I've gotlux's phoo-oone!!s

this journal is now about Skyrim.

so my shrinks says I should take a break from the things that stress me out. including the internet.
which here includes FA/DA/LJ/all the things I like to lurk around upon, causing trouble.
I'm not going away permanently, but I do agree that I need to sort things out on my end and put an honest effort towards getting back to my old, sarcastic, yet jovial self again.

if you need to contact me, use this e-mail address alone; theplaguedogluxATgmailDOTcom. I will not be available anywhere else.

...WHAT DO?

contrary to how I might make it look; internet usage IS monitored at the office, so I can't exactly spend all day browsing FA. xD

I have a handful of commissions and one trade to finish up, and then I will be taking a most-likely permanent hiatus from drawing as a whole.
I'm not trying to draw any pity comments or asspats, neither am I trying to diss my art.
I'm not even trying to leave this site or any fandom- I don't particularly want to.

I just don't get much pleasure out of drawing anymore; it's become a chore for me.
and as such, my artistic productivity has dropped to a bi-weekly/monthly rate and pretty much everything I draw is depressing and/or, apparently, 'disturbing'.
I'd been hoping that at the start of this year, that it was just stress and I needed some time away.
yet. as things have progressed, that motivation to create has continued to dwindle. maybe it'll come back, but right now, I'm feeling pretty hopeless.

and no, there won't be any gallery purges going on.

it's my turn to cook this week and well.
I used to have a pretty expansive memorybank of recipes that I'd just draw upon when it was my turn to cook large amounts of food, but.
I've since developed an intolerance to shellfish, dairy, and now soy.

HALP.

reading Artists_Beware over the past month has been very disappointing.

why do it?
why bother doing something that when found out, is potentially seriously damaging to your reputation?

that's not to say there's a problem with using references or tracing over your OWN photography/art/whatever. or using images you have permission to use in this way.

I just. I find it almost discouraging when people you admired and were inspired by, as artists, are revealed to be cheating.

I'm not the one with a snoring problem; my partner is.

so bad that I will often refuse to spend the night- I don't find lying awake all night listening to what sounds like trucks downshifting on the highway to be enjoyable.

so far, we've only really tried those nasal strips.
and yes. this is a serious entry.

after coming down with an obnoxious four day cold, my lungs now sound like the dying gasps of a beached catfish. wtf.

...by a now ex-friend IRL. for not being involved in their new fandom of choice.
I suppose in that regard, they were never a true friend.

yet. I thought 'bronies' were supposed to be about acceptance and friendship? xD
GAWD. I'm sorry that rainbow colored characters geared towards an audience so much younger than myself don't appeal to me. I'm sorry that I didn't find the show "life changing" and utterly amazing. but that also doesn't mean that I would be a dick to them or anyone else who likes the stuff.

I just. don't get it, I suppose.
this isn't helping my insomnia.
I shouldn't have skipped my exercise today.
I can't hear out of my left ear.




so, what is the dumbest/most trivial reason someone has ever cut off a perfectly good friendship with you?
[edit:]just had to add another example of my own; choosing to become a pilot and refusing to go to art school.

[edit x2:]a shout out to all you loveable bastards from /furi/.

http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/669.....ity_Collection

well. that's a first.
no, not upset, not even bothered.

I love seeing my art get shared so long as no one is claiming it as their own.
I just wish I didn't have to fill out Google's search with this jargon: "gearotter" -"on deviantart.com" -"on deviantart" -"gearotter's journal" -"Deviantart Favourites" "-at deviantartart" -"deviantart comments". xD

since my phone seems to be unable to mass text people without my having to manually type out everyone's phone numbers, I'll just leave this here and everywhere else;

thanks to my terrific schedule with school and work, I'm usually not awake until 12:30-13:00 CST.
please, for the sake of all that is holy, do not message me before then.

and no, it's not a matter of simply turning my phone off or to silent since my phone acts as my alarm clock.

...what did we ever do to deserve a second season of Ancient Aliens?

Hey everyone, typing this as I take a bus to class and well. I've been thinking of applying what I've learned from working in the construction industry to my methods of commissioning and most likely how I operate, myself.

