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YAY I'm back
Posted 18 years agoYes 83 I am back, I feel way better then I did when I wrote both of my last journal entries, still exhausted, but thats more or less mentaly strained XD. Right now my whole aditude is I don't give a crap anymore, everyones pissed everyones happy, <3 Whatever.
So yeah =D Great mood, when I finaly snap to the point that I only think about the good, nothing can make me upset <3.
And with that I want to let everyone know that with the help of my friend Luke * well Tony's friend but he's mine too XD* I have started drawing more furries, though I'm working on his furry, I'm also drawing a rat fursona that was inspired by some images he showed me, and Sgolems gallery. Thanks guys! I'll be posting my rat furry ASAP.
Oh and for Sgolem, update on Ritz. Incase you havent read the note, I just finished the lineart, but I'm still willing to change things if you want to =3, just let me know if you want a update image. Since you gave me the choice to look at the sketch of my request, I want to give you the same choice ^^.
So yeah =D Great mood, when I finaly snap to the point that I only think about the good, nothing can make me upset <3.
And with that I want to let everyone know that with the help of my friend Luke * well Tony's friend but he's mine too XD* I have started drawing more furries, though I'm working on his furry, I'm also drawing a rat fursona that was inspired by some images he showed me, and Sgolems gallery. Thanks guys! I'll be posting my rat furry ASAP.
Oh and for Sgolem, update on Ritz. Incase you havent read the note, I just finished the lineart, but I'm still willing to change things if you want to =3, just let me know if you want a update image. Since you gave me the choice to look at the sketch of my request, I want to give you the same choice ^^.
Rant rant rant....
Posted 18 years agoI'll be writing a nicer message after I get this crap out of my systum, so for anyone who doesint want to see me rambling * My usual journals are like that* Then please look to " YAY I'm Back!" for reading. I'm sorry to have you see this, and Thank you for your concern if you read this all the way through. Just pretty much ranting over the fact I'm 20 and I can't even sit on the pourch alone without my mom forcing me in the house when her and my sibs are off having fun.... This year I've only spent 15 hours total outside, and we have two freaken achers of land I could be out in till the sun's gone!
I'm very much into nature and when my sister wanted to choose what house we'll live in, I picked this one with two archers of land insted of the one with 31 rooms in the house because I loved that nature, I didint even care if my room looked like crap, and as a matter of fact it smells of rotting yucky stuff in the summer when the heat climbs. But it has a beautiful view of the forest out back and our trees in the south yard. It also came with shelfs for plants and one grow light that the old owner left behind.
I planed from that very day three years ago that I would spend every day outside if it was the last freakin' thing I ever did, and the first year I did! I worked on my chores in the house, played with my animals and then ran outside and stayed out till the sun was down. The first year we moved here I spent 172 hours total in the outdoors. But it whent downhill from there, last year I had 89 hours cause my mom started worrying about the nabors and bugs that I saw the first year and she didint. And now I've only spent 28 hours out in the yard, the older I get the more I'm told to stay inside, I can't even take a shower without someone throwing a hissy fit yet the first two years we where here I took a shower everyday to get the grass and dirt stains off. I even catched bugs and kept them in my room for the week. Hell once I cought a wasp and no one gave two shits.
Now this year I havent cought any bugs, but thats cause I didint want to, I had enough and they surly had enough because the once friendly bugs started becomming leary. I spent a few bbq outside but my family waited till dusk to start it so it was only a half hour before we all raced inside from the normal attack by bugs in the night.
I gardened with my mom for a big chunk of those hours and once I drew outside for two hours.
Today is the first fair weather, fair air day that I thought I could spend outside, so I did a some loads of loundery and other chores yesterday,cleaning everything I could find that was reachable since I had cramps from my period. And then I promised myself I would take a shower in the morning and do normal chores early, that way I could get a few pots outside, and start diging clover from the yard and putting it in those pots, we have 21 types and I wanted to get one of each. I already forwarned my mom of these events the morning before I put my plan on paper, and she thought it sounded nice to fill my window box with all the colors in the yard. It was my sisters day off too so I had alot of time on my hands, at least I thought..
I did my chors ten hours early at 9AM this morning, was done by 10 AM cause I was really fast with it, then I took a shower, cut 15 minutes off of it to go outside. Then I grabed a pot and ran out the door! My mom and sister where already outside checking out the vegi garden, so there was defenetly a free opening to be outside since they where already there. I asked for her small shovel, so she got it and they both whent in the house. I jumped to the place I know our striped clover is, and found some of the green velvet Clover with it, so I just dug them from the rocks they where growing in, then I Put them in the pot and due to the wilting from their transplant shock I gently hid the pot behind are garbage can for shade.
