I've been in the fandom for a while. Since I was 14. Im 32 now. And in that time, I have been through 2 divorces, finally landing someone I think is the one.
One problem though. I've also had numerous break ups, good and bad.
It seemed like no matter who I was with, I was never truly happy. I found myself isolating myself, never being one to initiate conversations with those I consider close friends. Even then, if I friend needs help, I do everything I can for them and never ask for anything in return. I don't even ask for help when I need it. No one has really asked me how I am doing. Hell, my dad just fell ill and terribly depressed.
I have finally figured it out. All of this has taken it's toll. Really, started to feel it several years ago.

I am clinically depressed. I don't even go to furmeets anymore. I just can't do it. I don't really have anyone I can talk to and I'm afraid of talking to my mate because she's part of it. I know she doesnt mean to, but there are things she does that are hurting me. I try not to let it get to me. But still.
Being military with my clearance, I can't really say much for fear of losing what I have worked 13 years to get. I have been trying to live with this but its getting harder everyday to do it. Trying to stave off a breakdown triggered by something as simple as dropping a nut working. Everyone says things will get better, but it really doesn't feel like it. I keep telling myself this but as I get older and see my dad deteriorate, the words grow more hollow.
If anyone thinks I plan on killing myself, don't worry. I have no intention of hurting myself, especially knowing what it would do to my family.
But honestly, I'm to the point where I don't want to really burden anyone with my problems. I just want someone to listen. Even provide a hug or two. I'm not asking for money. Just...consol and affirmation that things will be okay. Maybe my life will get better.
Even though I don't know many of you following me personally, I just want to let you know, I love you. All of you.

After a long absense, I decided to make my return. Hiya again!

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3426739/

Just do it! You know you wanna!

I'm getting sent to the USS Florida Gold crew in November. So back to Kings Bay, GA with me then. But hey, I'll be close to the Florida furs, so won't be going too far ^^

Anyone know where I can get a custom made window cling? I want to put a furry girl on the new G6 with minimal goo.

For the past THREE FUCKING YEARS, my FUCKING EX-WIFE WAS FUCKING LYING TO ME ABOUT SEEING SOMEONE ELSE!!! God-fucking-dammit...I FEEL SO GOD-DAMNED USED!! Like seriously, FUCK!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

81 for my state written and a pass on my practical, meaning now I am a full fledged Florida state firefighter.

I am not a typical furry who lets drama take priority. The moment I get wind of a lie being told of me, you better hope I don't have the proof to knock that lie down and destroy your credibility. In other words, I'm not a furry who lies down and takes it. That is all!

Things are finally looking up for me. Salvaging a friendship I thought was gone forever. Life may be turning around for me. Ive missed her more than the world :)

(Going to repost since my ex girlfriend is making quite a lovely fuss over this.)

My Ex Girlfriend (who shall not be named since she already has a bad enough name as it is) has proceeded to leave her things at my residence. I am formally writing out a final warning that she is to get her things out of my home as soon as possible. She has moved out months ago, and I will only be holding her items until the end of this month. If she does not they will be thrown out/donated accordingly. I am posting this message here as to make a public announcement that She can not try to claim that I would not hand her items back over to her. I am being as honorable and sincere as I can be in the current situation (even though it is a pitiful shame that the same could not be said of her.). She has my phone number and knows where she has left her things, and she may contact me in regards to them, but as of November 1st They will become my responsibility. All I can do now is try to do the right thing.

Fuckin' A....she is filing for divorce...so fuck. Three fucking years of my god-damned life wasted waiting for nothing to happen. I could have done so fucking much within those three years. I could've been with most of the girls I've been out with. Could've spent those three years with someone who won't lead me around for three fucking years. Well I hope she's happy, cause' I won't be paying her way to survive any fucking more...FUCK!!! And there we so many girls too who I can genuinly say I loved...one of whom I am no longer friends with...Fuck my life...

