Ugh. Dumped again. Less t do with the transitioning and more for my low self esteem.

I'm gonna be pensive and sad for a bit.

So I have to start eating cottage cheese to reintroduce protein and repair my broken biological system.

The problem is that cottage cheese is kind of gross on its own. So I started playing with it and ended up with a 300 calorie milkshake/smoothie that tastes like cheesecake, is super filling, and fills up a really tall glass.

Throw this in your blender in this order:
4 tablespoons sugarless nesquick (1 serving size is 2 tablespoons).
1 cup ice (or like 6 ice cubes).
1 cup cottage cheese (I use fat free cottage cheese) (package serving size is 1/2 cup).
1 cup vanilla light soy milk.

Blend until smooth. I wanted to get rid of that gross, chunky cottage cheese texture, so I smoothed the fuck out of it.

I like it kinda of sweet-salty, but if you need it a bit sweeter, throw in some Stevia along with the Nesquik to sweeten it up without adding calories. Delicious!

So apparently, being a vegetarian for 10+ years has wreaked havoc on my body. Continuously low amounts of protein and iron have (for now) destroyed my body's ability to lose weight. Throw on anemia, skin discoloration, and a slew of other minor problems, and I need to fix my existing body before I try to turn it to anything else.

Basically:

"I am so ready to renovate this house into a gorgeous summer home!"
--"Well you're gonna want to deal with the black mold, first of all. And really while we're talking about that, you really out to take care of that crack int he foundation. And we might as well discuss the termite problem before you even start on the new house."

I did it! I got it! I've chosen a path!

Not comics drawn by me. Rather, comics drawn by the best in the business.

I love my books like pets. Some of them I've had for years. That said, if they were cats, I'd be more than a little crazy. I'm starting to get buried alive in them. In the interest of space and long term finances, I'm making the switch to digital comics.

That said, I'm trying to purge the ones I own, and there are a LOT. Marvel, DC, Image, TopCow, Vertigo, hardcover, softcover, humor, it's all there. Most of them are complete runs of different authors or story arcs.

Note: Not individual comics, but bound Trade paperbacks, i.e. books.

My problem is that if I sell them to a local bookstore, I'll be lucky to get $2 apiece for them. However, if you're interested in any particular titles (There's a TON of X-men and Spider-Man) you can go ahead and leave a note on the googledoc.

Mark them up on the googledoc, then drop me a note here. Anything that beats $2 has my immediate attention. (Though shipping may be on you. It's cool, though, I keep it reasonable using flat rate boxes.)

All the Comics!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/.....it?usp=sharing

 Fenoxo is kickstarting/offbeatring a new project.

Want to see a new sexy game, this one set in space, piloting a ship and exploring a scary and horny universe? Go fun the game!

http://offbeatr.com/project/trials-.....ce-46583939698

Ugh, I think a writer has bailed on me, commission-wise. He began work on it in November and after a month or so, I made sure to poke him every week or two or so just so hear how it was going (I fully understand that projects take time.) The last time I heard from him was nearly a month ago, though he'd been having some technical difficulties, but assured me he was working on it. The last message I sent to him was over a week ago.

What do you guys think?

I like to pay up front for commissions so I don't have to worry about paying later, but I may have to revise that policy. >.>

So at the end of the month, I go in for lab work to see if I am healthy enough/not at risk to possibly start myself on hormones. I won't start on anything until after the lab work comes in. I've also scheduled another appointment with my therapist to meet up with her before any sort of hormone therapy begins.

One of my friends gave me the tough talk today, listing out all the negatives that often go along with transitions. And while some of them don't concern me particularly (female hormones result in complete sterility, but I don't EVER want to have kids) other observations about my gender identity and sexuality did give me pause.

Lots of folks here have been incredibly supportive, but I'd also like to hear from folks on the other side of the argument. Given the information provided below, does it sound like I should be going for hormones?

- Jealous of pretty women. First thought upon seeing an attractive women is "I want to BE her," NOT that "I want to fuck her." (Exception to this is larger women, in which case, i want to be held by them, but I think that's separate from this discussion.)

- Sexually aroused by crossdressing in my teens. Only aroused presently in the context of being observed by a sexual partner. On my own, simply "content" and "happy" when able to dress in female clothing.

- Bisexual, not many sexual encounters. In terms of actual sex, not particularly attached to male-oriented acts ("mounting," "penetrating," "thrusting.") Prefer to service/and on the recieving end.

- Constant struggle with low-self esteem and depression. Part of my wants the opportunity to be "pretty," even if it doesn't turn out that way.

