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It's been a great run...but it's time for me to go.
Posted 12 years agoThis is the decision I've made...the decision that determines my future.
I'm officially leavin' FA, and the internet.
It pains me to break this news to all of you, my friends...but this is the decision I made.
It was...probably one of the more difficult decisions I've had to make in my life.
Cause I've met so many great people on here; people I can relate to, people I can trust, and people I can truly share a laugh with.
...people I consider my friends.
All you old watchers who have been with me since the beginnin', you've all stuck with me even in my long absences.
You guys prayed for me durin' my trials with illness, and I thank you all for that.
And all of you, old watchers and new watchers...you guys showed me what it really means to be a member of this great community.
You're all my friends, there's no denyin' that.
There was a time shortly after I registered when I was a nobody, when I was just some 17 year old college freshman watchin' everyone who's art I liked.
There was a time when I never thought that I'd meet such great people(meanin' you guys, my watchers and friends).
And there was a time when I never thought that I'd come this far...with 200 watchers, and so many friends.
I never would have made it this far, especially with everythin' that's been goin' on around the world...and what's happened to people I personally know and love.
...I wouldn't have made it this far, if it weren't for a certain few people.
jardenon
I still would be a nobody if it weren't for you Jard, when you out of the kindness of your heart chose me and drew my character Khione from among a great number of your fans and watchers.
It was you and your amazin' artistic talent that helped to put my name and character on the map, and propelled me further into immersin' myself in this great community.
In a sense, it was you who helped me meet all the great people I've met along this great journey.
I know it probably doesn't mean much to you, but you're a great guy and I love ya bro!
Thanks a ton Jard!
scarskitsune
There's no amount of words that I will say that can describe how truly grateful I am of you, Scars.
You not only helped me through all the hardships I've faced along my journey...but you even helped my gf, Dani.
You've helped me to realize a lot of things about not just this world...but myself.
There's not many people out there in this world who are like you, Scars.
Carin'. Truthful. And an overall awesome guy.
I'll be honest with you Scars...to me, you're like the brother I never had.
You've helped me and Dani pull through some tough times in our lives.
And I can't thank you enough for that, bro!
forgottenscales
I'll be straight up with you bro.
Of all the people I've met on this great journey...I don't think I've ever met anyone else like you.
Whenever I talk with you, you always, and I mean ALWAYS manage to cheer me up and put a fuckin' smile on my face.
There's just no way other way to say this, other than that you're also like the brother I never had.
Not only that, but your diabolical mind is somethin' that I...envy you for.
Why?...let's just say it's a bit of thing I have for studyin' human nature and the human mind. lol
Still though, I really do consider you to be the other brother I never had.
Thanks for always cheerin' me up whenever I was feelin' down bro!
And there's so many more of you who I really appreciate for helpin' me through tough times and stickin' with me when I was absent from the internet.
Special shout outs to these two awesome bros!
mason5500 Wuv ya!
efa You're awesome bro!
I wish I didn't have to announce this kind of decision to you guys.
But the future ahead of me will be a rough road for sure, which will occupy much more of my time, effort and attention than it did previously.
I hope I haven't...well, discouraged all of you, or let any of you down because of this decision to leave for good.
Please see it as a movin' forward with life, rather than a pickin' up of oneself and flat out disappearin' on all of you like lots of people do.
I didn't want to make this decision.
That's why it took me a week to finally make up my mind.
But life has forced upon me no other alternative.
Life has only given me only one choice that I cannot refuse, no matter how much I hate the idea of leavin' you all.
I hate havin' to leave you all, I really do.
You're all my friends, and you always will be my friends.
Just know...that I truly do cherish my friendship with each and every single one of you.
But it's time that I move forward with life.
And it's time that...
That I bid you all farewell.
Who knows...maybe life will ease up a bit, and I'll make an unexpected return some day in the future.
But I don't want to get your hopes up.
It might be years before that happens.
Well...
I hope one day that I can meet some of you some day.
Farewell everyone.
jardenon
scarskitsune
forgottenscales
mason5500
efaWell...
Posted 12 years agoAfter about a week...my decision about my future has been made.
I'm exhausted right now, so I'll give you guys the story tomorrow...Back in a week
Posted 12 years agoWelp, tomorrow marks the second time I get promoted to head chef.
So, I'll be gone for a week to get used to the position again.
Durin' that weeks time, I'll be contemplatin' my future.
