Well lets see, I know I'm still looking for a job, that isn't really new, but alas I keep on searching. Hopefully one day right? Also my life seems bland, not boring though, just doing the same daily stuff is making me go crazy. I wanna get out and be able to have fun, but I know that won't happen, at least not yet. ;) Almost had to move back in with my parents last weekend, and that wasn't fun. Oddly enough that didn't happen, but if it did I dunno what I'd do, but I'm not going to dwell on that subject, nor do I care to. Lately I've been wanting to see more friends that I know on FA, but some how that is seeming to become near impossible. Darn you Silvermane for pointing out the obvious. lol (hope he gets that joke.)

Well I guess that's all for now, except on thing... If I can borrow your soul for a experiment then please let me know. I go one soul on hold, and one I could possibly send through hell and back, HAHAHAHA!

SILENCE! I'M TOTALLY INNOCENT!

I dunno how I can describe how I feel right now. I do feel lost, but for some odd reason things in life seem to be setting into place, maybe a bit to quickly. Does it mean I need to grow up quicker and take responsibility, and have I already done that, I feel like I haven't, or maybe I'm due to fail again. Oddly enough it happens more then I'd like.

I dunno how to put life in retrospect right now, maybe that's it. Or maybe I just haven't found what I'm looking for, which is one of the biggest things on my mind. I know I may never find happiness or get everything I want, but I don't want big things in fact I just want simple things that would make my life better, cause right now it's crap!

I feel like I'm also getting very disconnected with my friends within the fandom. I don't talk with anymore much, and when I try to talk to some people I get ignored, or never get a answer back. It's why I've been acting stocker-ish lately to certain friends, because I hold on to tightly to you guys. I'm sorry if that offended anyone that I did do it to.

I feel stressed out, and I knew it was coming, but I can't do anything about it but deal with it. A lot of things are home are stressing me the most, lack of sleep is one of the biggest factors, and then it breaks down in other very deep personal things, which I wish I had someone to talk to about those, but I don't, so I leave them inside, which is bad as well. Guess I can't win right?

I'm lost in my mind on the direction of where I wanna go in life. It's very confusing and I can't find a simple answer, something that I'm looking for. =/

I dunno anymore. I want answer's, and I seek them badly, but every time I wanna ask a question I never know how to ask it.


Sorry about this, but it's some of the shit I keep inside, and I hate letting it spew out, cause then I feel like a emo fur spreading the drama llama

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Well the mac keeps on freezing, and just down right not responding to anything I do. I've tried and looked up all possible options, but nothing seems to be working. I could do a clean install, but I would lose everything. :( Also that's out of the question because for some reason the disk drive doesn't work, so I can't even do that, and I was suppose to get it fixed, but that never happen. So with that being said, you will rarely see me online anymore because I can't deal with the lag of a crappy windows machine, and I can't deal with the lag and freeze ups of my mac, so withat being said I'm extremely pissed off and I don't care anymore.



Goodbye people =/

I still can't find what I'm looking for, and lately I've been wanting to do nothing. I hate these thoughts I get that make me this way.

fuck'em! *kicks*

It is called

Requiem

Japanese lyrics

Midareyuku subete no mono
owari ha kono yo ni ha nai
nemuritamae itoshii hito
sono inochi tsudzuite yuku
anata ha umare soshite ikita
kibou no uta tsutaeru nda ne
towa ni

sasagetamae kono namida
anatanaru ai no kotoba
arigatou yume no shifuku no hibi
kono basho de deaeta koto
towa ni


American

There is no end to be found in this world.
Sleep, my beloved.
Your life goes on.
You were born, and you lived.
You will tell the song of hope, won't you?
For eternity.

Offer up these tears,
The words of a new love.
Thank you, days of bliss within my dreams.
I thank the fact that we met here.
For eternity.


IF anyone knows where it came from (Without looking it up =/) You are epic.

Great thing is, is I still like going back to this job, which is a good thing. I like the environment, and the fact that I work alone and to myself which is nice, no screaming asses behind me again.

