So due to some WONDERFUL clerical errors on the parts of idiots. I have to stay untill thursday at the 'rents place. Not a HUGE deal but still...

ANYWAY thats the state of things so far.

ANOTHER THING and ive mentioned this in streams and on journal or two i think.

As of tomorrow i'll be raising some of my prices.

In order to bring a better product to my clientelle and really be able to expand and be BETTER as an artist I've decided to up the prices of the inking and Coloring stages of my creative process. Not only will this allow me to spend more time on both stages without feeling i need to rush it but also to even out some of the pricing issues that came with halving the commission prices in half for additional characters.

The new prices as of January 1st are:

Sketch: $10
Linework (ink) $30
Flat Color $50
Shaded full color $60

I apologise for any inconvienences this might incur but I plan on making some changes for the better with my process that I think everyone will be happy with.

I just weakly sang "a little fall of rain" to a semi-lucid hallucination of... someone I care about... thinking i was about to DIE of a bucking migrane.... i need to get these headaches checked out ASAP they're starting to scare me.

Overlord Fox: Viva la Vida / be prepared / Brand new Day

Wolfbane Hyde: 21 Guns / The Wizard and I / 99 red baloons

Hector Fen: Drink with me (lesmis) / These wars we fight / how bad can I be

Sagitar: Aldonza / It’s all the same/ Lovley Ladies

Allison Hatcher: I dreamed a dream / Someone else’s story / tear drops on my guitar

Fox Tiberon: This Day Aria / Confrontation (jekyll and Hyde) / I could write books

Redawn Fenwatcher: Toucha Toucha Touch me / baby its cold outside / I’ll make a man out of you

Zhanzing Fenwatcher: Perfect / Out there / I’ve got a dream

Ning Fenwatcher: He lives in you / Circle of Life / candle on the water

Merry christmas one and all,
Merry christmas big and small
Pagan athiest, agnostic and faithful
all are welcome to sit at my table

I do not judge I do not hate
for everyone can have a plate
remember the true message of the season
To love eachother without a reason

This bitter tide give way to care
and find in friends your comfort there.
welcome not is bigotry
I only want your company

Take there this day, take care this night
and take your family hold them tight
And the very last person who reads this too
remember I never stopped loving you.

"Remember, no-one is a failure who has friends"

What: Its a wonderful FBA life starring Shane Rufus.

When: evening Eastern standard time dec 23 and 24

Why: To raise money for St Jude's children's hospital

Where: http://www.livestream.com/devia

Stuff:

one sketched panel: $10

single-panel cameo $20

Minor character cameo $50

important character cameo $100 (limit 5 slots)

(to be added after the story is all sketched out on select panels of the donator's choice: independant of cameo donations)

Inked panel $30

Flat color panel $50

Donation page: http://www.razoo.com/story/Wonderful-Life

$100 cameo slots:

1. Jadedfox
2.
3.
4.
5.

What: Its a wonderful FBA life starring Shane Rufus.

When: evening Eastern standard time dec 23 and 24

Why: To raise money for St Jude's children's hospital

Where: http://www.livestream.com/devia

Stuff:

one sketched panel: $10

single-panel cameo $20

Minor character cameo $50

important character cameo $100 (limit 5 slots)

(to be added after the story is all sketched out on select panels of the donator's choice: independant of cameo donations)

Inked panel $30

Flat color panel $50

$100 cameo slots:

1. Jadedfox
2.
3.
4.
5.

So barring any catastrophic disatsters, if your reading this you survived the end of the world.

I'll admit I think we ALL had that little voice in the back of our heads going "what if"

Some people had "if the world ends tomorrow heres my confessions"

Im fully confident the world isn't going to end today or for billions more years.

that being said.

I think confessing things that need to be said shouldn't wait untill were faced with certain death. Knowing that in making them we are very unlikely to face the consequences of saying them.

I make these confessions knowing full well i will be living with them for years and years to come:

1: It is hard for me to Love someone after loving someone who treated me like a human being for once in a relationship and Im terrified that I'm either going to be hurt again or left because i've once again entered into an impossiblity. It HURT. It BROKE me. And its no fault of anyone but myself that I did. And Continue to care and love in silence.

2: It will take alot for me to trust anyone beyond the scope of friendship. Every time i've opened my heart to someone i have been intentionally or untintentionally stabbed there repeatedly and the people holding the knife stand over me wondering why I trusted them to begin with. In many instances i was called insane for doing so.