So after really giving it some thought, I've decided, I'm not going to let the drama that happened keep me from going to the Orlando meets. If people want to talk bad about me, they can do it to my face and I can set the record straight. I may not have the best reputation anymore, but anyone who hangs with me can tell you I'll give my left nut to take care of you in bad situations. End of story, enough said, I won't be driven out of Orlando like a pup with his tail between his legs.

Not too much longer now. October 3rd, I'm starting fire school to finish off my certifications and earn the coveted black helmet.
Furry Firefighter 4 Life!

At 12:01am on Sept. 20, 2011, Don't Ask, Don't Tell was completely stricken from the books. Our struggle is finally over on the military side of things. Thus, I'm proud to say, I'M BISEXUAL AND SERVE THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!!!

Go ahead and end it. If you want to base your judgements on me based on lies rather than fact, then fine. Clearly, despite all the stuff I did for you, you didn't even care enough to forgive me or at least let me tell my side of things.

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I really didn't realize the damage I was truly doing.

I'm being creative. Now, if you'll excuse me,
I still have some work to do.

Daddy, would you like some sausage?
Daddy, would you like some sausages?
Daddy, would you like some sausage?
Sausages? Sausages?

Well, looks like I'm alone...she doesn't want to come back to me....fuck me...
Life just refuses to cut me a break....

So it seems my journal http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1956537/
either had all of it's comments deleted by someone not liking where I was going,
Or they were all lost in the journal dump.

If they were indeed deleted, it seems that I am truly gaining support for the Furry Rebellion.

Speak Out Against Popufurs! Do not be silent!
Restoring Furry Sanity

Well alot of you know about the favoritism and attempt of some furries to be "Popufurs" Why does this anger me?
It keeps the voice of the smaller furries down. If a popufur draws something fucked up, like say, a cub getting raped, then stabbed, as soon as a small furry jumps up and says, What the Fuck is That?!, everyone and their mother busy sucking on that popufurs tits shits a brick and crucifies the one who spoke up. I think it's time we stopped that shit ASAP. Especially if someone stands up to the furry who sees himself as the biggest. There are a few cases on FA alone I know of. I won't mention any parties involved, but I can tell you it led to what I still think was a bullshit permaban based on someones remarks about a certain website. THAT SHIT PISSES ME OFF! And then, no one has the balls to explain exactly why.
Furries, friends, I say it's time we slapped a Popufur in order to set the record straight and get some of these people off the pedestal of thinking they're God's gift to Furries.

So after looking through lulz among many other websites, I have come to the conclusion that the fandom severely needs an overhaul. We want the world to view us in good light, but we have so much shit that lends us so many names in the fandom. I'm not saying let's get rid of furry porn, but we really, really need to lay down guidelines when it comes down to what is really accepted into the fandom. With the way things are going, I can envision us going the way of /B/. Pure chaos and a whole myriad of things that may land us in the news in a bad light.
Things like public displays of cub porn, scat, diaper furs, things like that, have to be either kept on the down low amongst yourselves should you be into that, or completely dissolved. I don't care if it alienates me or not, but it must be done. Not just on FA either, but everywhere on the web involved with the fandom.

I think it's time for change, time for overhaul.

Whose with me?!

So I was thinking about it and something a good friend, Raine said a while back.
Someone should totally draw up a series of images with furries no less with a mirror's edge look to it. Like a split shot between the Runner and his/her operator. Anyone willing to do it? I'd be happy to throw in a commission payment too.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell HAS been repealed in the Senate, 65-31

Well, 63 votes for the repeal to move forward in the Senate. So all we need now is the Pres., Adm. Mullen, and SECDEF to certify it and the fight is finally over.

Join me fellow military furries, gay or straight in raising our paws in VICTORY!

So yeah...got in an accident this morning after spinning out into a guardrail when some dude came into my blindspot while I merged onto highway. Even better, within an hour, I get a text from my mom saying that my great grandmother is dying...so yeah...been a great fucking day...I'm flying out on the 20th to see her in El Paso...