Yay I 32 today. Also I got chocolate cake. uwu

So housekeeping stuff of got my birthday upcoming on the 22nd of August. Don't expect anything from even my closest friends other than a happy birthday if you remember, but I figure it's always good to at least give people a little heads up for it.

But yeah feeling pretty blah mentally at the moment. Don't exactly want to go into it here but I'm at least seeing my GP doctor about it soon.

But yeah, that's about it.

Finally made a babby alt if you're your following me my babyfur/abdl reasons. All content over there should remain sfw and clean though. Still I think it's nice to have a bit of split for the different vibes I going for, so if it's your jam feel free to follow me there.

 LilGlori

So, I’ve had the concern for a while about my sexuality, specifically about my sexual drive and want of romantic relationships or lack thereof. I’ve never really been interested in dating or really made any attempts to do so, and honestly even the fantasies I’ve had of wanting a close relationship with someone end up with me still desiring a lot of personal space.

A lot of my desire for like a girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever over the years has actually came from a sense of guilt, or a desire to do to do “what I’m suppose to”. Now I know there’s nothing wrong with not wanting those things: asexual and aromantics exist but it’s not exactly something I considered lumping myself into.

Nowww I should admit that a ton of social relationships have me wanting to spend time with myself and to keep people at arms lengths a lot of the time. I feel it does annoy quite a few friends and family that I don’t spend as much time with them as they would with me. It’s also a common thread that I see a lot of online friends discuss that they really desire a significant other, and I’m mostly like… I’m kind of content there?

It does strike me that I might be aromantic, or at least somewhere on the spectrum there (cause apparently there’s a whole spectrum there). I still lean I’m bisexual over asexual, best I could say is maybeeee demi but like ehh, I dunno how much that part matters to me this second.

Not that I exactly want to commit to any identity change this second; a fear I have is that my lack of desire of a relationship is because I’m just like, old and lazy heh, but a lot of this does put a lens on choices and things about me over time.

But this is something I’ve been thinking about and wanting to blurt out for a while. And yes I know this puts me in an odd position commissioning a gallery full of kinky stuff of a romantic character and admitting you’re not sure you desire much of it in actuality. Actually I mean Glori in some respects was meant to be a deconstruction/warning of the reckless chance of it all so maybe it does make sense. Well at least I tell myself that, a lot of it is obviously excuses for kinky stuff.

And I mean I still love the kinky parts, cause I definitely kinky, that’s for sure >v>

Had a couple of weeks off of work and going back tomorrow, so may as well do some reflecting on stuff:

First thingy: This year I’ve felt a lot more stability and acceptance in myself, in work and otherwise. After a long time of feeling alien and the feeling that I *need* to be and act certain ways, primarily in feeling forced to be more social and doing stuff with others when I in fact I really value my alone time. Still… while I feel more stable and relaxed, and more understanding that friends and family know me a bit better I could use the occasional bit more of pressure again.

Second thingy: I desperately need a break from live service games. It’s been a joke both in my online haunts and with coworkers that Destiny 2 has been my addiction for a years at this point. And if not that it jumps to Old School Runescape, another time sucking behemoth. There’s also a pretty big lull in D2 due to uh… Bungie being Bungie, so I feel I really should take this as an opportunity, but again if I’m not careful I’ll probably jump to back to OSRS or something else. The main problem with these big ol’ grindy timesinks is while it’s fine to enjoy whatever hobby in my free time, they just suck up so much time and energy (not to mention scheduling due to FOMO), and I constantly lament that I lack the drive to do anything creative in my free time.

Which leads to third thingy: yeah I gotta try making and creating my own stuff this year. I say this to myself every year, wanting to do take a stab at my gamedev dreams again (which honestly pretty much everyone has), or art, or writing, or just something, anything. It’s hard though to start anything and then commit to anything. I took a small stab at drawing in the process of procrastinating some godot tutorials that were just boring me senseless. I did actually feel like I was doing okay and uh… having fun with the drawing I was doing? Makes me think a better plan for me is rather than committing to one creative goal I should just try to take a stab at as many as I can, that way when I begin to procrastinate and get bored at one I can shift gears to something else, and maybe actually get something else done.