I whent to grab up the White bud Clover along the side of the garbage can while I was at it, and half way through digging it up my mom came out with her purse and said " It's time to go in the house, we're going to the store, and the bank and ... Some other places." So I was Fiuming because I'm always being shoved inside while their out. But, I clenched my teath and said" Okay, um, then I'll leave the clover I already have in the shade of the garage till you guys come home, that way I can pot them later." So she said " Why can't you pot them up now?" And I said" Cause I'm not done" so she snaped at me saying " You'r not going to get every one of them in the yard! " And that pissed me off more then anything has resently so I stormed in the house with the three I had..
I'm still so mad all I can do is cry about it, and it feels so dumb cause to other people I look crazy, "all pissy cause my mom made me stop picking daisies" and though I did what she said, potted up the three I had and put them in my room, I'm still pissed!!! But in the end it's not only that of which has me upset.
Here it is, BEAUTIFUL! outside, the first cool day in three weeks that I could actualy leave the house and do what I enjoy most, I prepaired for a wonderful day outside, at least 8 hours chocked onto the clock by potting up the clover and then bringing a blanket out to bead, then maybe even draw if it's still nice enough.. I just got my chores done, played with my animals, took care of the plants in the house, said a hardy good mornin' to everyone, in a wonderful mood I might add. Then even though I know I don't have to ask in order to go outside " My mom told me I don't have to when we moved" I still said " Hey Mom, I'm going to pot up the clover, that okay? " and she seemed fine about it. I then Settled in, talked to the bugs for awhile and sat for five minutes to watch my favorite bug the dragon fly and their mating dance. And just as I pick three clovers BOOM! It's shoved back in the house till tonight or whenever the hell this pack desides to get home!
Every time I'm in the house and trying to enjoy it by talking with them, I'm ether told that their trying to do something or they express their anger at me bothering them by actualy yelling at me. And when I know that bothers them I just leave them alone and go in my room for hand drawings, video games, playing with my animals, beading, crocheting, you name it. But they come in asking " Are you okay" " You mad at something" Thinking somethings wrong with me, or they think I'm having a fit and yell at me for something I'm not doing! I understand their concern and I politly tell them" Yeah just having fun" but there isint a middle with these guys, I'm ether ignoring them or I'm pestering them, which ether way pisses them off!
And if thats not enough I'm always being told to quiet down, my voice is naturaly a few to many desibles high, I even wisper and it sounds like normal talking. So yeah, I do what they say and whisper in the best way I know how... Later that day in the same kind of situation I whisper and they yell at me saying " GOD SPEEK LOUDER SO I CAN UNDERSTAND YOU!" Then I do what they say, I speek back to what I normaly like, hour later they tell me " Don't be so loud!" Just because someones sleeping, yet when no one but my mom was working and my sister stayed awake 24-7, I was woken up day and night with yelling and banging and all sorts of crap, while I was younger I was told " The world doesint stop just for you!" So I figure" Well the world doesint stop for you ether" But I'm still yelled at.
Another thing, I do my chores and even clean things that they could do themselfs so that I feel like I deserve to be here. Heck I clean their cats crap, which is their responsability. Sometimes they tell me " You Don't always have to be doing this, we can do it" so during that time I think " aww.. It would be nice to have a break..." So I leave it for a few days. In that time my sister sometimes comes home asking why I didint do something, she did it most frequently when we first moved. But I tell her " Cause I was busy doing stuff" And she has the desentcy to say " Doing what!? I don't see you doing anything!" Like all I'm doing is sitting on my ass all day.
Last I checked I sell drawings eh? I sell them and instantly use a acount someone gave me so I can send the money right to WWF or No kill shelters. And since they want me to go out and work to make people morbid fatasses. I send 100% lately because this family will get my money for their cable and luxories soon enough. So no I'm not just sitting around on my own fat ass just to sit around, I deal with a hand that wants to crap up every four hours while I spend almost everyday drawing these requests.
Now this may be childish stuff, nit piks at the least, but it adds up to them giving me this bad rap all the time for the few times I've snaped since I turned 19. Once I hit 19 I promised myself I wouldint snap as much, I wouldint loose my cool.. And I havent, when my brother snaps at me just cause I ask for a video game he said I could barrow, or cause I possably wanted to ask if we could play together. I bite my lip about the fucking thing! And yess in the last two weeks I've wanted and tried to rip a few new holes on everything. But I can't take it anymore!!!!
And Part of this is cause I'm cramped in a house when I'm not ment to be, I didint choose to like this place just cause of the house, it was 89% the outdoores! And okay, sometimes I have a chance to go outside, but when I'm having one of few nice days in the house, I enjoy the moment while I can and stay indoors! And yeah okay I snap often, but what the fuck do these people expect?! I act nice, I get my ass hollowed out, I continue acting nice even after that and I'm told what a fucking condisending bitch I am due to my past 5 years! They don't even realise the times I'm biting my lip and being nice because 90% of the time it's on days their mind is wraped around so much shit out in the work place insted of enjoying whats going on at home.
