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Happy New Year!
General | Posted 11 years agoIt's still 5 and a half hours early where I am, I just wanted to wish everyone a joyous welcome into 2015.
I hope we can all look back on 2014 and be proud of our accomplishments, learn from pour shortcomings and be ready to grow in the coming year.
Love you all!
~FM
I hope we can all look back on 2014 and be proud of our accomplishments, learn from pour shortcomings and be ready to grow in the coming year.
Love you all!
~FM
Another year older...
General | Posted 11 years agoAnother year more jaded and unaccomplished. At least I will be on the 17th. Only 26 years old and I'm already lamenting getting older.
Ok, Better Now (Response to last 2 journals)
General | Posted 11 years agoWell, mostly. Anyways, I'm doing much better since my last two journal posts. Still a little boo-hoo here and there but overall doing better. Thank you all to those who took the time to comment and lend your sympathy. I really appreciate it, each and every one of you. *Hugs*
Until next breakdown,
Foxmagik
Until next breakdown,
Foxmagik
FAGHK this weather! (Seasonal depression or some s#!t)
General | Posted 11 years agoF@$k I'm in a bad mood!
I'm physically and emotionally exhausted! I'm jaded and tired of being around people yet at the same time beating my self up for being alone. I'm taking stupid shit people saw here WAY too personally. AND it's been a few weeks and it's mostly died down but I still feel like I'm getting ass raped by pitch forks of my old demons.
What the f@$k is wrong with me?! Is it this s#!ty weather or is there actually an evil omen looming over the earth like it feels like lately?
I'm physically and emotionally exhausted! I'm jaded and tired of being around people yet at the same time beating my self up for being alone. I'm taking stupid shit people saw here WAY too personally. AND it's been a few weeks and it's mostly died down but I still feel like I'm getting ass raped by pitch forks of my old demons.
What the f@$k is wrong with me?! Is it this s#!ty weather or is there actually an evil omen looming over the earth like it feels like lately?
Having Anxiety over dumb stuff(need someone to talk to)
General | Posted 11 years agoOk, I seriously need someone to talk me down about some old issues. I ask here because it's correlated to a very popular series here on FA.
So, many of you may know about the series
Roommates Well... I'm kind of conflicted right now because I love the series, especially the artist style, but I have a hard time reading it, it's many side stories or even thinking about it without sending myself into really nasty anxiety attacks.
Here's why: I started reading it at a really bad time in my life. I had boyfriend trouble that ended really badly, but on top of that are two of my biggest neurosis' in my life: my High school years and my idea of perfectionism.
High school was a horrible time for me. I had like one friend but we never hung out, no afterschool activities and was suicidally depressed for years. I was conflicted about my sexuality but never got any chance to explore because I was a complete social outcast and totally lacked confidence in anything, especially that all important world of sex. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 19 and it was a hook up. These failing always made me feel like I was pathetic and missed out on the most important and vital things I needed to do as a teenager.
But what I realize now is all I wanted was what I misjudgment call 'perfection' which was really attention and companionship.
Here are a few things from that series that trigger my problems. Again, MY problems. This by no means is an attack on the series or artist. I mean that:
The side story these are my reflections follow Bowser Jr. through his High school experience and the trouble he faces with coming out to his family. The story is PHENOMENALLY written and the characters are portrayed amazingly. The problem I have is I'm JEALOUS of Jr. Stupid right? The story is about his turmoil and I'm envious of the shallow things like he's rich, popular, athletic, lost his virginity at 16, had his first sexual experience at 15 by having a gorgeous boy nearly literally land in his lap, and everything I wish I could have been in my teenage years but never could have because I was a weird little loser.
AND in the other side story Gian First the other character Gian gets his first boyfriend, and subsequently blow job, at 14! I still wasn't interested in dating at that age but he's not only getting some but totally confident in his sexuality straight out of puberty.
And the biggest thing in the series: Santino. This is a character we haven't seen much of because the producers want to tease the audience but here's what we know of him: He PERFECT! He's sexy, emotionless, an expert fencer and martial artist, has a huge 11 inch dick, started having sex at like 14, maybe younger and is literally, hands down everything I wanted to be, EVER! I try to tell him he's too in to the Mary Sue spectrum for me to bother with but then I feel guilty like I'm attacking someones character.
