I’m friggen 34 now please someone send help.

So it’s time for my obligatory once a year birthday journal haha

Things have been moving along as usual, times have been stressful but not devastating so that’s something. My collection is nearing its completion at last, I know some folk have heard that before but this time I am genuine now that I am more certain on how I want my display to look.

Once that is taken care of it’s right back to commissioning artists again for stuff, though I might have a few things I want to do sooner than later but we shall see.

And that’s it for now, think I’ll have myself a non chain burger after work today. Hope you all have a good day.

Am friggen 33 today holy moly ;u;

As usual a lot has been happening, too many things to list off but still moving along. I finally snagged an artist who is gonna help me get a more up to date and definitive ref sheet, once then I will slowly but surely resume my commissioning escapades. Just waiting for my turn on the queue.

Aaand that’s all for now, thanks for anyone reading this and I wish you a happy rest of your day!

Hello to anyone that might stumble onto this journal!

I've kinda been mulling over on whether or not I wanted to stay traditional or go to digital to start to learn to draw and finally decided on the latter. And with my job I do tend to get periods of down time I can use to my advantage, figure I use those windows of time to practice! My problem is I've no idea what a good portable tablet is to start. I'm looking for something entry level and hopefully won't break the bank. After all I feel starting with something professionals rely on is overkill for a novice like myself.

I like asking around here cause I'd rather get personal recommendations rather than rely on reviews that could potentially be bought out. So yeah, if anyone has any suggestions I'd appreciate it! Like I said I'm looking for something entry level, it can be a multimedia tablet if that's what it takes as well.

Thank you for taking the time to read!

So, bit of a random sorta tidbit out of the blue thing that's been kinda been on my mind for some time especially now that the fact that i'm in my 30s hit me with certain personal events happening that i don't want to get into.

Am I too old to learn to art?

I often find myself with a bit of downtime at work on a consistent basis. And recently I got myself a sketchbook and pencil to bring with me figuring I have the perfect opportunity to start practicing drawing...and then that's where I blank. I can't find myself to get started, or even know how to begin. I get discouraged, draw random squiggles, give up and put the sketchbook away. Ive repeated this a few times now and it is admittedly becoming a bit frustrating. Maybe i'm just not cut out for it now that i've gotten older?

If there are any more artistically inclined folk out there see this any advice?

Thank you for reading!

I’m friggen 32 now….

Hello! Me again, once again coming at you for my obligatory once in a blue moon journal that I am terrible at keeping tabs on!

So like, for a good long while as anyone who takes a gander at my profile no doubt has noticed my essentially drastic and sudden stop of uploads! To keep things clear no I haven't died nor have I quit or anything like that! The simple answer is all the art I commission has been put on the backburner while I pursued my bigger passion of collecting. Specifically collecting action figures and the like. I know it seems silly but my collection has actually been able to get me through a LOT in terms of the real life. I started focusing on it more through my father's losing bout against cancer and has been getting me through many stresses to this very day. Each addition was like a little trophy and seeing it grow made me feel accomplished in a way in terms i've been able to commit to something and watch it grow. And now that growth has reached it's max! After many times of obsessively curating, saving, and obtaining every piece I've finally made my last purchase that will top off my collection! The main reason I decided to stop was mainly for spacing issues haha but at the same time I feel this is a perfect opportunity to be done with it and marvel at what I've been able to build! I'm also not planning on showing off my collection like some folks do outside of my closest circle, since i did this purely for myself.

So what does that mean, exactly? Well now that my collection is wrapped up I want to go back to commissioning artists again, as well as making genuine attempts to try and practice arting myself, I'm hoping this is a case of 'it's never too late to learn' type deals, but we shall see how it goes! First thing's first I gotta recoup my spending pool like I did with my collection, once then expect to start seeing more stuff coming out finally!

To anyone who reads this I thank you and appreciate you, especially for sticking around! I'd promise to be more communicative on here but we all know that's not gonna happen haha <3

Dang, 31 years old...

