I recently found my old login info for this site and I’m happy to see all my old photos. This is the only place they still exist since the original computer they were on fried ages ago. I’ve taken a lot more pictures in the last ten years, so it might take me a while to upload my favorite ones, but I’m glad I still have a place to put them.

I feel like shit.

decided to make an account on fetlife. so if anyone wants to check out my profile, here's a link http://fetlife.com/users/560972

I made one of these things a while back but feel free to ask me some questions. I'm super bored. http://www.formspring.me/ghaden

so I got back from the doctor's today, and pending the results of my blood work, the main reason for my fatigue seems to be that I don't get out enough.
since all my friends live too far away to see on a daily basis, I find myself getting depressed and staying home.

my doctor's advice? to hang out with friends more often. so if anybody wants to do anything some time, it would really help me get over my depression and get my life into a better schedule.

1. Your Name:

2. Age:

3. Single or Taken:

4. Favorite Film:

5. Favorite Song or Album:

6. Favorite Band/Artist:

7. Dirty or Clean:

8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:

9. Do we know each other outside of FA?

10. What's your philosophy on life?

11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?

12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?

13. What is your favorite memory of us?

14. What is your favorite guilty pleasure?

15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you?

16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarkey) - what are they?

17. Can we get together and make a cake?

18. Which country is your spiritual home?

19. What is your big weakness?

20. Do you think I'm a good person?

21. What was your best/favorite subject at school?

22. Describe your accent:

23. If you could change anything about me, would you?

24. What do you wear to sleep?

25. Trousers or skirts?

26. Cigarettes or alcohol?

27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?

28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?

I haven't been feeling right for the past few days. I dunno what it is, but something feels wrong. I've been incredibly tired and more depressed that usual. sometimes I fall asleep during the day and sleep for hours, and when I wake up I'm still tired. not quite sure whats going on, but I'm going to the doctors this thursday to see whats going on.

good to be back in seattle. also nice to actually be able to stand up straight in my room. still pretty bored hanging out at home though, so if anybody wants to hang out I definitly have the free time.

I'm in port townsend for the week end. its fun except that I'm pretty sure the hotel I'm staying in is actually a sneek peek of hell. I'm staying in a loft, and the ceiling is about a foot too short which means if I'm standing too long I get neck pains. my bed isn't a bed so much as it is a mattress on a raised level of concrete. theres no tables so it makes painting a bit of a problem and there is only one outlet so I have to decide between my lap top and the only lamp in the room. the internet is signal is so low I'm just waiting for it to fail on me. oh well, at least its been nice enough to go out and explore. I haven't been to port townsend in quite some time so its nice to be here again. I'll post pictures when I get back home on monday.

welp, today's my birthday. the big 20...I'm pretty neutral with this. nothin planned today tho. maybe I'll just sleep in.

taken from  mixnmatch this is my second meme.

FIRE:
[ ] You have a short temper.
[ ] You often act on your emotions without thinking first.
[ ] You are very competitive.
[x] You like to play with fire.
[x] You are not a strong swimmer or you can't swim at all.
[x] You prefer warm weather over cold weather.
[ ] You often lose control over yourself
[x] You can be quite reckless.
[x] You sometimes hurt people without realizing it.
[x] People have often called you insane.
----
Total: 6

WATER:
[x] You have a calm, laid-back personality.
[x] You like to go to the beach
[x] You rarely get angry.
[x] When you do get angry, you know how to control it.
[x] You think before you act.
[ ] You are good at breaking up fights.
[ ] You are a great swimmer.
[x] You like the rain.
[x] You can stay calm in stressful situations.
[x] You are very generous.
----
Total: 8

EARTH:
[ ] You are physically strong.
[x] You have a close connection with nature.
[x] You don't mind getting dirty.
[ ] You form strong opinions on issues that concern you.
[x] You could easily survive in the wild.
[x] You care about the environment.
[ ] You can easily focus on your work without getting distracted.
[ ] You rarely get depressed.
[x] You aren't afraid of anything.
[x] You prefer to have a strict set of rules.

