now person A hates every one like person B becouse they seem the same now every one like person B hates everyone like person A. person C comes along and askes why they hate each other, both groups say the other group started it. person C refuses joining and now it's a for us or againt us mindset. person C starts a nutral group and is attacked from both sides... and this teaches us that being wrong is better then being nutral. also if you hate someone then you can't move on. I would like to take a moment to apologize for all the problems cased by all groups I assosiate with. chritianity, america, idaho, bisexuals, gays(because I'm leaning tword it), pastors, AoG, furries, and a member of earth. I guess this makes me a "the buck stops here" kind of person. but anyways you guys are great! *hugs* that is all.

elapse time: 2 hours and 7 minutes.

ok now I want state how I feel about the people on FA. I first want to say that you have all been amazing. when I first came to FA I was afraid that the good artist would be stuck up. 2 thing were wrong with that. 1st is that every one was nice and/or honest. the 2nd was my view, I now see that each artist has there own style, and always are impoving. I don't see "good" or "bad" artist any more. I must be truthful and say what I see as the two biggest flaws of the mankind. 1st is the us and them attitude. I see a lot of this mindset here. topics includ gay/straight/bi, religion, furs/non furs, and over different likes and dislikes. the second is the hate thoughs who hate. I my a christian so I have seen the extremes on this, that worst arguments are between different denomination. "he say eternal life, now eternal life untill." "no it refering to at the point when you die." that was a resonable bit... but my point is what happens. person A has a bad day, the snap at person B. person B now hates person A...

I belive hitler would be sickened by the ex-girlfrien of my brother in law, who uses a wanted unborn child as a hostage! correct me if I'm wrong but shouldn't this be illigal if it isn't already? I belive that if we see something, we become partly responsible. so once she has the kid, or gets an abortion, I will see what I can do to help my brother in law to take legal action against her. she even went so low as the text him that she found and threw away his brother's jacket! his brother was shot up through his chin with a long barrel rifle last April at a party, police said it was suicide, common sense tells me other wise. this is why I'm againt partys at a house with guns in it. I also have foun that many people have given up on humanity, I tell you that hope for humanity dies when we give up on it. the vast majority are good poeple and the few bad one give people a bad reputation. never give up on the human race, for you and I are human and giving on humans means giving up on you and everyone.

things that happend continued: my parents find out I'm off my meds, they set up an appointment at the docters office about it, the docter listens to my case and I agree that if after my vacation I am having problems controling my emotions that I'll go back on my meds, I remember that cable internet works on the PS3, I write part 1, I wish I had a boyfriend, I remember where I live and feel like crying, I wright part 2.

so my brother is back for national guard tech training and the millitary has fail at changing him enough to make him stop calling people "big meany head" when they do some to him... if millitary can't change him hopefully his girl friend can. my dad isexteamly obliviouse to the fact that I am almost the same as him. my mom need meds but dosen't even know that she has changed. my sister,the gray sheep of the family, is dating an old boyfriend while waiting for the devorce papers to go through. her husband is being blackmailed by his ex-girlfriend with threats of getting an abortion...

this my excuse to talk about me without feeling self centered, I also will time myself to see how long this takes on a PS3, starting NOW!!!

so I used to take depression meds but I stopped without telling anyone. resulting in the following in order: calm, withdrawl, getting sick, flood of emotions that I didn't know were being supressed, happyness, sadness, lashing out at my family, determination to get controle without meds, calming, and now I'm back to having control only without meds. event during this time included th following: baby sitting my nephew for a week, going to the hospital to find out the sickness mentioned was stressed induced, a trip to Oklahoma to get my brother, finding that my driving permit expired befor divers ed was finnish back in March (I took drivers ed late), my dad said I could take a week vacation that he would pay for, my computer brakes, my brother becomes annoying, we get home from trip to Oklahoma, I vent to a friend while he job hunts, I find out my vacation money is $65...

ok so haven't been on in a while because my computer is broken. It is on it's way to get fixed as I speak. I have no other computers I can untill I get it back. so for now I am using my PS3 for internet. until then, we will have to suffer through the long process of typing with a d-pad and an X button.

that sounded like a cool title... at least at the time. XD so we are going to be on the road any minut now so this journal is a quick. (my mom is ranting about to toilet) I will try to get some good pics of all the states we go through. today they include Nebraska, Kansas, and Oklahoma. also we may go to part of Colorado. really looking forward to this trip.