Doubt many will read this but if you do I hope you are all well!

My figure collection is on the very verge of completion, and once I do I have big plans to resume commissioning stuff, very optimistic it will for sure happen this year.

So until next time!

Welp, it’s my 30th birthday today! Been on this planet for three whole decades!

Sorry for my silence and posting. This year for sure I got some commission ideas I will make happen! Just keep getting sidetracked with unreasonably priced collectibles! But yeah, till the next random post!

One year away from being on this planet for three whole decades...yeesh. At least next year it’s gonna land on a Saturday. Here’s hoping my work schedule stays the same by then, and hoping it’s a lot better than this year cause today sucked!

Well, it is what it is. Take care everyone~

It's almost been a year since the passing of my father due to cancer. It was a year ago this day since my family and I embraced each other at the hospital saying "we made it". And here it is, another year has past and life moves on. We made it another year, and I look to the horizon in fear of what's to come.

To all those that read this I have a request. I'd like for you to go to a loved one. Family member, best friend, significant other, and let them know how much they mean to you. Even if it's over the phone or messenger, it's those little things that we take for granted, and are most missed when they are gone...I know from experience.

And to those that I know: I don't say this often but I genuinely appreciate you being around in my life, I don't know where I'd be without you, or if I'd even have the strength to keep moving forward without you. I still find it baffling how anyone can put up with me to begin with, I hope one day I will be able to repay the favor in full.

In short,
Happy new year, everyone. Here's to the next.

Hello everyone! It’s time for my once in a blue moon journal that reminds those watching that I’m not dead and also not many will read regardless! I hope whoever is reading this your days are going well c:

Anyway, this past weekend I was being lead by my phone’s gps to a nearby hobby store that stocks gunpla kits and it took me through a route that made me drive by the prancing skiltaire. I had completely forgot of its existence, which is crazy cause I have actually gone there once before yeaaars ago at this point!

So I wanted to know if there’s anyone out there that frequents the place? May consider stopping by one of these months should luck allow, though uncertain when. But I would like to know if there are any locals that like to go there!

So it's time for my obligatory once in a blue moon random journal! Since I heard the news of bungie splitting up with activision/are going to steam I decided to play D2 again. And boy I've a lot to catch up on x.x Granted my old clan of seven people (myself included) don't really play apart from one who only sometimes plays. So I'm kinda walled off from a lot of the content, namely a lot of the exotic quests, which I quickly discovered are not even sort of solo player friendly D:

So if there's some active members who have room for a nightstalker hunter void space mouse let me know! ;-;

Oh and got a bit of a commission update, I manage to snag a few things from a few artists! all details and payments and what not have been confirmed and are in the works, just a matter of waiting! I'm adding the names of the artists I commissioned here just so I won't forget.


 NitaNi
 Azelyn
 javkiller

Though a couple of these might take a while, some should be popping up soon! Thanks for reading!

Oh! I just passed 2k watchers! Hello old and new! As the old may have noticed I am not dead! Got a couple of works I commissioned on the way so keep an eye out! Hope you have a nice day!

28 years...dang, woulda liked for my dad to be here for this, but the momma bear gave me a very punny birthday card, only an hour in this day so far and it's already been made.

After eleven long months of suffering, my father finally passed. It's over now. He gave it his best but one would figure cancer is a right motherfucker. After going into hospice over a week ago he started going on the decline, where he then slipped into a coma before gently moving on later the same day. I hated seeing him in this state...he was basically all skin and bones. And even after his passing I didn't...don't want to believe it.I wanted to wake up from this long horrible nightmare, I wanted it to be one of my terrible dreams...but alas I need to accept the fact that what I'm in now is reality, and it sucks. If anything, I'm grateful I got the chance to say what I wanted to say, I know there are many that don't. Our relationship was complex at best. More often than not he was an asshole...but not a truly terrible person. He will forever be in my mind, heart, and spirit...I just wish it didn't have to end this way.