Its what we call a project schedule- a series of set deadlines for specific points of progress on a project, agreed upon by both parties.

Naturally, like in the professional building industry, deadlines would be set accordingly to the artist's current workload and real life obligations. However, I think a maximum 45 day waiting period for a sketch on payment up-front commissions would apply regardless of life situations considering that Paypal has a 45 day limit on opening payment disputes.

But that also makes me throw this question out to artists; how would you feel if a client asked to set up some form of schedule for their commission?

...would you guys like to see some kind of actual development regarding MZK[Lux, Dexter, Danny, etc] characters? or should I just keep it as just a fun idea I toy around with from time to time?

this wouldn't mean that I'm abandoning the initial story about pilots[I've actually started writing more plot for it <3]. especially when there are honestly multiple parallel universes that I like to throw these characters into- it's makes character development fun when you're putting them in situations that they otherwise wouldn't have to confront.

wonder why I even bother.

its as though I wear a shirt that tells everyone IRL to ignore me and what I have to say. I'm tired of being literally walked on/into and that glazed expression people take on when I try to contribute to a discussion. its alienating to a point where my room has become a prison of self created securities; the only place I feel that I can go without feeling incredibly lonely- despite being in a constant state of solitude. some days, I can't even face my own family without feeling as though I'm incredibly homesick for some impossibly far place.

and I apologize for leaving more emotional wangst. it's just 4:21 AM, I can never sleep while in the midst of mania, and I have no one to talk to. my mind is all over the place and I have the chorus of Crooked Teeth by Deathcab for Cutie stuck on a permanent loop in my head.

DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT BETA TESTING IS?!?!?!?

sumo wrestling. in space.

things I have learned in the past week:

-no, the person doing the filing before you really did just fill the cabinet with random folders.

-there is always someone worse off than you are.

-tomorrow comes whether you like it or not. deal with it.

-objects in mirror are closer than they appear.

-whether or not mysogyny is more institutionalized than mysandry is irrelevant to the fact that flipping your shit over a potentially offensive remark regarding women while using genderbased slurs against men makes you a raging hypocrite.

-if you're in need of vitamin C, make pine needle tea- pound for pound, they contain more than three times the amount of vitamin C that oranges do.

-take constructive criticism as a means to improve yourself, not as an insult to your character.

-ant eggs taste like delightful slivers of lemon.

-there's no such thing as failure unless you have exhausted every other option to overcome it.

-your mom enjoys a triple grilled cheese sandwich after hot, hot, passionate sex.

-genderwank brings out the little shits in all of us.

-heavy metal is not the work of the devil.

-sometimes the way to deal with something is to do something about it.

-everyone feels like crap sometimes.

-covering yourself with glowing paint isn't sexy. don't do that.

-sometimes the people you think are actually creepers will end up being your closest allies.

-don't snort fireants. that's fucking retarded.

-"THEY'RE MAKING A SEX!!!" will be the most memorable comment you will ever receive on a clean image.


in other news, I've started school again. taking community development/community economic development, natural disasters, and English "cultures". and somehow balancing work on top of it.

speaking of work; I managed to get fired and rehired in one day.

I'll leave the prior entry up- I know I go through a lot of ups and downs regarding how I personally feel about my art[it's not quality related, seriously; I love my art and can be exceptionally proud of what I've done], but its rare that I publicly act out regarding it, or even consider things so drastic as removing EVERYTHING. I've done it once before, with my older [five] themed work, but I also have no regrets regarding that, since it was due to being brutally called out and accused of being something that I'm truly not. and since people will ask; I was heavily criticized for apparently trying to become the artist Jennadelle in both my art[since she and I have very similar interests] and appearances[they ACTUALLY tried to link wearing bandannas with hoodies to her]. it. honestly made me feel sick to my stomach, considering that J and I had talked previously and had moreorless gotten along, not to mention that she said she was sick of the constant drama being made in her name regarding "idea theft". I've always gone through life under the belief that you should only ever strive to become yourself, not someone else. it's great to have people to look up to and aspire to be like, but you should never really want to /become/ them. J and I were just on an informal conversational basis and I was heavily[and would constantly mention this] inspired by sulacoyote's work, who. was also who inspired J. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that it hurt seeing my hard work picked apart like that and knowing that it not only hurt myself, but someone else, who otherwise, just wanted to see any drama related to her, end.