I submitted some pics but I messed up sith something so had to delete them. sorry bout that

tagged by  fiver16

1) Post these rules
2) post 10 things you like/hate
3) At the end you must tag 10 people and post their icons
4) Go to their page and post a shout saying you tagged them with the journal address
5) NO TAG-BACKS
6) Also, if you look, YOU'RE TAGGED



LIKES:

1) I like researching (only when not an assignment though)
2) I like a friendly debate
3) I like FA!
4) I like surprising people
5) I like to help people in need
6) I like doing memes (even though I haven't done many)
7) I like reading the bible
8) I like understanding the bible (not the same thing as above!)
9) I like meeting people online
10) I like my family and friends



HATES:

1) I hate how unsure and nervous I am
2) I hate hypocrites
3) I hate people who love to argue (not the same as a debate)
4) I hate people giving a bad name to others
5) I hate closed minded people
6) I hate people putting themselves down (hay I have self esteem issues too, but don't be the one to judge how you are)
7) I hate that I haven't found someone like me
8) I hate living in a place where going to Wallmart is the highlight of the week
9) I hate that the intelligent people of the world are so quiet that the stupid people are the only ones noticed! (don't believe me? check out where the stimulus money is going, or any creation vs. evolution arguments)
10) I hate how I used to be

ok tomarrow I leave with my perants to get my brother. I'm awake and was messing around and was thinking about how so many people take the bible out of context. so I figured if I did so in another way it may show how rediculuse it is to take things out of context.

I will now put random verses together. I forgot how many but I did not change any verses. this is what came out

Be merciful to those who doubt; And if anyone still prophesies, his father
and mother, to whom he was born, will say to him, 'You must die, because
you have told lies in the LORD's name.' When he prophesies, his own
parents will stab him. We are not going too far in our boasting, as would
be the case if we had not come to you, for we did get as far as you with
the gospel of Christ. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly
things.But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in
him. This is how we know we are in him:At one time we too were foolish,
disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures.
We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another.

free ice cream to anyone that can tell me what this is saying, or be the first to identify any of the verses.

on Tuesday my parents and I are leaving to see my brother in Oklahoma. he will me coming back with us and that means I will have less time to be on my computer. just a heads up for you that I may not be on as much after that. it's hard enough to get some alone time as it is.

however I will take the computer with me on the trip. so I'll try to keep in touch on the trip.

I am dong a really quick journal before I go to church. just saying that as much as I enjoy church I have no desire to be a pastor of one. currently my mom is picking out songs, my dad is trying to help. he has been sick with a delusional fever (he starts acting really odd to say the least, last time he thought my mom was trying to kill him with an over dose on niacin, aka vitamin b3) so wont be making it to church, meaning that a board member will be reading from his notes and trying to make something of them (good luck to him.) we are also trying to prepare something for potluck. it's crazy and I don't have anything I can help with so I went to my room to type this.

PS: if you go to church then take some time out to thank the pastor's wife/husband. pastors will be the first to say (if they are honest or around there spouse) that they couldn't make it without the support. and always complement the dishes they bring for potluck. it just makes life easier for everyone.

now off to church!!!

so yesterday I decided to go for a walk. I walked for about 3 hours and then someone asked if I needed a ride. I figured couldn't hurt so I got a ride to Lewiston. then I walked to my sister's house who lives several more hours out. when I got there, I was greeted and asked to stay the night. I called home to tell tell them where I would be. now I'm home.

on the walk I got an idea for a short comic about someone finding the right road for their life. I hope I can find the time and energy to make it.

also on the walk I thought things over and I believe that I have been so stressed lately because I live with my parents in a town that has no job openings, and I don't have the money to get away. I talked to my mom and she said that if I choose to move out that she will support my depression. I have several places in mind, but feel free to tell me any good places to live. I'm thinking I will need a place to stay until I can get enough money to get a place. so if you have any ideas let me know.

PS: I walked for 8 hours! and my dad keeps telling me that I can't live without my computer and never do any physical activities. ha.... I'm tired....

so I was talking to someone online, and I said something without thinking and he blew up in my face! I tried to apologize but I don't know if he will listen. I hope he cools off and will talk to me about what happened. but I feel really down right now. I don't know if I should be mad at me for saying something without thinking, or him for freaking out about it. I want to blame him but I feel like I'm to blame. honestly I couldn't care less about who's fault it is. I just am feeling down. any encouragement is appreciated.