And by that, I'll be doin' A LOT of contemplatin'.
In other words, I'll be back in a week with my decision.
Until then, see you guys later.Stress level OVER 9000!!!
Posted 12 years agoWell...the current head chef abruptly stepped down today.
Just my luck.
Now my stress level is through the fuckin' roof, and probably half way to the other side of the universe by now.
My manager gave me tomorrow off though.
I guess this mask I wear wasn't very effective at hiding my face today, cause he saw right through it today and pulled me aside.
But at least I won't have to step up to the position until Friday.
But when Friday rolls around, I'll be offline for a week, to test out the waters of the position once more.
I need time to get used to it again...and time to REALLY think over somethin' that I have been debatin' with myself for the passed few weeks now.
I need time to...think about my decision...I haven't been entirely honest...
Posted 12 years agoWith myself, that is.
I may put on a smile and be all happy and optimistic an shove all bad feelings and negativity away.
But deep down inside me, there's a part of me that just isn't happy at all.
I hate talkin' about this part of me, because it always makes me depressed talkin' about it.
I'm happy that my roomie was able to get a job at the restaurant I work at, I really am.
But ever since, I've been stressed. I've never been this stressed before.
I miss Dani so much.
I'm so fuckin' tired it's not even funny.
Workin' in the kitchen while keepin' an eye on my roomie so he doesn't fudge up is like twice the amount of work.
There's just so much goin' on now that I rarely have any time to just...relax.
It's gotten to the point where I'm just not the happy and optimistic person I always was.
But, that's besides the point.
Main reason that I'm so stressed is because the current head chef is steppin' down soon.
And my manager wants me to be the head chef...again.
I was already head chef once. And I was stressed beyond belief.
With all this stress right now, I've been gettin' depressed.
And when I get depressed, I drink a lot.
That's why many of you may have noticed me bein' drunk a lot as of late.
Bein' head chef was stressful enough for me.
And with bein' promoted to the position again, I'm afraid that I'll be so stressed that I won't be able to perform well.
The thought of not performin' well at work stresses me out even more, and then I get depressed.
Despite all this, I keep a cheerful attitude.
But all it really is is just a mask to hide the truth from everyone.
The ugly truth that I'm losin' the battle to keep my sanity intact.
I lie to myself every night, sayin' that it'll be better tomorrow mornin', that everythin' will go back to the way it was before.
But the knowledge that it won't be the same again kicks me in the ribs every time I lie to myself.
Every day that passes by is a day less until I am promoted.
And every day that passes by is a day more stressful than the last.
All I can keep doin' is continuin' to lie to myself every night.
Still the truth is, it's painful.
Watchin' myself lie and put a smile on every day to work, pullin' the mask over the face of the real me.
With this mask I wear every day to work, I lie to everyone around me; friends and co-workers, and my manager.
And liein' to my friends and coworkers is like an even more painful kick in the ribs, but this time with a blade stuck to the toe of the boot.
I hate liein' to people, and I especially hate it when I lie to their very faces by wearin' a fake smile and holdin' a false attitude.
With all of this, the stress is...unimaginable.
And thus my tendency to drink increases.
14 more days until I'm promoted.
How long can I keep liein' to myself?
How long can I continue to deceive my friends and coworkers with this mask I wear?
How long until I lose what I hold dearly? My will to perform?
How long...until I lose myself entirely?
Ugh...I'm sorry...I need to be left alone for a while.
I'm goin' to drive around town for a few hours. And don't worry, I ain't drunk today.Wut wuuut?! 200 watchers?!
Posted 12 years agoHoly shit!
I really don't know what else to say except that you peeps are awesome!
Honestly, I never thought that I'd ever get 100 watchers, much less even 50, but today I've hit 200!
OUOBFCJNRSHIGFY!!!
Thanks a ton peeps!GhoulHound lookin' for some practice!
Posted 12 years agoHey peeps!
ghoulhound is lookin' to get some practice in with other people's characters.
If you want to participate, then head on over to the journal provided below.
But just be warned, just because you participate, doesn't mean your character will be drawn.
That depends on which characters GhoulHound chooses to draw.
Here's the link: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4891110/
ghoulhoundFree Art Opportunity
Posted 12 years agoI know I said that I don't really participate in free art stuffs anymore...but I'm bored today. Might as well give this a shot.
wildprey is lookin' for models to draw in particular situations with their characters.
If you're into bondage and vore and whatnot, then this is the kind of opportunity for you.