I would still like to get a morning job, but I can't seem to find the time to go look for one now that I work over nights. My sleep is very lacking, and sometimes I end up having to drink energy drinks on a daily basis to keep myself awake. Tried sleeping a bit before I went home, but that didn't work it just made me more tired then I already was. So I'm hoping I can switch to first shift if they have a opening, or I'm going to look for another job when and while I can.

Gaming has gone out the window lately, and that's okay, but I was close to beating ff5, but now I have no time/ don't wanna play it lately. Eh, oh well I'll get back into it sooner or later.

I'm out now to relax and go to work, peace!

Well I'm at anime Boston for the weekend, and come Monday I start my new job! :) What a way to start a weekend huh?

I'm sorry I haven't been on lately, life is more important then a game, and right now I'm busting ass to get a job. I haven't forgotten about you guys, I've just don't have the time for it right now.

Also last time I played I lagged like a mofo, and I'm trying to solve that issue.

I know I should be happy and excited, but sadly I can't find a reason to be, and I've lost interest in a lot of things. I don't even wanna game, or play my RPG's, I seriously hate it!


I need to find something to spark my interest again in everything...

LAYER ONE : THE OUTSIDE
- Name:Fuskr, or Chris.
- Eye Color: Brown.
- Hair Style/Color: Brown, and long.
- Height: 5'8"
- Clothing style: T-shirts and jeans
- Best physical feature: dunno

LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE
- Your fears:Planes
- Your guilty pleasure: sex sadly, I'm a sexaholic!
- Your biggest pet peeve: Dunno.
- Your ambitions for the future: Get my life on track!


LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS
- Your first thoughts waking up: Ick! What do I have to do today?
- What you think about most: Why my life is so fucked up.
- What you think about before bed: my little head thinks more then my big head! (if you catch that)
- You think your best quality is: Sadly Video gaming skills, and my computer A+ skills.

LAYER FOUR: WHAT'S BETTER?
- Single or group dates: Single
- To be loved or respected: Both!
- Beauty or brains: Don't matter.
- Dogs or cats: Dogs (although I'm scared of them horribly! go figured cause my fursona is part dog!)

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
- Lie: Yes, everyone does it.
- Believe in yourself: Yes, and no.....
- Believe in love: Yes
- Want someone: Kind of!


LAYER SIX: EVER?
- Been on stage: Yes
- Done drugs: Yup
- Changed who you were to fit in: No.


LAYER SEVEN: FAVORITES
- Favorite color: Sky Blue
- Favorite animal: Huskies
- Favorite movie: A nightmare On Elm Street part 3, Dream warriors.
- Favorite game: to damn many, and I sadly can't choose one.

LAYER EIGHT: AGE
- Day your next birthday you will be: 6 months+
- How old will you be: 25
- Age you lost your virginity: 11 (yes I was that young!)
- Does age matter: No, unless it is under legal age then yes.

LAYER NINE: IN A BOY OR GIRL
- Best personality: Outgoing, and carefree.
- Best eye color: Any
- Best hair color: any
- Best thing to do with a partner: enjoy the time we have together.


LAYER TEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE
- I love: My friends, and my Bf. :)
- I feel: weird right now.
- I hide: My feelings
- I miss: middle school years! Oddly those were some of the best years of my life.
- I wish: I could go see all my friends.

So you won't see me on too often because my secondary computer sucks balls. Until then I'll see all you later. :(

I dunno what it is, but I can't seem to sleep at night, and I don't wanna use sleep pills to solve it. I honestly think something is wrong upstairs...... :(

Yeah, that's right Zambuka is offering off a free raffle and stuff, here is the link.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5514712

One of my friends is moving to Ohio and I feel some what saddened by this. I dunno why it is bothering me, but it is. Stupid emotions *kicks*

I can't sleep. second day in a roll that I've been up all night. I need a vacation, or some time to get away from the state in general.

Yup, last day for something to end! I promised myself this would be the last day for a very long time, or for good. (Yeah, I'm leaving out a lot of details, deal with it!)

On a side note.... I kept on getting horrible anxiety attacks at night, which cause me not to sleep. I seriously wish they would stop.


