uugggggggggghhhhhhhh.... I hate feeling lonely...

... when you're so upset with somebody...

I need someone to talk to right now, but the only person online is somehow to carry a conversation let alone use actual words just gives me "sup" or "?" or "O.O" :/
Like there's nothing specific I need to talk about, I just want to talk, I'm in need for some stimulating social interaction. I can't sleep and my mind is rather restless...

Did this meme a while ago, think I've changed since then, so here it goes!
stolen from everybody, ever... ie: De Gaulle

- Name: Forrest K. Hirsch
- Single or taken: you know... not really sure...
- Sex: Male
- Birthday: September 27
- Sign: Libra
- Hair color: brown
- Eye color: greenish blue
- Height: 5'10"
- Sexuality: queer and here, get over it!
____________________________________________________________________________

• × • F A S H I O N | S T U F F • × •
____________________________________________________________________________

- Favorite place to shop for clothes?: the thrift store is fun :P
- Favorite designer: Dov Charney's minions at Am Appy
- What is your sexiest outfit?: skimpy underwear :P
- What is your most comfortable outfit?: half buttoned plaid shirt, jeans rolled halfway up the shin, sandals
- What do you usually wear?: ditto
____________________________________________________________________________

• × • S P E C I F I C S • × •
____________________________________________________________________________

- What kind of shampoo do you use?: suave
- What are you listening to right now?: "Grass" by Animal Collective
- Who is the last person that called you?: my mother, she's from New York therefore she can't be quiet for more than a few seconds
- How many buddies are online right now?: idk ____________________________________________________________________________

• × • F A V O R I T E S • × •
____________________________________________________________________________

- Food: Falafel!
- Girls' names: Haley
- Boys' names: Milo (not Miloshe for those who get it) and Hasan
- Subjects in school: Music Theory can be fun
- Animals: Cervines (deer, elk, etc.) and canines (foxes, coyotes, etc.)
____________________________________________________________________________

• × • H A V E | Y O U | E V E R • × •
____________________________________________________________________________

- Given anyone a bath?: I've showered with someone else
- Smoked?: nope
- Bungee jumped?: hell no
- Made yourself throw up?: yeah... to keep from going to school... (i was afraid of middle school)
- Skinny dipped?: no
- Ever been in love?: yeah
- Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: No
- Pictured your crush naked?: duh!
- Actually seen your crush naked?: Yeah
- Cried when someone died?: death is very saddening (yet inevitable), so yes, of course
- Lied: no (see what I did there?)
- Fallen for your best friend?: yeah... yeah i have... on more than one occasion...
- Used someone?: I can't recall if I ever have
- Done something you regret? Everyone has
____________________________________________________________________________

• × • C U R R E N T • × •
____________________________________________________________________________

- Clothes: LCD Soundsystem shirt, tight jeans, and my Vans
- Desktop picture: My fursona
- CD in player: people use those? I'm listening to Animal Collective if that means anything :P
- DVD in player: I don't typically watch movies

____________________________________________________________________________

• × • L A S T | P E R S O N • × •
____________________________________________________________________________

- You touched:  locketjql (I'm assuming that implies intimacy)
- Hugged: ditto... and i could go for another... i really miss him
- You kissed: ditto, ditto, and ditto
- You IMed:  Hipstar
- Talk to online: same thing
- You sexed it up with: *blushes* Locket
___________________________________________________________________________

• × • A R E | Y O U • × •
___________________________________________________________________________

- Understanding?: i think so
- Open-minded?: yeah
- Arrogant?: I kind of dislike myself...
- Insecure?: you have no idea
- Random?: Goldfish tampons
- Hungry?: just got myself some Taco Bell... now i feel like dying...
- Smart? People don't really treat me that way, so I'm guessing not so much...
- Moody?: yeah I can be
- Organized?: lord no
- Shy?: only when meeting new people
- Difficult?: Locket reads me like a book, so I guess not.
- Bored easily?: holy fuck, yes
- Obsessed?: With Elder Scrolls
- Angry?: at myself, athletes, and douchebags
- Happy?: kind of indifferent at the moment
- Hyper?: hardly ever really
- Trusting?: in some cases
___________________________________________________________________________

• × • R A N D O M • × •
___________________________________________________________________________

- In the morning I: drink coffee, shower, and swear a lot
- Love is: a necessity
- I dream about: O_O that's kind of a private matter for me
- Sexual preference: manly men with chest hair :P
- What do you notice first in the sex you're into: the general build of their body, then hair, then face, then butt, then personality (which always ends up being the most important)
___________________________________________________________________________

