As a lot of you already know, this account has sort of fallen by the wayside. I still use it, but not nearly as much as I should. If you want to get ahold of me there are a few ways.

First and foremost, you can note me through  bennybug

IM-wise there are a few ways:

Telegram is @ jamesdarkglint Most reliable
Steam is buddly20032000 (though I can't guarantee I'll be on it much.
Discord either Benny#4475 or James#4475. If one doesn't work, try the other.
Skype is available on request, ask me over at  bennybug

H-hey, folks. ._. Lots of new people here, I didn't expect that. Um... Welcome? xD I'm sorry that this page is so bare. Honestly when I popped onto this to get a link I couldn't find on my other account, I didn't expect to have 40 new watches (that's huge for me, by the way). I guess since I'm here I should take a moment to say a couple of things.

First off, I would like to again apologize for this account being so lifeless the past... *looks at other page*. Three years. Yikes. I need to do more than apologize, it's a miracle any of you have kept me on your watch lists for so long. ._. Thanks for that, truly. I'm hoping to bring a few new stories to this page when things settle down with school.

Second, there are several ways you can contact me, if you want to. I assure you I don't bite, and I love meeting new people. I have Telegram @jamesdarkglint, Skype: jfoxdarkglint, Discord: James#4475, and AIM (ask me to add you, I can't remember what my handle is.

Third, if you're interested in reading more of my work, or finding me elsewhere, my secondary account is  bennybug which I co-write with a good friend. It's also where the Pet story ( http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13186713/ ) will (and has been) continue from now on.

All that being said, thanks for sticking with me. I hope you have a fabulous day~

http://www.furaffinity.net/user/lildragonlady is doing some commissions this month, so give her a note if you're interested. I'm sure she'd appreciate the business!

Just something for people, because I guess how I talk confuses some of them. x3

^^ Happy
^^; Uncomfortable, uncertain.
@.@ Overwhelmed, enthralled.
>~< *Very* good, usually denotes blushing irl.
>.< Usually means apologetic or bothered.
>.> Upset/annoyed.
>.>; "What do you mean? I didn't do anything."
>//< / .//. / @//@ Blushing, or at the very least squirming; I like what you're doing.

"Meep?" Confusion, generally. A questioning statement.

"*Squeaks*" Too small to "Rawr" or yip, whenever attempted it comes out as a squeak. Also occurs when poked or hugged.

"*Fluffs up*" You gave me goosebumps. Good job.

"Mmh." Very, very varied. It can be used when I'm acknowledging a statement, when I'm upset, when I'm embarrassed. Use your context clues here. *Please* don't be afraid to ask me to clarify.

"Oh dear" Another pretty varied one, and a lot of people take it as a bad thing. This is a reactionary statement, usually used when I'm flustered and don't know what to say. Sometimes it's more like "Oh brother, here it comes."

"*noms on*" I'm not biting, I don't bite, micros who bite get killed. Do you know how a dog might take your arm or hand in its mouth when you're playing? It's a grip, it doesn't hurt, it's generally a playful action.

"*curls up*" In a ball, nose to tail. This can be a cuddling action or just frustrated/F*** the world right now.

"*sighs*" I make it a habit to never sigh *at* someone. If used, it's a sign of disapproval of what someone did or how something is. I'm not sighing at you, you haven't upset me. If you have, I'll tell you.

"I love you." You're dear to me. This =/= a desire for sex.

"God bless it." I'm really mad and/or I screwed up.

... Means I don't know how to reply, or very rarely "I'm trying to find a polite way to say f*** you."

So that nerve block worked pretty well. I'm going back to college in a couple of weeks, hopefully I can finish my Medical Assistant certification, so that's all pretty cool. Other than that, I tried Telegram out to talk to a couple of folks on it, but it turns out I like it so... Mine's (@)jamesdarkglint if anyone's interested.

I don't usually do this, and I'm sorry for doing it after such a long gap. I guess it just helps to talk about things, or at least to write them down. My brother and I have somewhat of a strained relationship. Even when we were younger, we were always on different paths, I was brain, he was brawn. I never understood the appeal of sports, or he of music and games. I've never had a large pool of friends, he's never known what it's like to be bullied and feel powerless.