Guess what, that leads to fourth thingy: yeah what I did was technically babyfur art heh. Okay so maybe cringe (and honestly it’s still not a main space I feel I slot into) but that’s a space I want to try and develop more cause I just find it really interesting to. Glori’s childhood is like one area that seems like I can actually make some semblance of a canon for (adult Glori stuff ends up being vertical slices of whatever made up scenario, especially with split comms with friends). Actually a big reason why I haven’t is it’s soooo difficult getting comms for artists with the specific vibe I have in mind (which btw is gonna remain clean and always sfw as it can be). Soooo maybe an excuse for me to take a stab at drawing it myself. Also, I need to be a bit more thrifty with money this year anyway. Also, I guess I could make a new account for that stuff, or just one for more experimental stuff in general (I have had ideas for things non-Glori related in the past but always felt weird committing to anything cause I don’t really have anywhere to post it, so maybe an experimental account could work?). We’ll see, I too lazy for new accounts this moment. uwu

I think that’s everything in red birb news. Also, I typed this in Microsoft word and was annoyed they were pushing CoPilot so hard and you couldn’t disable it that I learned that if you try and cancel your 365 office subscription it offers you an AI-less version for like 30% cheaper, so jumped on that heh >v>

Hey all, just a bit of a journal to give some updates to how I've been.

First up birthday's coming up August 22nd. Even to my closest friends I don't expect anything except a wishing me happy birthday if you remember, but little heads up never hurts eh?

Secondly, not a super large amount to report but I have been a lot better mental health wise. Work has been a lot smoother lately, and had a bit of a quiet period which was nice an relaxing.

Other than that just need to catch up with a few more people, both in terms of commissions and just a few friends I haven't poked in a while.

But yeah just a small update. Hope ya'll doing well too ^v^

Been meaning to make a journal for a long while to just reflect on myself, and a bit of an update. Problem is so much of my mental state changed day to day, week to week, that I was never going to be able to put into words a summary that was going to be meaningful or complete. It’s just been a big year is all.

A lot of change happened in my personal life and at work this year, all this was very stressful particularly in the first half, but over time things settled and I was able to get a footing again. I even managed to visit a friend I made online which was a big first for me! Was out of my usual comfort zone but it was such a good thing to do.

Recently though I sort of had a more traditional break for me, a whole lot of time to myself, which has been very relaxing. Mostly just caught up on a lot of Destiny 2 (currently in the ‘high’ part of my on and off toxic relationship with this game) and finally convinced myself to do some Raids and other stuff I been putting off for dumb social anxiety reasons. Kind of looking forward to going back to work though, bit of purpose isn’t a bad thing to have.

Also once again, a sorry to friends I really need to DM more. I just really struggle sitting down to get back to messaging people, even if it’s something simple. Also, for those friends that I am already on talking terms with me I may be able to share a discord server I mostly hang out in which is a more casual and comfortable setting for me.

Other than that, happy new year all! We get a dragon this year, so that’s pretty rad.

Ah it's my 30th birthday today! ...well technically that was yesterday, but the cake was postponed to tonight so it still sort of birthday

30 is a big number, but I'm feeling really good atm ^v^

Heya all, just a small update.

I'm doing better in recent weeks, and mostly due to starting off a bit a health kick: eating a bit less, eating a bit healthier, and exercising... instead of not, so I feel good there. Works a bit less stressful lately too which is nice. Taking a break from Destiny 2 too which freeing because of how burned out I've become of that. Though I am sort of mad at certain family atm for a thing, but ehh... it's more a well adjusted anger (probably thanks to the exercise) I'll try and figure out a constructive solution for. Planning to also see if I can get a week off from work soon and may actually have some fun plans so I've got a bit of optimism in me.