Gnik


update: the person and I have worked things out! yay!

figured I need an update on what's up with me.
I'm still living at home, and the house is getting crowded.
we have two, two bedroom- buildings. making it a total of 4 bedrooms. by the end of the month we will have a total of 10 people living here!!! lucky for us my dad is a pastor and we live on the church property. so 5 of us will be sleeping at the church. yay for religion with benefits!!! lol

so I am hoping to get a wireless router,because I am one of the people who will sleep at the church, so I can still get on the internet as I try to go to sleep.

in other news my mom and dad think that it is my duty to kill the deadly spiders that live here. mainly hobo, black widow, and brown recluse. either they believe I will do a good job or they want me out of the house one way or another... I hate spiders! give me poisons snakes, and and stick me in the woods alone and I;ll make due but I can't stand spiders!

also I want to thank  TheBeastWithin for his continual help with becoming more self confident. *hugs* thanks a bunch!

addition: we just found hobo spiders in the church... I can't move in there now. and the other 4 people can't either! especially since 2 of the are babys!!!

I had a very odd night last night.
I can't read fast and I wanted to read a story by  wolfganghm so I copied it to notepad so I could listen to it later. later I was talking to a couple of other friends. anyway at about the same time they both had to leave. I decided to something I've never done. make a sequel to something I wright. I then did a few more things on fa before I got the urge to go to the restroom. at this point it is about 1 am. I finished up and decide to make myself a midnight sandwich. I start to make it and my mom wakes up. she sleeps in the living room due to claustrophobia. so now there are two of us awake... ( I must pause here to say that my nephew just knocked something over. I don't know what it was and everything is ok, but t was loud) so I hear a thud, then I hear my nephew start crying, he stops briefly and then starts again much louder. my dad comes out with him and takes him to the bathroom. we find out that he fell off the bead and then a few minuets later he threw up. a lot. so at this point I'm eating a my sandwich, my dad is giving my nephew a bath, and my mom is still awake. I go into my room and start listening to the story mentioned near the top. I find the story really good and before I know it it starts to get lighter. I look at my watch and it is about 5:30 and I'm wide awake. no one else is awake, so I stop listening to the story and get my shoes, and my DSi I decide to take some interesting pics, you will see them when I can upload them. so I get home at around 7am and my mom is starting to wake up. and by 7:30 all 4 of us wore awake.

ok, so my dad gets a little bit irritated when he is wrong... but he did come to his senses and he apologized today.

he's my dad, I have to love him


*victory dance* I win!

what I have learned because my dad and my definitions of the word addiction were. different

Being on this site is the equivalent to searching porn into Google Images, filter off.

recovering alcoholics that are willing to go through heel to change themselves want to drink more then anything else

when all else fails bring prison into the conversation (not to be confused with bringing the conversation into the prison)

generic means normal, professional means bullshit

a prison is a good sample of the general population of the world

when even prison fails to win an argument, bring in the bible

if the bible fails, go back to prison...

the point of any subject can be changed as frequent and as much as desired by will by the older party

if you are loosing an argument, redirecting the opponent toward life or death situation is an effective way to buy time.

being older is the equivalent to winning, no matter how things look. dead or alive the winner is whoever is older

people who care for friends and will defend them even when not attacked directly have rooms, pastors that work in prisons have caves

I'm always wrong, or it's a tie...

finally

just because you are speaking the same language, doesn't mean you are talking about the same thing. likewise, just because you don't speak the same language doesn't make the result a tie!!!

live, learn, and trying really hard not to disown.
he did tell me that if I can't get the job I'm hoping for that he would allow me to travel a bit around the US and try to find a job elsewhere. now I don't want the job I applied for. I may get a chance to do something fun and challenging.

be sure to read part 1http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/864595/
and part 2 athttp://www.furaffinity.net/journal/864672/

for this next part you need a bit of background info. my dad works for a collage GED program at our local prison. (a pic of it is here http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2581160/ sorry couldn't resist) he works with prisoners to teach them basic skills and help them get their GED.

so my dad says that I use a generic definition of addiction, and he uses a professional definition. he then starts saying that his job gives him the perfect sample for studying addictions.
I told him that a prison is not a good sample of society at all, that if you want to know about how addictions are, you look at the general public, not the extremes.