I'm actually starting to think things will get better. :) I can see a opening to the what seemed a endless loophole. If all works I think my life will improve 110% because with this opportunity I'm going to try my best, come hell or high water!


On a side note, had some awesome fun with the gang in L4D2! God do I love doing tank rushes, thank you  ayulf for showing me that, you got me highly addicted and I blame you! ;) All my friends on their make it fun regardless though.

For the people that, "know me" well enough, why do you guys put up with me or bother with me? I see nothing good coming from me, and maybe that is just a personal issue. I find times getting, "better", but to what extent? I hope things work out the way I want them to, although I know that isn't possible, but like someone told me before, "If you don't get a few bumps and scraps along the way it means your not living life." But if that's the case where is the up in my life, sick of getting pushed back to the ground.

I feel like shit, but again I think it is my, "situation" in life that is making me feel this way, or a lack of seeing friends who knows.

1. Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with?
Yeah, their are a few of them. (Actually I have had sex with a few of them)

2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
Mornings/evening/and nights for me.

3. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
I toss and turn all night sadly.

4. Do you masturbate?
Yes I do.

5. How often? Lately?
3 to 4 times a day.

6. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
Nope.

7. Do you prefer showers or baths?
Showers

8. Have you ever had sex in the shower or the bath?
Yes.

9. Do you watch/read pornography?
Yes I do.

10. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
Aggressive, I like it rough, especially cause I'm a bottom.

11. Do you love someone on your friends list?
Yes I do.

12. Do you know all the people on your friends list?
Nope.

13. Would you choose money or love?
Love.

14. Your top three favorite kinks in bed?
sex toys, fursuits, profit?

15. Has anyone ever gone beyond your personal line of respect sexually?
No

16. Where is the most romantic place you have had sex?
Outside in the woods.

17. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?
Back seat of my mothers car.

18. Have you ever been caught having sex?
Yes, and it was how a chain of events started that ruined my life badly. ( I hate my parents a lot, lets just put it that way)

19. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Nope.

20. Ever been to a bar just to get sex?
Nope.

21. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club for sexual reasons?
Nope.

22. Ever been picked up in a bar?
Nope.

23. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?
Of course.

24. What's your sexuality?
Gay.

25. Had sex in a movie theater?
Nope.

26. Had sex in a bathroom?
Yes.

27. Have you ever had sex at work?
Nope.

28. Have you ever been in an "adult" store?
Yes.

29. Bought something from an adult store?
Nope.

30. Do you own any sex toys?
No sadly.

31. If yes, how many and what are they?
0

32. Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film?
yes, and I believe it is up online too. You can't see my face though, so I don't care much that it's up online.

33. Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?
Nope.

34. Have you ever had phone sex?
Nope.

35. Have you ever had cyber sex?
Nope.

36. Do you think oral sex constitutes as a form of intercourse?
Nope.

37. What's your favorite sexual position?
Well seeing as I'm a bottom. I like, missionary, doggy, against the wall (One of my faves)

38. What's your favorite sex act?
probably the forplay.

39. Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time?
Yes.

40. Do you want to have sex with someone right now?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind it.

Just wasting space, but honestly I'm annoyed today. people can give up on there faith for me because I've given up on it myself.

hope everyone's happy.

Cause I'm tired and it is late at night.

Rules
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
NO CHEATING

Opening Credits:
A New Machine Part 2- Pink Floyd
(interesting opening theme wouldn't you say?)

Waking Up:
Waking The Demon- Bullet For My Valentine
(Fucking hell yeah! I would get something crazy and epic for a waking up moment. That would start my day off good)

First Day At School:
Dethharmonic- Dethklok
(it's epic, and definitely something for a first day of school theme)

Falling In Love:
One More Time- Daft punk
(Are you kidding me! haha! I use to hate this song, but I grew to love it because of my friend from Jobcorps)

Fight Song:
He Who Breeds Pestilence- Behemoth
(OH yeah! this would be something that would make this battle more intense because of the music in general)

Breaking Up:
Fear- Disturbed
(Interesting, but it could work)

Prom:
Duncan Hills Coffee Jingle- Dethklok
(This would be nuts! Coffee song! *screams and drinks 100 cups of coffee*)

Life's OK:
The Unforgiven III- Metallica
(This would describe my life right now, but sadly I hate that it is a emo song) I will break my depression damn it!

