly not mention it again this year!

howdy

what are those idiots DOING?!

from my experience, at this point, probably not, since I already failed to give them away on twitter and tumblr weeks ago. In fact one person on tumblr requested one but never used it. I have five at the moment, and past evidence suggests I will continue to be granted more.

bluesky is the site that is similar to twitter except users cannot send direct messages or post gifs, OR sign up for it without being let in, and your personal url ends up having too many periods in it, like https://bsky.app/profile/bimshwel.bsky.social , which all seem rather annoying but it was presented as desirable for a while there.

ehhhhdit: appparently I only get 50 gigabytes worth of bandwidth monthly so it is probably for the best that not many people have downloaded this! but it looks like I used enough bandwidth in the past few hours to indicate that 3 or 4 people did, which is fine with me! As long as somebody wants it, it was worth putting there. I will switch it to drop box if that seems necessary.
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http://bimshwel.com/awnaw/kps.zip
http://bimshwel.com/awnaw/else.zip
http://bimshwel.com/awnaw/pst.zip
it is all the "perfect selections," (I think), a few other similar things, plus the game music from gradius 4 and 5, which aren't officially "arranged" but they aren't sequenced and available in a more condensed form from a site like vgmrips.net/ either. Which wasn't the sort of thing I set out to include but I had them in the same section of my music folder tree for whatever reason.
I acquired them mostly years ago through a forum when megaupload was still working. I will delete them later because this about uses up my remaining web space, but if you are interested in that sort of thing and prefer not to download them one at a time, hear it through youtube or pog help you actually try to buy one of those old things and don't have them already.
I put the gunstar heroes arranged album in as well since it was created by the same "Nazo² Unit" as Perfect Selection Twinbee.
THEN I realized I forgot to include "perfect selection twinbee" since I kept that in a separate twinbee sub-subfolder, which is why it is separate here also


A few of the tracks have weird comments to myself that I put on the file names at some point, but I cut off a few for this that outwardly make no sense. Such as "27_crystal_world_(3st.bgm) this is the WORST midi I ever heard!.mp3" which refers to an actual midi I downloaded prior to that which someone else had added a comment fields in http://bimshwel.com/awnaw/worstmidi.png which said the same thing. Any time I hear the tune that midi was based on I think of the complaint.
It probably would have been easier to just remove all the file name comments than to explain why they are present!

I have a separate twinbee sub-subfolder since twinbee has its own set of mixed arrangement/audio drama cds. Some of the music from those is good and some of it I don't like at all so mine is full of filename comments and tracks banished to other folders so i neither listen to them again nor think I forgot one and download it again. That might be tricky to make presentable, especially without any real reason to, since there already isn't a reason for this other a conversation I had with someone else about music yesterday, who turned out to be going on a long train ride and so I uploaded all that in case it might be useful.

whatever the case I will probably have to delete these in a few days since they are presently taking up 25% of my webspace and I was already using nearly 75%, apart from any other reason I might not want to have buncldes of bootleg copyrightten music in my webspace

another ehhhhdit: rebuilding it really did not take very long! I suppose I was very tired after "finishing" it and was rather exasperated to realize that a major piece had disappeared.
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from the version of https://www.furaffinity.net/view/53469390/ that I eventually posted, I just realized I accidentally deleted one of the back-facing frames, number 14, in the source file at some point. When I initially posted this JOURNAL about it I wondered if it might have been AFTER the first upload point and if there might be a higher quality record of it than I presently have from a few days ago, but it seems not to have been.
As typically occurs I amended and reuploaded the piece several times and as also typically occurs, I saved each output version over the same spot. Plainly it is not an IMPORTANT frame; I only noticed it was missing when I counted 15 rather than 16 frames total, but I obsess over the unimportant!
fiddle dee dee i THOUGHT the tail motion seemed suddenly jerkier than I had drawn it. Whell unless I come back to it for my year concluding retrospective video I will probably not attempt to rehabilitate and reintegrate the lost frame.

