I know hardly anyone reads this if anyone one at all. But I Congress just passed what is likely a death sentence for me, if I lose my Medicaid and Medicare I can't afford my meds, and my depression will eat me.

Life has been pretty hectic and things haven't been good. Blacked out, fell, and got a black eye among other assorted pains and aches. I'm here. I've not managed to get any drawing done. Nothing comes out as I want it to and it is very frustrating. I need a lot of practice.

I don't post or visit often, lots of reasons like well, that thing called life. However, I really hate how Nuke submissions work. I really just want to remove things I've check-marked, and I'm sure there is a way, but since I don't visit so often, I lose track of what it is.

Sighs. Anyway, so I'm around for a bit. I really wish I could go through all the things that just got nuked, but sadly, I cannot. Frustrating.

Other than that my health is good, I'm mostly just striving forward, I've not drawn in over a year and a half, but admittedly I wrote a novel, and started another and have lots of other things going on. Just life stuff mostly.

So, Deviantart's Eclipse is annoying and not much what I want. I'm not terribly active here, because I don't draw many anthro's anymore but more SF ships, creatures, superheroes, and the like. So if you know me on Deviantart, and you are here I've added you and the names are different for a variety of reasons--for the longest time, I used this name to embody my depression and used it here to follow artist for nice pinups/relatively "clean" art. I follow good artists regardless though sometimes. But I'm not sure I care to linger on Devart or not.

So if you wonder who I am, you'll probably figure it out quickly, if not drop me a line and I'll tell you who I was over there. The name I chose there was a superhero one, the name I choose here is a furry one. Simple as that, and I've kept the too pretty separate, because of judgemental people.

Still, I'm here to follow good artists. Period.

I'm adding a lot of older art. Not drawn much in a long time, having my characters in tabletop RPGs basically drawn by me curses the game to never be played again, which has been a real downer.

Sighs.

We recently had a shooting here in my area. No one I know was harmed. However, it hit the community hard. Just because it didn't hurt people I knew, does not mean I do not care.

The world must be made better than this--especially in my country where we have the highest rates of this kind of crime "for a civilized country." No, we aren't one anymore. You can't accept that this happens and say we're civilized.

I'm tired of mourning for children I didn't know, or people I didn't get the chance to meet. Yet I do. For all loss of life by violence--is an aching wound to those of us who are kind, gentle, and prefer peace and love to all.


There is joy in life to be found--in others, though often people choose to poison their spirits with hate, fear, and other toxic things.

It is time to stop that too. The world is full of wonders. We can seek, we can find, we can share if we let go of those poisons that hurt us, and stop spreading hate.

But it always seems that I want to do art when I'm writing and write when I'm drawing.
It's a very conflicted place to be, but I get there as a pretty common cycle.

Sadly, I'm not allowed to draw any of my RP characters or that ends the game which means my best ideas are out.

Yes, I do in fact live. I've not had a very good year, with financial troubles, car repair now needed, sickness, and the usual. Not drawn much lately. So not much to do here. Mostly just look and fave other's art.

I'm still around still trying to art. Not much has been going on, but I've sketched a few bits.

Lesson 1: Remember the good pencils. They work so much better on papers especially once scanned.
Lesson 2: Patience, but rest. It's been a while since I've drawn and my hand notices this lack of use and wear out faster now.
Lesson 3: References are not a bad thing.

I just need to start drawing, period. Nothing specific, just sketch whatever for its own sake.

Still here, but haven't drawn anything at all for months, other than a spaceship. One tiny spaceship. Used a reference too.

My meds have started failing, so that's part of it.

I've been having a very rough time. My depression has been crushing me and its eaten all my attempts at artwork pretty much with my feelings. I am trying, but I just don't feel like drawing or writing much of anything.

Not sure what to do, I really haven't drawn much but for a few alien designs for various games I'm working on. Its not like they're even exactly what I want.
So kinda on the drawing board, trying to improve those and get the "perfect" image.

Its always interesting when I get it right, and use the drawing I made for something even when the drawing wasn't intended for that purpose, just a sketch or what have you that comes forth unbidden because I'm bored and then I go "oh this is perfect for an idea.." sometimes much much later. Wish I could get the art talent to work on demand.

Sadly it seems to be pernicious and picky when it shows up.

I know I've not been around a lot lately. Its been crazy. Still here, but life has just been one of those rollercoasters which goes up and then drops you almost straight down--with enough hills at the bottom to make the ride scary.

I've not done much art as there just hasn't been any inspiration for me, anyone have any ideas?

It is unlikely that I enjoy Christmas much--at least until Saturday when we do late stuff between friends. My family is a contentious lot.
I've no money to give gifts (neither does my family), so other than food that is likely to be it. For some people visiting family might be grand, for me its struggling through the stress and trying not to have an anxiety attack from them and there problems on display.

I've not been writing much, or drawing, or anything else. The switch in time and cold weather has done its level best to sort of drain me of any focus I had developed.

I am working on improving that, but its not easy. I want to draw again. I just wish I knew how to improve. I see such lovely work and wish mine were closer to that.