That stuff doesn't usually bother me. We're different people, we act differently, but most of the time we get along, even if it's a little rocky. Lately though, he's been a real jerk, seemingly going out of his way to hurt everyone around him with what he says, giving no consideration to anyone but himself, including his girlfriend. God knows I never thought I'd be on her side.

Today though, it cut a little deeper than normal. As anyone who knows me can tell you, my boyfriend Shawn is the best thing in my life. I look forward to talking to him every day, I feel comforted when he's around, I look forward to making him feel better if he's had a bad day, or saying stupid things to make each other laugh, or talking about things we can't talk about with anyone else. My brother is a massive homophobe, and the fact that I have a boyfriend, and am open about it, pisses him off to no end.

Somehow we got onto the topic of children, something to do with our dogs or something, I can't remember. He said kids were overrated, and I said I wanted kids and was looking forward to the part of my life. He wouldn't even look at me, and he told me to shut up. In fact, he said it twice for emphasis, adding "being gay and having kids don't mix."

Naturally, I was a little hurt. More than a little hurt, because it made me realize that he doesn't think of me as a whole person. He compartmentalizes who I am, and he ignores everything that doesn't fit in his neat little box. You're goddamn right I want kids, and I think I'll make a great parent. I feel like there are so many kids out there who need a family, who cares if it's a same-sex couple that takes them in?

...well, I don't really feel better, but writing this has made things a little clearer for me.

In closing, I really want to thank people for listening. Especially  raichupuppy and  seldenls, two people dear to my heart who I talked to just after it happened and helped me not be so depressed about it.

Edit:
I was mad, when I wrote this. I had a lot of time to think about it, too. To tell the truth, we were getting along so well that I threw out a joke without thinking. "It's funny, it's the gay brother who wants kids in this family."

It's a simple thing to say, isn't it? A lighthearted jest, if my brother were open to that kind of thing. But he isn't, he hears the word gay and he thinks "guys who screw each other in the ass". I don't know what he thinks of me for that, but I guess in his mind, that part of me represents something he doesn't like. I threw it in his face, even if I didn't mean to. I screwed up, and he reacted the only way he knows how.

My brother acts like he's invincible. He shrugs things off with a joke or a comment, and he doesn't show what gets to him. I shouldn't have brought it up, and all the progressive "You shouldn't hide what you are" comments can't change that. It's tearing my household apart, my mother says. My need, my drive to be different. I'm starting to wonder if she's right.

I noticed my skype contact list had gotten pretty out of hand, so I trimmed it down quite a bit. This is to let anyone know that if they were taken off, it wasn't a personal thing. In fact, a lot of those decisions were kind of agonizing. The criteria was simple, with a couple of exceptions; If we hadn't had a conversation since January 1, 2015, I removed that contact. That's it, that was all there was to it.

If you want to be added again, all you have to do is ask!

Like I said, it wasn't personal or anything, if I removed you it doesn't mean I hate you, dislike you, or anything of the sort. It just means we haven't talked much and my contact list was approaching 200 people, which is... well, unreasonable.

Edit:
I couldn't just leave it there. That was an absolutely heart-wrenching thing to do. So many people have touched my life in a profound way. People who helped me discover parts of who I am that I didn't even know were there, encouraged me in bad times, and celebrated the good. It puts it in perspective, just how... how small I am without other people. I mean, what good is having life if you don't share your joy, pain, weakness and strength with others? To everyone who's still with me, as well as those I've left behind: I love you. I would never have made it this far without you, and I'll always be grateful for that.

Since I haven't been very active, just ask me stuff and I'll answer. Whether it's about my characters, my stories or myself.

I truly don't mind anyone adding me on skype. I'm friendly, if shy. All I ask is that you either personalize the invitation message, or you send me a note here first.

This is important:
I am not very active on this account anymore. I haven't abandoned it completely, but it isn't checked very often. If you need to get ahold of me via note or shout, please contact the  bennybug account. I use that one everyday, and you'll be noticed much faster.

So... this is basically a vent, but I want to point a couple of things out as well. Just fair warning, so skip to the end if you want the tl;dr version.

Because of how I grew up, circumstances at home, issues in school, things like that, I have some issues. For one thing, I am painfully shy, especially upon first meeting people. I guess that comes from feeling like an outsider when I was in school. Whenever I wasn't forced to be in a classroom, I'd be lurking in the main doorway of the school, literally slumped in a corner, headphones on, nose in a book. I wanted nothing to do with the crowds full of people I perceived as threatening. I always assumed no one liked me, so I isolated myself.

