Ill be going to RF, MFF, FC, and Vancofur. I will also be going to Eurofurence next year and maybe CFz? Also I am thinking about AC and Megaplex next year too (which I just learned is my birthday con :D)

A new journal ^w^...ive got nothing *goes back to plush things*

I broke up with my girlfriend of three years because we both came to learn over the course of that time that I am actually gay and not asexual. My asexuality was but an artifact of me repressing who I was to protect myself in the family and culture I grew up in and I had been suppressing it so long that I lost sight of who I was. She helped me refind who I was and even though we broke up on good terms and mutually, it doesn't hurt any less.

So my heart was thus shattered because I loved her...dearly and truely...

After my breakup, I made the mistake of confiding that I was gay to a family member. It then spread to my relatives and thus Hurricane Drama was formed. Flash floods of "your going to hell" winds of "love the sinner hate the sin" and the occasional clap of "you are just confused" My heart has not only been shattered, but now I feel as though the pieces are being scattered.

I actually snapped on one person who told me I was making the wrong choice and would go to hell if I didn't change my ways. I asked them what kind of idiot would choose to take a hammer to their own heart and the one they loved like that? Who would choose to live a lifestyle that would cause him (a now former friend) and my family to turn on me.

I have never been so tempted to burn bridges especially when they are the ones pouring gas on it.

The above is also why I was not at Vancoufur even though I had already paid and stuff...so for those who were looking forward to seeing me there, I apologize...I really do. I did not trust myself to go there and not have a breakdown.

I got broken up with after a nearly 3 year relationship. I do not want this vancoufur to be a mourning con. If I am up for it, I will go. otherwise, i wont be...sorry...i am off to bed now...i have been up 48 hours and yeah...awr *flops down and curls up*

Ill be there friday night and leaving sunday morning, so it will be a relatively short stay, but yeah...ill be there!

*in jigsaw voice*

Hello there...I want to play a game. Up until now, you have spent your whole life seeking cuddles...to be held, caressed, made to smile and share in happiness with another. You have what some might call...an addiction. I believe you want to lose yourself to that addiction.

*you feel plush me starting to wrap himself around you*

You are going to be cuddled and hugged until all your awakeness is stolen from you. You can make it stop at anytime by simply leaving. Will you be able to break your addiction in time? Succumb to sleep or simply walk away. Make your choice.

*video cuts out and cuddles begin*

I have been dealing with depression and social anxiety for a long time that has steadily been getting worse. I attempted counseling and got essentially told to deal with it and whatnot, so...yeah...I don't feel like doing much of anything anymore right now. Not even interested in things I normally love, like my plushsuit I might go to bed early so I dont have to think about anything right now

In addition to my current plushsuit, I am working on getting a red panda plushsuit for RF this year :3 only problem is then I'll have to decide which I wanna wear >.< perhaps I should stick a friend in the other >:3

I hope you all had a wonderful day :3 I got to spend the day with friends and loved ones...to consume all the food and watch some movies. Tonight I will be crawling into my plush sleeper again for hugs and snuggles :D

Because I can't be at MFF and I know several in Seattle won't be there either, I am going drinking in Capital Hill tonight if anyone is looking for company. I will be at the Cuff starting at 7 cause happy hour there is amazing.

Anyways, if anyone wants to come, feel free to. DMing me on twitter or skype or something will be an easier way to get ahold of me.

So this month I am expecting two new things:

1. A plushie-style sleeper kinda like this one: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8624452/ except for my wolf :3
2. A full on plush suit that I ordered a year a half ago. It was supposed to be my first fursuit, but given circumstances, it will technically be my second since I ordered and got another during that time. I am super excited about this one because it was my original conceptualization of my wolf and I love the guys style more than any other maker I have seen.

So if everything comes together as it should, I will have 2 plushsuits, a fursuit, and sleeper in all by the end of the month >.> I may be addicted to the fluffy...

So I had plans to wear my plushsuit tonight and the other guy canceled. I got depressed and as a result, another friend offered to help me be a plush for the night. I suck because I couldn't bring myself to say yes. I passed up an opportunity that I have yet to experience and have really been wanting to because I shut down. I suck at asking people to stuff me in my plushsuit or even lock me in it and I apparently suck at allowing myself the experience even when I don't have to ask.

I feel even worse now. I can't even contact him now to take him up on the offer because his phone is dead...so I really am fucked now and probably wont get this opportunity again for a while :(

Last night for halloween, I got to go around downtown and capital hill in Seattle last night with some friends wearing my suit as a partial and my wolf hoodie (I was a wolf wearing a wolf hoodie :3 ). It was a lot of fun and it was interesting listening to all the comments from people which ranged from "What does the fox say?!?" to "Furries ruin everything :P "

I need to suit about more often, it was awesome

I will be at the when furballs strike bowling this Saturday *squees* I'm gonna bring my fursuit...maybe my plushsuit haven't decided yet which.