So this is my problem: Why am I STILL having anxiety attacks about my high school years, my massive inferiority complex and still beating myself up over how I can't be some ill conceived illusion of perfection? I know deep down I'm just jealous because Gian and Jr have everything I think I want but really all I want is both companionship, someone to tell me I'm actually worth existing, and confidence. All things I many times then and still think today I neither deserve or will ever find.
I don't know, maybe it's the weather but my depression has hit me hard lately. I thought I was over this stuff but it always keeps coming back at me and I'm sick of it! I'm tired of projecting my insecurities onto things in this fandom and them berating myself for hours to day on end.
ESPECIALLY if it means missing out on the work of three fantastic artists because I can't separate my anxiety triggers from their work. SpelunkerSal, Treii, Dreamous, they're all great people and amazing artists and I know their work is all fiction and shouldn't affect me, but I can't help it and feel horrible like I'm disrespecting them as artists.
What do I do? PLEASE! I need help on this.
~FM
So, many of you may know about the series
Roommates Well... I'm kind of conflicted right now because I love the series, especially the artist style, but I have a hard time reading it, it's many side stories or even thinking about it without sending myself into really nasty anxiety attacks.Here's why: I started reading it at a really bad time in my life. I had boyfriend trouble that ended really badly, but on top of that are two of my biggest neurosis' in my life: my High school years and my idea of perfectionism.
High school was a horrible time for me. I had like one friend but we never hung out, no afterschool activities and was suicidally depressed for years. I was conflicted about my sexuality but never got any chance to explore because I was a complete social outcast and totally lacked confidence in anything, especially that all important world of sex. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 19 and it was a hook up. These failing always made me feel like I was pathetic and missed out on the most important and vital things I needed to do as a teenager.
But what I realize now is all I wanted was what I misjudgment call 'perfection' which was really attention and companionship.
Here are a few things from that series that trigger my problems. Again, MY problems. This by no means is an attack on the series or artist. I mean that:
The side story these are my reflections follow Bowser Jr. through his High school experience and the trouble he faces with coming out to his family. The story is PHENOMENALLY written and the characters are portrayed amazingly. The problem I have is I'm JEALOUS of Jr. Stupid right? The story is about his turmoil and I'm envious of the shallow things like he's rich, popular, athletic, lost his virginity at 16, had his first sexual experience at 15 by having a gorgeous boy nearly literally land in his lap, and everything I wish I could have been in my teenage years but never could have because I was a weird little loser.
AND in the other side story Gian First the other character Gian gets his first boyfriend, and subsequently blow job, at 14! I still wasn't interested in dating at that age but he's not only getting some but totally confident in his sexuality straight out of puberty.
And the biggest thing in the series: Santino. This is a character we haven't seen much of because the producers want to tease the audience but here's what we know of him: He PERFECT! He's sexy, emotionless, an expert fencer and martial artist, has a huge 11 inch dick, started having sex at like 14, maybe younger and is literally, hands down everything I wanted to be, EVER! I try to tell him he's too in to the Mary Sue spectrum for me to bother with but then I feel guilty like I'm attacking someones character.
So this is my problem: Why am I STILL having anxiety attacks about my high school years, my massive inferiority complex and still beating myself up over how I can't be some ill conceived illusion of perfection? I know deep down I'm just jealous because Gian and Jr have everything I think I want but really all I want is both companionship, someone to tell me I'm actually worth existing, and confidence. All things I many times then and still think today I neither deserve or will ever find.
I don't know, maybe it's the weather but my depression has hit me hard lately. I thought I was over this stuff but it always keeps coming back at me and I'm sick of it! I'm tired of projecting my insecurities onto things in this fandom and them berating myself for hours to day on end.
ESPECIALLY if it means missing out on the work of three fantastic artists because I can't separate my anxiety triggers from their work. SpelunkerSal, Treii, Dreamous, they're all great people and amazing artists and I know their work is all fiction and shouldn't affect me, but I can't help it and feel horrible like I'm disrespecting them as artists.
What do I do? PLEASE! I need help on this.
~FM
Must hear song!
General | Posted 11 years agoBack Online! (Move update)
General | Posted 11 years agoHey all! So I didn't mention this before but I've officially moved in to a new place! Its a sizable town house I'm sharing with my brother and sister-in-law and two of their friends and we just this afternoon got hooked up for cable and internet. It's good to be back online ^w^
There's been some other crap going on in my life, mostly stressful, but this was just a brief update. Thanks for listening!