Well, high school ended, I got a really crappy job and went to college, both starting at roughly the same time. After a semester I started to realize something; these people... actually wanted me around. All the while I was doing the same old things, avoiding, deflecting, but I got noticed. I was good at my job, I was smart in class and apparently kind, because I started making friends.

For the first time in my life, I was involved with a group of people I wasn't forced into by age, grade and chance. I was around people I actually came to open up to. I started joking, tagging along or asking if people wanted to do things with me, and... to my utter amazement, they actually did!

I made progress, for as long as it took me to get a very minor college degree, I finally felt comfortable around people. I hated my job, but that was okay because I loved some of my co-workers. My friends and I could talk about anything. I mean, I came out to friends before I did to family, and that was amazing. There aren't words to describe how that felt, to be able to admit I loved someone without feeling ashamed or scared because of it.

I guess it went to my head, because I didn't want it to stop. I kept at it even when my body was trying to tell me something was wrong. By the time it got through my thick head, I could hardly do anything. That started me back down a bad road. Isolation, my old companion, had returned. Only this time, it was forced onto me. Car rides were excruciating, I stopped driving, and all the friends I'd made lived an hour away. My co-workers, as it turned out, weren't so much friends as they were... well, just co-workers.

I've got a lot to work on. When I first got sick, I was 20 years old. I turn 24 next week, can you imagine? I've spent four years away from the majority of people, and it was depressing. Heck, it is depressing. Even now that I'm getting better, even planning on returning to work and college in the fall, I still don't have anyone local to talk to or hang out with.

The truth is, I'm pretty scared to go out and try to meet new people. I'm not a bad-looking guy, but I'm self-conscious about my weight. I get so anxious when trying to start a conversation with someone that I actually start stuttering. It's not much better online, when I meet someone new the most frequent thought that goes through my head is "What could I possibly have that would interest this person in me?"

I try very hard to push through that, and I'm very grateful to everyone I've met who has been patient with me. It becomes especially hard for me when it comes to asking things. Whether I'm asking if someone wants to talk, role-play, or if I'm actually asking for something. It's harder than you could imagine. Even when I know that what I'm asking is most likely something the other person wants too, the thought of asking makes me physically nauseous. I mean, for Pete's sake, the other day I had a hard time asking my mother if she'd do something with me!

I don't know if anyone can relate to that, but the reason I'm writing this, the reason I laid it all out like that is that I feel guilty. My shyness has been getting in the way of a lot of relationships that I really don't want to see fall apart. It's also hard for me to meet new people, and I really want to. There are a few people I've seen around I've really wanted to send a PM and see if they'd be willing to chat, but I get that "why am I worth their time?" feeling and it's hard to push through it.

Thanks for reading my rambling vent. If you didn't have the patience to read through all of that, I'll sum it up for you:
1. I'm shy. Like, ridiculously, horrifically shy. Please don't take it as an insult, it's nothing personal.
2. It's excruciating for me to ask someone something. Whether I want something from them, or want to do something with them, it is one of the most terrifying things to me.
3. I don't not want to spend time with people, it's just hard for me to initiate things, and sometimes hard to accept offers for reasons stated above.

Hello. It's been a while, I know, I apologize for that. Life has been pretty complicated these past months, and I have a few general things to say that have been on my mind.

1. I have no intention of quitting FA or ceasing writing. Period. Things beyond my control have hampered my ability for a good while, but my passion for it hasn't died down at all. Rest assured that things will continue, I just don't know when, though I'm hoping sooner rather than later.

2. I'm grateful for the support I've received. Whether it be in the form of conversation, comments, favorites or any other means, this is something that has kept me going for the past few years. The love and support I've been graced with has kept me alive, and I'll never forget it.

3. For anyone who sees me as standoffish, please don't take it personally. I have an anxiety disorder, it's very hard for me to approach people. The case is rarely that I don't want to talk or do something with you, it's that I'm terrified of initiating the contact or I have trouble continuing it. Please, please don't be afraid to push through that, I'm not going to lash out at you for trying to connect with me. It's honestly what I want most in this world, to make a connection with people and help make their lives better.

