Still in hospital… just got an update from a Dr that the surgery they had planned for next week is more complex and will require a series of surgeries cause they’ve missed something for the last 4 fucking months! Saying they probably with have to move me to another hospital where the right specialists are…

I don’t know what to do…. I’m so tired of this run around. I hate my body and the stress and not knowing exactly what’s going on. I don’t know how much longer I can deal with this bullshit!

Been quiet for a while. Progress on recovery is slow. Currently in a rehab center due to my blood pressure dropping to blackout if I stand.

It’s depressing, I miss my home, my wife, my pets… I’m bored in here cause I can’t do anything. Worried about finances as disability pay just dropped to long term which costs me 40% of my salary.

Trying to stay optimistic, but almost 5 months of this is a strain…

Hey folks.

Still in rehab, legs are weak and I get tired fast. Doing therapy 5 days a week and exercising on my own. Tired of being in here, food is terrible, and some of the staff seem….. slow.

On Tuesday I fell hard coming out of the shower and was too weak to pick myself up. I hate being this way… I want to go home but that could be worse with how weak I am.

Nothing else to say really…. Hope everyone else is doing well.

Well, last night I was moved to a rehab facility to finish my healing. Need physical therapy to get my walking strength back. Feeling weak as hell…

Pandawife, myself, and drs decided better to go to a facility where I can get daily therapy than come home get therapy twice a week and have issues getting around house.

Also bored, nothing really to do in here. Pandawife is going to bring my laptop when she gets off work so at least I can fiddle around on it. Wi-if here isn’t the best. Until then I got the TV and my phone. Oh, and lying here.

On good news I finally have no open wounds that need to be bandaged anymore. Still have moderate pain, and that can flare up at points. So I am healing, just gotta get past this last hurdle.

Hey folks, sorry for span of time updating but updating on a phone sucks.

Still in hospital, buff I should be moved to a rehab facility this week. I’m weak and tired, still in pain. Who knew a simple surgery would cause so many problems.

I’ve been discharged twice but readmitted due to complications. I’ll try to update more often. Nothing else to report for now.

Hope everyone else stays safe out there.

Well, my recovery just took a major hit.

Sunday night there was a major stabbing pain. Monday morning I was running 101.6 fever and the pain was debilitating. Surgeons orders were to get my ass into the ER.

Result of hours of testing I was rushed into surgery to fix a leak into my abdomen. Now in ICU, fed through IV, and on a lot of pain meds just so I can sleep.

Being told I’ll be in here at least a week. Seems this whole thing has been full of bad luck for me.

I’ll update when I can. Sadly, I gotta miss TFF now. Anyone who is going have fun for me!

Well, one week post surgery and I'm still alive at least. Got follow up appointments next week. Abdomen is in a good bit of pain but the pain killers do no good. If I sit/lie still it's only a 4/10, but if I have to bend over (say drop my cell phone) then it shoots up to at least 8/10. Dr says that's normal, supposedly I'm in the most painful couple days of the healing process when the drugs they had me on are clearing from my system and the internal incisions are healing.

Spending alot of time sleeping/resting to heal as quick as I can. Don't have the energy to do much currently. I do my hourly walk around the house to "promote healing" and then try to keep the dog off my lap. I know she just wants to cuddle and comfort me, but even a 5 pound dog it too heavy to let sit on my stomach.

Thanks for the good thoughts and prayers. I am finally back home with my pandawife. I got another solid three weeks of special diet and everything to be 100% again. But at least now I can heal among loved ones and not antiseptic walls.

Quick update… still n hospital. They listed me as a type 2 diabetes instead of type 1 which led to complications. Like DKA…. Which put me in ICU briefly. It’s been hell….

Well, been having some internet troubles and long hours at work that have kept me from streaming any art, my apologies.

Going to be delayed a bit more as I go in for surgery today with a two-four week recovery. Not my foot this time, but other issues.

I do plan to be at TFF later this month. I need somewhere to unwind after the latest stress.

Hope everyone else is hanging in there and doing well!

Well, despite falling off the radar for a bit I am still alive. Covid in Dec was a beast and the longer term effects of bronchitis and pneumonia are just now dissipating (finally).