I spent far longer making it than is justifiable or evident, as indicated over there.

i had a major problem with it.
I still have this one hidden because I don't want it to be terribly obvious what website I am looking at if someone happens to be behind me while checking my statistics page needlessly 16 times a day.
oh supposedly it is "customizable;" I missed the update text link because the style sheet or my browser is screwy and the text on that part of the page appears in a heap. I STILL think I will keep it hidden. Anyone could customize their page to show the old one just to mess with me and I remember trying to hide stuff all over the place during the few weeks of the newer sheezyart and buzzly being viable, anyway. There is much that I prefer not to observe.
ALTHOUGH now other bits of the page are being hidden. Trickery!

indeed it is always open but sometimes people are not sure if it is.
it is over there
I do not deal in "slots" since I have never had more than four people ask for a commission at a time, and not all requests are of equal difficulty, so I can hardly allot them the same imaginary allowance in advance.

I wonder if I might have too much text on there. Whenever I try to delete possible excess I end up adding more elsewhere.

I have sent out 99 invoices, apparently. Whoever receives the one-hundredth gets an invoice.

I cannot verify the necessity of this.

a year of nonsense crammed into two minutes, free of context or consequence

If you ever bought a commission from me that you were displeased with and want changed, but didn't mention at the time because you felt uncomfortable, were worried about making me uncomfortable, or merely couldn't immediately articulate what the issue was, please tell me and I will see what I can do about the matter.
I have been a sometimes difficult customer and/or dwelt on negative experiences afterward so I deserve it. I want to attempt to correct any bad situations that may have occurred going in the other direction.
I edit old pictures all the time, often change poses, facial expressions, outfits and whatnot. In most cases it is not that difficult, for me, especially as my technique(s) have occasionally improved from in the past.
Although I am not going to redraw an entire piece. Probably. Detailed backgrounds and animation are separate issues, likewise!
any method of contact should be acceptable; I can understand wanting to keep it private since it can be intimidating to be surrounded by people who claim to not have had a problem.
HOWEVER I may desire to post (in the case of something old that never got to this account) or repost a piece that I think has been improved. I sometimes update old drawings anyway so I won't announce that I was asked to do it.

thank goes to  pinderhooks

put simply I "can't" use clip studio for a while but I can use photoshop and I have something like a deadline in the near future. the file is 176 megabytes so it is a bit of a download and reupload.

or rather this is for someone else and I don't want to hold up their progress because of stupid garbage on my end.
I have had to buy a new computer today after several days waiting on a replacement battery for the previous one which turned out to not solve anything. I put the perfectly... well decently fine hard drive into my substantially less useful backup computer and tried to run clip studio and it threatened me that "there is a limit" to how many times I can switch what device I use it on and I am paranoid about it cutting out on me when I try to run it on the new one. It probably won't but I can't do anything particularly well on this rinkety dinkity doohickey anyway so it hardly seems worth wasting an activation on this thing
the new object, which is actually not new at all, likely will not arrive until september 7 and flebitz knows how much fiddling i will need to do with it before I get anything useful done.

this seems as a good time as any that may appear to proclaim that I will not be doing any more animated commissions theoretically until further notice. Probably. I may limit other commissions also. We shall see, or at least I will. As always thanksh to anyone who participated!

I like feeling wanted, but I do not manage time well and hate turning people down, and so putting this here gives me less of an excuse to continue not turning people down. There are too many other things I am falling behind on because I want to do too many!

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also https://www.furaffinity.net/view/23458664/ I never managed to top this even as I got much more skilled with the program. Somehow or another it managed to get itself retwutted over 200 times, easily a record for me! and then 40ish more when I reposted it later, which is also far beyond what I usually am granted. I mentally excused the amount of extra work I did on subsequent items the next four years by thinking "I can reach a bunch of people through the exposure!" but that diminished substantially because, possibly, the more work I did, the less the result looked like a retro-video game with limited amounts of data and colors, and I was never aspiring to be "retro."

Or maybe those observing just like rodents best. But nobody has asked for rodent animation recently! And having said that, the rule would change to prove me wrong, and even if I animated another cartoon rat now it wouldn't work.

And SOME people wouldn't acknowledge or even use the dingdang things at all, which may or may not have included extensive animation of their big stupid names or confoundingly-designed robots, and it was silly that I put so much time into them. I have considered, without necessarily believing, that devoting the extra time may have had me inadvertently become yet-less pleasant than usual and unworthy of acknowledging, which means that is destined to happen again and again, and I don't need to be spending weeks, months, of a year making things that nobody needs! Not for what they paid me, certainly.

(twitter isn't the only site that matters, if any of them matter, but it is among the easier within which to ascertain an individual piece's appraised value.)

I am not seeking advice, consolation or congratulation, just talking too much.

I still have plenty of animation to get to, it just will be entirely my fault in the future!