Thanks, and I'm sorry again for being so skittish and absent. I am alive, and I'm still around, so don't be afraid to say hello. :3

Posted on the  bennybug account, found here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14426078/

Notice something about the recent submissions? Yeah, none of them are written. I've been having a very hard time writing, and it's been getting worse over time. Whenever I'm on my medicine I feel my creativity buried under a mixture of god-knows-what in my blood and in my brain. I have so many ideas and yet every time I sit down to try to write I just end up with a blank page and a wasted hour or two. It's frustrating, and I know that recovery is a process but this is something that used to give me solace, get me through the tough times and finding myself blocked from it is absolutely maddening.

The surgery was a total success, and now I can say that I had gallbladder disease. A particularly nasty, hard to nail down case, but the defunct organ they pulled out proves it beyond a doubt. I hurt like hell right now, but soon I'll be able to walk the walk and talk the talk again. Start pulling things together. Thank you for your care and support through this all.

I didn't want to say this, since if it turns out to be untrue I think it would really disappoint quite a few people who want to see me healthy, but I'm optimistic. I have an appointment on the 30th to see a surgeon who is going to take something out, and if that seems healthy, will perform an exploratory surgery to find the problem because at this point... Yeah, I had to go without some of my medicine for a few days and it has been excruciating.

Here's hoping that I can soon get off all of these medicines and back into a better state of mind, since I would really like to post things again! My stories have been neglected due to my state of mind, linked directly to the state of my body, and I'm very sorry for that. I will update this when I know when the surgery is, and post a new journal when I'm on the mend.

Still love you all, and I hope you're doing well. Wish me luck!

Since a lot of people are going to ask, just putting this up for conveniences sake, it will be taken down in a couple of days.

I'm upset and depressed because my cousin's high school graduation was today. It's in a town three hours away, and I was dead set on going. My body and illness however, had other plans when I woke up today.

I really like my cousin, he's a great guy and we've been friends pretty much since he was born. He's going to give a speech today, get his diploma, and have one of the happiest days of his life so far. I am stuck at home and missing that. His family, his immediate one anyway, doesn't give a shit about him. They dote on his brother, and even though the cousin who is graduating works his *ass* off and is graduating with a 4.0 GPA, his parents couldn't care less. They're not even going to BE there when he graduates! I wanted so badly to be there for him, because he f***ing deserves the support of his family, and this goddamn illness took that chance away from me. I feel terrible for not being strong enough to push through the pain and go, and worse for him because I know he wanted me to be there. So... that's why I'm upset. And I feel a little better for ranting about it a little, too.

Sorry for this, like I said, it'll be gone in a couple of days.

I'm putting this up and leaving this up because I need to say it, and putting it in my profile isn't going to do enough. I have been putting this off for a long time, and now I have to face up to it. I can't do commissions, not at this point in my life. I'm not in a position to be as reliable as I should be when doing things like this, and that's not fair to people who want me to write for them. I'm sorry, if you had your hopes up, and to the person who had an outstanding commission.

In a previous journal, I listed a lot of people who I dearly love and feel are family to me. However, to my shame, I left someone out who deserved a part in it, so this is all about her.

 pixiefyre is the sweetest girl I have ever met in my life. From the moment I met her to this moment, she has blown me away. She works so hard, she bakes, crafts, draws and many other things, in addition to going to college. I have never, ever met anyone who works harder than her, and she manages to be cheerful and energetic through it all. I love her to bits, and she is an amazing artist and craftswoman, so please, if you want some quality stuff, throw some money her way. I promise, you won't get disappointed. I've never been.

I consider her the little sister I wasn't lucky enough to have, and I love her dearly. I really want to get her some attention because she is *amazing* and is seriously underrated. Spread it around a little, please.

Since more people watch me here, I'm going to go ahead and re-post what Cyrus and I wrote on the  bennybug account, if you've read it there <---link, it's the same thing.

As you may have noticed, the story has stalled again. This is for a very simple reason; we are having trouble coming up with ideas for this particular part of the story. Namely, what the current group (picking up from where we left off in Relationships) could do together. The size difference makes this very difficult. We're trying to come up with activities that they could all enjoy without leaving Benny out of it. Your suggestions would be extremely helpful and hopefully get the ball rolling again.