Hell to be honest half the time I snap it's due to that fact, the fact that when I'm nice they don't remember it, yet when I'm being a fucking retard they do! At least when I'm being that mother fucker they think about what I said, when I'm nice they treat me like a damn kid!. I don't like being mean, I hate myself for it and it's one of the only reasons I wish I could kick my own ass! Insted of continuing to bite my lip I blow up and act just like them. They always tell me " Act like a adult and learn to control your anger!" But how the fuck can I when they nit pik on eachother and shove what goes on around here out the window while they think about the future insted of living in the fucking awesome life they have now! Their always telling me " Enjoy what you have even if you think it's awful, it's better then what we had" I don't think it's awful I know how good it is but how the hell am I going to keep that in mind when the house is a ticking time bomb of stress that they don't leave at the fucking job site like real adults.
They always tell me " Well when you start working you'll undertstand" I may be a starving artist but damn I do know! I know the whole job sucks! I have people come to me with requests and a sertain set of days to do it in, some are moraly impossable but I still do it, yet when I send it to them they don't give me the money they promised, they always say " It didint turn out as I hoped, maybe you could do this insted" And once again I do it in the freakish time they ask me to! Sometimes they stop other times they continue asking for more! Forgeting why the hell they came to me in the first place and the fact that the money their witholding is only hurting nature since I gain nothing! Not to mension the hundreds of strangers that know my friends and think they could get free art since their friends too.
IT'S NOT ALWAYS FREE!!
But insted of having all that stress blow on everyone here, I leave it online where it belongs. The moment I leave the computer or leave the internet I'm back home and I forget everything that happened that day till the next time I'm on like I am now..Heck I should be drawing right now for 76 Dollars to the WWF but insted I'm here ranting, I sacrifise my job time for it, not my home! It's not that fucking hard, I've done it for... three years now. Leave the work and work... Insted every time my siblings come home it's not something to enjoy like it usto be, hell on their late days I often consider those the best. And thats because the moment they come home their pissed about things at work and other then a nice day every now and then their screaming and bitching at me. Not to mention my moms thinking about things that my siblings should worry about and not her, so I already spent the whole day with one ticking bomb and since I can't juggle three they blow up the moment I'm offline!
And this all is why I'm so angery I'm crying. I've been crying the whole time I'm writing this in he past two hours, yeah laugh I'm a damn wimp. But here I am 20, not even treated like a adult, constantly being called a lazy ass and condisending. When I'm the only one actualy living life insted fucking around with future.
Hey I forgot to add the fact I don't even have privesy! The moment this is entered on the net, my mom will check the cookies tomorrow on our computer, and read all of it. Possably blow on me like she usaly does when I talk about life, then she'll read what I've been telling my friends about things and what they've said to me, rip me a new one and force me to stay in my room till she leaves to pick my siblings from work tomorrow. After that it's a free for all!!
Well ya know what, I'm still entering this, maybe if they read it they'll possably see why the hell I am the way I am. And if they don't it's another sad attempt to get help from my friends on how to deal with this, which other then a few times, my family always slams them down and belittle my friends words anyway.. Hell they think Claires some crack head. And we all know she's not. They wont even let me and my old Bf meet even though we've known eachother for eight years, why? Because they still think he's some fucking pedofile!
20 years old, proving my responsability by taking care of 51 animals and still having a life, showing how in depth I care for nature and giving my all to a dream insted of little kiddy dreams. Trying to be nice around them and act like a adult even if they choose not to, trying to enjoy things even when the going gets tough... And I'm still treated like a kid, locked in the house every time my mom leaves. Can't even walk to the mall less then a block away so I can talk with Sarah, can't even meet her. Can't even choose what I eat, when I sleep, when I'm up,when I garden, where I garden.. Nothing 20 year olds do.. I'm not the normal 20 year old that wants to go to a salon, by aparel.. I don't even have five pairs of pants. No magaziens our age read, can't go to art festivles when their around yet my brother can go to a game store when he wants.. Only 2 minutes younger then me btw... All because I'm a condisending, childish little bitch... Yet thats the only way I can live here and fit in....
Thanks for the great life ya promised me... Thanks for the great freedom being 18 alows... I don't even get to choose what job I work.. Though I've been willing to work in a petshop for the last six years of my life..Even if it was full time..Insted, here I sit.. A Packer for family express, baging up tubs of lard for people to eat tomorrow... While my life suffers with every passing day..