Sorrow clings like stolen wisps of a broken cobweb, clinging tight in tatters, yet never letting go.

For those of you that don't know, I don't do a lot of art. At one time, long ago, I did a lot more (and more furry art.) Most of those were private pictures for friends and are long gone with life changes.

I still draw, just mostly superhero stuff or the like, so rarely furry. I just haven't been inspired in a long time for drawing much, but what little I do is usually characters I want to play in games or the like.

I just don't have the emotional strength or drive I used to to work on my art very much. I'd love to improve, but really I've never gotten anywhere near as good as I'd like to be and that has drained my energy for trying.

Since I read BunnyBuns
a – age: Old (43)
b – biggest fear: Uh. I don't have those kinds of fears, anxiety yes, fears no.


c – current time: 1836 CST


d – drink you last had are having: Root Beer

e – easiest person to talk to: My dogs

f – favorite song: Currently Rock Mafia-Fly or Die


g – ghosts, are they real: I've no evidence to support their existence so my hypothesis is no.

h – heritage: Homo sapiens sapiens derived from Northern Europe/Great Britain and the land mass of North Amerca but very fond of lions


i – in love with: My dogs (not that way you pervs.)

j - Jealous of: People who have babies..


k – killed someone?: No.

l – last time you cried?: Yesterday

m – middle name: Joe

n – number of siblings: 2 sisters (and a personally chosen family made up of friends.)

o – one wish: To be loved as I love others

p – person who you last called: UPS

q – question you’re always asked: Nothing consistently asked.

r – reason to smile: None

s – song last sang: Enter Sandman


t – time you woke up: 5am

u – underwear color: Black


v – vacation destination: Somewhere with trees.

w – worst habit: Drinking soda

x – x-rays you’ve had: Teeth/Abdomen

y – your favorite food: Medium Rare Steak

z – zodiac sign: Libra

Anything else you can ask.

I've not been sleeping. Despite wonderful cool, rainy sleeping weather. One of my dogs is terrified of thunder, and sadly has such powerful hearing that she hears them ALL for miles.

I do my best to calm her, but nothing much works, thundershirt didn't work. Some medicines didn't work, I need to see the vet about it and get her something stronger I guess.

I just am so tired of her fear. I do my best with her, and it feels like I'm being punished for actually you know loving a dog I didn't ask for.

She was a dog my ex wife wanted, and when we divorced didn't even mention reclaiming, as the dog was with my mom at the time as our apartment could only accept two, and well my family had wanted to keep one of the big dogs, and she loved my dad--but my dad passed away in 2012 so she had no one, and my wife even talked me out of getting her and bringing her to our new place when my best friend--my Great Dane died in 2013. Instead we got ANOTHER dog, who well, I know loves me and appreciate me, but this one? She's just so standoffish, and needy at the same time.

I do my best but I'm worn thin from the lack of sleep and dealing with her trying to climb me with her claws like a cat.

And she's 70+lbs of dog, with very sharp claws for a dog. I've never seen one with claws as sharp as hers.

One of my primary hobbies is playing role-playing games, notably tabletop rpgs. It was recently relayed to me, by her husband, that one of my players--who is a sweet wonderful person, has breast cancer.

So yeah. Fuck Cancer. I don't have a lot of good people in my life, she's one (so is her husband) but this just sucks.
They did catch it early, but still.

My already depressive mood has gone even deeper into the abyss. I hate it. I try and be positive, but it sucks when someone so kind and wonderful suffers such terrible things.

If you stumble upon me after I've made one of your beautiful pieces of artwork a favorite, or commented on it in some way that is because I routinely do searches for beautiful, sexy art. Note, I did not say sexual, I prefer pinups or cute, to pornographic. So that's usually what I'll favorite. However, it might be anything depending on my mood.

Anyway, that's just a headsup about why you might have some random person,i.e me, showing up to comment.

Having an oddly sorrowful and sad day. No specificly new reason. Just the normal stuff I go through with depression, loneliness mostly.

Not sure what to do about it, where I live is generally crap for company besides the friends I already have. Nothing else much going on this week anyway, so just a lot of silence and sitting online.

Trying to sort through things in my head. I've sadly not drone much lately, mostly characters for games I play, and all of them so far humans. I've got to be careful though. It seems that whenever I draw characters for a game there is a large chance the game will fall through, almost as if drawing the character curses the game I want to play.

In other news, I'm struggling to get a game published with help from Kickstarter, and that's not easy, to get everything ready is an immense amount of work. So blargh.

Very sick, I feel like my throat has been scraped raw by steel wool, it looks like it too. However, the test didn't grow strep, so neither I nor the doctor know what it is--he hypothesized that it could be viral or a yeast infection, but I'm not sure. I feel so terrible right now because of the heat, the soreness of my throat, my body aches, and more.

A/C is out at my house. SO very very hot. Too hot to write, draw, or do anything, even sleep.

I can't afford to fix it either, so I'm so very very frustrated with the situation I'm in, and how hot it is--and its getting hotter this coming week.