~Foxmagik
There's been some other crap going on in my life, mostly stressful, but this was just a brief update. Thanks for listening!
~Foxmagik
Updates - Craziness!
General | Posted 11 years agoSo for anyone wondering what I've been doing...
Disney Land was awesome! My whole familey had a fantastic time!
Works been up and down. It's either been short hours or full, busy days. Still, the latter means good pay.
My moods been up and down a lot lately. It hasn't been bad but I find myself more easily irritated than I'd like to be.
I started volunteering at a LGBT center here in Seattle every Tuesday. Been great so far.
Oh, yeah, and my car engine BLEW UP! It shot a rod because I was way past due on my oil change. Fortunately my dad works for a dealership and found me a lightly used engine online for hella cheap. So, moderate bullet dodged but it's not over yet. It has to get here and be installed, so were waiting on that.
And that's about the gist of things.
~Foxmagik
Disney Land was awesome! My whole familey had a fantastic time!
Works been up and down. It's either been short hours or full, busy days. Still, the latter means good pay.
My moods been up and down a lot lately. It hasn't been bad but I find myself more easily irritated than I'd like to be.
I started volunteering at a LGBT center here in Seattle every Tuesday. Been great so far.
Oh, yeah, and my car engine BLEW UP! It shot a rod because I was way past due on my oil change. Fortunately my dad works for a dealership and found me a lightly used engine online for hella cheap. So, moderate bullet dodged but it's not over yet. It has to get here and be installed, so were waiting on that.
And that's about the gist of things.
~Foxmagik
Didney Lan? Didney Lan!
General | Posted 11 years agoSo yeah, my mom's boss gave her a three day vacation to take the family to Disney Land! We leave in the morning so that's where I'll be all day tomorrow! Awesome!
Just posting a status update journal. I don't really expect anyone to care all that much. Still, I'm excited.
Just posting a status update journal. I don't really expect anyone to care all that much. Still, I'm excited.
Come and join the Goldhaven RP
General | Posted 11 years agoEnjoy Role Play? looking for a new forum with new friends? Then come and sign up for Goldhaven!
http://goldhaven.freeforums.org/index.php
This budding new community is brought to us by the minds of
komatose, 
dragonkingi, 
leonvalen, and 
greeneear88 to bring together a fun and friendly city for everyone's enjoyment. It's still only just taking off so it's in need of more residence. Come on by!
For more information please visit their FA page;
goldhaven
http://goldhaven.freeforums.org/index.php
This budding new community is brought to us by the minds of
komatose, 
dragonkingi, 
leonvalen, and 
greeneear88 to bring together a fun and friendly city for everyone's enjoyment. It's still only just taking off so it's in need of more residence. Come on by! For more information please visit their FA page;
goldhavenI got an HIV test...
General | Posted 12 years agoNothing is more anxiety inducing than waiting for its results and nothing is more relieving than getting it back negative.
I Kinda Miss Irresponsibility...
General | Posted 12 years agoTo all who know me, watch me, etc. I'm sorry I've been nearly non existent for a while. My work schedule leaves me exhausted so I don't get a lot of time to communicate online. Getting up at 5 am to catch a bus to Seattle to haul furniture for 9 hours doesn't really allow an all-night role play. Still, I'm especially sorry to all the friends on Skype and other RPs. I understand if your angry or hurt, I would deserve it. I am sorry.
Merry Christmas!!!
General | Posted 12 years agoOne and All!
Oh, and good luck to everyone setting up any and all electronics they get this year.
Oh, and good luck to everyone setting up any and all electronics they get this year.
I'm a Quarter Century Old Today
General | Posted 12 years agoIt's my 25th birthday today. Yay!
Help Knuxlight save a life!!!
General | Posted 12 years ago
Knuxlight posted that his friends 4 year old dog may be out down by tomorrow! They've still got a ways to go before they reach their goal and not much time left to reach it! Please help and donate if you can!http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5264887/
Blazblue (Videogame Ramble Journal)
General | Posted 12 years agoBlazblue. Let me just share a few thoughts on this game series.
Game play wise its a great fighting game. Diverse characters, cool powers and weapons and some of the most bad ass finishers I've seen.
