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Fursona growth, the reason for fading
Posted 9 years agoHello old friends, sorry you haven't seen me for sometime.
Instead of a long winded journal I'll go straight to the TL;DR
You don't see me around the fandom much anymore because I don't see myself as my fursona anymore.
Don't get me wrong I am still a bunny, just not that bunny.
This isn't a leaving the fandom post or anything, I find it difficult to enjoy interactions when I'm doing it from a fursona that I feel no longer represents who I have become in the time since their inception.
For me my sona was a anthropomorphized mirror of my physical and mental self
I have gone through many many changes as a person in this year alone let alone the years since my fursona was created, and to create a new sona with the flexibility to adapt and mirror myself and my interest's is a daunting task that would take me quite some time to accomplish, time I haven't had much of in recent years.
I have always tried my best in life, to live as a completly honest person to the point where I feel upset when faced with the slightest dishonesty aimed either at me or forced into a situation to spread someone else's.
I did not have a good childhood. I won't go into how broad that short sentence is, my sister and I were raised in foster care in Ireland in a complete failing of the vetting process were given and brought up by a variety of very manipulative, abusive, silver-tongued, deceptive and talentedly nasty people which left us damaged but from which I swore to do my best to be honest and kind to others so that I could be the complete opposite of those I was exposed to. I usually keep every mention of my upbringing to myself as I would rather others don't know.
And so I haven't interacted with the community because of a deep seated aversion in my psyche to lying to others. I don't feel my fursona represents me and as it is what the community see's me as when interacting I don't feel comfortable using it.
Unfortunately until such time I do manage to recreate my Fursona my absence will likely continue, which bothers me as I adore the community and miss every one of the friends I've made over the years.
Anyway so yeah that's why you don't see me much of me and sorry that got a bit dark.
Instead of a long winded journal I'll go straight to the TL;DR
You don't see me around the fandom much anymore because I don't see myself as my fursona anymore.
Don't get me wrong I am still a bunny, just not that bunny.
This isn't a leaving the fandom post or anything, I find it difficult to enjoy interactions when I'm doing it from a fursona that I feel no longer represents who I have become in the time since their inception.
For me my sona was a anthropomorphized mirror of my physical and mental self
I have gone through many many changes as a person in this year alone let alone the years since my fursona was created, and to create a new sona with the flexibility to adapt and mirror myself and my interest's is a daunting task that would take me quite some time to accomplish, time I haven't had much of in recent years.
I have always tried my best in life, to live as a completly honest person to the point where I feel upset when faced with the slightest dishonesty aimed either at me or forced into a situation to spread someone else's.
I did not have a good childhood. I won't go into how broad that short sentence is, my sister and I were raised in foster care in Ireland in a complete failing of the vetting process were given and brought up by a variety of very manipulative, abusive, silver-tongued, deceptive and talentedly nasty people which left us damaged but from which I swore to do my best to be honest and kind to others so that I could be the complete opposite of those I was exposed to. I usually keep every mention of my upbringing to myself as I would rather others don't know.
And so I haven't interacted with the community because of a deep seated aversion in my psyche to lying to others. I don't feel my fursona represents me and as it is what the community see's me as when interacting I don't feel comfortable using it.
Unfortunately until such time I do manage to recreate my Fursona my absence will likely continue, which bothers me as I adore the community and miss every one of the friends I've made over the years.
Anyway so yeah that's why you don't see me much of me and sorry that got a bit dark.
Toss me in a time machine and pack me off!
Posted 12 years agoIf I had one I would return to the early 90's, it was a awesome time to be alive, compared to what we live with now T~T
I want to return to the happy time when I was young, happy and ignorant of the worlds problems.
We had awesome music, clothes, people, tv and junk food.
I can watch my saturday morning cartoons, but it's not the same as watching them back then.
I want to return to the happy time when I was young, happy and ignorant of the worlds problems.
We had awesome music, clothes, people, tv and junk food.
I can watch my saturday morning cartoons, but it's not the same as watching them back then.
I love the taste of blue waffles in the morning.
Posted 12 years agoHappily settled, new home and new life ^-^
Posted 12 years agoLondon is incredible I have seen so much and haven't even seen 1% of it.
I'm living now with
etherkye and 
mikepaws in Central London.
I've been too some really fun club's and a few fetish events too, I got to visit LAM which was a great place to see, I bought a carrot chew toy for myself there, I'll show pictures once it's built.
Everyone is so open here it's incredible it's even given me the confidence to wear my skirt in public without being shy or drawing any negative attention <3
Uhm, I've promised this update journal for a while but now I dunno what to fill it with.