If by chance you are still reading this I thank you, I have a request. If there is someone you hold dear, be it family or a lover/partner or even a best friend, give them a massive hug for me, and let them know how much they mean to you. Because you'll never know when life decides to not make sense and take what you hold dear away. I hope you all have a pleasant morning/noon/night, and here's for the many more to come.

Anyone one know someone that dabbles in making VRchat models? I'm looking to get my 'sona made for in world shenanigans! Not right now though, I'm pinching pennies currently but I'd like to know ahead of time so I can get it done and good to go! Must be VR compatible! If anyone has any leads it'd be greatly appreciated, thank you for your time~

Well it’s that time of year again. Though things are a tad different than last year as I am spending it here in a hospital with my mother, father, and brother. It’s not for me as my father. Something was blocking his stomach causing him pain. I’m pretty sure he’s going to be fine for the time being, so there’s that.

But it’s a nice reminder that I’m not really looking forward to the upcoming year. Just another year pressing further into the inevitable. I look back at this year and it hasn’t really been the best. Just a massive amount of stress that will continue onto the new year. It’s just a matter of waiting and seeing.

Truth be told I’m scared. Such a huge mantle of responsibility has been dumped on my shoulders. Everyone is going on and and that I’m the man of the house now, it’s all on me. But no one ever bothered to ask if this was something I wanted. And when it comes down to it...this isn’t what I wanted.

I was going to leave. Pack a bag, pick a direction and sail off to the night. Come clean, and start over. But I can’t do that anymore. If I left then I’d regret it the rest of my life. I hate not being able to do anything. If there was some way giving an organ to my father to make this all stop I would. But alas I can’t. And that’s just how life is. I just wish it wasn’t so terrifying. I wish I wasn’t so terrified, and I wish things weren’t the way the are. But of course it never works like that.

Maybe I’ll take up drawing or something.

Anyway, happy new year everyone.

Hello everyone! It’s time for me annual “I’m not dead ok I promise” random journal!

This time I was wondering if there is anyone out there or knows anyone that does telegram stickers? I’m currently in the process of getting another character made (yes another one) and I plan to get a set of stickers in the near future once he is complete. Of course gotta be comfortable with doing NSFW ones as well! Also I’m kinda within budget, as much as I’d like someone like now and later to make my stickers they are way to rich for my blood x.x but yes any help will be appreciated thanks!

NO I AM NOT CALLING FOR PITCHFORKS OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT.

A friend of mine let me know that someone out there is using some pics and basic info about my sona over on f-list. And honestly it doesn’t really irk me seeing as they’re only using my character for role play...I question their fetish choices seeing as my character is both my actual age of 27 and is a straight up homo/bottom boy for life. BUT, they aren’t going around claiming they are me flat out, im not really motivated enough to do anything about it, I forgot all my login info for that site anyway and I currently don’t have the room to care too much about this what with current events and all.

https://www.f-list.net/c/milo%20garcia/

But yeah just wanted to give the heads up in case anyone is under the impression of that being the actual me. Just remember that I don’t use f-list. I had one but it’s years old at this point and is massively outdated. Thank you for your time.

I wanted to give a bit of an update/take the time to thank those who offered a kind word as well as even taken the time to read my previous journal. It means more than you know.

So I finally mustered the courage to pay a visit to the hospital after work, also being granted permission to leave early to do so. And as it turns out it is indeed stomach cancer. I find it kind of funny cause I always jabbed at him for smoking, saying he’s gonna end up getting cancer, but I guess I can’t really joke about it now. I don’t know exactly what type it is, I haven’t the heart to try and go into details about it just yet until everyone is settled in for the tough ride ahead. What I do know is that it appears to be only in a small part of his stomach, and has not spread anywhere else. More tests are needed but all signs are optimistic. Fingers crossed. I suppose I can take that as a bit of a silver lining. He’s also almost well enough to be sent home for now, great because I hate hospitals, lots of bad memories there.