Oh also! This birb's birthday coming up August 22nd, turning the big ol' 30 which is heh... well it's a number alright. Maybe wish a bird a happy thing on that day.

That all, birb out

Heya, so I been meaning to make a journal for a bit to like give a general update (and also like to unload a little for my sake), but I uh... keep procrastinating, which actually kind of is the general mood and problem for me.

I seem to be struggling a bit to keep up with everyone socially, this often means DMs or discords I want to get to I keep putting off because I feel stressed in that moment, and then it feels like it gets harder and harder to get back to that person for whatever reason. I know this an invisible sort of thing I'm putting up in my own mind but... blahhh it can be hard sometimes uvu. And I feel particularly guilty because this seems to happen more with certain friends of mine, no fault of their own. Just some people I find it easier to poke and poke back. Timezones can also cause this issue too. So have a sorry from birb for that.

Other than that, I've been mostly good. Been a quiet couple of weeks at work which has been a bit more relaxing uwu.

Oh also: hello to all those that started watching since I posted all my stuff to everywhere! May as well ask where you first saw this birb and what sort of thing your watching this birdy for >v>

Also this is a fire and forget journal, I'm going to sleep now as it's heckin' late. But thanks for reading ^v^

My friend  19itsme87 is in need of help as their cat is sick and needed medical treatment and they are extremely stressed about the situation. They're in need of money and are offering sketch commissions for $30-$40 (payment is through Boosty). I adore their art and have drawn my Glori a number of times so I definitely recommend them if you're able to help!

Here's a their post https://www.furaffinity.net/view/52531380/
Thank you

Yeah that pun only like half works, but whatever you all know what's the hap': The yiff-pocalypse is upon us.

Yeah this barely effects my gallery, but I'll be damned if I have to settle for bizarre proportioned committee approved Eevees and digimans. Also I've been wanting to branch out a bit anyways, spread my Glori far and wide so this is been a really good excuse to do so. I'm about half way done using PostyBirb to post all of my comms to various places (which is amazing and I recommend it for anyone who wants to do simlar). I know some people are jumping to one particular site over the other but I'm sort realizing that no matter how big or stable a single platform may appear, anything can happen (just look at Twitter getting all Musky) so the more places to archive stuff the better, and Postybirb solves a lot of the hassles.

The big challenge though is less the migration and more the "using other places other than FA" as it's always hard to switch from a default. I am going to try my best to do that myself, and encourage others to do so to if you're doing something simlar. Anyways, new places to find pretty red birb:

SoFurry: https://gamebird.sofurry.com/
Inkbunny: https://inkbunny.net/gamebird
Weasyl: https://www.weasyl.com/~gamebird
e621: https://e621.net/posts?tags=glori_gamebird
SFW Twitter: https://twitter.com/_gamebird
NSFW Twitter: https://twitter.com/ggamebird

Also does anyone else just love anytime an online community unites to throw a communal riot over something? Love the comradery >v>

Thank you for all that responded yesterdays, it's actually given me quite a bit of insight to a lot of things, and how others may do things and respond one way or another. But really one answer stood out, and even then it was one word from that answer: Empath.

An empath is defined as someone who not only empathizes more strongly with others, but almost takes on or mirrors those emotions. Empaths are basically emotional sponges, which explains why I seem to have an uncanny ability to be liked, and to be why others constantly want me for an ear to listen to. I sort of thought everyone else just sucked at empathy, but I might have been uncanny good at it... or rather, I lack the defenses that allow other to not have others overwhelm them with emotional weight. I have been caught multiple times just utterly burnt out by people dumping themselves on me uvu.