- Sexually aroused by transformation erotica. (Which I wanted to note because there is a nagging doubt that this is masquerading as a real desire to personally transition.)

- I don't HATE my male body. I don't have any particularly strong feelings toward it, except that I don't find it particularly attractive.

- Would prefer a female-esque body, because I do feel like I'd be happier in it.

- I don't want SRS. My male bits are okay where they are.

Is it too much information? For a regular journal post, yeah. For a post asking for input on a very important life decision? I think it's a good amount of info. But thanks for reading it!

More importantly, what do you guys think? Are there important questions I should be asking myself?

So I need to take another look at this $10-weekly commission set idea. The original concept was that for $10, I would draw something for a commissioner, keep it simple, and I wouldn't spend more than an hour, hour-and-a-half on it. The specific "themes" of each week were my way of capping the commissions so nothing would get so complicated that it took more than an hour.

I'm not a tightwad--it's just that I only have so much time in a week, and working for 3 hours for $10 is not particularly satisfying. (Plus, I'm putting the money from these commissions directly toward gender therapy and hormones.)

The problem is that for more complex characters and themes, the drawings get harder, and I'm now actually averaging about 3 hours per drawing. Not cost effective, and a bit frustrating.

I'm worried about raising rates, though, because there are color artists who do the same but for only slightly more. And, let's be honest, who would want a pencil drawing when they could get a colored piece fr the same price?

Possible Solutions:
1.) Eliminate the criteria, raise the rates. Regular commissions, rates of at least $20. (Problematic in terms of competitive pricing)
2.) Institute stricter criteria to eliminate the things that slow me down. Hyper, wings, etc. (Problematic in terms of losing people who like those things)
3.) Reduce the pictures to "Sketches" instead of lined and shaded drawings. (Same problem as 1.)

I don't know--what do you all think? Because I can't afford to keep spending this much time for so little money.

Hi folks! It's time for the weekly 3-slot commissions. This week's theme is Naga! Any naga, of any shape or size!

And as a special bonus, you can throw in oviposition (eggs) for your naga at no extra cost!

Any takers? Pencil drawings $10 each. Note me for a slot! ^_^

1.)  Echoen
2.)  CrimsonInfiltrator
3.) [open]

I don't want to leave FA. I've got some great friends here, and I just got myself settled with my new ID. Also, I'm slowly starting to build up steam on the commission thing.

But in light of the admins deleting user complaints about harassment, http://cubeybooby.tumblr.com/post/4.....-of-the-exodus , I'm not sure if I can morally stay here. I hear Weasyl is nice this time of year.

I'm going to fret on this a bit more.

Hey all! I'm trying to keep commissions and my schedule under control. As in, I'd like to do commissions, and I'd like to not go crazy with my schedule.

To that end, I'm opening up three slots again, this time for CoC goodness. Do you have a CoC character you'd like to see drawn? Your unique player character or a particular character from the game?

Same as the gemu, $10 a shot for a pencil-drawn piece. 3 slots. Any takers? Note me!

**UPDATE**

All slots full! (Like your mom, hurr hurr)

1.)  Echoen Hypercanid http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9907722/
2.)  Silver_fly Bimbo Minitaur Waifu
3.)  Craigers Snarkubus

I think my thumbnails are bugged. Is it part of the FA slowdown, or is it just me that can't see thumbnails of the pictures I recently uploaded. Am I just formatting them incorrectly?

The 3-Gemu commissions are done. I hope people enjoy them! If there's enough interest, I might float it again. That's assuming that more people want commissioned gemu.

I gotta lie down--I've been working out too much and now I feel a little sick.

I'm always pressed for time these days, but I'm loving the gemu, and it seems that people are, too.

So I'm going to open up 3 commission slots. $10 each, for a gemu of your choice. Do you want your fursona as a gemu? Do you want your fursona as a Queen? Or maybe you want a gemu with a few . . . modifications?

Note me and I'll send payment info. First come first serve.

3 Slots, $10 each, pencil drawings, all gemu. Any takers?

UPDATE!
SLOTS ALL FULL!

Slot 1:  Konekowarrior Gemu Queen
Slot 2:  Joducus (info pending)
Slot 3:  Fluffdance Fat gemu

Flu is vanished, and all is well! Relatively, I suppose.

But wow, you guys--there have been a LOT of favs and views on The End Goal pic i did. http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9763870/
I mean, moreso than I would expect for a quick doodle like that.

But thank you all for the kind words and support and advice!

I can't help but wonder if some of the enthusiasm is for the pretty lady in the picture, though. Do you think she needs a fursona? Suggestions for animals or themes for a new look?