• × • W H I C H | I S | B E T T E R • ×
___________________________________________________________________________

- Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi
- Flowers or candy: Flowers, I've always wanted to get roses on stage after a performance. I don't eat too much candy anyway
- Tall or short: I'm not too picky

___________________________________________________________________________

• × • W H O • × •
___________________________________________________________________________

- Makes you laugh the most: Noel Fielding (he's like a British me :D)
- Makes you smile: All My Friends
- Gives you a funny feeling when you see him/her: Good funny: Locket
Bad kind of funny: my Ear Training prof.
___________________________________________________________________________

• × • D O | Y O U | E V E R • × •
___________________________________________________________________________

- Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to IM you?: not really
- Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: no, i like... what I have... down there
- Wish you were younger?: meh, I like the freedom I have now, but I don't like the responsibility, I mean who does? I wish I could be a 10 year old that could drive, and stay up late.
- Cry because someone said something to you? Yes I have...
___________________________________________________________________________

• × • N U M B E R • × •
___________________________________________________________________________

- Of times I have had my heart broken?: well... a few times, really
- Of guys I've kissed: 1
- Of girls I've kissed: 0
- Of Cd's I own: i don't want to bother counting tbh
- Of scars on my body: 6... people walking on the I-Mall are stupid as hell, therefore riding my bike is difficult, I've also been ran into by other bicyclists :P

I really enjoyed my weekend with  locketjql ... I'm going to miss him so much... hell i already do...

 vinylwolf drew me a neat picture! He's off to go to helicopter school! Whoever the hell thought it was a good idea to send him there...

I accidentally ran into a guy today on my bike. He started changing directions abruptly in front of me... I fell down, but he was still on his feet. Proceeded to call me a fucking idiot... called me awful foul things, and threatened me...
When he finally left another man helped me up, and picked up my bike off the ground for me, and gave me a pat on the back, and departed as well. There was another girl who asked me if everything was fine, and asked me to have a good day... I was so afraid, yet there were people who had concerns... I want to thank the passersby that were so sympathetic... and I hope that wrathful man finds himself in a compromising situation that will leave him with a life lesson...

I'm a white-tail deer ._. Forrest K. Hirsch is my new name (note the added "r" in the first name) idk if i want a new account or not. I totes got antlers now...
Reason being is that, I'm not that fitting towards a "fox" personality. Foxes are far more clever than me :P (i'm not talking about the sluts of the furry fandom, but actual foxes) I'm skeptical and "vulnerable" and i think that best fits a deer. :P

 vinylwolf is magic! He fixed my PS3 by poking it for a while, and my PC by switching out a cable! Fear him, for he is magic!

He caught the yes!
Video for "Lotus Flower" off of Radiohead's new album King of Limbs being released today for download!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfOa1a8hYP8&feature=featured
Thom is the best dancer ever!!

on the Colbert Report... i'm gonna miss these bros...
the interview:
http://www.colbertnation.com/the-co.....1/james-murphy
the performance:
http://www.colbertnation.com/the-co.....--i-can-change

James Murphy, why must you be so noble? You will always be my celeb crush ;~; Not from England, you are North American Scum... Someone great is gone... Never change...

things are looking up :D
 locketjql totally made my day
*shakes tail and prances about*

http://4ad.com/sessions/007/
...from Twin Shadow, I've liked these guys for a while (before anyone else did *scoff*) imo i think they performed their best songs for this performance.

i was never dating  hipstar it was set up as a joke, but shit hit the fan. (Don't ask)
Sorry if I offended any of you, I am truly sorry.

http://www.fleetfoxes.com/helplessness-blues.html
^ and you can download the free mp3 through this link :D
Fleet Foxes "Helplessness Blues" out May 3rd, 2011
May 8th they are going to be in Tucson, AZ, I'm so going!

The hardest i have EVER laughed was at this:
http://damnyouautocorrect.com/image.....pond-boner.jpg

 hipstar u r the air I breath. We've become mates 4evr. M8s4Life. I cant evr give u up, u r the wind beneath my wings. No ones gonna luv u more than i do [via the Horse Band]. I want to squeeze your hand, and watch your hair blow in the wind! I luv you more than n-ething
but srsly I'm totes in love with this bro!

so i rounded up my fellow fur-friends on campus to clean my old room, and my roommate was gone! He was probably kicked out or something! So weird... Bastard deserved it. I hope a lesson was learned...