Mental Breakdown:
Crazy Train- Ozzy Osbourne
(Fucking right! I would let this be my mental breakdown song, or Ants From The Sky- Between The Buried And Me)

Driving:
Ginga Densetsu Weed opening theme
(this song would make me speed! LOL It is a good song!)

Flashback:
Desert Of Song- Between The Buried And Me
(This is kind of a peaceful song, so I could see it being my flashback song)

Getting Back Together:
The Unforgiven I- Metallica
(this would be odd, but I could see how this song could be a get back together song because of how I view this song.)

Wedding:
Camilla Rhodes- Between The Buried And Me
(This would be my kind of wedding! A scream-o insane band that I love. I would be head banging at my own gay wedding, fucking sweet!)

Amazing Hot Sex Porno Scene:
Captains And Cruise Ships- Owl City
(Oh how this would be fucked because it is a calm techno song. It just wouldn't work)

Birth of Child:
Balamb Garden- Nobou Uematsu
(Sweet! This would be the kind of music for someone being born. Very peaceful and innocent)

Final Battle:
Happy Endings- The All American Rejects
(Yeah! I could see this as kind of a final battle song, but the battle would be like a dud one because of the music. LOL)

Death Scene:
Eyeless- Slipknot
(this would be a bad ass death scene with this music)

Funeral Song:
Fire (Radio Edit)- ferry corsten
(Sweet! Trance music for my funeral! LOL)

End Credits:
A Favor House Atlantic- Coheed & Cambria
(fucking sick! That is some epic ass ending credits! I know someone who would like this)

Yeah, I have them both. I just gotta learn how to play them, because I haven't played a FPS in a very very long time.

Which one should I get if I was to get it. I was thinking of getting it off steam if I could and try to play it online with who ever could deal with my poor shooting skills.

If I can't get it that way, then I'm going to probably get it for the ps3, as I'm better with a controller then I'm with mouse and keyboard.


So if I do get it which one should I get, and what do people play more one, or two?

I dunno what's been wrong lately. Everything I've been doing just hasn't been satisfying me. I've haven't been in the mood to do anything, and when I do I just find it boring and stop very quickly. Hell, I don't even eat much except once a day now a days, I don't even feel like eating at times sad, I know. I've been trying to make this year good, but it hasn't gone anywhere from where it was last year.

My life online seems like a blur now a days. I dunno if I'm liked or not, but it seems like conversations online go no where I feel like I lost my spark to keep a good conversation, if you can even call it that.

I feel trapped! I dunno what to do, and I have no outlets to really go to. I feel like beating up a brick wall =/ I wanna move, and get out, but I can't even get that done. I'm trapped in a personal hell, a small ditch in the earth that I know as my town. I swear finding a job here without a car is like finding a hay in a needle stack (pun intended) It feels hopeless, I feel like all this "progress" I'm doing is going to pay off, but I don't see it happening when I'm like a CD on repeat. :( At times I think what is the point of going on if I wake up every day and realize there is no change, and even if I try to make a "change" it won't happen cause my luck is shit. Hell, there are days where I don't even wanna wake up, and at my age that's just horrible. I know something wrong, but I have a feeling no medicine will fix that.

I know what I want, but it's just hard to take a leap, and actually be able to take a chance and hope it works. I wanna be able to leave this horrible state of Mass and go some where, be able to go out with friends and have fun. I'm trapped in the house all day because no one hangs out anymore and does stuff, I'm surrounded by a bunch of druggies =/ It's like god or what ever is fucking with me like's to see me suffer. Haven't I suffer enough damn it! I mean come on, I was kicked out at the age of 15, had to bust ass to do everything myself and it all leads to where I'm back at square one, NOTHING!




So all in all, I feel like my life isn't worth it (not killing myself, but just not worth it) I've lost my ability to keep my friends because of my lack of conversation, and my life is going to hell because of rotting in a poor town with a poor economy. Life does suck balls.