So yeah, not really much one can do but keep moving, this thing has only just begun and I doubt it’s going to be easy, but honestly when are things ever that easy? Again, thank you all for those who stick around, even those silent lurkers. I promise it won’t be all doom and gloom all the time, hope to get back to my degenerate self pronto! ‘Till later!

So...I’ll get to the point. My father has been in the hospital since Sunday. For several weeks he had been complaining about not being able to use the restroom, till he was begrudgingly yielded to our constant nagging for him to go to a doctor. And when he did go he was almost immediately admitted to the hospital, to which they removed almost two liters of fluid from his stomach. He’s been there since then getting various tests, to which they found a tumor in there at some point. They didn’t know what it was so more tests were done, to which I was told definitive results would happen today. I called since I’m stuck at work to see what was going on and all I got was “I’ll tell you later”

Now those of you that know me know precisely how I tend to overthink things. So much so that I’ve lost relationships over it, and it’s pretty much the reason I keep myself completely shut out from everyone I know. So hearing those words I started natuarally thinking the worst things possible, and I can’t fucking stop doing it. Christ, I even started breaking down in front of some residents earlier....ugh I hate being seen so...vulnerable. And not knowing what’s going to happen is even worse for someone like me.

So here I am, saying fuck it to being shut off, I need to get this off my chest or I feel like I’m gonna lose it. No one needs to reply to this, just having the thought that someone, anyone has read this is helping. And if anyone wants to respond then what do you do to get out of your head? I need to get out of mine badly...a stupid or funny video, movie or video game talk...I’ll take what I can get.

Thank you for your time

Friggen 27 years old....I'm almost thirty.....

Hello everyone! It's time for one of my maybe four or five posts of the year!

First off I want to wish everyone a belated Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays/Happy New year!!

I swear I'm horrendous at these things, I keep getting sidetracked to hell and never get around to doing specific things...old habits die hard. So don't ask me to remember dates or birthdays because I will absolutely forget ;-;

But yes, I apologize for lack of uploads and the like, but unfortunately found myself without a job, factory job I landed didn't pan out, despite the pay being nice I just wasn't a fan of all the coworker drama/politics...not worth it. So for the time being commissions and stuff are on hold till I'm working again, probably going to go back to security for a while, seemed to do pretty well there. But at least it's giving me enough time to think up of ideas for all my characters, so bare with me a little while longer!

Also, after many of internal debating I talked myself into trading my macbook that I very rarely used in for a used vive, deal of the century, right?! But yeah, been dabbling with VR a lot and I'm enjoying it, just been running around and looking for mischief for the past few days and been having a blast, but I would like to meet up with more people if anyone is up to it! My IGN is Gioven, so hit me up!

And that about does it! I hope y'all are having a good start to the new year, and hope to see y'all around as the year goes on!

Title~ looking for anyone (preferrably on the higher quaility end) that is open for icon commissions! If you or anyone you know is open let me know! Thanks!

SO. This weekend, through unfortunate luck I was able to attend this year's D23 Expo! Thanks to my cousins, the pass that was originally meant for their youngest brother (who couldn't attend unfortunately due to personal reasons) was passed onto me, can't thank them enough for bringing me along. I had an amazing time, with all of it. Despite not making it to the bigger panels i experienced more than enough to make up for it and then some, even got to meet some of my favorite youtubers out in the wild and for a secret signing! Now I'm hooked, Gonna start looking into other cons from now on! But yes, I highly doubt anyone is even sort of interested in any of this but I'll put up some links to each day, see if anyone will recognize the youtubers, probably not ;p

Day 1
https://www.dropbox.com/sh/tw2xfg59.....c5gPY0QZa?dl=0

Day 2
https://www.dropbox.com/sh/hce7rt2f.....swUhtAUwa?dl=0

Day 3
https://www.dropbox.com/sh/yq5ref68.....ndW4jRvBa?dl=0

Extra gif
https://mcduckmoneybin.com/736e8a08.....84c2fcd17143eb