They all helped me move out of my old room yesterday. They stopped what they were doing just to help me. *cries*
 dimitriihusky ,  ryanwulf , and  vinylwolf thank you guys so so much!

ok, so i thought my roommate would be rather harmless, but it turns out he's VERY homophobic. Asshole woke me up at fucking 4:30 am to tell me that he thinks i watch him in his sleep, and that i better not "fuck" him! I feel threatened and VERY offended! I'm getting out ASAP! I have had enough of this shit eating cunt! I hope he learns a valuable lesson someday! This is perhaps the worst roommate experience ever!

so this morning my roommate spoke, "I gotta ax you sumthin'... You gay? There ain't nuthin' wrong wid' it, just curious, ya know."
I went *awkward faec* and finally said "um... um... yeah..."

it'd be nice to take one...

I can't promise this is my final plan, but I'll stay with music. I've admitted to myself that I can't do music as a full time occupation. It's a lot easier to get into part time positions, and a bunch less stressful. My future probably has better promise this way. I won't make as much money, but i'd be doing something I love, without the constant stress of having a billion things to prepare. It either might be that I work two part time jobs (orchestra included), or I might be a part time "house wife" if I settle down with anyone.
So far things are starting to look up, maybe I might have some chance at getting my own damn room. My roommate is a twat... I can't put up with his "routine" much longer. I need beauty rest, the stress is showing up in my complexion, and I don't like looking like this. At least 6 hours of sleep a night would be fantastic, as opposed to 3-4 hours.
Anyway here's an old song that just finds its way to my "on repeat" list.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLEdiOWAgAY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYT99MVe_6E
stay chill

seriously! Garcia Hall is god awful! I have a roommate who likes to watch infomercials and those crappy shows that come on late at night on History Channel until fucking 3 am. Tonight my neighbor is having some sort of fight in his room. Shouting, things breaking, people senseless demeaning others, guys acting tough, etc.
I've been so damn perplexed and depressed as it is. I don't know what I want to do in my future for the first time in my life, and it feels strange. I always knew there'd be challenges to studying music, but the problem is when it passes being a hobby, and into something you have to do. Some people say that I should explore my possibilities since I'm young now anyway. I thank those that have supported me, and given me helpful advice.
However some showed doubt and disappointment in my contemplations, one in particular really hurt. Honestly don't shoot me down if you have NEVER even been there, and you have your head up so far up your ass you never seem to think of any snags that might come up in a years time! Shit happens! All the damn time too!
I'm most likely changing my major, because HAVING to make music is a lot different than doing it as a hobby. What happens is that you play for one group, you play simple tunes for 90 minute gigs and such, and then you have about 4 pieces that are much harder for recitals and concerts. Then you have classes that test you on performance, that give you about 5 songs to prepare for each week, then there's the wind ensemble which very often plays VERY challenging music, about 8 difficult pieces for that. Then you get chamber group which plays 3 challenging pieces. Now know this all has to be prepared within one's free time. You can't look at the paper with music on it, and finger and blow it all out, it takes care to create music, you practice line for line, beat by beat in order to cover precision, style, and consistency. This might take hours for just one piece! It's a very VERY stressful field, because if you're good, more people will want you. Those people will have faith in you and give you harder pieces to prepare. It all piles up and snowballs.
In all reality i'm not cut out for that, no one is, there are just people dumb enough to continue with the onslaught and live unhappily. I have yet to talk to any professional musician that is truly happy to be there. Most I've talked to really wish they would've done something else.
I'm not sure what I want to do really... I don't know what else I'm good at... My professor told me that it's good that I'm think about this now rather than later. She agrees that music is an awful field. It's way too hard to get a job with a music degree, and it's hardly ever enjoyable. I probably should look over what my options are, explore a little more, find out more about myself, before I really decide what I want. I'm just a kid really, sure I'm 19 and out of the house and everything, but I'm a kid that still needs growing up...
I'd like to thank  locketjql for being so caring for me, he's a great guy. He's the nicest person ever to me. I'd do almost anything for him.
Also thanks to  ziggy_costello for asking me all the right questions to get me thinking, and helping me learn a little more about myself.
Thanks to  vinylwolf for the food and drinks, and having a great place to hang out in. It's good to unwind after the day over there. I'll also include all the "pack" aka "fuzzbutts" (local) for being awesome friends, and giving me good laughs even though you all love to pick on me.
Last but not least, thanks to  demonwaffle for being funny as hell lately.
[hooray for random thanks at the end of journal]