To all my friends who have stood by me the past few months and offered me support.
Thank you, you guy's gave me the confidence to not give up.
I'm safe, I'm cared for and I'm happy now.
I'm living now with
etherkye and 
mikepaws in Central London.I've been too some really fun club's and a few fetish events too, I got to visit LAM which was a great place to see, I bought a carrot chew toy for myself there, I'll show pictures once it's built.
Everyone is so open here it's incredible it's even given me the confidence to wear my skirt in public without being shy or drawing any negative attention <3
Uhm, I've promised this update journal for a while but now I dunno what to fill it with.
To all my friends who have stood by me the past few months and offered me support.
Thank you, you guy's gave me the confidence to not give up.
I'm safe, I'm cared for and I'm happy now.
Interesting observation
Posted 12 years agoChatting with my friend 
toan about something and I've mentioned never specifying what's between my bunnies leg's.
Thinking on that, considering that I've always left it up to the artist to fill in the blank.
I'm surprised no-ones thought to make me a c-boy, herm or eunuch or anything else before hehe ^-^
toan about something and I've mentioned never specifying what's between my bunnies leg's.Thinking on that, considering that I've always left it up to the artist to fill in the blank.
I'm surprised no-ones thought to make me a c-boy, herm or eunuch or anything else before hehe ^-^
Signed, Sealed and Delivered
Posted 12 years agoLetter To Bunny - 16th March 1942
It comes from my great wishes, that I write this letter, to you, on this day of summer’s fallen tide,
Alas the misfortunes I’ve incurred are over, for now. I speak on the greatest symphony to hide.
None-the-less I, who write this letter, must write it in due course, on the winds broken side,
The first siren went off today, it rung out across the streets, the first of many, well I’d...
I’d imagine, my pen would not write such future liaisons for now I write this for you, to come,
The sun has woken, my little feet, will not, cannot and alas shall not care to carry me home,
Home! I call you to come home, from the warren plains of the sea, and return with some,
Some treasured stories of the Waverly places, the dastardly faces, and then none..
None-the-less this will go on, this the word I dare not speak, from here, it is but the latter,
The sounding sirens scream for the air to comber, sombre on, the waves of anti-matter,
Mail this letter will be the first, I hope you’ll receive, written so many it cannot flatter,
Flatter you that, there’d not be one word to say, not one word my perched lips would dare utter.
Utter, mutter on is what I am doing, I must be quick for the role calls are tedious, but care,
Oh bunny rabbit, you march on, the dance of the million man marching hare,
Solider on, and take from the lands, and take the greatest care,
For once life is cut short in is, but hardly, fare.
Fare-thee-well speak sombre to hope to hear from you soon, to hear your words once more, underlined,
And now I bid the later end
Signed Aidan.
Letter To Bunny- 19th June 1942
The cornels here told me to wait, three entire months for a reply, easier said,
But again we’re on it, moving from the west, it’s no longer safe to stay here they said,
It’s like we’re always on the run, like there is no time to think, of what I’ve done or said,
Though this letter I write, has been like the lost little bolt, shaking inside my head...
Ahead the last siren went, by now I’ve lost count of them, the first flare, sparked chaos, more than ever,
More men came; the hiding spot I had picked was not safe, not now, and never,
Still as we saunter on through the Texan Plain through the desert, it finally becomes now or never,
That I took a rest and wrote to you, while breathing and taking a pint of the lever.
Lever, is quite bitter, but with so many ranchers and fellow gunslingers, it is the best I have to drink,
And even though its stale leaves its trace upon my tongue, but it finally gives me time, to think,
I’ve thought, long enough, you need to come home, for this word I dare not speak,
Speaks much for its self I think, it ought to end soon, your platoon has not come to its brink.
Brink-ing, lights blinking, I stop... Just come, return home, I miss the cosy nights gnawing on your ear,
The times I miss the most, and the more I drink this lever the more, it became clear,
I’m quite small, meek, and some say weak, maybe physically, but mentally I have no fear,
Though the fear of you not to be right here...
Here by my side chills me to my very little tail, and worse of all the desert nights are freezing,
The rush sand storms have stop, although that’s just because the wind is not breezing,
Although, a little head cold that I’ve inquired has given me a fit of sneezing,
Thank god I don’t write every time I... sneeze, or else this letter would be far from reading...
Reading this last little bit, I thought I give you a little thing, to help keep your eyes peeled,
Just a little picture of your mousey is within sealed,
Signed Aidan.