Before I go further need to state clearly that an empath is not a term used in science or in psychology proper and doesn't seem to be any scientific proof of empaths actually existing. That's fine: science is meant to be as one to one textbook to reality, and the human mind is incredibly chaotic goobly gook different to person to person. So without hard proof of something best you could come up with is ideas or patterns that are at best a useful metaphor. And since I have always been fascinated by memetics/meme theory (that certain ideas act the way viruses spread and mutate and are subject to natural selection) which I'm also fine being called pseudoscience (cool vibe, sort of describes reality, ...proof tho?) I'm more than comfortable aligning myself with such ideas if there is value to be had there.

And jeez there is some value there; I cannot begin to emphasis (heh) how eye opening even doing basic research on it has been as to describe a huge amount of my quirks, both positive and negative, as well as my pitfalls and just like... how I operate. Biggest thing is just how much sheer alone time I require to just exist, apparently a very common thing among self-described empaths. And with this word I see now now that: I have a thread to categorize this part of me, that there are others like me, and that there are guides and strategies I can now look up to deal with all of this.

Speaking of which: Discord and Telegram is now "ask first plz" (I much preferred a formal note, and random rp stuff was never appealing). I may have to also cut down a bit always trying to be there for certain people. I can't help everyone, and I have been neglecting taking care of me while doing so.

Beyond that yeah this has been pretty eye opening, I genuinely believed that for the most part that people took on a bit of the emotions of people that were interacting with, and it wasn't a me thing.

Jeez, all this from a Garfield comic that's been stuck in my head for way to long.

When someone is upset, angry, anxious, or any other bad mood do you try and try to quell any happy mood you may be in? Is this considered polite to do that? Is rude not to not?

I'm asking this because I've done this for a while as it just seems to be a logical strategy: it's a very easy way to show that you at least empathize with the gravity of what that person may be experiencing. The thing is I was never exactly taught this directly, and in fact the only place I could narrow down learning this is from this Garfield comic where the the punchline is that "If there's anything a depressed person hates, its a cheerful person", and yeah to me rings very true.

I'm also theorizing why I seem likeable is my ability to be/seem empathic. Ultimately I think it comes down with listening to others and only interjecting with feelings; be a mirror for the most part, and only try and give advice if you have something very relevant or useful. But I also have felt for a long that there's a lot of people that are just... bad at trying talk to when distressed. Family and irl friends mostly, but so many people try and interject to often with trying to give advice, or go on tangents or stories which are more about them then anything that may have to hope of being useful to you. And of course people that make no attempt to alter a happy mood, or even make jokes or jests at that moment... it just seems rude to me?

I dunno this is just some thoughts that I wanted to get out. Also may be aloof for the moment, sort of got a bit of work and life stress atm so sorry if I don't respond right away.

I have had to make a heartbreaking decision today that about my little cockatiel Chuckie, who's been my happy little pet since I was 8 years old. As he's gotten older and especially in recent months he's health has deteriorated so much that he struggles to get around the cage. I've done my best to accommodate him, but after basically removing all climbable perches so he can walk everywhere, it then got to a point where even then he trips and struggles to get around, and at that point... it's time. It's just so hard watching him now and honestly despite his pain and struggles he has no plans on stopping himself; he's just has that strong of a heart.

I have a lot of good memories of the little guy: how he'd chase me and fly around the house even masterfully flying through closing sliding door like an airborne Indiana Jones, how he'd fly down to steal cheerios out of the bowl I was pouring them into and fly away with it, how he always use to get excited and start screeching when he heard The Simpsons theme song play on the telly because we'd always run to the TV to go watch it as kids... He was always the sweetest, funniest, little thing and I'm really going to miss him.

We're going to the vet tomorrow and it's going to be a rough day for me. I've spent far more of my life with him than without, so I really don't know how I'll be. Just wanted to keep you guys in the loop so you know what's going on with me.

Yeah, not fun but I had a good run not getting it until this point. Ugh haven't been sick like this for a while, so not enjoying the feeling of being too cold and too hot at the same time.
But yeah, just gonna rest and drink plenty of water for a bit.