Adversely, story wise I am just not getting it at all. Some post apocalypse stuff, rebuilt world with magic, corrupt hierarchy and some other shit. What gets me most however is how like every character is totally nihilistic or crazy but all of them are straight up a collective of anime cliches. Seriously.
There really wasn't a point to this journal. I just wanted to write this down.
So, yeah...
Foxmagik
Game play wise its a great fighting game. Diverse characters, cool powers and weapons and some of the most bad ass finishers I've seen.
Adversely, story wise I am just not getting it at all. Some post apocalypse stuff, rebuilt world with magic, corrupt hierarchy and some other shit. What gets me most however is how like every character is totally nihilistic or crazy but all of them are straight up a collective of anime cliches. Seriously.
There really wasn't a point to this journal. I just wanted to write this down.
So, yeah...
Foxmagik
So Tired (Work stuff)
General | Posted 12 years agoSo, big news, I got a new job! Yay! Finally getting out of that hell hole I used to toil at for minimum wage for a place that actually pays livable wages.
Anyways, the problem here is I've been working both jobs for the past week and still got another week to go with out a day off. Needless to say: I am beat when I come home
Zzzzzz,
Foxmagik
Anyways, the problem here is I've been working both jobs for the past week and still got another week to go with out a day off. Needless to say: I am beat when I come home
Zzzzzz,
Foxmagik
Creativity vs Copyright (Artist/Writers Please Help!)
General | Posted 12 years agoYo! Just a quick question to all my watchers willing to help with a recent idea I'm struggling with.
So I'm trying to work on a super hero type story but am having trouble piecing together some of the smaller details. One such is the heroes arch enemy whom has a xenophobic vendetta against all things 'supernatural'. Until recently I had him secretly working with an unnamed branch of the government that abducts and contains mutants and other such beings, but I recently gave it a name.
So here's the problem: I didn't think of the name first.
I'm using the popular creepypasta meme "The SCP Foundation". It would be slightly different in the fact that I'd probably not bring up all the creatures on the wiki, but everything about it seems like a perfect type of organization for the protection of 'normal' people from 'the unnatural'.
Thoughts? Is this just ripping off someone else's work or can I use it since it's technically not one persons property? Please help.
So I'm trying to work on a super hero type story but am having trouble piecing together some of the smaller details. One such is the heroes arch enemy whom has a xenophobic vendetta against all things 'supernatural'. Until recently I had him secretly working with an unnamed branch of the government that abducts and contains mutants and other such beings, but I recently gave it a name.
So here's the problem: I didn't think of the name first.
I'm using the popular creepypasta meme "The SCP Foundation". It would be slightly different in the fact that I'd probably not bring up all the creatures on the wiki, but everything about it seems like a perfect type of organization for the protection of 'normal' people from 'the unnatural'.
Thoughts? Is this just ripping off someone else's work or can I use it since it's technically not one persons property? Please help.
Why Can't I Hold All These Watchers?!
General | Posted 12 years agoSeriously, to all my new watchers: Thank you all so much!
Y'all have just been pouring in. I've no doubt I owe much of that to the wonderful works of
gammauzumaki and 
blekarotva
I'll do my best to not disappoint all of you ^w^
Y'all have just been pouring in. I've no doubt I owe much of that to the wonderful works of
gammauzumaki and 
blekarotvaI'll do my best to not disappoint all of you ^w^
Free Halloweenie Raffle!
General | Posted 12 years agoDrunk Guy Explains the Mushroom Kingdom
General | Posted 12 years agoYay!
General | Posted 12 years agoGood to have FA back. I was getting board.
Help a Koren-FireSpirit! (Help a fellow fur journal)
General | Posted 12 years ago
Koren-FireSpirit has been laid off and needs help paying his car insurance. He needs his car in order to find a new job, so anything anyone can do for him helps.Donate or spread the word, please.
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5026344/
Don't let reality bring a fellow fur down!
Indigogo Campaign! Help if you can!
General | Posted 12 years agoHelp get this motion comic up and going! Anything to aide them if you can!
http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/a.....d-motion-comic
http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/a.....d-motion-comic
Golden Sun Dark Dawn
General | Posted 12 years agoOh my god, it has got to be the slowest, most dialogue filled game of all time. I started a new file and it took like 15 minutes just to scroll through the opening dialogue.
All I want is to kill monsters using elemental powers! Is that so much to ask?
All I want is to kill monsters using elemental powers! Is that so much to ask?
