https://www.gofundme.com/we-need-a-win

I'm one of those people that really doesn't like to ask for help, and I can't do commissions or anything to earn money. But at this point, we need a lot of help. I just can't handle any of this.

To anyone that might actually give half a damn, I'm alive.

We evacuated before the hurricane flooded our apartment. We lost quite a few keepsakes, my carpet is ruined and my closets need to be assessed and the walls fixed, and almost all of the clothes I own are now wet and on their way to being mildewed. I am running short on my extra money, have no bed, and am staying with my girlfriend, brother and sister-in-law and their 16 month old child, and my parents.... I want to cry. Every time I think I'm okay and I start to try to clean everything up, something else happens. I just want to curl up and go to sleep and never wake up. It's too much and I feel like I'm breaking apart.

I'm mostly writing this just so I can get some of it off of my chest... I know there are people who have it worse than me... I just feel so broken and I can't stop crying.

If you read this, thank you. And please, don't feed me platitudes... I know eventually this will all be a bad nightmare... but right now, trying to tell me it's going to be okay is just making me want to cry harder.

So I was a genius and apparently decided to pass out in my kitchen on Sunday. Hit my head and neck on the cupboards and dented our stove. They did EVERY test imaginable on me to try to figure out what happened, and what did they decide? Anxiety. GOSH DARN IT BODY STOP HATING ME SO MUCH!

And now I'm all nauseous again so I'm scared to stand up.

So, I didn't really talk about it but I lost my great aunt a couple months ago. I wasn't especially close to her, but I loved her dearly.

This morning about 30 minutes before I had to leave for work, my friend texts me and tells me that the woman I considered to be a second mother has had a heart attack and passed away. I really don't know how to handle it. I feel like crying and tearing my hair out. Catherine has been really gentle and sweet with me, but I'm so scared that I'm going to flip out at her any second now. I don't know what to do anymore and it feels like the pain just won't stop.

I don't know what to do and it feels like it's never going to stop. I'm scared to stay close to anyone because every time I get close, someone dies. First Richard, then Aunt Helen, and now Cindy. Even my great grandparents didn't die until I saw them for the last time. I'm beginning to think more and more that I'm a curse on everything sweet and good.

I know this sounds insane, but I just don't know what else to think. She wasn't especially healthy, but she was way too young for a heart attack...

So, Catherine and I have moved to our own place! It's really exciting, but they keep trying to screw us over. We've used up most of our emergency fund on extra fees and things that I was never told about, and because at one moment it says I only owe 700 dollars, the next time it says I still owe 100-something.

So... That's up. What's up on your end?

Hey everyone! Merry Christmas! Sorry I haven't been around much. Sad that I couldn't send a picture of the full moon, but my sky is filled with clouds.

Well, anyway, I have work tomorrow (1st day of returns= 1st day of hell) so I doubt I'll have the energy to talk later. Love you all, and I hope you all had a good day. Bye!

<3 Mandy

Pretty much what I've been up to lately. 2 and a half hours of over time last pay period! Yay!

So just a warning for all of you that might think you would be okay with working as a cashier in a sporting and outdoors store... DON'T DO IT. Yes, I love the job but I am soooooooooooooooooooooo sore. Like seriously my muscles in my back are so tight that they're throwing my back out of alignment every five minutes. And I got up this morning and almost couldn't walk. Really... I was more like waddling into Kitten's room. On the plus side, I will probably lose weight at this if I take my medicine the way I'm really supposed to. But I am horrible at taking anything on a regular basis lol.

Anyway... just wanted to rant! Love you (anyone that actually reads this XD)!

So, I finally got a job. I'm going in today to fill out the paperwork. Not that I've been on a whole lot anyway, but I probably won't be around as often now. If anyone wants my email address or skype, just note me, k? (or my skype is actually on my profile)

Anyway, love you all. Hope you're having a good day.

Love,
Mandy

Hey, guys... Idk if i'll be available for a bit. I'm in a really bad mood. Don't take it personally, but I may not be on FA for a few weeks.

So glad to know everyone loves me XD Happy birthday to me! :D

Today I'm watching Phineas and Ferb and other stuff with Kitten, and I'm drinking xD I refuse to be too little to drink today!

So, today Kitten took me on a super long walk. We went down to the lake and took pictures, and I took pictures of a duck and dragonflies and of a crane! We also went to Sam's Club and Kitten bought me ice cream :)

It was a really long day, but I had lots of fun.

Also... 7 more days...

So... I fell asleep at about 5 PM last night... I woke up less than an hour ago at 3 AM... In that time, I received 6 phone calls from my mother, a message on Facebook from her asking if I was okay, two texts from my parents, both asking if I was okay....

