I dunno what to say

I dunno how to talk to people anymore

It all just becomes meaningless after a while

Why can't a build real connections with people?????


I have so many friends whom I used to talk passionately with about lost of different subject. They don't talk to me anymore... If I talk to them, sometimes they'll answer... If I'm lucky... And in that case they'll be polite but... You can clearly feel they have no desires to talk to me.... They have no curiositiy about me or antything I do, at all, they'll answer with the shortest, most boiled down reply possible without ever engaging further... Its pretty much just like talking to a wall... Obviously I'm not wanted there.

But it has happened so much

With so many people

countless

What is it about me to systematically lead people to that behavior?

Am I this much of a worthless piece of shit???

I just feel like my world is breaking apart.

Things have been getting worst and worst.

Its just... I really don't know how long I can last if things remain as bad as they are now.

The fact is, my life is miserable right now. I'm disabled and right now don't receive enough money to even live on. I've had to borrow money from friends to just afford groceries.

I've already explored all avenues. We live in a cold uncaring society and if you're too weak to take care of yourself... Well, they won't say it out loud but they basically just want you to die. I'm a drain on the economy so I should die. That's what they want... They don't think people like me are even human.

I've tried everything, I've exhausted all my options. I am no longer a human being. To society, I am simply a defective cog that must be thrown out. Garbage to be disposed of.

The whole system is hostile.

You have to fight for everything. Continiously, over and over and you can never rest.

Well I'm getting pretty tired to fight.

I'm exhausted.

I wanna rest.

All my life has been nothing but an uphill battle.

I just wanna rest.

I finally lay down, and close my eyes.

Forever.

Nothing ever brings me joy anymore

I wish I was dead



***Edit:***

Thanks everyone, I'm mostly feeling better now. I'm sorry about this whole thing. **Hugs everyone**

***Edit End***

I'm sorry, had a bad suicidal bit today.


Feeling a bit better now.


**Hugs everyone really tightly**

Its always the same

No one pays attention to me

I am nothing

I am garbage

I am shit

People just ignore me

As usual

I'm gonna jam a knife in my throat

I just want it to stop

I don't belong here

I don't belong anywhere

I just wanna end this meaningless existence

once and for all

Things are getting worst

they keep getting worst

I don't even know why I'm alive anymore

I don't want to be

I want it to end

There's nothing good in this world

***

I wanted to apologize.

Had a really bad depression spiral yesterday and it took me to some really dark places.

Its just really hard... When you're always so alone and you text people and they don't reply.

Over.

And over.

And over.

You just start feeling like nobody cares about you... Like you're just worthless... A piece of trash.

I'm sorry, its just been really hard recently.

***

Gonna hang myself from the bridges

Gonna end it once and for all


***Edit***
Apology
Had a really bad depression spiral yesterday and it took me to some really dark places. Its just really hard... When you're always so alone and you text people and they don't reply.

Over.

And over.

And over.

You just start feeling like nobody cares about you... Like you're just worthless... A piece of trash.
I'm sorry, its just been really hard recently.
***Edit End***

I'm aLWAhvjeswjgfk

I'm always alone

Nobody cares

Nobody talks to me

I'm gonna go jump off a bridge

Been very lonely recently

People don't talk to me

I dunno what to do.

fuck everything

I'm gonna be dead tonight

***

Nothing matters

nothing is real

I need to be dead

***

I can't seem to find happiness in anything.

Man. What's the point of friends?

What's the point of life?

Everything just... Makes you feel empty inside.


Everything is just shit now. Nothing matters.

I just want to be dead.

***

***

Okay, I'm very tired right now so I'll try to be as coherent as I can... But I make no promise.

Okay... so what if you had a soft of group-rp thing but would run it kinda like a board game?


-"Isn't that just dungeons and dragons?"

SSsssshhhuutttt the fuck up Tim, its not what I mean!!!


-So you know like, inn the board game Munchkin, you draw random monster card to battle with.

Well, what if, if you lose you get eaten by the monster? With a little flavor description written on the card?


And like, there's that haunting mansion game were every turn you explore rooms which can trigger a supernatural event.

-Well, what if that event was a monster popping out of the cubboard and it tries to eat you?



What I'm really getting to is, we could make our own haunting munchkin thing, with blackjack, and Sarah Jessica Parker.


-Huh? Huh? Yeah, sounds cool right?

Yeah!

Fuck Yeah! I'm going to jail!!!!


***

If I could make love to a hamburger, I would.

Then it would give birth to many little hamburger children.

Which I would eat

I'm gonna kill mtyself

vkjgfjoksfdlk;mcvdmlk

I dunno who I am

I dunno where I am

I am completely confused right now

I am not myself

I have no idea what's happening

But it feels like this is the end

I'm sorry

Be good, won't you?

Goodbye

I'm just so tired of everything

I just wanna end it all, kill myself

Just be done with this whole damn thing

Fuck

Fuck

I just...

I don't even know...

Everything sucks

It feels like I've forgotten how to be happy

That nothing can ever bring me joy again

I just wanna freaking die

***

Okay so, been working really hard on my new interactive that I started like a week ago (On eka's portal). Yes there still is just one page posted, waiting to have a full branch finished before posting it all at once.

Actually, I'm almost done right now... Just got a tiny bit to finish before posting a complete chapter (if you could call it that)

But just then I've hit a major... MAJOR burn out it seems.

Its so close to finished... Yet I can't even look at the thing right now without feeling sick, let alone work on the damn thing.

Uuuuurrrrggggghhhh

I was so close to have it done ;-;

Now I am sad.

***

I just wanna die

no one luikes me

I just wanna end it LL

ALL
jgj ns

tuylk ms

no one

kvhsdh

***

Life is not aorjgnbkd

worthkj bjf

living

must die

dead is the only way

I wanna kill myself

death must come

***

***

I just dunno... I just can't today... I just wanna end it all.

***