If you're not into that kind of stuff...well, it ain't for you then.
Here's the link: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4837012/
wildpreySCREEN PUNCH!!!
Posted 12 years agoThis has got to be the funniest shit I've ever seen in my life:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0YvBCVYerU
FUCKIN' LOL!!!Let's get this raffle noticed!
Posted 12 years agoAlright peeps. Let's get this raffle noticed!
There aren't a lot of people takin' notice of it, so I thought I'd help promote it.
Maybe you guys can help promote it also.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11123153/ DON'T WORRY!!! THE WORLD IS SAfE ONCE MOrE!!!
Posted 12 years agoI gotz a new case of Boston Lager.
The world has been saved again!Tired...
Posted 12 years agoI'm tired...VERY tired.
Roomie had absolutely no interest in applyin' for the SIX job opportunities we found today.
NO INTEREST WHATSOEVER!
And I even flat out told him that I don't fuckin' care if he doesn't like any of the jobs.
Because tomorrow, I'm goin' to have him fill out ALL SIX of the applications that I brought back for him, and takin' him BACK to each of the places so he can submit them.
He may be older than me, but I've got his dad's orders to get him a fuckin' job. Can't believe I have to do this just so he can help me fuckin' pay the apartment bills.
Jebus, is it always like this with most gamers out there? No interest in anythin' else except their stupid games?
Ugh, I really could use some cheerin' up right about now.Down in the dumps...
Posted 12 years agoI don't know why, but I've been really down lately.
Maybe it's because I'm havin' a hell of a time helpin' my roommate look for a job...
Or maybe it's somethin' else. I dunno.
But all I know is that I've been feelin' a bit depressed the passed few days.
And I hate bein' depressed.
It's the worst feelin' in the world...bein' depressed.
It needs to go away...like now.
But I don't know why the fuck I'm depressed in the first place.
Wish Dani was here to cheer me up.Just a heads up
Posted 12 years agoI'm just lettin' you all know that I'll be on hiatus for a bit.
How long? I don't know.
But yesterday I finally got sick and tired of my roommate bein' unable to help me pay the bills.
All Ricky does is sit in front of MY tv, playin' his fuckin' games on his XBox all damn day and night long.
I've had it with him havin' no life.
So starting tomorrow, I'm takin' him anywhere I can find help wanted signs.
Takin' the day off of work tomorrow to get him a fuckin' job, ANY JOB at that.
I can't keep payin' the bills alone when he's livin' in my apartment with me.
So, until I can find him a job, I'll be away for the time bein'.
Just thought I'd give you guys a heads up on that.Holy Jebus!
Posted 12 years agoWow, lots of people watchin' me lately!
Thanks a lot peeps! I really can't say thanks enough!
I dunno what I did to be watched by all of you, but thanks a lot!
I mean, I'm just some random 22 year old guy who just favs artwork and acts like a total derp every now and then.
But I really do appreciate you guys watchin' me, I really do.
Thanks again!Back to work!
Posted 12 years agoTomorrow, I head back to work! Fuck yes!
Jebus, I've been stuck in this apartment for about a week now, aside from goin' down to DC with Dani.
And I'm already gettin' sick of it.
Been havin' to turn my metal music on high in my room so I don't hear my roommate bitchin' and moanin' every time someone kills him in his stupid little game called BLOPS2.
Seriously, I love my apartment, but I hate bein' confined to it for more than a few days.
One of the reasons why I have a difficult time listenin' to doctors orders, lol.
But I'm so glad I'm goin' back to work!
Feel like I haven't been to work in months, even though it's been a little over two weeks now.
Also, I've just discovered the hilarity of the weird as hell game called Borderlands 2 via a YouTube suggestion.
Somethin' about Tiny Tina's Assualt on Dragon Den or somethin' like that. And...it was a LoTR reference at that.
Another friend of mine says the game is funny as hell.
I just might consider gettin' the game for all the puns and scenes my friend described as, "the most fuckin' hilarious shit in any game of all time."A Moment of...Science
Posted 12 years agoSo, somethin' I said in yesterday's journal has gotten me thinkin' today.
About the part where I said that usin' that guys logic, since evolution exist then the universe wouldn't exist.
Now...I don't know why or how this came to me, but I started thinkin' what I believe are some pretty controversial thoughts in terms of the formation of the universe.
We all know about the Big Bang theory and the more believable M-Theory, yes?