Letter To My Mousey- 1st January 1943
Well. I am so sorry it’s taken me so long to reply, my fleet. The buffeting broad-headed fools,
Can’t tell their head from their tails, let alone handle such complex tools,
Our supply of food may have ran short, reduced to eating oranges and sleep in sheep’s wools,
None-the-less it sure doesn’t beat a night of gnashing from your little cheese stools.
Stools here are quite small in merry old England, the people, are jolly, like we’ve seen at home,
Oh how I miss it, the sweet western sun, the cool calm sweet ocean noise and
Brothing bubbling about on the sand, gentle caring whisper in my ear, this is home
Home, surely missing, surely thinking, that I will return as soon as we get this done
And your little picture got more than just my eyes peeled, my motors still running, without you,
Each cigarette seems to light the way to the smoke ridden cabins that smell like a dirty shoe,
Shoes that mislaid on the floor many times have I been mistaken, by the one I do,
Do nothing now, and it grows stronger, my missing of the one little thing, is all for you.
But now I’ve grown out the beard, so I thought someone would send this off for me,
So what happens now, where am I going to, it’s not clear or will it ever be,
I surely am not planning to see it get this signed, sealed and delivered before I go home
It’s all I can say, it’s all I can write for it is all I know, and all I see, is my little lover mousey
Signed Seán
Million man marching hare: A term from "The White Rabbit" of World War II. He was given responsibilities by the British government in Occupied and Vichy France because he had lived in France during the interwar years and was fluent in French.
Lever: Is an American larger served to the people who fled the west coast of America. It went out of wholesale in 1946 as it was known as the “World War Beer”
Buffeting broad-headed fools: The famous last words of Christopher Columbus to his crew before reaching the new world. In a journal documented from the founders of the remains of Columbus they said he was so angry because of how they thought by reaching land so soon that they had gone off course.
This was a poem written for me by
anbearmor
The original upload can be found here if you enjoyed reading this then please take the time to fave it and let him know his work is enjoyed ^-^
It comes from my great wishes, that I write this letter, to you, on this day of summer’s fallen tide,
Alas the misfortunes I’ve incurred are over, for now. I speak on the greatest symphony to hide.
None-the-less I, who write this letter, must write it in due course, on the winds broken side,
The first siren went off today, it rung out across the streets, the first of many, well I’d...
I’d imagine, my pen would not write such future liaisons for now I write this for you, to come,
The sun has woken, my little feet, will not, cannot and alas shall not care to carry me home,
Home! I call you to come home, from the warren plains of the sea, and return with some,
Some treasured stories of the Waverly places, the dastardly faces, and then none..
None-the-less this will go on, this the word I dare not speak, from here, it is but the latter,
The sounding sirens scream for the air to comber, sombre on, the waves of anti-matter,
Mail this letter will be the first, I hope you’ll receive, written so many it cannot flatter,
Flatter you that, there’d not be one word to say, not one word my perched lips would dare utter.
Utter, mutter on is what I am doing, I must be quick for the role calls are tedious, but care,
Oh bunny rabbit, you march on, the dance of the million man marching hare,
Solider on, and take from the lands, and take the greatest care,
For once life is cut short in is, but hardly, fare.
Fare-thee-well speak sombre to hope to hear from you soon, to hear your words once more, underlined,
And now I bid the later end
Signed Aidan.
Letter To Bunny- 19th June 1942
The cornels here told me to wait, three entire months for a reply, easier said,
But again we’re on it, moving from the west, it’s no longer safe to stay here they said,
It’s like we’re always on the run, like there is no time to think, of what I’ve done or said,
Though this letter I write, has been like the lost little bolt, shaking inside my head...
Ahead the last siren went, by now I’ve lost count of them, the first flare, sparked chaos, more than ever,
More men came; the hiding spot I had picked was not safe, not now, and never,
Still as we saunter on through the Texan Plain through the desert, it finally becomes now or never,
That I took a rest and wrote to you, while breathing and taking a pint of the lever.
Lever, is quite bitter, but with so many ranchers and fellow gunslingers, it is the best I have to drink,
And even though its stale leaves its trace upon my tongue, but it finally gives me time, to think,
I’ve thought, long enough, you need to come home, for this word I dare not speak,
Speaks much for its self I think, it ought to end soon, your platoon has not come to its brink.
Brink-ing, lights blinking, I stop... Just come, return home, I miss the cosy nights gnawing on your ear,
The times I miss the most, and the more I drink this lever the more, it became clear,
I’m quite small, meek, and some say weak, maybe physically, but mentally I have no fear,
Though the fear of you not to be right here...
