I want a couple round logged shaped roll/bolster pillows for my bed, but they're all like 25$+ a piece. Is that normal? Or does anyone know where I can find some cheaper ones? I bought a couple of regular memory foam pillows for like 5$ a piece and those were great, so I didn't really expect log shaped pillows would be that much more. x.x;

Am bored and thinking about setting up a Minecraft server with Tekkit on it. Wonder how many people might be interested in that. :3

Remember these chips I was talking about in my last journal?

https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.....cL._SY550_.jpg

Was eating some more and went to take a bite and it broke off and flung a bunch of pepper powder up in my eyes. I can't... I can't finish this bag..... fuck it I want more! *burns to death*

They're so fucking hooooot!

https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.....cL._SY550_.jpg

*whimpering yena noises*

My chest and mouth and face are all on fire!

Uhg... why are computers so fickle? I turned my computer off today, then moved it to another room and tried to turn it back on, and now windows won't start. It gets to the loading screen, then can't find the essential files it needs to load windows. Like WTF it was JUST working. Did something delete key OS files in the brief time it was off? Doesn't make any damn sense. I know it's not the computer itself because BIOS and memory checks check out just fine. It's purely windows being garbage like it usually does. I'm not sure what to do about this. I can probably recover my data, but I'm really not in the mood to reinstall windows right now. Attempting system restores doesn't seem to be working, and I don't think I have or ever made a full system image to restore to. This really sucks. :c

**Update** Well, got it boot into safe mode, so I can back up my data to a flash drive at least, but for some reason, even after disabling all services, and uninstalling my display driver and antivirus, which the error code 7E is usually responsible for. It's STILL crashing when trying to do a normal boot. Hate this, but I might have to fresh install which is a whole nother can of worms that might not even fix the problem. Hopefully this doesn't come down to a complete hardware failure, because I can't really fix that right now. D:

**Update 2** Success! Found the trouble, my old sound card kicked the bucket. I didn't particularly need it anyways. I was only using it because I happened to have one laying around. I took it out and the computer started up just fine! Anyways, everything's good now. Just have a few settings and files out of place now because of the troubleshooting work, but I can put that back together at my leisure. Thank goodness. x.x;

Sorry about that depressing journal the other day. In all honesty, I probably overreacted a bit because I was just so wound up. I wanted something, I wanted to do something, anything with anyone. I was just all excited and hopelessly bored and pent up and wanting something fun to happen and feeling like that would never come. I'm alright now though. Something nice did happen and had a couple good days of work and sleep too so I'm feeling a lot better now.

Thankies all of you who actually took the time to try and talk to me though. I really do appreciate it! *hugs*

Meh... I don't know what's wrong with me, I just can't seem to muster myself for anything. I literally sat here and did absolutely nothing on my two days off and I hate it. You've all probably noticed I haven't been posting as much either. I have things to post, but I just can't muster any energy for even the simplest things.

I wanted to do something for a friend because I felt bad for them and I got half way through something and just couldn't carry on...

Anytime I want to do something for myself, it's the same deal too. I'll have a brief moment of excitement about something, then am just hit with the overwhelming task of trying to wait for openings, talking, and organizing things with people to get something done, often taking days, weeks, even months sometimes to do anything at all, with far more of nothing, hoping, waiting in between. There's people I've considered close friends that I've... really not gotten to do anything with at all for years.

When I see people then doing things together, some of which I think of as good friends... it hurts. I'm not envious or jealous of them. I know they are not doing anything to hurt me. They're just trying to live their lives too, but if something doesn't happen, I feel it's because I didn't try hard enough or that I'm just entirely too lame and mundane for them. I lack a certain capacity for that which I can't quite explain, and I feel like I'm not connecting with anyone or anything in the ways I wish I could.

I feel completely unnecessary.. only living to try and support and make my own self happy, but it's entirely empty to me. There's no point to doing that if I don't have someone to enjoy it with. I don't know if what I'm about to say is really wrong, but some people say it makes them happy to see some of the things I do, and I don't think that's a good way to appreciate someone. I can't stand to sit on the sidelines and watch someone else do something. I want to join them! I want to be a part of their life, and I feel like half or more of the people who say they like what I do, actually want to as well, so why aren't we? I've tried to make the effort, talk, be generous and giving, and do everything I can, and simply nothing works. I can't seem to do it anymore, every year it just becomes worse and worse and worse. I feel further and further behind socially, and doubting myself more and more and more.

I don't care to be popular, or rich, or anything at all in this world. I believe it would be the same no matter what I did. I don't care to try and be successful. I don't about anything if this is where it leads. I'm almost entirely certain that I'm just a completely un-extraordinary person, forgettable. I don't think anyone truly cares about me other than maybe my Mom, and I can't blame them, I literally have nothing to offer them that they can't just as easily get from someone else apparently. I think I'm a good person, but am otherwise utterly worthless to anyone. It's my only resolve and the only reason I keep trying to go forward is because I know my heart is there, but that's it. It's a painful way to exist and I just don't know what to do.

I'm all meh and bleh right now, I dunno why. There's nothing really wrong, but I feel like something is off. Maybe I just need to hear others talk. Say something at me, anything! >:V

Woo! What a great way to end the Christmas day, almost passed out in a puddle of my own shit and vomit last night... Thought about asking my roommate to talk me to the hospital, but I slowly started to recover after that. Feeling a bit better now, but I still feel totally drained, yet I can't sleep anymore. x.x

I've been making sure to drink plenty of fluids so I don't dry out, everything else appears to be returning to normal, but it really fucking sucks to spend my days off like this. I might call in tomorrow.