Everybody acted like being 20 is great... When you consider what freedoms I should have, being 20 is just the new 12...
Well..I'm not pissed anymore but rather severly dissapointed in the things people take for granted.. The fact I'll always take their crap.. And the fact I'll always understand why.....
I'll be writing the " Yay I'm back" now, so thanks to those who felt like reading all that.... See ya..
I'm very much into nature and when my sister wanted to choose what house we'll live in, I picked this one with two archers of land insted of the one with 31 rooms in the house because I loved that nature, I didint even care if my room looked like crap, and as a matter of fact it smells of rotting yucky stuff in the summer when the heat climbs. But it has a beautiful view of the forest out back and our trees in the south yard. It also came with shelfs for plants and one grow light that the old owner left behind.
I planed from that very day three years ago that I would spend every day outside if it was the last freakin' thing I ever did, and the first year I did! I worked on my chores in the house, played with my animals and then ran outside and stayed out till the sun was down. The first year we moved here I spent 172 hours total in the outdoors. But it whent downhill from there, last year I had 89 hours cause my mom started worrying about the nabors and bugs that I saw the first year and she didint. And now I've only spent 28 hours out in the yard, the older I get the more I'm told to stay inside, I can't even take a shower without someone throwing a hissy fit yet the first two years we where here I took a shower everyday to get the grass and dirt stains off. I even catched bugs and kept them in my room for the week. Hell once I cought a wasp and no one gave two shits.
Now this year I havent cought any bugs, but thats cause I didint want to, I had enough and they surly had enough because the once friendly bugs started becomming leary. I spent a few bbq outside but my family waited till dusk to start it so it was only a half hour before we all raced inside from the normal attack by bugs in the night.
I gardened with my mom for a big chunk of those hours and once I drew outside for two hours.
Today is the first fair weather, fair air day that I thought I could spend outside, so I did a some loads of loundery and other chores yesterday,cleaning everything I could find that was reachable since I had cramps from my period. And then I promised myself I would take a shower in the morning and do normal chores early, that way I could get a few pots outside, and start diging clover from the yard and putting it in those pots, we have 21 types and I wanted to get one of each. I already forwarned my mom of these events the morning before I put my plan on paper, and she thought it sounded nice to fill my window box with all the colors in the yard. It was my sisters day off too so I had alot of time on my hands, at least I thought..
I did my chors ten hours early at 9AM this morning, was done by 10 AM cause I was really fast with it, then I took a shower, cut 15 minutes off of it to go outside. Then I grabed a pot and ran out the door! My mom and sister where already outside checking out the vegi garden, so there was defenetly a free opening to be outside since they where already there. I asked for her small shovel, so she got it and they both whent in the house. I jumped to the place I know our striped clover is, and found some of the green velvet Clover with it, so I just dug them from the rocks they where growing in, then I Put them in the pot and due to the wilting from their transplant shock I gently hid the pot behind are garbage can for shade.
I whent to grab up the White bud Clover along the side of the garbage can while I was at it, and half way through digging it up my mom came out with her purse and said " It's time to go in the house, we're going to the store, and the bank and ... Some other places." So I was Fiuming because I'm always being shoved inside while their out. But, I clenched my teath and said" Okay, um, then I'll leave the clover I already have in the shade of the garage till you guys come home, that way I can pot them later." So she said " Why can't you pot them up now?" And I said" Cause I'm not done" so she snaped at me saying " You'r not going to get every one of them in the yard! " And that pissed me off more then anything has resently so I stormed in the house with the three I had..
I'm still so mad all I can do is cry about it, and it feels so dumb cause to other people I look crazy, "all pissy cause my mom made me stop picking daisies" and though I did what she said, potted up the three I had and put them in my room, I'm still pissed!!! But in the end it's not only that of which has me upset.
Here it is, BEAUTIFUL! outside, the first cool day in three weeks that I could actualy leave the house and do what I enjoy most, I prepaired for a wonderful day outside, at least 8 hours chocked onto the clock by potting up the clover and then bringing a blanket out to bead, then maybe even draw if it's still nice enough.. I just got my chores done, played with my animals, took care of the plants in the house, said a hardy good mornin' to everyone, in a wonderful mood I might add. Then even though I know I don't have to ask in order to go outside " My mom told me I don't have to when we moved" I still said " Hey Mom, I'm going to pot up the clover, that okay? " and she seemed fine about it. I then Settled in, talked to the bugs for awhile and sat for five minutes to watch my favorite bug the dragon fly and their mating dance. And just as I pick three clovers BOOM! It's shoved back in the house till tonight or whenever the hell this pack desides to get home!