Ah another raffle! This one by my friend  Matachu! They've done some lovely art of Glori including the one featuring our two femboys as somewhat unwilling brides >v>

Check it out here: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/50086121/

Have to spread the word that  19itsme87 is currently doing an art raffle! They have a nice style and always do such a nice job with my Glori ^v^

Check them out here: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/50038156/

So between FA updating with some good and some bad (no more upload loophole getting around resolution limit uvu), and twitter getting and a bit too musky it's got me thinking about doing more web dev stuff in my free time. While my job involves a ton of websites and web dev-ing I have been a bit... unfocused in trying to better myself in my free time due to work and life stresses, and a big thing I've been neglecting is sort of just looking what people are using and where.

I have been using the excuse in my head that a bunch of social media sites already exist so what could I possibly add myself? ...but recent times do sort of show stability on any established platform is not a guarantee so maybe there are things I can offer after all.

So question: Do you know any artists (or are one yourself) who have a personal website for their art? Sort of interested in just looking at anything: small personal websites, sites that feature a web comic, eCommerce stuff, even small link tree stuff. I'm just maybe a bit interested in seeing who's doing what, and what use cases people have. So post some cool links please ovo

So yeah, I'm okay atm. Works mostly good, lifes mostly good... just those things are mostly an average:

Things have been super up and down depending on the day, and it's like when someone messages me asking how I've been it's an awkward thing to answer strictly in the moment because my mood can be on one end of the spectrum or the other. Kind of feel like I've been avoiding answering or pinging people back because it's felt impossible to give that definitive answer back uvu

Actually there's definitely a few people I need to ping back and such. Heck there's also a few peeps here that I kind of want to try reaching out to for a chat or whatever, but just haven't got around to it. Blah... social-ing is haaaard >v<

Anyways, just a smol update. Hope ya'll are doing okay yourself ^v^

Heya all, figured I'd give a quick update to those who read my previous journal.

I've been feeling a bit better lately and have been getting into the swing of things. I'm a bit more comfortable with myself, I've been a bit more relaxed with myself, and have been able to have exhale some some things with others. Thank you all to everyone who's helped me through this down point, it really means a lot ^v^

Oh also; my birthday is on the 22nd of August where this birb will be 29 (blah, old birb uvu). I haven't really ever been someone who super into celebrating birthdays for myself or others, but a happy birthday or two might be nice to hear.

So this week has been something of a realization in me: I have been burning myself out trying to be too social online.

I am at heart an introvert. Being social drains my battery, while isolating myself replenishes it. While I have understood that for a long time the thing is I always have felt an immense amount of guilt in just being what I am. I have a weird curse in that I'm very likeable, a thing I suspect is because fundamentally I seem to be a good listener. I am in fact so likeable that I usually find myself fitting into social dynamics even when I have an active history of trying to push people away. Because of this I have a long history of people always pushing me to be social, to join them or whatever and my rejections have always been always met with disappointment. That disappointment leads me to a lot of guilt, and that guilt I think had twisted my view on what I'm "suppose to be".

I think one of my original goals in the fandom was always to talk to people because I wanted to find out who the people behind behind the art and characters, and I've got to say... to say that's been great has been an understatement. The problem is though, the more people I meet the more people like me. The more people like me, the more people I'm talking too, the more places I'm hanging out...

It's too much. I've spread myself too thin and burnt myself out though sheer listening.

The thing is I DO have a few things I could shout and say, frustrations, truths I hide, questions and such. So lemme just blurt a few things out:

* Australia sucks for a timezone in the fandom; basically everyone is asleep during when it'd be nice to talk, and everyone's pinging me during work or when I'm trying to do stuff (and yes even you night owls are sleeping when it would be nice to talk). This is actually a big reason why I've been opting out of RP stuff. It's just exhausting to do, be in the right mood, AND be not in the middle of my adult life.