Hope you all have a good one! :3

I wish roommates would quit stealing my drinks. I mean, I don't actually say anything because I hate confrontation, but seriously? They're grown ass men and they took my last cup of soda, so rude! >:c *Grumpy hyena noises*

Came home from work yesterday and I slept for a nice solid 12 hours! I feel much better now. ^^

Dunno why this keeps happening before Fridays. xD Got a 10 hour shift coming up and I've already been up for almost 24 hours... I feel tired, I feel like I should be able to sleep, but I lay down and simply nothing happens. This isn't an every day thing. I don't think I have true insomnia because this doesn't happen most days. More often than not I sleep just fine, but for some reason I just can't right before these big long days when I need it most. x.x; Not ready for this at all.

WHOOOOOOP! o wo

...

That is all! >w>;

Finally gonna post a bunch of stuff I've been meaning too! Got a few more than the few I'm about to post now, but I'm still waiting on some other things before I post those, for now, enjoy these next 5! ^^;;

Well should of seen that coming, dull boring days seem to lead to dissatisfied sleepless nights... now time to go work an 11 hour shift with 0 sleep what so ever. x.x;

Dunno if you guys noticed at all, but I've been kind of slow on posting new art and journals lately, dunno why, I've been the lazy yeen lately. I've just had and overall lack of motivation for some reason. Personal projects just aren't shaping up the way I want lately, and just not a whole lot to do otherwise. Haven't really been doing much of anything other than sleeping and working, meh.

Anyways, I'm alive and I do have some things to post if I ever get around to it. xx;

If anyone has any games they'd like to play together though, that would probably make me the most happy right now.

Anyone know where I can find one? Either they are insanely uncommon or I'm doing my searches wrong because I can't find anything above a standard 8" by 11" size scanner that isn't an all in one machine. I don't need a printer and all that jazz, just the scanner. I'm looking to buy one that is at least 11" by 14" or A3 standard (11.70" by 16.50") or larger, that isn't an all in one printer scanner or just outrageously priced (less than 300$ if possible, only A3 scanner I could find was 1100$ x.x;) It doesn't need to have a high DPI level, minimum of 300 would be suitable for what I'd be doing with it, art obviously. xP

If anyone could help me search, I would greatly appreciate it. :3

Weeee! I'm happy! I get to kick off my new years on a high note because of this!

https://www.dropbox.com/s/uw5zto9zz.....00146.png?dl=0

Finally got my Arcanine in Pokemon Go. Growlithes are so insanely hard to come by in Michigan, I'd walked 1 of only 3 I'd caught for a little more than 100 kilometers before I got lucky and hatched one from an egg today and immediately had all the candies I needed, big purdy floofy firepup! Yay! <3

It's my birthday today, hard to imagine I'm a whole 30 years old now. A lot of people say I don't look it. x3 With that, I'm not sure what else to say. xD I still feel and act like a kid, age doesn't really matter to me. It's when I start feeling it physically that I'll care, but xD as far as feeling like I got what I wanted done in the last decade, I satisfied I think. Took me a little longer to get a couple things done, and had a lot of bumps along the way and discovered things about myself and people that I knew nothing about, but overall, I don't think I regret any of it. :3

I wanted to make a proper con report, but I got home later than expected and am super super tired and have to be up for work in the morning so I'll have to make it short. Bottom line, it was an absolute blast! Had so much fun fursuiting and meeting people. I'll probably post more about it later, but for now I need rest, sees you all!

Taking me and my friends longer to get to MFF than expected, but it's been a fun road trip so far. Should be there around 5pm. :)

So I finally got Discord because a lot of people were asking me about it. My Discord is Lime#0791 if anyone wants to add me there. However, with that said, I may be getting rid of Skype very soon. Half the people I knew there are either MIA, or have had their contact dropped or compromised by hackers in some way. There are small handful of people that I only know there that I would hate to skip out on, but Skype is far outdated and as long since lost it's usefulness. It's a terrible resource hog and is loaded with hackers and ads now. Microsoft was not kind to Skype at all. They only worsened it over the years and barely fixed some of the major bugs with it, so I think it's due time to say goodbye to it for good.

Oh also, not sure if I mentioned that I have telegram now too. I'm friskylime there, without the dash in the middle, if anyone would like to add me there too. I actually prefer telegram for messenger. It works great on phone.

So, yeah, apparently some local friends of mine that I know quiet well are going to MFF, and had someone cancel on them and are in the main hotel, so plans for me to go are back on again! It looks like I won't be arriving until mid Friday though, but still, I'll be there! Yay! :D

Hope you guys enjoyed it while it was up! Decided to take it down today. My computer and connection speed just aren't quite up to par for running a modded server, and honestly, it's kind of a power hog if there's not at least a couple people on all the time.

Not to mention, hosting a server isn't nearly as fun as building legit on one. No real incentive to playing normally when you're the host, and building in creative just gets boring real quick. xP

I'm actually thinking about donating the old computer anyways. It's still a fairly decent working computer, but it's all legacy hardware at this point, and I'm already looking to get a new computer to replace my current one I'm on, so if anything, this computer would replace that computer, and I'd be giving that one away.