Every time I'm in the house and trying to enjoy it by talking with them, I'm ether told that their trying to do something or they express their anger at me bothering them by actualy yelling at me. And when I know that bothers them I just leave them alone and go in my room for hand drawings, video games, playing with my animals, beading, crocheting, you name it. But they come in asking " Are you okay" " You mad at something" Thinking somethings wrong with me, or they think I'm having a fit and yell at me for something I'm not doing! I understand their concern and I politly tell them" Yeah just having fun" but there isint a middle with these guys, I'm ether ignoring them or I'm pestering them, which ether way pisses them off!
And if thats not enough I'm always being told to quiet down, my voice is naturaly a few to many desibles high, I even wisper and it sounds like normal talking. So yeah, I do what they say and whisper in the best way I know how... Later that day in the same kind of situation I whisper and they yell at me saying " GOD SPEEK LOUDER SO I CAN UNDERSTAND YOU!" Then I do what they say, I speek back to what I normaly like, hour later they tell me " Don't be so loud!" Just because someones sleeping, yet when no one but my mom was working and my sister stayed awake 24-7, I was woken up day and night with yelling and banging and all sorts of crap, while I was younger I was told " The world doesint stop just for you!" So I figure" Well the world doesint stop for you ether" But I'm still yelled at.
Another thing, I do my chores and even clean things that they could do themselfs so that I feel like I deserve to be here. Heck I clean their cats crap, which is their responsability. Sometimes they tell me " You Don't always have to be doing this, we can do it" so during that time I think " aww.. It would be nice to have a break..." So I leave it for a few days. In that time my sister sometimes comes home asking why I didint do something, she did it most frequently when we first moved. But I tell her " Cause I was busy doing stuff" And she has the desentcy to say " Doing what!? I don't see you doing anything!" Like all I'm doing is sitting on my ass all day.
Last I checked I sell drawings eh? I sell them and instantly use a acount someone gave me so I can send the money right to WWF or No kill shelters. And since they want me to go out and work to make people morbid fatasses. I send 100% lately because this family will get my money for their cable and luxories soon enough. So no I'm not just sitting around on my own fat ass just to sit around, I deal with a hand that wants to crap up every four hours while I spend almost everyday drawing these requests.
Now this may be childish stuff, nit piks at the least, but it adds up to them giving me this bad rap all the time for the few times I've snaped since I turned 19. Once I hit 19 I promised myself I wouldint snap as much, I wouldint loose my cool.. And I havent, when my brother snaps at me just cause I ask for a video game he said I could barrow, or cause I possably wanted to ask if we could play together. I bite my lip about the fucking thing! And yess in the last two weeks I've wanted and tried to rip a few new holes on everything. But I can't take it anymore!!!!
And Part of this is cause I'm cramped in a house when I'm not ment to be, I didint choose to like this place just cause of the house, it was 89% the outdoores! And okay, sometimes I have a chance to go outside, but when I'm having one of few nice days in the house, I enjoy the moment while I can and stay indoors! And yeah okay I snap often, but what the fuck do these people expect?! I act nice, I get my ass hollowed out, I continue acting nice even after that and I'm told what a fucking condisending bitch I am due to my past 5 years! They don't even realise the times I'm biting my lip and being nice because 90% of the time it's on days their mind is wraped around so much shit out in the work place insted of enjoying whats going on at home.
Hell to be honest half the time I snap it's due to that fact, the fact that when I'm nice they don't remember it, yet when I'm being a fucking retard they do! At least when I'm being that mother fucker they think about what I said, when I'm nice they treat me like a damn kid!. I don't like being mean, I hate myself for it and it's one of the only reasons I wish I could kick my own ass! Insted of continuing to bite my lip I blow up and act just like them. They always tell me " Act like a adult and learn to control your anger!" But how the fuck can I when they nit pik on eachother and shove what goes on around here out the window while they think about the future insted of living in the fucking awesome life they have now! Their always telling me " Enjoy what you have even if you think it's awful, it's better then what we had" I don't think it's awful I know how good it is but how the hell am I going to keep that in mind when the house is a ticking time bomb of stress that they don't leave at the fucking job site like real adults.
They always tell me " Well when you start working you'll undertstand" I may be a starving artist but damn I do know! I know the whole job sucks! I have people come to me with requests and a sertain set of days to do it in, some are moraly impossable but I still do it, yet when I send it to them they don't give me the money they promised, they always say " It didint turn out as I hoped, maybe you could do this insted" And once again I do it in the freakish time they ask me to! Sometimes they stop other times they continue asking for more! Forgeting why the hell they came to me in the first place and the fact that the money their witholding is only hurting nature since I gain nothing! Not to mension the hundreds of strangers that know my friends and think they could get free art since their friends too.
IT'S NOT ALWAYS FREE!!