3: I'm not the kind of person to burden others with my problems. I'm extreamly shy and I don't talk alot outside of streams. I get extreamly annoyed at people who just want to talk but have nothing to really SAY. I'm a quiet, introverted person most of the time who really likes being left alone unless its very apparent something is wrong. If i want to talk to you I will let you know. the few people who i have no problems with approaching me for a chat are the same people who have lots of interesting things to talk about. (they also tend to be the people i don't want to pester into chatting with me, as i approach them the way i'd like to be approached, by letting them come to me if they want to talk.)

4: i tend to be apologetically blunt with people. I'll tell you when your being annoying but then feel bad about it because im fericely parinoid of hurting peoples feelings. I know what it feels like so I don't like to do that to other people. Which is silly because alot of people corner me into situations where bluntness is usually the only way to get through to them about something.

5: I'm learning with the help of my friends to be a stronger more assertive person. I tend to hate things that i see representing things that i despise within myself and love things that I wish i could emulate more often. The best way I can describe this is with Ponies. I dislike Fluttershy and Pinkiepie because flutterhshy is a weak-willed pushover and Pinkiepie is a hyper spazcase. both prominant qualities i have within myself that i openly despise. Fluttershy as a character i still find somewhat endearing but it also reminds me how often and how scarily similar we are.

6: I find myself paying the price of being blunt with people by pushing people away. When i really look at it would i really want the people im pushing away as friends? The answer is often no if thats how they react to being told the truth but on the other hand i stilll feel like im a horrible monster for standing up for myself.

7: i personify myself as a Fox to the fandom but I've been told on numerous occasions im leaps and bounds more like a cat. I come to you when i want attention, i avoid you like the plauge when i don't, and i can't stand people who act like yippy yappy little dogs. They make me want to find the highest place and perch there.

Tonight is basically a theme poking fun at the supposed end of the world according to the mayan calander tomorrow.

The theme is the apocalypse. You choose how the world is going to end, will be a godzilla like rampage of macros? an infestation of micros? weaponized cute giving everyone diabetes? hypnotists entrancing the masses? A few sadistic individuals tickling people into submission?

All i ask for is no excessive gore or violence, this is supposed to be cute and funny.

Anyway GET YOUR DOOMSDAY on.

Stream will start at 7pm EST

Purchases of $50 or more gets a free sketch.

Prices:
(single character)
$10 sketch
$25 lineart
$40 flat color
$50 shading

Slots:

1. Koichi ?
2.
3.
4.
5.

So as you may have seen from my previous journal. I've lost my mind and MADE an RP forum for MLP friendship is magic. I made it because i kept running into really poorly moderate or unmoderated "anything goes" pony RP communities and I at least have a working experience with running RP forums.

this is NOT an "anything goes" rp.

Among its rules are no erotic RP, no alicorns and NO marysueish characters.

For those of you who are tired of dealng with bad RP and want to play a pony in a fun environment, this is the place

http://friendshipismagic.lefora.com/

Sooo I've gone around and looked around for a decent RP community for my little pony Fim, and i came across the same pitfalls pretty much EVERYWHERE.

ALICORNS running rampant just because.

Textspeak EVERYWHERE from a generation im growing less and less able to relate to.

just rampant mary-sueishness EVERYWHERE.



SO! I decided in leiu of not having a GOOD rp community for ponies. I WOULD MAKE ONE.

could somone stop me now? please? No? okay fine. lets get this rolling.

Its still new its still fresh, in order to keep up quality all profiles need to be approved before Rp can be started. Also the Deisgn of the board hasn't been minted yet so bear with the look for now.

SO yeeaah.

check it out: http://friendshipismagic.lefora.com/

I've had people ask me this, hell i've had people demand that i make her such. And even if she wasn't a representation of my fractured personality and just another character i will say this. I drew my characters doing out of character things ONCE, and I felt like I had pimped out my children. It felt AWFUL I honestly lost SLEEP over it.

From that day on I promised myself that I would NEVER draw my characters doing something they would never do, or draw them in a context in which they would never appear. So in saying that, if i won't do that for mere characters, why on earth would i do that to something... someONE who is a part of me.

