Was at my grandfathers and he was at a lost for words...

Grandfather: So do they have those... Oh what the hell are they... Panini?
Me: The sandwich?
Grandfather: No... Pierogi?
Me: The dumplings?
Grandfather: No dammit, those polack donuts!
Me: Paczki...
Grandfather: Yeah! Do they have them out yet?

"It's a tit bit nipple-ly out there." as told to me by a 70+ year old man.

I like eating lobster, however I can only eat the tail by itself or chunks in different dishes. I just can't eat a full lobster... Me looking at it, it looking at me as almost asking "Does my ass taste good you freak!"

"That's my Lot in life"

Strangers come to town, you offer your two daughters to your neighbors so the strangers won't get butt fucked. Your town is destroyed and your dumb wife looks back... So you end up living in a cave and since there's now no one around your daughters want to preserve your seed, and get you drunk(how the wine survived only god knows) and do the nasty.

Ever drank so much that it took you 5 minutes to figure out that the fuzzy lime you're pealing is a tennis ball?

http://godendag.deviantart.com/art/.....nder-325058237

The only stupid question is the one not asked, however the one that keeps being ask over and over again is a close second.

Was driving my niece home and she seen a sign "Rabbits for sale! Live and dressed!" and wanted to stop and see them. I told her no she didn't want to see those dressed rabbits. After the fit she thrown I was very tempted to allow a trip to see them, however my brother(her father) put a stop to that plan....

"That wasn't a BM, that was a hate crime."

Sometimes wish there was less echo in public lavatories...

Ohio Buckeyes; "Eat our nuts and die!"

*The fruits contain tannic acid, and are poisonous for cattle, and possibly humans.

You can usually tell the major ethnicity of an area by the McDonald's drink menu.

I've come to the conclusion that Smurfs are a magical construct that reproduce through cloning. This is based on there being no original females, Smurfette and Sassatte being golems made by Gargamel and the Smurflings respectively. There is another Nana Smurf but her background is sketchy at best, possibly a failed plan by Balthazar(godfather of Gargamel and probably where he got the spell to make Smurfette from). Also this explains the single facet personalities of the Smurfs, as there is only one perfect clone made per generation. Baby Smurf being the perfect clone of Papa as Papa is to Grandpa Smurf(also the only ones with the ability to use magic.)

Never trust any one with nine fingers, they make bad decisions.

Ever think that during rodeos that the horses trash talk the bulls by chanting "Needle Dick!"?