But insted of having all that stress blow on everyone here, I leave it online where it belongs. The moment I leave the computer or leave the internet I'm back home and I forget everything that happened that day till the next time I'm on like I am now..Heck I should be drawing right now for 76 Dollars to the WWF but insted I'm here ranting, I sacrifise my job time for it, not my home! It's not that fucking hard, I've done it for... three years now. Leave the work and work... Insted every time my siblings come home it's not something to enjoy like it usto be, hell on their late days I often consider those the best. And thats because the moment they come home their pissed about things at work and other then a nice day every now and then their screaming and bitching at me. Not to mention my moms thinking about things that my siblings should worry about and not her, so I already spent the whole day with one ticking bomb and since I can't juggle three they blow up the moment I'm offline!
And this all is why I'm so angery I'm crying. I've been crying the whole time I'm writing this in he past two hours, yeah laugh I'm a damn wimp. But here I am 20, not even treated like a adult, constantly being called a lazy ass and condisending. When I'm the only one actualy living life insted fucking around with future.
Hey I forgot to add the fact I don't even have privesy! The moment this is entered on the net, my mom will check the cookies tomorrow on our computer, and read all of it. Possably blow on me like she usaly does when I talk about life, then she'll read what I've been telling my friends about things and what they've said to me, rip me a new one and force me to stay in my room till she leaves to pick my siblings from work tomorrow. After that it's a free for all!!
Well ya know what, I'm still entering this, maybe if they read it they'll possably see why the hell I am the way I am. And if they don't it's another sad attempt to get help from my friends on how to deal with this, which other then a few times, my family always slams them down and belittle my friends words anyway.. Hell they think Claires some crack head. And we all know she's not. They wont even let me and my old Bf meet even though we've known eachother for eight years, why? Because they still think he's some fucking pedofile!
20 years old, proving my responsability by taking care of 51 animals and still having a life, showing how in depth I care for nature and giving my all to a dream insted of little kiddy dreams. Trying to be nice around them and act like a adult even if they choose not to, trying to enjoy things even when the going gets tough... And I'm still treated like a kid, locked in the house every time my mom leaves. Can't even walk to the mall less then a block away so I can talk with Sarah, can't even meet her. Can't even choose what I eat, when I sleep, when I'm up,when I garden, where I garden.. Nothing 20 year olds do.. I'm not the normal 20 year old that wants to go to a salon, by aparel.. I don't even have five pairs of pants. No magaziens our age read, can't go to art festivles when their around yet my brother can go to a game store when he wants.. Only 2 minutes younger then me btw... All because I'm a condisending, childish little bitch... Yet thats the only way I can live here and fit in....
Thanks for the great life ya promised me... Thanks for the great freedom being 18 alows... I don't even get to choose what job I work.. Though I've been willing to work in a petshop for the last six years of my life..Even if it was full time..Insted, here I sit.. A Packer for family express, baging up tubs of lard for people to eat tomorrow... While my life suffers with every passing day..
Everybody acted like being 20 is great... When you consider what freedoms I should have, being 20 is just the new 12...
Well..I'm not pissed anymore but rather severly dissapointed in the things people take for granted.. The fact I'll always take their crap.. And the fact I'll always understand why.....
I'll be writing the " Yay I'm back" now, so thanks to those who felt like reading all that.... See ya..
Uggg...
Posted 18 years agoDue to the stress from the Tornadoe and the sudden drop in temperatures I've momentarily lost my immune defences to the common cold. My cold consists of:
Post nazal drip
Acidic tasting saliva
Raspy throat
Cloged nazal passages
Nosia
Runny eyes
Headach
Joint achs
Dizzyness and Drozyness.
For this I can't really consentrate on a drawing and when I do the gag reflex in my throat reacts horibly. I cannot continue drawing till this passes or only consists of non-vomit related actions. My apologies, but I'll be back in four-seven days when this is over.
- Lucia
Post nazal drip
Acidic tasting saliva
Raspy throat
Cloged nazal passages
Nosia
Runny eyes
Headach
Joint achs
Dizzyness and Drozyness.
For this I can't really consentrate on a drawing and when I do the gag reflex in my throat reacts horibly. I cannot continue drawing till this passes or only consists of non-vomit related actions. My apologies, but I'll be back in four-seven days when this is over.
- Lucia
The core of the Storm
Posted 18 years ago Night before last I was on the computer writeing a totaly different Journal blog, all about the fun things of my birthday with my brother, how the day was and all the wonderful things we got for the day, and the birthday yet to come of my mothers yesterday... And in the mist of writing this un-saved journal entery, a storm swept through faster then the reporters on TV could warn us, gusty winds, ice cold gusts that strangly rose from the grass every few minutes, lighting everywhere.