In the beginning when Bane First took shape, she attacked my psychotic Ex, Erik, wanting to rip his heart out for all the mental abuse he caused me. The Action FRIGHTENED me because it was the first time i'd ever felt like I wasn't in controll of my own thoughts. mind you this was neigh on 8 years ago when it happened. I never truely beleived I had this disorder, in fact I denied it for a very long time. It was an act I put on for Erik, that was all, it excused me from certain actions because he did the same, it was a reflex. When I finally ended it, I ended entertaining that i had more than one entity in my head. Bane became a character, or rather, part of a character, in Devia and that was the end of my silly musings that I was crazy.

When the last year with all its ups and downs with my mother, moving out, and loosing friends in the process I was professionally doing allright but my personal life was in shambles, I tried to make new friends, and on some levels suceeded, on others failed miserably. Some people were forgiving, others not so much but thats life. The thing is I broke, i let myself break because I couldn't deal with feeling so alone, I couldn't deal with loosing people in my life who had been such a big part of it, my mother, my friends. Suddenly Gone. It was too much for me to take and the Red wolf whom I had locked away in my head as nothing more than a deadpan snarking character saved my tail again.

The thing with Bane isn't that shes dangerous. Allthough its very easy to mistake her as such the way she tends to be very intolerant of unsolicited affections. She's a protector, she Attacked Erik Because she was protecting me, she could see what i couldn't, LONG before i was willing to accept the fact myself that he was little better than a monster. She's my Inner Desire but one thats become somewhat removed from my own mental capacity because I honestly repressed my ability to be flagrantly selfish, I lived a largely selfless life for well... alot of my life. And SO much so that those inner desires were finally given a voice.

Bane is at times, irrational, emotionally driven, and very very driven in the art of self preservation. She tends to be a voice of innocent wisdom thats hard to argue with, but because she is ID, she's manifested in the way i would see such a thing represented, as an animal, a sentient animal, but still an animal.

I cannot imagine her anthropromorphic, most of the times ive tried to draw her as such she looks like a wolf whose standing on two legs. it looks freaky and unnatural and it doesnt suit her at all. my mind won't let me imagine it properly and I honestly don't want to give myself a headache trying to think of the WHY. Theres litterally a block there when i try.

Bane is still an integral part of me and who i am and I've learned to accept, love, tolerate and cherish her and her presence in my mind. sometimes she's very prominant other times its like she's asleep. But shes a part of me, however and whatever she is. But shes there as HER. and messing up her visual representation may prove for the worse for both of us.

Apparently ALOT of people want to send them to me. I'm a little paranoid for giving out my adress to people ive only barely met online, no offense. So im working out a possibility for everyone to be happy with either a PO box or sending them to my parents house where nothing bad can happen. since i'll be spending christmas/newyears with them.

due to a conflict of sceduling, Ill be leaving to go home during the streamtime tonight, i'll arrive a bit later than i'd like and im just going to chill for the rest of the evening and probably sleep like a log.

I had hoped i would get off my lazy butt tomorrow and do some comic work but thaaaaats probably not gonna happen this week, i need a week to recover from family stuff. that said i'll still be streaming and doing the bikers comic stuff.

SO! tomorrow i'll be doing a special event that you guys haven't had in awhile, Macro Monday. YAAAYY. So i'll see you tomorrows.

I was browsing Tumblr this morning and stumbled upon a screencap of two furries ON HERE not gonna name names however im not going to be a drama monger like that, who basically said that people who do commission only and NO requests "took others money for greedy crap"

............

do you people realize.... and lets wrap your heads around this for just an everloving moment. that there is an industry out there for illustration that pays professionals MONEY for "stupid pictures" .... IS IT SO HARD TO FATHOM that artwork ISN'T JUST SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE DO AND THAT ITS A FREAKING PROFESSION???

i could do another job, i could go back to retail or teach or be someone else's employee full time, enjoy having panic attacks daily and probably die before i was 35 from stress levels being through the roof. but hey i could do that. I wouldn't last long but I could do it.

Doing art as my career makes me HAPPY. if something i draw isn't going to make me happy or is more trouble than its worth to do, i'll probably turn the job down. There are things i don't particularly care to draw and i'll do them anyway. There are things I hate to draw and i won't draw them. Simple as that. But at the end of the day artwork is still WORK it takes up time, it takes up resources. (and in my case yes electricity is a resource). MY Time is valuable and I feel that i should be compensated for time worked.