Got my video card fixed so I can once again work on the commissions I owe (thank you for the patience). Going to try streaming twice a week when work permits.

Planning on attending TFF in March for some relaxation and to get away from work for a while. Plan to tell my boss I will be unreachable and ignore any calls from work. If they can’t survive a few days without me, they got bigger problems.

General health wise I’m stable. No new issues with my feet and legs, other than they hurt all the time. Might be going in for some surgery to try and repair some of the damage, dunno how effective it will be and we’re weighing those options.

That’s it for this installment of State if the Cougar! Until next time!

Well, been quiet for a bit. Having some computer issues and trying to troubleshoot them. Think my video card might be dying on me as it is the oldest part of the computer.

Thanksgiving with the in-laws was much like I’d expect. Did get to see the new ghostbusters movie, it was good.

Oh, and I was diagnosed with Covid today…. FUCK!!! I did everything I could to avoid this, but it still happens sometimes I guess.

I feel like I was run over by a train. I’m coughing hard enough I feel like I bruised a rib. My sinuses are doing overtime and my entire body aches at an 11.

What a way to spend my birthday week. I had plans to get with some close friends this coming weekend and have fun, but that’s been quashed. Now it’s isolation and lots of fluids.

The pandawife is quarantined with me, her work is finally letting her work from home cause there is no one else who can do her job, not even her manager knows how to do her job.

What a crappy start of the Christmas season.

Well, what has the old cougar been up to?

Slowly healing, currently my feet are doing good, no sores or wounds at this time, but my arm is still limiting how long I can draw for. If I do more than about 30 minutes at a time, I typically pay for it the next few days without being able to move it hardly.

In the early hours of August 26 I got a call from a good friend's wife, he passed out on the floor and died before the paramedics arrived... He was only 37. Official cause, heart attack, which is fairly a normal cause for such a death where they live when no one can afford the $5k for an autopsy. He had no history of heart condition. He was a veteran of Iraq and disabled from injuries received in combat. Right now, helping his widow in any way I can. She has no family to help her, only her close friends. He was like a brother to me and damn I miss him. See something and think about how I would have normally been calling him up and talking with him about it, but now I can't anymore. He left us way too soon...

Art, very slow, writing, even slower.

Working lots of hours due to a lack of personnel still, but that's the nature of the job.

Well, last month has not been kind to this old fella.

On the medical front my right foot is still not healed… but at least no sign of infection either. I fell the other day when my chair slid out from
Under me and appear to have bruised my tailbone. At least I think it’s only bruised. I can sit, just painful. Better when I just lounge like a lazy cougar on the couch. :( still looking at having surgery later this year, in the process of dealing with the tests and exams.

Work is…. well… work! We’re even more short handed cause people think “I’ll just not show up for work today, not even call” (terminated) or “I don’t like my schedule so I’m going to cry about how unfair it is to management” (removed by contractor management). And getting the contract agency to replace officers removed for cause is like pulling teeth… Even though their contract says they will have a suitable replacement within 72 hrs it’s more like 3-6 weeks to get a replacement. We’re operating at about 2/3 staff right now and it means long hours for those of us willing to work.

So things are a little stressful as usual… but at least we’re still alive.

Well, went on vacation with the wife to celebrate our 10 year anniversary. We had some fun, but alot more pain and came home a day early. We agree this was a pain-cation instead of a vacation.

I developed blisters on my feet, LARGE ones, over 3 inches across, that burst and bleed like hell (my sock was entirely red). Was immediately on the phone with my doctor and sending him photos. He gave us instructions and had me send updates. After some scampering around he found the supplies we needed to do the bandaging and hopefully hold infection at bay. We decided to cut our vacation short and come home a day early cause if things went bad and I got an infection would rather be home then abroad when it happened. So we drove through the night and are now home.

Really tired of shit happening to my feet. I did everything the doctor said, and these aren't your normal blisters, they cover damn near the entire of the ball of my feet. I asked my doctor why this happened, he said I'm a big guy with big feet and it's alot of stress of my legs/feet. My left leg the arthritis is bad enough from trying to counter the injuries to my right foot that I can do little more than walk. Standing up from a couch or other low seat is hard.