Other then the ice winds it was pretty much the norm for indiana weather, then it hit... The power whent cold in our house, the animals whent nuts and even our dog acted like she didint know us for a short spert, we had the cats in their crates for safty, of whom where meowing like they where cazy, then a second later what sounded like a metal wall hit our house and everything around. We didint know what it was at first, but sure enough it was a huge wall of hail that lasted 20 minutes, during this we took shelter in our hallway, the animals stayed acting crazy as the ground started to shake. My mom took this time to look out the window and see trees from next store, across the ally and in our own front yard fall to the wind, the hail hitting all living things like bullets and splattering the leafs againced our house like a christmas wrapping, water was still pouring when we noticed one of the cats had escaped her cage during the storm and bursted the door to get in my room. My fish where even acting funny due to the weather phanomanon and huddled in a tight school within their log, the thunder was still going and now the wind was ice cold when we saw only a few towns from us had a F1-F2 tornadoe perading down valporaso and several funnels in toe..
Though it was scary and the might of the storm took some of my favorite trees down, I cannot help but remember the amount of times trees have been taken insted of me. Though I love plants and animals this again sparks my undieing love and devotion to the might and wit of nature, though I fear it's bigest muricle, it's like the trees are always there to show the way. Though they die in the prosess I always see new ways to survive in their steed, this big storm has proved to be frightful. But with the tornadoe, wind gusts at 70 mph right here I have a feeling my brontaphobia is all but gone. Even my mom said this is the worced she's been in, I for one feel that those winds are always ranked right in line with F1 tornadoes anyway, so I survived my worced fear, and will forever, due to the protection nature gives me and the protection I give in return, for now and till my last breath, I will always give my life to it's fullest for those who gave thiers.
If I may, I wish to add that due to the sounds, the stress must have been to much for Marage, the rat illistrated in " Amerin blue/amerin closeup" And she died the morning after the storm.. So though me and my family survived okay and most of the animals, we did have a fetality from the shock of it all..
This is why I havent posted much wensday and thursday. but I'll make up for it.. Sorry everybody for not doing it sooner.
I woke up yesterday morning and when I opened my window the sky was covered in a weird fog, and the sun was in the darkest red I have ever seen, this caused everything it casted it's light on to be a maroon to blood red color. Looked almost like a Valcano had to have erupted somewhere, but there wasint any. The link below is of a tree that was pulled from our nabors yard and put in front of my window, not the best view to see first hand...
http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b...../treesdown.jpg
Other then the ice winds it was pretty much the norm for indiana weather, then it hit... The power whent cold in our house, the animals whent nuts and even our dog acted like she didint know us for a short spert, we had the cats in their crates for safty, of whom where meowing like they where cazy, then a second later what sounded like a metal wall hit our house and everything around. We didint know what it was at first, but sure enough it was a huge wall of hail that lasted 20 minutes, during this we took shelter in our hallway, the animals stayed acting crazy as the ground started to shake. My mom took this time to look out the window and see trees from next store, across the ally and in our own front yard fall to the wind, the hail hitting all living things like bullets and splattering the leafs againced our house like a christmas wrapping, water was still pouring when we noticed one of the cats had escaped her cage during the storm and bursted the door to get in my room. My fish where even acting funny due to the weather phanomanon and huddled in a tight school within their log, the thunder was still going and now the wind was ice cold when we saw only a few towns from us had a F1-F2 tornadoe perading down valporaso and several funnels in toe..
Though it was scary and the might of the storm took some of my favorite trees down, I cannot help but remember the amount of times trees have been taken insted of me. Though I love plants and animals this again sparks my undieing love and devotion to the might and wit of nature, though I fear it's bigest muricle, it's like the trees are always there to show the way. Though they die in the prosess I always see new ways to survive in their steed, this big storm has proved to be frightful. But with the tornadoe, wind gusts at 70 mph right here I have a feeling my brontaphobia is all but gone. Even my mom said this is the worced she's been in, I for one feel that those winds are always ranked right in line with F1 tornadoes anyway, so I survived my worced fear, and will forever, due to the protection nature gives me and the protection I give in return, for now and till my last breath, I will always give my life to it's fullest for those who gave thiers.
If I may, I wish to add that due to the sounds, the stress must have been to much for Marage, the rat illistrated in " Amerin blue/amerin closeup" And she died the morning after the storm.. So though me and my family survived okay and most of the animals, we did have a fetality from the shock of it all..
This is why I havent posted much wensday and thursday. but I'll make up for it.. Sorry everybody for not doing it sooner.