I pay rent, groceries, electricity, internet, cable, gas, water... EVERYTHING.... with the money i get working for you. So when i hear some self-righteous dumbass saying that commissions are a bane on this community because he can't get "free" artwork. and he hates everyone who does them.... well guess what, Hate on me because I at least turned this into a capitalistic CAREER.

You're not allowed to judge me.

Im going to be starting to delve back into some older storylines I have and fleshing them out, (yes this also includes THAT 18th century furry project that starts with a D, shut up im working on it) But also other things I want to tell.

I want to make animatics on a semi regular basis, those, along with finding hidden secrets in photoshop, tend to be what really make my juices flow. I love telling stories, I always have. and While Devia may have had to lay on the backburner for awhile I need to at least finish the three original issues (only one more to go really then its off to the publisher) I waffled between killing off certain individuals, hell, there were a handfull that i honestly NEVER HAVE TO INTRODUCE, and the story would be fine. But it didn't feel right, It didn't feel right to let my emotions dictate what was and will be a beautiful story even if the people involved are gone from my life now. I miss them, all of them, and while i could say "screw it" and stop the project in its tracks, I think it would be better for me to come to terms with what i've lost by continueing and ending the story exactly how i planned it. It will be hard because I still care about everyone who was involved.

I'm not a monster, im not some psychotic person who just decided one day to show her true colors because I was hurt and broken. I acted that way BECAUSE i was hurt and broken, and I would really hope that even if me and my friends never speak again they at least know I never wanted to be that person, i never wanted to say the awful things i said and hurt the people i cared about, but i did and i can't take that back.

But theres more than just Devia. There's more so so so much more. and maybe one day amends can be made, hatchets buried, and forgiveness metted out. Im not holding my breath, i fucked up pretty damn hard on that front and theres little blame to be laid elsewhere.

I want to tell the story of my pony Airbrush. I want to use the animatic format to bring to life characters like hector and Bane, who while alive in my head and in Bane's case more than I ever planned, These characters deserve a voice.

I'll also be bringing back the paid-comic "Tortured" which was sagitar's backstory. I think its an important story to tell and doesn't have nearly the same emotional attachment the main storyline did. The reason i had a hard time continuing it was because someone thought I was trying to intentionally trivialze trauma and rape by having it happen to someone who was veritably sociopathic.

I'm... sorry?

I really don't understand people, and I'm starting either to not bother, or not care.

in the case of Airbrush i realized from the getgo her story was very DARK for a my little pony OC storyline, she goes through relationships that leave her reeling but in the end she prevails as a stronger person. I'm very good with "dark" not grimdark mind you but things that deal with abuse, psychosis, and exploring the ins and outs of HOW people behave because of psychology have always been interesting for me to highlight.

Its funny even now im hesitating hitting the "create" button. THAT being said PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop asking me when Devia will restart, its my own time and my own way and it will start again when i am ready. Exactly how i planned for it to go.

I don't want hugs or sympathy or "you can do it Fox." I love you all and I appreciate it.

I just have more than one story to tell.

and im STRONGER.

for my amuricans out there, enjoy your turkey day.

thanks to the influence of a certain someone, *coughGenCough* I've found myself in times of needing a boost nomming on peppermint candycanes and flipping the bird to my metaphorical circadian cycle. To say I have insomnia would be a gross understatement, to say I do my damndest not to be nocturnal and fail FAIL HARD would be more accurate.

Gen has been there for me alot though its very freaky how she's like how i see myself in 10 years, which isn't an insult considering she sees me as a younger version of herself. I honestly don't know which is scarier and for whom. or if its even scary.

Herbal suppliments i've always known of back in tennesee I have a good stack of books dedicated to herbology, remedies and even toxicology. (with the power to heal comes the power to harm.) She suggested to me for my sleep problems and anxiety a.... i want to say supplient but i really don't know WHAT it is classified under, called rescue remedy. she prescribed it for my cat initially but also told me there were versions for both. so naturally i bought both seeing as Tigger seems to have some issues with anxiety as well. (like owner like pet?)

My first experience with Rescue remedy was a humorous one. I looked on the bottle and found out the ingredients included alchohol, not even 5% alchohol like is found in most alchoholic beverages, but litterally 27% alchohol. The instructions say you can put it right on your tongue but you can also put it in your drink (they recommend water, but i had a half cup of cider with me, what would you have done?) and promptly made my "american" apple cider into a "proper" cider with four drops of an alchoholic calming agent.