Here by my side chills me to my very little tail, and worse of all the desert nights are freezing,
The rush sand storms have stop, although that’s just because the wind is not breezing,
Although, a little head cold that I’ve inquired has given me a fit of sneezing,
Thank god I don’t write every time I... sneeze, or else this letter would be far from reading...
Reading this last little bit, I thought I give you a little thing, to help keep your eyes peeled,
Just a little picture of your mousey is within sealed,
Signed Aidan.
Letter To My Mousey- 1st January 1943
Well. I am so sorry it’s taken me so long to reply, my fleet. The buffeting broad-headed fools,
Can’t tell their head from their tails, let alone handle such complex tools,
Our supply of food may have ran short, reduced to eating oranges and sleep in sheep’s wools,
None-the-less it sure doesn’t beat a night of gnashing from your little cheese stools.
Stools here are quite small in merry old England, the people, are jolly, like we’ve seen at home,
Oh how I miss it, the sweet western sun, the cool calm sweet ocean noise and
Brothing bubbling about on the sand, gentle caring whisper in my ear, this is home
Home, surely missing, surely thinking, that I will return as soon as we get this done
And your little picture got more than just my eyes peeled, my motors still running, without you,
Each cigarette seems to light the way to the smoke ridden cabins that smell like a dirty shoe,
Shoes that mislaid on the floor many times have I been mistaken, by the one I do,
Do nothing now, and it grows stronger, my missing of the one little thing, is all for you.
But now I’ve grown out the beard, so I thought someone would send this off for me,
So what happens now, where am I going to, it’s not clear or will it ever be,
I surely am not planning to see it get this signed, sealed and delivered before I go home
It’s all I can say, it’s all I can write for it is all I know, and all I see, is my little lover mousey
Signed Seán
Million man marching hare: A term from "The White Rabbit" of World War II. He was given responsibilities by the British government in Occupied and Vichy France because he had lived in France during the interwar years and was fluent in French.
Lever: Is an American larger served to the people who fled the west coast of America. It went out of wholesale in 1946 as it was known as the “World War Beer”
Buffeting broad-headed fools: The famous last words of Christopher Columbus to his crew before reaching the new world. In a journal documented from the founders of the remains of Columbus they said he was so angry because of how they thought by reaching land so soon that they had gone off course.
This was a poem written for me by
anbearmorThe original upload can be found here if you enjoyed reading this then please take the time to fave it and let him know his work is enjoyed ^-^
Songs stuck in your head
Posted 12 years agoI've had this song stuck in my head for the past few days.
Usually with song's stuck in my head listening to them clear's the brain blockage, with this one on almost repeat I have no such luck.
How do you get a song out of your head when you need to?
Usually with song's stuck in my head listening to them clear's the brain blockage, with this one on almost repeat I have no such luck.
How do you get a song out of your head when you need to?
Drugs not working, I'm still dancing. I forgot my name
Posted 12 years agoSleep deprived in a 13 hour shift at work, lyrics match my inner monologue perfectly atm
I even have a pretty little eye twitch to compliment it
I even have a pretty little eye twitch to compliment it
I like pie
Posted 12 years agoPositive results from my first stream
Posted 12 years agoLined, coloured and shaded a picture 
zc456 made for me.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10300255/
Coloured and shaded a sketch by
kainwoxxeh
http://db.tt/i90qsi2M
And started inking/colouring a picture of zc456 's alternate rabbit sona Cairo.
http://db.tt/DSABXuZX
He left me in charge of Cairo's colour palette if you have suggestions let me know as it's still a wip
Stream lasted 5.5 hours and I had at least 5 people in at all times, even had a surprise drop in by a few artist's
I love some even stuck around for a few hours with this nobody :3
Not bad for my first attempt at streaming.
zc456 made for me.http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10300255/
Coloured and shaded a sketch by
kainwoxxehhttp://db.tt/i90qsi2M
And started inking/colouring a picture of
zc456 's alternate rabbit sona Cairo.http://db.tt/DSABXuZX
He left me in charge of Cairo's colour palette if you have suggestions let me know as it's still a wip
Stream lasted 5.5 hours and I had at least 5 people in at all times, even had a surprise drop in by a few artist's
I love some even stuck around for a few hours with this nobody :3
Not bad for my first attempt at streaming.
Free pixels from me!
Posted 12 years agoGoing to return to making some pixel pics in my free time.
These things
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9131264/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9131254/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8079834/
If you want one just leave a comment saying so.
