There was someone I loved very much, I gave him everything I had. Maybe too much.

But, it wasn't good enough for him. He wanted more, and more, until eventually I couldn't keep up, all the while him not communicating and telling me everything was fine.

My inability to keep up with his demands led to him getting angry, and doing very evil and malicious things behind my back, including smearing my name and losing me several friends I adored.

It caused me depression for a long time. It was the darkest period of my life, I was inconsolable and it almost made me lose everything.

But, I've finally realized, just because I may not have been good enough for him, I can't let the evil things he did to me destroy my life. Especially because he keeps hurting people, no one can meet his standards.

Knowing this, I won't let him win and break me again. I won't cry for him ever again. As much as I wish things could have been different, as much as I wish he'd come to me and correct his wrongs.

It's his loss. I won't let him drag me down with him, as he continues hurting people and will one day be entirely alone.

This is mostly a vent post. Sorry for unpleasantness. Just getting something out I've held to myself for a long time.

Sometimes you wish people would do better, that they'd make up for the evil things they did to you. But sometimes, there is no closure, and they just won't.

I've moved on now, and I will stick to better people who won't try to hurt me from now on. This has effected me for too long, and it's still not fully repaired...it may never be. But, you can only control yourself, and I have nothing to hide. I will strive for a better future for myself and everyone I love.

Rare bi-yearly journal entry but I guess I just wanted somewhere to vent where not lots of people would really see it.

I feel really overwhelmed lately.
Maybe I'm going too hard, but the current climate online makes it so hard to be an entertainer.

I just want to make people smile, make people's lives easier, but even friends don't seem interested in what I put out.

You have to jump through so many hoops and do so much work to get noticed in this, I haven't had free time in well over a year, and for all the work I'm still nowhere near where I want to be.

I love it so much, doing streams, making videos, but even after all this time I am nowhere close to my goals. I'm doing better than most people, I'm so happy of the community I've fostered and the people I've met, but the road is still so long and so far away, and it's starting to catch up to me. I'm basically doing 5 different jobs at the moment, each taking more time than a full time job ever has. Wish I could hire someone to lighten the load.

I don't really know how to put what I feel about this into words, but I dislike how it feels I have to ask people to support me. I feel like, I should be supporting them as an entertainer. But if they don't even come to streams or view the content I put out, how can I? Does that make sense?

I dunno, just a blurb of things on my mind. Sorry if anything comes off the wrong way. In the end I just want to help people, make them laugh and smile.

Hopefully I can keep this up. Being an entertainer and content creator is the first time i've truly felt passionate about something in my life...but it's so draining.

Enjoy. I never log in here anymore so I had like a year of art to put up!

Follow me on twitter or twitch to keep updated if you care~!

http://www.twitter.com/foxyareku
http://www.twitch.tv/foxyareku

Been setting up some stuff for streaming, if you have any interest then follow me at twitch.tv/foxyareku .

First stream is this saturday.

Apparently hadn't posted some stuff I got last year, sorry for that~

Enjoy the stuff.

I realize I don't really post here any more. I guess I just don't feel the need to have a journal, but thought I'd just say happy holidays to those who still watch me and care. Means a lot.

Hit me up if you'll be there.

Any support is appreciated.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCC.....1X2M_tkDgzKbXQ

My grandmother was murdered on August 31st, 2018. I've spent the last few days coping, lost in my thoughts, just trying to distract myself...

It feels so surreal, and there's so much lingering guilt of not spending enough time with her.

Thanks to everyone I have confided in who has helped me get through this so far. I just thought I would make a small notice. She was the most important person in my life, and I will never forget her. I don't think I will ever fully recover from this, and I hope the bastard who would ever hurt the kindest person I've ever known gets what is coming to them...

It's really hard, but I am so lucky to have the friends and loved ones that I do. You're all great, thank you so much for having me in your thoughts and helping me through this.

Rest in Peace, Mimi...

And gosh am I old :V

Yep, let me know if you want to hang out. I'm staying at a holiday inn 3 miles away and will be there early friday, haven't decided if I wanna stop by thursday night too.

I guess I just feel too old for journals or something.

Kinda fallen into a routine, got a steady work at home job now and making money, living with my darling  superduperdog, playing lots of video games and trying to enjoy myself.

 zementh visited me for the first time in almost a decade the other week, that was a true blast, it was so nice to see him.