I woke up yesterday morning and when I opened my window the sky was covered in a weird fog, and the sun was in the darkest red I have ever seen, this caused everything it casted it's light on to be a maroon to blood red color. Looked almost like a Valcano had to have erupted somewhere, but there wasint any. The link below is of a tree that was pulled from our nabors yard and put in front of my window, not the best view to see first hand...
http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b...../treesdown.jpg
F.A Artist of the week Possability
Posted 18 years ago[QUOTE]
Vegex wrote:
I was thinking a while ago for ways for more people to get known on FA without having to cater to the weird-ass-fetish-of-the-day and it dawned on me: Artist of the Week.
Every week a new up-and-coming artist would get a spotlight, helping them get known better in the art community
The thing is the admins behind on alot things already and this cannot be done without much help, so here's my plan:
Spread the word to everyone you know about "Artist of the Week", make journals and do as much as you can to help. That way this idea can come to fruitation much faster if it has the support of people of FA
FurAffinity needs change and for the better, if you care about this place and the artists in it then spread the word!
Found it thanks to Sgolems Journal, however in addition I hope they meen the -Artist of the week- isint only drawing, but a hole spectrum of artists from 3D modlers,Movie creaters to Material artists and illistrators. Along with poems of cource.
Keep on your toes people for possably helping your community =D.
Vegex wrote:
I was thinking a while ago for ways for more people to get known on FA without having to cater to the weird-ass-fetish-of-the-day and it dawned on me: Artist of the Week.
Every week a new up-and-coming artist would get a spotlight, helping them get known better in the art community
The thing is the admins behind on alot things already and this cannot be done without much help, so here's my plan:
Spread the word to everyone you know about "Artist of the Week", make journals and do as much as you can to help. That way this idea can come to fruitation much faster if it has the support of people of FA
FurAffinity needs change and for the better, if you care about this place and the artists in it then spread the word!
Found it thanks to Sgolems Journal, however in addition I hope they meen the -Artist of the week- isint only drawing, but a hole spectrum of artists from 3D modlers,Movie creaters to Material artists and illistrators. Along with poems of cource.
Keep on your toes people for possably helping your community =D.
Entery #1 into the journals of FNA
Posted 18 years agoOkay I found I can't remove my own journal enteries for some reason so I had to place something els here since the code was inconclusive o-o.. Um..
Today it's supposto be raining, which is good cause the vegi garden needs it. My Catmint,Dragonwing,Dragontree and Mimosa are doing great, the Mimosa finaly grew it's true petal amount and stoped leaning over. The Catmint died away but the roots where still active so I have two new catmint branches.
Mitsy and the rats are doing arlight, though one of my guppies have a terbulents issue Oo.. Poped up overnight so after adding some coppersafe I hope it leaves just as fast. could just be from everything being to hot lately, yesterday was alright but the day befor we had 98 F as a heat index and 97 F as the real temp.
My drawings have slow in progression due to the Painted Bunting being a diffacult little bird =P, so I'm taking a break today in playing Harvest moon: A wonderful life. Already Hyberdized five vegies and I'm waiting for my sixth spring to plant them. Two of the characters are getting gray hair * including Takakura* sooner then the people online say they should, so I hope I didint do anything to make the game reach it's peak a little sooner.
Ether way the game doesint end at two years like the four original ones so yay XD.
Thats pretty much all thats happened today, trying to keep my comments equal with people who commented on me for the fact that what you give comes back to you =3. hopeing for some C&C by new friends, maybe some I havent even met yet, good day overall. Just a li'l lazy, but cause I've got cage cleaning tomorrow, thats possably best XD.
Oh and two more faves =3, thanks everybody!!
Today it's supposto be raining, which is good cause the vegi garden needs it. My Catmint,Dragonwing,Dragontree and Mimosa are doing great, the Mimosa finaly grew it's true petal amount and stoped leaning over. The Catmint died away but the roots where still active so I have two new catmint branches.
Mitsy and the rats are doing arlight, though one of my guppies have a terbulents issue Oo.. Poped up overnight so after adding some coppersafe I hope it leaves just as fast. could just be from everything being to hot lately, yesterday was alright but the day befor we had 98 F as a heat index and 97 F as the real temp.
My drawings have slow in progression due to the Painted Bunting being a diffacult little bird =P, so I'm taking a break today in playing Harvest moon: A wonderful life. Already Hyberdized five vegies and I'm waiting for my sixth spring to plant them. Two of the characters are getting gray hair * including Takakura* sooner then the people online say they should, so I hope I didint do anything to make the game reach it's peak a little sooner.
Ether way the game doesint end at two years like the four original ones so yay XD.
Thats pretty much all thats happened today, trying to keep my comments equal with people who commented on me for the fact that what you give comes back to you =3. hopeing for some C&C by new friends, maybe some I havent even met yet, good day overall. Just a li'l lazy, but cause I've got cage cleaning tomorrow, thats possably best XD.
Oh and two more faves =3, thanks everybody!!