Well...I was wonderin'...the M-Theory gives us a more understandable explanation for all the mass that the Big Bang theory doesn't exactly cover.
But...where did ALL THAT MASS COME FROM?
Forget about the universe bein' squeezed into and infinitely small, infinitely dense point before goin' KABOOM!
Where does it all start before the big BOOM?
And what is the catalyst that triggers the big BOOM?
Those were the questions runnin' through my head today while sittin' on my couch readin' Clive Cussler's Atlantis Found.
And then...I got a weird idea.
What if WE are the masters of our universe?
What if OUR infinitely old selves from an infinite past are the creators of our own universe?
Or, what if the creators of our universe are OURSELVES, but they are ourselves from the previous universe before ours?
There's a bit of big thinkin' for you guys to sit on for a bit.
Let's start a discussion on this topic!
I love discussin' shit like this.So, apparently evolution is a hoax...
Posted 12 years agoSo I went down to DC today with Dani and we took a stroll through a local mall(no, not The Mall).
We sat down for lunch and expected to have a nice calm lunch with us chattin' with one another.
And in comes some guy who starts preachin' about how evolution is the biggest lie and that Neanderthals never existed.
Apparently, this guy firmly believes that the dinosaurs were wiped out by aliens via bombings(wtf?) to make way for modern humans.
I wasn't quite sure if this guy was implyin' that modern humans(meanin' us) were a product of some alien experiment or what, but Dani and I were thoroughly amused by this guy.
Says that all those people who invented the evolution theories and those who discovered Neanderthal fossils are nothin' but wannabe's who wanted to get their names out into the scientific community.
Accordin' to this guy, science has NEVER proven anythin' correct about evolution or anythin' else for that matter.
In other words, he pretty much stated that evolution is a big fat lie, that it doesn't exist, and that modern day humans have always been on this planet.
Well...me bein' of the scientific mindset, I literally ripped this guy apart.
I mean, he firmly believes that evolution doesn't exist and that modern day humans were always on this planet.
Yet, he also firmly believes that dinosaurs were exterminated by aliens.
Using...whatever logic this guy uses, that would mean that dinosaurs would have had to evolve on this planet before humans did in order for the aliens to wipe them out.
Needless to say, this whackjob still stood by his case,
But accordin' to his logic, evolution doesn't exist. So, therefore dinosaurs never existed...and yet, there's fossils in museums everywhere around the world.
What's his response to that?
"YES! THE MUSEUMS OF HOAXES!!! SHOW ME ONE SLIVER OF PROOF THAT NEANDERTHALS EXISTED, AND THEN I WILL KISS YOUR ASS!
SHOW ME ONE PIECE OF FACTUAL EVIDENCE THAT EVOLUTION EXISTS, AND THEN I'LL KISS YOUR ASS! WHICH WILL NEVER HAPPEN!!!"
I just look at Dani, and we're both thinkin', "What the fuck?"
Not only that, but since he denies that science has never validated or proven anythin' right.
And on top of that, with his logic, evolution never existed...therefore, evolution all across the universe doesn't exist.
In other words, by that logic, the universe doesn't exist...and yet...here we are...in somethin' called, "the universe."
And the great thing about this guy, is that he's so adamant about...provin' to us that Neanderthals never existed, he doesn't realize that he's forgotten to mention the other human species that was walkin' on Earth the same time Homo Sapiens and Neanderthals were.
Homo Erectus.
Yes, Homo Sapiens, Homo Neanderthalensis, and Homo Erectus were walkin' this Earth together before Homo Sapiens out competed the other two.
And this guy doesn't realize that fact.
But, accordin' to his logic, Neanderthals didn't exist, the museums and fossils are nothin' but hoaxes, and evolution doesn't exist.
Therefore, the dinosaurs he claims aliens wiped out also never existed...and as a result, the aliens would have never had any reason to bomb the planet to make room for...us.
I mean...my mind was absolutely blown by how narrow-minded this whackjob was. How...stupid he was.
Someone please tell me I'm not the only one who see's the painfully obvious flaws and non-valid points in this guys argument.
Please tell me I'm not the only one who could rip this guy to shreds for hours on end.
I mean...WOW! I know there are stupid people...but holy shit, this guy is stupid, nevermind his religious beliefs.
Heh, the funny thing though, he'd probably just get right back up and still be spewin' this shit, even after bein' raped by logic.I'm alive!