I honestly could barely taste any real difference, and the remedy itself place directly on the tongue is sweet and not painfully bitter. as for its calming abilities I'll see how well it works during the holiday season.

Tomorrow i get up ungodfully early (or stay up ungodfully late, take your pick) to fly to nashville for thanksgiving so i figured i'd be chill today so i can do that without falling asleep at the wheel.

i'll resume streaming tomorrow night.

homecon was an absolute blast and I can't wait for the next one, hopefully i'll be able to cordinate myself a bit better but i feel like i did well all things considered.

i'll be participating in homecon friday through sunday, thanks so much to  tanabi and  caribou for letting me do this.

Friday I'll be linked up with  Genesisw and  flinters for the late shift.

saturday and sunday im going to be keeping convention hours and working from 10am to 6pm instead of my usual 7pm till midnight.

those of you who are international and/or go to sleep when i START streaming usually, nows a good time to nab something from me.

I hold no promises on doing traditional peices but if i do it will be considered if there's a demand for it.

my prices:

Digital:

sketch: $10
lineart: $25
flat color: $40
Shaded: $50

(additional characters are half of the base price tacked onto the end. ex. 2 character sketch would be $15 two character flat color would be $60)

Traditional:

PLEASE remember all tradtional has to be shipped.
my store envy site adds the shipping for you it is $5 for shipping.

Dogtags: $10
Artcards; $25
Postcards: $40
Fulsize: $70
Small conbadge: $35
Medium Conbadge $45
Large conbadge: $55

I get home from all my stuffs, my police report isnt finished so i have to go out again tomorrow... and my laptop's battery is dead its currently running exclusively on AC power, so i made sure to make an appointment for tomorrow afternoon to get it replaced. HNNGGGGG why.

oh and my father has informed me that our eldest cat Tess is starting to act "really old and frail" which has me worried like nothing else. i was never particularly "close" to Tess, but she and I have had a kind of mutual respect and ive always seen her as the "queen" of our pets. I really really hope she's not fading because I really don't think i could handle that ontop of everything else I have to deal with.

I do take comfort in knowing i helped take her off the street and gave her a wonderful life, but I'm not ready say goodbye.

Woke up sore and stiff this morning but i'll live.

Things I need to do today are wonderfully boring adult things I don't want to do.

pick up the police report.

get an estimate on the damage to my car,

go to the mother-forking-everloving-post-office

happy fun times ahead... *grumblr rawr*

THANKFULLY no fractures but i've been told to take it easy, sadly i do have a ton of crap to do tomorrow now including getting the official police report from the local precinct, getting an estimate on my car and, if the people cause me any problems... well... lets just say my father will be ready with a lawyer if they try to weasel out of paying for my precious car's bumper.

I feel fine right now but im going to chill and just play games and watch Tv untill i fall asleep, my neck hurts a little so i don't want to aggrivate it anymore than necessary.

anyway guys just giving you a heads up im okay but I will probably be less active here and there.

First of all i'd like to apologise to everyone i'm having to bump to tuesday. Im so so so sorry.

Today on my way to mail out stuff (whichi sitll need to do im sorry things happened and i kind of came right home) I got rear ended and I THINK i've injured my neck. I wouldn't normally freak out about it but everyone i've told thus far have told me to "go get checked out" "just in case"

TOMORROW we will have ponies and macro day, it may not be macro monday but we'll make it special.

I'm going to be leaving to head to the hospital as soon as my phone charges up and I don't know when i'll be back home. I'm just kinda reeling right now, the (pardon the term of phrase) idiots who hit me didn't have insurance and they damaged my car, and on top of that i had too many damn things i had to do today and !@$!#!$!$@.

So yeah thats the overlord's state of the empire adress.

Stay cool kids.

OKAY! i have finally at least mailed out most of the things i needed to. weee.

among these are:

an order of pony charms that got lost in the mail.

Chocowolf's dogtag

Fringedog's postcard

baby twizzy's dogtag

another dogtag, name escaping me at the moment. basically everything i did LAST saturday. derp.

i apologise it took me so long to get to the post office, last week just kept hitting me with one thing right after another and i've just now been able to take a breath.

anyway please allow at least 2 to 4 weeks for packages to get to you. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU is out of the country and the US customs office apparently hates me.