I just want to be normal, but being 6'9" means nothing is normal for me. My wife says I age in giant years... If you every wanted to be as big as me, trust me it ain't worth it. I would gladly be short just to avoid the problems I've had for being so big.

I'm trying to stay upbeat and not let this depress me, but it's hard. I just don't know what to do some days.

Well folks, halfway through April and finally giving an update on this old cat.

Drawing has been very slow, the pain in my right arm flares up randomly and then and takes days to die down to a manageable point. It feels like a knife stabbing from my elbow to my wrist and makes it hard to even type let along hold a stylus or pencil. So... art and writing is slow and I thank everyone for the patience while I struggle through things.

Pandawife and I got fully vaccinated start of April, and no I don't want to hear anything about how dangerous doing so is... Got into a situation with a friend of my sister already that had me seeing red. I say you do your research, talk with your trusted doctor, and make your choice. She wanted to run my life cause she "knows best" cause she's a professional in the medical field... She's a physical therapist's assistant, last I checked that isn't a doctor and she has no medical degree. Well, I knew how to kick her ass out of my house too.

And I am back to working in the office part of the week, working from home the other part.

It's been hard to not let stress overwhelm me at times I'll admit, see above about my sister's friend, but I'm sure that's been true for most of us over this last year of all kinds of crap. Here's to hoping we can all get back to a peaceful normal again. I miss being able to go out to the movies, shows, and have large gatherings with my friends.

Until next month, y'all stay safe and stay healthy.

Heyo folks.

Your friendly neighborhood crazy cougar still here, still alive.... I think.

Well, spent the last month recovering from surgery. Saw Dr this morning and the verdict is good so far, next two weeks will tell if I am 100% or not.

Got the medical bill for my hospital stay.... just under $70,000! I hate medical billing in the US. I am working (arguing) with my insurance to get them to cover as much as I can. When it's all said and done, I'm probably looking at about $5-10K out of pocket. And people wonder why I hate privatized healthcare.

My arm is doing better too, and I'm able to draw a bit, so I'm working on my list bit by bit.

I'm sure y'all heard of the crazy weather in Texas the other week. Lowest temps in more than 20 years. We were very fortunate to not lose power so the cougar and panda are not meat popsicles thankfully.

Mentally, dealing with some issues as I'm sure we all are. The world is just a crazy place these days and I miss seeing friends face to face. I am trying to be optimistic for 2021, so let's take a deep breath and we'll see how it goes.

Not much else to chat about right now. Hope everyone is staying safe out there and thanks again for the well wishes while dealing with my medical issues.

Heyo all!

I want to say thank you again for all the well wishes, I do believe positive thinking help with healing. Good ol mind over matter and all that.

Good news, I'm finally home... I never thought I'd be so happy again!!!

I'm taking things easy, I am working from home, but not going to push myself and allow myself to get stressed out too bad over things. (yeah right...)

Got a followup appointment next week and am off the foot until further notice, 2-6 weeks probably. Which since it's my right foot means I can't drive either, especially with this wrap and heavy boot on my leg.

Now it's just waiting, resting, and recovering.

Thanks for all the well wishes.

Well, surgery is over. I'm told everything went well. My foot looks like the mummy with one toe (the big one) poking out LOL. I'm finding alot of things funny right now, to keep my spirits up.

They did manage to keep me asleep thankfully, I was out for a solid four hours, best sleep I've had in the hospital to date.

So now it's back in the room... waiting... Expectation is I should get released on Tuesday if there are no complications. *Crosses fingers*

Well, it's official. Tomorrow I go in for surgery to remove some more infected bone from my foot. I hate surgery... I'm always afraid I won't wake again. Or, like my first one, I'll wake up in the middle of it. While I couldn't feel anything direct, the feeling of a bone saw vibrating through your leg... I don't wish it on anyone. I was joking with the surgeon while it was happening to keep myself from panicking.

Surgery is scheduled for sometime around noon tomorrow. If everything goes well I'll be home again on Tuesday. *crosses fingers* I hope everything goes well.

Trying to not let myself get worked up, but the stress of sitting here and waiting drains the soul. I'm trying to keep my spirits up with audiobooks and my Switch. But there's only so much of that I can do in one go.