Recently got back into Fire Emblem and really been enjoying the Fates series, as well as rediscovering older titles. That's fun.

If anyone wants my discord to stay in contact better feel free to ask, all in all life is just flying by these days.

Don't know if anyone watches my FA anymore, but I'll be at TFF. Look for me, on Friday I'll be wearing a Nick Wilde outfit.

Man, I sure don't feel 27.

Just go here and tell him what you want: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18443184/ :3.

Looking to get a couple adult pictures done, any suggestions of people who are open would be appreciated.

Everyone I'm finding is either full or closed. ;;

Happy New Year everyone! Stay safe. :3

Thanks to everyone who hung out with me, it was a great time.

I'd do an in-depth report or something, but I'm not feeling very creative. The highlight for me was getting to meet  kfcasey,  kintarius, and  tsukigato, and there were lots of other cool people as well.

See all you fluffy butts next year.

I lost my job a month or two ago, haven't had any luck since. Sorry I don't really post here anymore, there's been a lot of problems for me the last few months, and I basically just play WoW when I'm not job searching to escape it all

I swear with everything that has been going on I'd go insane if not for the amazing people around me. This next year I want to show all these great people just how much they mean to me, from my family to all those I love. I'd be nothing without all of you.

When it is slow at work I only have my phone to entertain me, and no one talks during the day on skype mobile!! Does anyone wanna chat or rp or anything?

My Skype is foxyareku and I want more friends. :c

Haven't updated here in awhile and felt like typing something up.

I've been blessed for awhile now, I'm living with two great people, vene and blue, both of which make me happy to come home each night. My job is a little stressful and leaves me mentally exhausted, but I enjoy it. It's essentially roadside assistance for allstate, taking calls from people who need help and sending that help out to them. I like it despite the issues, and it pays decently enough.

Other then that, it's really just been WoW, Dota 2, and getting by. Dealing with problems and paying bills, general life stuff. My life is basically one big repetitive routine, but I guess that happens to most people at my age.

I want to express my thanks to  vene,  bluearcanine,  redhawkhacker,  dhaiul,  canasrenvall, and thunderhowl for always being there and checking up on me and just generally keeping me from going completely insane. You guys are the best.

I do apologize to my other friends for how distant I have been recently, but it's just hard to stay in contact with how busy I've been. Sorry for being a pain, I do miss you all though.

Take care.

Then commission  vene!

I like his stuff, and he's my roomie. All he makes from it will help us with our new place and bills.

It'd be silly to miss it since I live so close!

Also, I live in burleson with my best friend and pet  vene, now. Lots has happened, certain people were retarded, I made mistakes, but all should be okay now.

And now a meme for the heck of it.

Where are you staying?
-The Hotel

Who will you be with?
 vene and  avalon487

Who will you hang out with during the convention?
See above

Are there any panels you might be attending?
Not sure, probably knotcast or something.

Will you be suiting?
I wish

Do you do free art?
~

Do you do trades?
~

Do you do badges?
~

Do you do commissions?
Not an artist

What is your gender?
-Male

How tall are you?
6'4"

Are you taken? Are you looking for a 'mate'?
Not taken, not looking either really

Can I talk to you?
As long as you're not creepy xD;

Can I touch you?
Keep it clean if i don't know you well

How can I find you?
Gimme a call. If you don't have my number, just look for the long scruffy hair and huge fox tail.

Can I visit your room?
Only if it's okay with roomies.

Can I buy you drinks?
Non-alcoholic only, but yes

Can I give you stuff?
If you really want to.

Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Maybe, if I know you enough.

Are you nice?
I am! I think.

How long are you going?
-Late thursday to Monday

Do you have an artist table?
 vene does

Will you be going to parties?
Sure

Will you be performing?
Nada

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Poke me vigorously

Where will you be most of the time during the day/s?
Roaming, game room, places.

What/where will you be eating?
The restaurants or places like In-n-out or Magic Time Machine

Can I come with you for food/fun/etc?
If I know you and roomies are okay with it

Can I look in your sketchbook?
Not an artist, but if you want a good artist check out  vene!

Can I draw in your sketchbook?
See above

Can I take your picture?
-If I know you enough!

What's your goal(s) for the con this year?
To have fun~!

My guinea pig died this morning, it was a very emotional discovery for me. I took him to my mom's for a burial.

I will miss him very much...

What a way to start the new year, aye? ....sigh.