* I also have zero irl furry or LGBTQ friends I can talk to about really anything. I'm still like... in the dark on a lot of stuff. Stuff like looking in meetups or Barq has come up in conversation, but I'd be lying if that sort of stuff is hella intimating. Not to mention doing it is somewhat contradictory to the whole "burning myself out socially".

* I'm still really scared about catching covid. Pandemic's been rough for everyone but it's been a big part of my inaction over the past few years because my personality is inherently anxious; for instance I put of getting my drivers license for +5 years simply because I was terrified of any sort of danger. Weirdly I was more healthier in panic phase than the now "return to normal" phase. We also did kind of went through several long lockdowns where I live which definitely may have played a role in my perception of things. I was scared enough of everything before the simple act of interacting became so dangerous ;v;

* Even though the fandom has been very liberating there is still a ton I hide about myself. Mostly on a level of just not wanting to know I like a kink or whatever, but it's been preventing me from interacting with artists and such because of those fears. For instance I do hover around some ABDL/diaper stuff from time to time. Not my biggest kink (pretty sure that's pet play) and honestly a lot I still find... questionable, but I desperately want to just like... make a comment, tell an artist what they did was cool idea or interesting because there's a ton of weirdly complex themes and interesting people there that I want to talk to. This isn't even the only kink like this: I've been lurking in the fandom for a long time and fetish creep is real if you hang around too long uvu. Anyways, there's your warning if I might try the odd branching out here or there.

Blah, anyways that's all birb for now. Sorry if you read all that and were just here for pretty birb art lol

Also heading for bed for work tomorrow, so like... no trying to ping me for a big long conversation. That's sort of been the cause for a lot of this mess >v<

How ya'll doing? Figured I'd try asking in this format as between work and timezone stuff I can be a bit distant sometimes, but I do enjoy a chat here and there ^v^

As for me, I'm good for the most part; just mostly been working and not a heck of a lot else recently. Mental health has improved a bit since last time which is definitely good though.

(Oh, and for y'all who mostly just following me just for pretty birb arts: yes, more Glori comm's be coming >v>)

I had written a longer more emotional journal but ehh... don't wanna post it, so here's the short of it:

I've been under immense stress the past few months due to work, family and friends, and just state of the world stuff. I've taken a week off work where primarily I de-stressed and disconnected myself from basically everyone.

Truthfully it's made me realise a bit that at the end of the day I'm still very much an introvert, and juggling too much is unhealthy for me. There's deeper stuff on my issues but I think I really just need to sometimes I either need to say no to people when I don't want to do something, or just be comfortable straight up not replying to every dang thing. I like me time, and I'm allowed to have me time.

On a different note: yay 1k views, thanks y'all for nice little milestone ^v^

So it's been about an hour into this new year for me and I've lots of thoughts over the past year:

All things considering I've probably been more social than ever thanks to fun places like this, and the connections I've made. I was always a bit of recluse, but now I've made quite a few friends recently, and it's been really nice for those of you that reached out to this old bird ^v^. I also must say, being able to explore some lewd ideas and thoughts has been so liberating.

Things have been a bit stressful recently, I've been worrying quite a bit about Omicron. Up until now the game has felt manageable, but now... the odds are against me. I actually think about risk itself quite a bit these days: the sword of Damocles hanging above a head, a doomsday clock ticking back and forth near midnight, and the gambling themes surrounding Glori. There's psychoanalysis to be had there, but also potential comm ideas... >v>
At any rate my plan for the moment is to force myself back into some healthy habits: exercise, eating healthier, and eating less. I once committed hard to improving my health and it was the healthiest I've ever was, so I know I can do it again. I don't know if it'll help against this, but if that's all I can control then may as well get as healthy as I can be.

Anyways, on to 2022. I won't bet right away on it being a better year, but if we've come this far we're capable of going further.