he then goes off on a tangent about if you need a definition from the bible that you don't ask someone off the street, you ask a professional. I countered with if you want to know how much people know about the bible that you don't go to professionals. he said that wasn't the point

I went back to the prison concept. I told him that you cannot have a good understanding about what an addiction is unless you look at the general population, and how it effects them. he tells me that I don't always have to be right, that he wasn't saying I was wrong and that it was pointless to argue about who is the bigger man. I started to ask if that is what he thought this was about, "who is the bigger man," that he was wrong, but my dad cut me off and told me I should pay attention to my driving. he was right about that. I was getting frustrated and it was effecting my driving.

as we finally pull in to the house I say that the argument wasn't about me being right or wrong, I told him that I was defending my friends because I know many people who have addictions and have no desires for the object or action. he made a noise and said that I was young. he didn't say a thing after that. I went to my room and he went to his cave... err I mean his office.

part 4, the summery will be up shortly

part one s here http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/864595/

so after we exchange definitions, we started arguing about the accuracy of the other's definition.

jump to later in the conversation.
He gives a horribly flawed example. he states that when someone is addicted to porn,( admit it, porn can be an addiction) that the person's only hope to stop it is to never too at porn, or even get near it. aka being on this site with the built in filter so people can only see clean art isn't enough. he thought I agreed with him due to my shear lack of words. I just didn't know how to respond to this.

I start to tell him that someone can have an addiction to something without the desire. I say that a desire is something that usually starts an addiction, but one can be addicted to something without desiring it. my example was alcoholics. many alcoholics wish to stop and at that point it is in no way the greatest desire.

then my dad brings out "the big guns." this is when he comes up with something that has to do with something I don't have any experience in. in this case... prison.

part 3 will be here soon

it's my sister's b-day and she wanted Chinese. so My dad and I went to pick up the order. on the way there and back we got in an argument. the argument ended one of the two ways all our arguments end. him saying he is older then me so he knows what he's talking about, and that I'm not wrong we just see things different. the other way is he is right.

I know he's over twice my age, but I am old enough that I know a thing or two about people!

*warning I'm about to go off on how my dad was wrong in this instance*


my dad and I started talking about how people are effected by addiction. after about 5 minuets of us going back and forth trying to make seance of what the other person was saying, I realized that we must have different definitions of what addiction meant. I told him my definition and listened to his...

my definition of addiction: a physical, physiological, or psychological dependence to something or some action.

my dad's definition of addiction: a state where a persons greatest desire becomes destructive...

at this point I will take brake. I would like to know what you think of this situation so far.

so I've been with fa for a month now. I never get tred of all the great art work and poems.

also I recently got yahoo messenger and steam so if you want I can tell you what my username is on them. just pm me.

another thing is I doing a little self study on how people communicate through underlying means. if your interested I can always take volunteers for testing... nothing too big of coarse just a few questions, and you don't even have to answer the one you don't want to. I would also prefer skeptical people, that way I can have more accurate results, again pm me if you are interested.

in other news, I think I'm starting to relieve some of my stress, however it's a slow posses.

I am currently bored out of my mind and would like to go out and do something but I don't have a car, money, or a job. and I wont be able to get a job until September. *sigh* oh well.

have a nice day and come back soon!!!

so for the past week I've been having these pulsing sensations in my head. I figured they would go away. I was dizzy and light headed. well they kept getting worse and today I finally went to the doctor. he said I was most likely stressing about things. he said that judging but my symptoms I was stressed even if I wasn't aware of it. I thought at the time that I didn't have anything I was stressing over but on the ride home I thought about it and realized that I stress a lot about things.

I find that I stress about two things more than any other things. the first is that I had a dream that I told my parents that I was bi, and they kicked me out of the house. and the second is that I have been having trouble sleeping at night, I think it is because I feel like I need a mate.

neither one I can do a damn thing about!

if anyone has any suggestions on stress relief, share them. if you know someone on the sight who has had problems with stress in the past that might be able to help, please direct me to them. If I don't get my stress down within a couple of weeks I have to go in for some testing. and that wont help with the stress!!!

tagged by  Wolfganghm

"Ok, ask me anything naughty, I will tell you. (maybe...)"

well, I'm sure the cat's out of the bag now. go ahead and ask away.

I don't think I'll tag anyone, but feel free to use this or what ever

took from  fiver16
Month one

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this either as a journal or on you profile.