We just want to focus on something simple and creative that all of them could do for the night as we roll through the story. Particularly something that will keep Benny involved and actually let him have fun. If you guys can think of anything, then please let us know here and we'll gladly take it into consideration. You helping us is what gets you the story faster.

Fair warning, probably a bit of a ramble. Just trying to get my head straight about something.

I think that, as a culture, and I have no idea if it's just American culture or the world-wide culture of humanity, but we have issues with communication. In particular, about talking to others about what bothers us. I'm not talking about massive life-altering issues, I'm talking about peeves, communication problems, things that get under our skin. We don't want to tell other people that, we're afraid it will hurt them. What I can't understand is why we're so god-blessed scared. Why are we so scared of showing the raw parts of our souls to people who care about us, and who we care about? When did being mad or frustrated translate into perceived hostility or hatred? Why can't our emotions, even negative ones, be shown without fear of it deeply hurting someone? I mean... whenever I try to work out issues in my family, communication issues, mostly, it turns into a fight. Always, always, always. I never go into it wanting to fight, I just want to straighten things out so that everyone will stop feeling so bent out of shape. But it's like they think I'm going right for the jugular, you know? I don't want to hurt anyone, I really, truly don't. It's just... it's frustrating that they tell me to not keep things bottled up, and when I don't, they respond in ways that tell me that I should. It's very... upsetting.

I hadn't been having a good day. In fact, I'd been reduced to tears a couple of times, and then I got to talk to him.  timid-wolf is one of the greatest people I have ever met in my life. No matter how I feel, or what kind of day I'm having, even knowing he's around will perk me up. He can make me laugh without trying, and when I'm around him life without him stops, for all I know. Going into this, we weren't certain, we both had a small part of our minds wondering if it would go wrong. I'm glad to say that part of me shut up not soon after we became partners. I'm so honored to walk by his side, and since I know he's going to read this, I want to say something.

There's no one I'd rather face life with than you. I love you in a way I never knew I could, I feel things I've never felt. I'm never scared to be a little weird, to crack a stupid joke, reveal my flaws and weak spots. You mean everything to me. You're the light that guides me home, to you. It's comforting to know that will be there.

I don't know if anyone out there is still reading this, but if there is... If you have someone, hold them softly, what's holding them to you is the bond you share. If you don't have someone special, don't let your mind trick you into thinking there's no one for you. Love finds you, it will always find you, so don't give up on it. If you have an open heart, someone is bound to look at it and see a place they fit perfectly.

Happily, the situation is resolved.

Well, I'd hoped that the next journal on this would contain better news, but it hasn't worked out that way, so here goes.

My condition hasn't improved much, the doctors are still trying to puzzle it out, but at least now they've authorized me to take medicine to control the pain, nausea and acid reflux that it causes. The side effects aren't very nice, but they make it bearable, at least to an extent. They're now looking into the endocrine system, specifically the pancreas and other glandular areas of my body. If that's a bust, the next step is a colonoscopy, and dear god am I hoping it doesn't come to that. I attempted to get counseling to ease the mental strain of enduring this condition, but the only one we could afford was a stuck-up guy who tried to shove his beliefs down my throat, and I'm not going back.

They say time heals all wounds, but the one that the passing of our dog left was particularly raw for a very long time. However, a couple of weeks ago we decided it was time and adopted a puppy. Ruger, which my brother's girlfriend named (ugh...) is a German Shepherd/Siberian Husky mix. At around nine weeks old, he's energetic, happy and very, very smart; he was housebroken within the first five days we had him. To say that he's growing like a weed would be an understatement. He's growing like a bamboo shoot, we can literally see him grow every single day. He is going to be *massive*.

So there's not much else I can say, as the situation is otherwise pretty much the same as it was before. I'd like to thank everyone who is supporting me through this bad situation in my life. There aren't words to express how much it means to me. In particular,  seldenls  timid-wolf  cyruswolfie  traskfox  tvorsk and  inshera You are like family to me, and I'm truly blessed to know you.

I love you all, and I hope that you're all doing well!

Please pray or hope for my friend  cyruswolfie and his uncle Alan. His uncle is very sick and he needs all the support and love that we can give him. He's one of my best friends and I'd really appreciate any support you could all give him. He's a good guy and he doesn't deserve to be going through this, so please, help me make sure he's not alone in it.