What the fuck happened while I was asleep to make them think I WASN'T okay?

I has the bestest mommy ever. Kitten took me to the pet store and the toy store and bought us food for nachos. I even got to buy some pacifiers! ^^

I wuvs my Kitten <3 <3 <3 <3

So... anyone else hear about the vet from Brenham, Texas that shot a cat (claiming it was feral)? Turns out it was a family pet. I'm just grateful she got fired.

I also signed a petition to get her vet license suspended permanently.

So... I went back to my high school to help my Forensic Science teacher with her class. The school has changed a lot, and mostly it isn't for the better. Back when I was in class, teachers could take cell phones away from students and the students would have to pay a fine for having their phone out. Now, teachers can't take phones away because the school wants students to learn more online, but apparently the administration is too stupid to realize that the kids don't use their cell phones for that.

Also, I know I'm not all that old, but when I was a kid in high school, I was not allowed to behave so poorly or I got sent to the principal's office. By the time we got to seventh period today, none of the kids were doing any work and they were just goofing off. It was really sad to see, because Forensic Science was probably my favorite class in high school.

Oh, and my teacher told the students that there was a piece of evidence nobody had checked out all week, and it happened to be at the station I was at. I wouldn't tell the students what it was, and the problem is that this is going to be on the test. I wasn't allowed to tell them though because it was on the handouts they received yesterday. One girl says "well, what is it?" and I replied that I couldn't tell her. So she said "I wasn't talking to you. I don't even care." I said "you'll care when you fail." And she went ballistic on me for calling her stupid... I wasn't calling her stupid though. I was calling her lazy.

Gah... It frustrates me to see kids who are supposed to be adults acting like that.

I really feel old and worthless lately. At this point in my life I had expected to be finishing up my bachelor's degree and looking for a permanent job. Instead, I'm stuck at home and can't even really support my girlfriend. :/ Not a very good time to be me.

Did it twice... Still surprised me XD

Found out about it from  cole_folf

== Results from http://bdsmtest.org/ ==
100% Bondage Receiver
96% Degradation Receiver
96% Submissive
96% Switch
94% Brat
93% Girl/Boy
93% Masochist
90% Primal (Prey)
88% Daddy/Mommy
87% Primal (Predator)
75% Bondage Giver
75% Sadist
71% Brat Tamer
66% Experimentalist
63% Dominant
55% Slave
54% Vanilla
50% Exhibitionist
48% Degradation Giver
41% Master/Mistress
32% Non-monogamist
29% Voyeur
25% All-Rounder
25% Pervert

That's right, folks... i'll be 22 in 23 days. It's kinda awesome.

Scrambled eggs... seriously, I've had a headache all day and what fixes it? My special scrambled eggs! Either I am an amazing cook or my body is just freaking weird!

Anyway... My sister and brother came over last night, and we all watched movies and had drinks. She made some awesome cape cods that were like 2 parts vodka and one part cranberry juice XD I only had two and I hit the floor (and i'm not a lightweight). It was freaking awesome.

So, according to my dad, she's doing alright. My brother has been pretty worried, but the doctors say that the pain has been because of the surgery, not a bloodclot. Her gallbladder already had issues, but the doctors say it's not as bad as the pain made them think it was.

Thank you all for keeping her in your thoughts/prayers, and thank you for being support for me while I was so worried. It really has meant a lot.

<3 Mandy

My brother and sister-in-law just lost their baby to an ectopic pregnancy, and now she's back in the hospital due to either a gallbladder problem or a blood clot... so yeah... lots more stress on everything else. Please keep them in your prayers.

So... I was talking to my sister-in-law, and she thinks I may have PTSD instead of an actual phobia (at least when it comes to storms). I guess it makes sense... but it really freaking sucks. I keep freaking out sometimes when I hear thunder/see lightning, and I can't look forward to photographing storms because I don't know if I'm going to freak out or not! IT SUCKS! Every time I hear loud noises, I freak out. IT SUCKS!!!!

Due to some stuff going on here, I'm switching to a site called Weasyl. I'll still have this account, but I'll probably rarely post anything new. I posted my first chibi on Weasyl tonight, and you can view it here:

https://www.weasyl.com/~moonspringangel

I hope you all have an awesome day!!!

Hey, everyone! I'll be going on a cruise starting Saturday, so I'll be gone a week. However, family starts arriving today so I might not be on until after I get back. I won't be available by Skype or the website, so go ahead and send me messages but be patient waiting for replies!

Love you all!!!