I'm not retiring the frogapus--he is my whimsical business face. Professional and fancy!

This is a bitch of a virus.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norovirus

It gets into your system, incubates for 2 days. Then it reveals itself in a torrent of nonstop vomiting for a period of 24-60 hours.

Immediately following that, diarrhea until your system recovers.

Contagious, to the extent that it's the goddamn T-virus. The first time you puke, it goes airborne, then it survives on hard surfaces for 12 hours, cloth surfaces for 12 days, still water indefinitely.

Want to disinfect it? It resists alcohol (those little hand sanitizer bottles) and aerosols (febreeze, anyone?). Nothing other than good old fashioned chlorine kills it outright.

And it's inside me.

So I talked to a therapist, then confirmed the process for my state. The next step is getting a physical (gotta get on a decent insurance plan first, though.)

Then I can/might be approved for hormones.

Here's to an exciting/scary year!

So I'm not sexually active (not a secret--haven't been for years) but I think this is good information to share.

Basically, there's a whole cadre of douchebags who dedicate themselves to tricking people into sex without protection.

This article has more information on the "Bareback Brotherhood" as well as a link further down to a compiled list of the twitter accounts of most-likely offenders. I recommend taking a read.

http://blog.guyn2gear.com/2012/12/t.....97d83d2d63235e

The more time I spend trying to make a wizard in D&D 3.0, 3.5, or Pathfinder, the more I'm disgusted with the "Memorize spells every morning" requirement.

I cannot recall the last time I read a fantasy book outside of a D&D-verse where any wizard had to take time out of his morning, comb through the spells he'd learned and specifically chosen what spells he'd cast that day, and what spells he would not.
Merlin and Dresden would have not been the same intriguing characters with that limitation.

For those of you not-so-geeky, Wizards in D&D and Pathfinder have an unusual requirement. Regardless of the wide array of spells they learn, they are limited to only a few a day. That in of itself wouldn't be bad--many fictional wizards operate off a level of internal power where they are only capable of so much.

D&D/Pathfinder wizards take it a step further, though, wherein every morning, they must sit down for an hour and decide what spells they will cast that day. They may cast only those spells and only the specific number of each of those spells they decide on at that time. The equivalent for, say a rogue, would be as if they could decide to backstab someone OR pickpocket someone in the course of the day, but not both. (NOTE: Rogues do not have this limitation.)

Wizards, though, have to deal with the fact that if they prepared a spell like Warp Wood for the day, there's a very real likelihood that they'll encounter no wood and find that spell not only wasted, but taking the spot of a useful spell, like fireball. At the same time, filling your spell slots with Fireballs spurr the paranoia of "what if we run into a jammed ironwood door?"

Perhaps it's not just the game function, but the injustice to concept of wizards. Gone is the powerful spellcaster, reciting world-changing spells at the drop of a hat. In its place is a clumsy magician fumbling with index cards, trying desperately not to forget the spells that seem to drop out of his head with every night's sleep.

Or, I suppose there's another interpretation:

"I'm 84 years old, but I can't for the life of me remember how to cast Magic Missile unless I spend an hour re-reading through the one-page instructions on it this morning. I've been casting this spell every day for 60 years, but darn if I can't ever remember it!
If only Alzheimer's wasn't a class feature for wizards!"

A friend convinced me to sign up for a kinky social network.

And after a few weeks of it, I realized that there, I'm just a nonexistant face in a virtual crowd.

Then I started thinking that it mimics real life, too.

Downdowndown.

Commission status:

 Pet 1 of 2 complete
 leviadragon99 Planning stages

Not that I'm drawing any dinosaurs, though I could--I do enjoy dinosaurs.

I'm just feeling like everyone is drawing digitally these days--in color.

And me, I'm just plodding away, working with physical pencil on paper. I'm getting left behind.

I really need to step it up, but my digital drawing is pretty abysmal.


Commission status:

 Pet 1 of 2 complete
 leviadragon99 Planning stages

I noticed a lot of Country/State groups for Furries and FurArters (Farters?)

What I haven't seen is one for Hawaii. It's very isolated out here in the pacific.

Commission status:

 Pet 1 of 2 complete
 leviadragon99 Planning stages

Just start shaking off the depression, then they cut my hours at work.

Please pardon the mess.

Will be scattered as I scramble for a job and try to figure out how to pay for classes.

Bout of depression. Might be offline for a couple of days.

You see this as a legitimate come-on.

http://anongallery.org/7162/gurl-le.....me-see-dat-ass