For those asking for them in the past don't worry I haven't forgotten your on a list. Sorry for the delay in returning to these, just something happened that put me off them. I'm back now though!
These things
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9131264/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9131254/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8079834/
If you want one just leave a comment saying so.
For those asking for them in the past don't worry I haven't forgotten your on a list. Sorry for the delay in returning to these, just something happened that put me off them. I'm back now though!
I am not my art
Posted 12 years agoWondering what first impression people were getting from my page, So I've moved all my nsfw and fetish images into scraps.
When it's come to pictures I have always had the mind set of "What the heck" whenever I have an idea, because a picture is a picture not reality.
But in reality I am more of G rated bunny, not quite as pure as my gallery is now but still fairly innocent.
If your following me expecting naughties fret not I'll still be getting and uploading pictures of that nature but I don't plan on keeping nsfw content in my main gallery any more, they will be in scraps until FA staff introduce the planned folder management for art.
When it's come to pictures I have always had the mind set of "What the heck" whenever I have an idea, because a picture is a picture not reality.
But in reality I am more of G rated bunny, not quite as pure as my gallery is now but still fairly innocent.
If your following me expecting naughties fret not I'll still be getting and uploading pictures of that nature but I don't plan on keeping nsfw content in my main gallery any more, they will be in scraps until FA staff introduce the planned folder management for art.
I want to make you bad!
Posted 12 years agoI want to get back into my drawing habits, I haven't done squat for about 5 years now and I need practice.
If you don't mild some butchering of your Sona while I try get used to drawing again leave your REF below and I'll use them in my practice.
I will try to make something with every REF I get, there will be inaccuracy's and bad anatomy at first so be warned. I'll do my best to get to everyone but don't be disappointed if I don't.
So leave a REF and I'll try arrange a freebie for you, what it will contain will be drummed up by what ever mood I'm in at the time I get down to it.
If you don't mild some butchering of your Sona while I try get used to drawing again leave your REF below and I'll use them in my practice.
I will try to make something with every REF I get, there will be inaccuracy's and bad anatomy at first so be warned. I'll do my best to get to everyone but don't be disappointed if I don't.
So leave a REF and I'll try arrange a freebie for you, what it will contain will be drummed up by what ever mood I'm in at the time I get down to it.
Somebody new in my life!
Posted 12 years agoSecondlife?
Posted 12 years agoSo I have started playing this week, I gotta say I love being able to make anything I want.
I used to rail on this for years but Zc456 and 
RallyFox tempted me in :)
Still getting used to everything and learning slowly but getting there.
I listed my name in my profile if you want to say hi to me sometime in game.
I think I might be fairly frequent using it now.
I used to rail on this for years but
Zc456 and 
RallyFox tempted me in :)Still getting used to everything and learning slowly but getting there.
I listed my name in my profile if you want to say hi to me sometime in game.
I think I might be fairly frequent using it now.
I love everyone of you!
Posted 12 years agoI love each and every one of you, you guys make make me so happy everyday.
Doesn't matter how bad a day I have I know I can always login and be cheered up.
And a update on my health, I'm all better more or less, still some tissue damage left over but my body is clearing that up over time. I had a bit of a scare and almost died when something ruptured but I survived thankfully and narrowly escaped a blood infection. Glad to be off the medication now though I mentioned in my last journal. On something else just as a follow up to finish the course.
Terrible Fate
Doesn't matter how bad a day I have I know I can always login and be cheered up.
And a update on my health, I'm all better more or less, still some tissue damage left over but my body is clearing that up over time. I had a bit of a scare and almost died when something ruptured but I survived thankfully and narrowly escaped a blood infection. Glad to be off the medication now though I mentioned in my last journal. On something else just as a follow up to finish the course.
Terrible Fate
apologies if I don't act myself for the next few weeks
Posted 13 years agoWent to the doctor today and was given powerful anti-biotics and pain revilers.
One has mental heath side effects listed...
"These effects include: depression, anxiety, irritability, nightmares, and psychotic reactions"
Looks like a fun few weeks ahead of me, I probably won't be myself so be careful.
One has mental heath side effects listed...
"These effects include: depression, anxiety, irritability, nightmares, and psychotic reactions"
Looks like a fun few weeks ahead of me, I probably won't be myself so be careful.
I love you all
Posted 13 years agoEvery single fave and watch I get makes me creep over your profile's :P
I'm watching you all <3
Don't be sad if I don't actually watch you though :P
I'm watching you all <3
Don't be sad if I don't actually watch you though :P