Total: 6

AIR:
[x] You have a free spirit.
[ ] You hate rules.
[x] You prefer to be out in the open rather than in small, enclosed spaces.
[x] You hate to be restrained.
[x] You are independent.
[x] You are quite intelligent.
[ ] You tend to be impatient.
[x] You are easily distracted.
[x] You can sometimes be hyperactive and/or annoying.
[x] You wish you could fly.
----
Total: 8

DARKNESS:
[x] You spend most of your time alone.
[x] You prefer nighttime over daytime.
[x] You like creepy things.
[ ] You like to play tricks on people.
[ ] Black is your favorite color
[x] You prefer the villains over the heroes
[ ] You don't talk much.
[ ] You are an atheist.
[x] You don't mind watching scary movies.
[ ] You love to break the rules.
----
Total: 5


LIGHT:
[x] You are very polite.
[x] You are spiritual.
[x] When someone is in trouble, you never hesitate to help them.
[ ] You believe everything you see or hear.
[ ] You are afraid of the dark.
[ ] You hate violence.
[x] You hope for world peace
[ ] Everyone loves to be around you. (it is statistically impossible for everyone to love being around you)
[x] You always follow the rules.
[x] You laugh/smile a lot
----
Total: 6

not quite sure what this means, but it seems to ba a tie between water and air.

I turn 20... no longer a teenager... this is depressing.

so I went down to the hobby room in my building to spray paint some things and was greeted with a most unpleasant surprise. I had been storing my senior project there, I built a 7' tall sculpture that took most of the school year. now I know what you're thinking, I went down there and found out that somebody spilled something on it. nope. a tad worse. it turns out the building has a new policy about storing things in the hobby room. instead of them asking me to move my project they decided to move it for me. they placed it in the trash outside the building. unfortunatly they also decided that it was too much of a hassle to move it in one piece, so they decided to disassemble it first. I sunk about 500$ and more time than any other project I've ever done into this, so I'm pretty bummed. well, thats my rant.

I got tired of my curly hair and the fact that I kept shedding, so I decided to get a hair cut. its a little shorter than I had in mind, but it's still better than my long curls. I'll post a pic tomorrow, and you can judge it.

If you have 00-10 ... write [I'm a goody-goody]
If you have 11-20 ... write [I'm still a goody-goody]
If you have 21-30 ... write [I'm average]
If you have 31-40 ... write [I'm a bad kid]
If you have 41-50 ... write [I'm a very bad influence]
If you have 51-60 ... write [I'm a horrible person]
If you have 61-70 ... write [I should be in jail]
If you have 71-80 ... write [I should be dead]
If you have 81-90 ... write [I got a ticket to Hell]

HAVE YOU...

[x] smoked
[x] consumed alcohol
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
[x] kissed someone of the same sex
[x] had sex
[x] had someone in your room other than family
[x] watched porn(who hasn't?)
[x] bought porn( I bought a porno mag from a freind in 6th grade, then felt so guilty I left it in the woods)
[x] tried drugs(everyone's done pot)

TOTAL SO FAR: 10

[x] taken painkillers
[x] taken someone else's prescription medicine( my friend's asthma inhaler)
[x] lied to your parents
[x] lied to a friend
[x] snuck out of the house
[x] done something illegal
[x] felt hurt
[x] hurt someone
[x] wished someone to die( I shall regret this for the rest of my life)
[x] seen someone die (I sat with my neighbor on his death bed, he was an awesome man)

TOTAL SO FAR: 20

[x] missed curfew
[x] stayed out all night
[x] eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
[x] been to a therapist
[ ] received a ticket
[ ] been to rehab
[x] dyed your hair
[x] been in an accident
[x] been to a club (europe ftw)
[x] been to a bar (europe ftw)

TOTAL SO FAR:28

[x] been to a wild party
[x] been to a Mardi Gras parade (new orleans is awesome)
[x] drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night
[ ] had a spring break in Florida (thank god I've never even been to florida)
[x] sniffed anything (glue and paint. it was an accident, but I still ended up getting high)
[x] wore black nail polish (I got bored and let a girl dress me up)
[x] wore arm bands
[x] wore t-shirts with band names
[x] listened to rap
[ ] owned a 50 Cent CD (never)

TOTAL SO FAR: 36

[x] dressed girly (I was bored)
[x] dressed punk (girl dressed me)
[x] dressed grunge (girl dressed me)
[x] stole something
[x] been too drunk to remember anything (thats why I stopped drinking)
[x] blacked out (^)
[x] fainted
[x] had a crush on a neighbour