and removing it felt as though a great weight was dropped off my shoulders. I can look back at my older stuff and not so much feel ashamed, but rather sad that all my hard work ended up inadvertently hurting someone at the hands of someone else, who was entirely bitter[and had creepily stalked my galleries for over a year]. it's up now, in a separate gallery, but only because I just. I felt bad everytime someone would note or e-mail me asking for a copy of an image because they didn't manage to save it.

I mean. ultimately, sometimes I feel utterly trapped between a rock and a hard place; I have urges to clear everything out just so I can try starting on a clean slate as far as the visual gallery is concerned, but I also don't want to simply take everything away from the people who have helped me not only improve as an artist, but as a person. which. was why I assumed just giving everyone a simple heads up regarding the gallery sweep was a better idea than going into great detail about everything.

but. my good friend phantasmagora was right in her advice to take some time away and focus on other things in my life. and. I honestly can't thank her enough for being such a loyal and honest friend[who you all should watch for her amazing art skills] to me, and for being someone who honestly understands everything that frustrates me about participating and posting art online[and vice versa]. I can't really say that I'm "back", but. I'm feeling better, and I'll start getting to work on everything. the internet is still just too busy and hectic of a place for my exhausted brain.

Before I purge my gallery with holy flame.

Save what you want.

edit: my close friend phantasmagora suggested that I just take some time away from the internet instead. maybe she's right and I'll feel better about my shitart afterwards.

right hurr: http://theplaguedog.tumblr.com/ for random sketches and doodles.
currently I'm only posting older stuff. I don't exactly have anything new to share or a means to share it. unless it's digital.

people following my Twittar need not worry about Tumblaugh spam.

something outside smells like rotten eggs.
if it weren't sweltering hot in here, closing my window wouldn't be an issue.


yes, this is important information that warranted being posted in a journal.
also tooons of love to everyone who left me commission suggestions. I'ma have a bunch of notes to send out this weekend- hopefully no one minds the 8 day wait on bank transfers into my PayPal account. ilu all.

art status:
commissions:
-bust -need info/refs
-bust -need info
-detailed sketch -sketching
-bust -sketched, need to scan
-full color, simple background -reworking
-full color, full background -sketching
-icon -sketching

trades:
Marie-Chan -Marie -coloring background

commissions I'm waiting on:
[no rush; this is here for myself, as I keep losing track]

-paid
-paid -need to note with revised image details,
-paid
-paid
-paid
-paid

because I don't have time for art trades.
and I want art of my characters.

and if you're going to suggest yourself, please, for the sake of Pete, suggest someone else along with yourself.

art status:
commissions:
-bust -need info/refs
-bust -need info
-detailed sketch -sketching
-bust -sketched, need to scan
-full color, simple background -reworking
-full color, full background -sketching
-icon -sketching

trades:
Marie-Chan -Marie -coloring background

commissions I'm waiting on:
[no rush; this is here for myself, as I keep losing track]

-paid
-paid -need to note with revised image details, will do so today
-paid
-paid
-awaiting on bank account transfer.

is Microsoft's cruel, cruel infliction upon the office environment.




on that note, if anyone has any idea why Excel 2010 keeps [permanently] moving the check boxes to random places on the bridge inspection reports[templates were made in Excel 2003] and has a working solution for it, that would be soooo helpful.

I may even draw something for you.

...and will make you poop rainbows.

srsly.



art status:
commissions:
-bust -need info/refs
-bust -need info
-detailed sketch -sketching
-bust -sketched, need to scan
-full color, simple background -reworking
-full color, full background -sketching

trades:
Marie-Chan -Marie -coloring background

commissions I'm waiting on:
[no rush; this is here for myself, as I keep losing track]

-paid
-paid -need to note with revised image details
-paid