Posted 12 years agoYup. I'm back peeps!
Man. Woke up from the medical induced coma two days ago in the mornin'.
And guess who I found sleepin' in the chair right next to my bed?
Dani.
Jebus, she was a sight for sore eyes.
But I'm back after a week of sleepin' and recovery!
And bein' aneurysm free feels...weird, to say the least.
I mean, weird in the good way. Like I don't have the subtle headaches every mornin' anymore, which is great!
I'm also not forgetful as much anymore, which is a plus.
But...I can't remember anythin' from the last two days before the surgery. Which docs tell me is typical of patients recoverin' from an aneurysm surgery.
Ah, but I got to spend the weekend with Dani, and today I was released and she drove me home an hour ago.
And you know what...this is definitely one of those days...where I can say that I'm so glad to be alive.
It's great the be back in the world of the livin'.
Heh, Dani said she stayed by my bedside for the passed 4 days. She told me that I looked so...peaceful while I was asleep in my comatose state.
And you know what? I'd rather have been peaceful in a comatose state rather than the...traditional "peaceful state" usually mentioned during funerals...
But whatever.
I"M BACK GUYS!!!Well, here goes nothin'
Posted 12 years agoWell, my surgery is today in about half an hour.
Holy shit guys, I'm such a fuckin' nervous scared shitless wreck right now.
I don't know what else to say, other than that I hope everythin' goes smoothly and that I get to talk to you guys again.
I guess I'll see you guys on the other side...just not literally, and hope the 'other side' is the road to recovery.
Gah, I'm confusin' myself. I'll see you guys later!Scheduled to go into surgery this weekend
Posted 12 years agoWell, still fuckin' confused as to how I could have possibly gotten an aneurysm, but docs have already scheduled me to come in for surgery this weekend.
So, don't expect too much activity from me this weekend, or the following week, as I'll recoverin' in the hospital.
It's so wierd guys. I mean, I felt perfectly fine until about a week and a half ago.
And then the doc tells me today that I have an intracranial aneurysm...I mean...
What. The. Fuck.
I don't remember hittin' my head or anythin' within the last year.
Jebus...first it's my left kidney that starts dyin', and now it's a friggin' aneurysm?
And I'm only 22! I'm too fuckin' young to be gettin' an aneurysm.
Ugh...I think I'm just gonna...go lay down for a while now...Life seems to like throwin' curve balls...
Posted 12 years agoSooooooooo...
I've got an aneurysm...Haven't been feelin' too well lately.
Posted 12 years agoAnd when I say not feelin' too well, I mean I'm not feelin' good at all.
Been gettin' these...just the craziest headaches ever.
I'll be mindin' my own business in front of the industrial grill at work and BAM! It just hits me like a fuckin' freight train.
I've had some bad headaches in my life, but holy shit, I've never had headaches like these.
Hurt so bad the other day that I was literally dragged into a chair by two co-workers.
And it just gets worse after a few minutes. Then...goes away. Like it never even happened.
I'd say this has been goin' on for about...a week and a half now, I think...somewhere around there.
I've been takin' a lot of Advil, but shit doesn't seem to work.
I might just call my doc tomorrow, cause this spree of headaches ain't helpin' me at all, especially at work.So...a year and a half now...
Posted 12 years agoWell, I kind of remembered that it's been pretty much a year and a half now.
A year and a half that I've been livin' with just one kidney.
And durin' this whole time, I've seen a lot of changes in myself.
I don't have the perfect memory I had before Christmas of 2011.
I have been forgetful a lot.
I've noticed that I get irritated a lot now whenever my roommate throws hissy fits everytime he gets killed while playin' Black Ops 2.
And Dani pointed out to me a little while ago that I've been textin' her a lot, sayin' that I worry too much about her.
And it's weird, cause it feels normal to me...even though I know that it's different from how I used to be.
I guess this is all side effects of livin' with one kidney.
But hey, I'm still me, and that's what matters.
Just a bit of thinkin' I was doin' today during work.
I thought it was interestin' how much somethin' like a single kidney can have such a big influence on your personality and psychology and whatnot.
Anyways, how's everyone doin'?Anybody want a chance at free art?(not me)
Posted 12 years agoAlright, I'm a bit drunkk right now, but I'll try and make this as legiblle as possible.
dixievonfur is bored and is givin' out a chance for free artt.
Just go to the journal below and read thosse rules!
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4628480/
dixievonfur