TOTAL SO FAR: 46

[x] had a crush on a friend
[x] been to a concert
[x] dry-humped someone; been dry humped( mostly been...)
[ ] been called a slut
[x] called someone a slut
[ ] installed speakers in a car
[x] broken a mirror
[x] showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
[x] brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush

TOTAL SO FAR: 53

[ ] considered Ludacris your favorite rapper
[x] seen an R-rated movie
[x] skipped school
[x] had surgery (wisdom teeth)
[x] had an injury
[x] gone to court( my aunt works in a court house)
[x] walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping
[x] lied about your age

TOTAL SO FAR: 62

[x] owned/rented an apartment/house
[x] broke the law in the police's presence (escaped)
[x] made out with someone who had a GF/BF (I regret this)
[x] got in trouble with the police (big trouble, but I got away)
[x] talked to a stranger
[x] hugged a stranger
[x] kissed a stranger (kissing booth ftw)
[x] rode in the car with a stranger (I used to hitch hike all the time)
[x] been harassed
[x] been verbally harassed

TOTAL SO FAR: 72

[x] met face-to-face with someone you met online
[x] stayed online for 5+ hours straight (more than that)
[x] talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight (middle school girls talk forever)
[x] watched TV for 5 hours straight (way more than that)
[x] been to a fair
[x] been called a bad influence (lol yea)
[ ] drank and drove ( I don't drive at all)
[x] prank-called someone
[x] laid on a couch with someone of the opposite/same sex
[x] cheated on a test

GRAND TOTAL: 81

I'm surprised I haven't seen this movie before, but it really is a great movie. and now that I've seen it, I'm in love with the soundtrack. if you haven't seen the movie its worth renting, and the soundtrack is amazing. the movie is by far the best acid trip of the 80's. filled with sex (a lot of sex) drugs and rock and roll.

I'm not going to go to any more parties like the one last night. I ended up having an anxiety attack and had to crash in the ball pit for a while. Then for some reason I started getting really depressed, and I feel like I was emotionally overloaded.
now, I just don't know what to do with my life. I can't find a job, I don't really have anyone to hang out with or talk to and I have no idea whats going on with my sexuality. some days I think I'm straight, some days I think I'm gay, some days I'm bi and some days I feel aesexual. I don't know whats going on. I've been thinking about going to college since I have a huge college fund thats just sort of collecting dust. but if I go to college, I have no idea what I would get a degree for. should I study more photography? should I study psychology? should I study to become a police officer?
I have no fucking idea what to do with my life anymore, and it's driving me crazy.

went to the dentist today to get a cavity filled. they said there was so much decay they had to drill out more than half the tooth. unfortunatly, since I hate novacaine, the process was a tad painful. they said that if the tooth was still hurting in a week, that I should probably schedule a root canal. awesome.

such a boring dull day. I feel like I'm running out of things to do, and I hate not having anything to do. I wish I had someone to hang out with. oh well, at least I can look forward to saturday.

I went to the flower and garden show at the seattle convention center yesterday and took some photos. I was gonna post them last night, but my computer was acting wonky. so coming up are some garden photos.

went to the dentist today to get my teeth cleaned. they used a high pressure water pick to clean under the gums. the name of the machine? The "Cavitron 3000". who makes these things? found out that my last dentist didnt drill my cavity properly and that we'll have to drill it again. oh joy. to make matters more fun, since I despise novacaine more than drilling, I chose to have my cavity drilled "sober". should be fun.

I thought my barriers were stronger, but just now shikagame almost broke through. I can feel him pecking at the back of my mind. while some times he does influence me, I never let him take control. the last time he got out, I ended up losing my best friend. he tries to gain control of me by breaking my nerve through fear and manipulation. I get these flashes of terrifying things, and I see and hear strange things. I've locked him up again now, but for a while I felt like he would break me.

went to the zoo today with hatsu, bruno, and the admiral. had a fun time, but near the end of it I started getting a little depressed. maybe it was the rain or the animals in cages, or the fact that I had to go home by myself. today was the first time I got to hang out with anyone since october, which makes me wish I had somebody to hang out with. took some pictures, and I'll upload em once I'm in a better mood.

one of the first things I did with my new computer was install spore. since my old computer didnt have a good enough video card. now I think I'm getting a little too addicted to it. I finally get to watch the rise and fall of the shinra.

I love this video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_HXUhShhmY