I'll probably post again tomorrow night after I'm no longer drugged up.

Hey ya'll,

January, and I feel like 2021 told 2020 to hold it's beer and watch this.

Start off, I'm back in a hospital. Infection/wound I've been dealing with for about 2 months finally got to the point the DR said that's it, you're going on IV antibiotics before this takes part of your foot. So I'm looking at about a week here in the hospital. I'm sick of this routine... Someone needs to invent the nanites from Dr Who that could heal anything.

The end of Dec was bad, a year since mom passed and it still hurts. Covid keeping friends at arm's reach doesn't help either for my mental state.

Art has been hard to do. Developed a pain they are saying is just tennis elbow, but it's bad enough I can only draw for about 10 minutes at a time. Kinda limits how much I can do. They want to do all kinds of tests before they treat it, but those have been delayed... I think my body hates me.

I am still thankful for my family and friends, though I never say it enough.

There are things this year I am looking forward to, May will be 10 years I've been married to my lovely pandawife, and that's quite a milestone in my book. Maybe 2021 won't be all bad... (crosses fingers and goes to find a rabbit's foot to rub for luck, gets weirdboy look from The Poacher)

Hey y'all.

Been busy lately, so not been online like I wanted. Been doing alot of repairs to house that took nearly all my free time over the last month or so. Internet and/or computer has been working intermittently and not well enough to stream anything, we might have gotten that fixed finally... I hope.

Also had a few minor medical complications that have made things a pain. Sores on my feet and legs that are in hard to bandage areas and impossible for me to see. With the loss of feeling in my feet, these are requiring weekly visits to the doctor to keep an eye on them.

Art has been on hiatus these last two months while we work on the house. Hoping now that there is an end in sight I can catch my breath and spend some time drawing to relax.

Hope everyone is staying safe out there and keeping healthy!!!

Well, year's nearly over, and I'm ready for it to be over. Plague, storms, fires, family deaths, etc.

Been fighting depression alot lately and now sleeping well. Not getting outside while recovering from surgery not helping probably.

My aunt finally lost her battle with cancer, at least she's at peace now and she had a good long life. She held on for weeks longer than they thought she would.

Been working long hours lately, dealing with issues that seem to crop up at work all the time, even weekends when I'm supposed to be off. That's partly why not been seen online of late. but with a couple of projects finally coming to an end, I hope to have time to draw and relax again.

I want to say thank you to my commissioners for your patience, 2020 has been rough. I hope to be streaming again this week.

Y'all stay safe out there, and stay healthy!

Well, things have been rough so far this month.

Still healing from the surgery, another 4 weeks estimate where I need to stay off my foot.

Tried streaming a few times, and picarto has been problematic so not been able to. I've even tried twitch for streaming to no luck. My ISP has had a fairly good connection with a decent to good speed. Thinking strongly of going back to Tigerdile.

Yesterday was a hard day. I woke up to my mother's dog hardly able to move. His health has been declining and we've been doing everything the vet could recommend. But when I saw him not able to come back in after I put him out to use the yard I broke down crying. He could barely stand and couldn't step over the threshold of the door. Calling the Vet they had me bring him in. I told them of his recent behaviors and how he's been struggling. It was decided that his quality of life was on a steep decline and it was time to let him rest. I was broken-hearted to say good bye to the last living connection with my mother. But I know he's gone to a better place where he can cuddle with mom and no longer be in pain.

I'm still having bouts of crying at the memory. But he was a rescue dog and lived to exceed the age of 16 long years. He had a good life of love and caring.

That's it for this month so far. 2020 really fucking sucks!!!

Well, the surgery went pretty well.

I am currently recovering and unable to get around much. Dr told the pandawife to NOT let me walk for a week. Being a large man, he's worried about the screws holding parts of my foot together breaking under the strain until bone grows back to fuse the parts that needed to be repaired. So other then brief trips on a kneeling scooter to the bathroom I am stuck on the couch for now.

So lying on the couch with my foot open and watching some streamed movies. Dr expects 6 weeks for full recovery but I should be able to get around a little better in a week. I am hoping that this stop the long running issues I've had the last two years.