I slept ate again last night...This time it was cereal >.< I have slept ate since around middle school when I hit my growth spurt and I have learned that when I do sleep eat, while rare, my body will not stop until I wake up or it finds food. Back in university, this led to me waking up at an Ihop about a mile away from my dorm...

Last summer, I commissioned a fursuit...a plushiesuit that was my initial conceptualization of my character. The suit I have now from Dombrus I love and adore...he really pulled through, but I still am waiting on that suit too. The problem is, I have not seen any progress pics during this time, communication has been lacking at times (I do get occasional communication but it is few and far between). I have been told multiple times "It will get done soon" with nothing to show for it. Normally one would just ask for their money back and move on right? See that is why I am in a limbo of sorts.

This maker's style I love and adore, they were the only ones willing and able to do what I wanted, and I have seen suits come out from him (just ones that were ordered after mine). I have two choices: continue to wait it out and hope it actually gets done or attempt to get my money and go elsewhere. The problem with going elsewhere is I would want a Midori suit. But by the time I get my money back, I would have to wait 6ish months for the queue to open then another 6-12 months to get the suit...a year and a half total.

I am at a loss of what to do with this...waiting for him is still the most viable option because the expected time to suit elsewhere is still high, but I am also really tired of being led along, shown no pics, or not responded to sometimes for months at a time. I am really tempted to ask for my money back, but I know I wont get it all back and then I would have nothing. I have tried being patient and flexible, but idk...I am reaching my end.

I guess the heart of the issue is it has been so long and difficult to work with this that I am no longer excited for it like I once was :( I have written it off as a loss because I am losing hope that I will ever see it...I saw a suit he made at RF and that gave me hope because he had just finished it recently, until I learned the suit was commissioned after mine...

I do have to thank Dombrus though for actually freaking doing what I paid him to do. If it were not for him, I would not have anything at all. At least I have a suit thanks to him.

Sorry for the rant, its just...depressing because I feel let down about this and don't know what to do. I could wait or give up on what was supposed to be my first fursuit...my original idea for who I was... and wait another year to a year and a half for something that wouldnt feel like me or my character as much.

TL:DR I have become sadly indifferent and not caring about a fursuit commission from a long time ago especially now that I havey Dombrus order

Who all lives in the downtown area? I spend most of my nights and weekends alone and am looking to try and meet more people/hang out more. I would love getting drinks or watching movies or something with people :3

Rainfurrest 2013 was both my first furry con and my first time suiting. It was AMAZING!

Thursday:
I had work, but was able to head there right after. I met up with  wolfpuptk and  thestripedone who helped me wear my plushiesuit and then proceeded to give me ALL THE HUGS! I think they might just be addicted or something...idk. Anyways after suiting for a bit, I went to the dance then bed.

Friday:
I kinda just wandered the con with various people during the morning, suited a bit in the afternoon, got dinner with various people, and went to the dance again. I went to dealers room and bought some stuff, went to a panel or two, and met even more people :3 I even went to the dealers room while in suit to get a fursuit collar :P

Saturday:
The morning was devoted to cereal and cartoons and ice cream at the social! I sadly had to miss marching in the parade since I couldn't find help wearing my suit, but it was awesome watching the parade. With everyone in the parade or otherwise busy, I didn't get to suit at all today, so I spent my time meeting awesome new people and just wandering the con.

Sunday:
I got to suit a bit with  thestripedone  zarroc89 and others. I had work the next day, so I went home early and had my own solo deaddog at a local tavern in downtown Seattle that had Mead and other such deliciousness. Being the only one there allowed me to chat it up with the bartender :)

Anyways, I got to meet a lot of super awesome people (more than is feasible to list here) but I am thankful for meeting each and everyone of them and am grateful to those who helped me suit.

I really need to stop looking up words I don't know that I see flying around on TMITuesday...my mind as been blown twice and I think I threw up a little on another one >_>

Also if you have any questions for me, now is the time. Life, fur, kink, i dont care. Ask away.

Rainfurrest 2013 was not only my first furry con but also my first time suiting with my first fursuit.

I am at a lack of words to describe how amazing it was. Every second was amazing. Seeing myself in the mirror made me both squee and blush at the same time. Seeing the smiles on others faces as they got hugs from a giant plush wolfie made me smile doubly so.

Even seeing myself in the mirror multiple times and seeing the smiles and joy of others over and over again, I still reacted the same...with a smile.

I even shed man tears of joy :3

If you or anyone you know has photos of me can you send them my way? I have no photos of me in suit and I kinda want to try and get one to commemorate my first suit at my first convention

Not only is this my first rainfurrest but it is also my first furry convention. So far it has been awesome. I have met many new and awesome people, I have been able to use my new plushsuit (though I wish I could wear it for more than three hours at a time >.< ) and yeah...it's awesome. I got a new badge and stuff that I will post later.


Today I don't know what I am going to do. I really want to join the fursuit parade but my plushsuit doesn't have outdoor feet and most of the parade is outdoors. With pretty much everyone else doing that I don't think I'll be able to get to suit today, so maybe I'll just wander or something...idk, we shall see.

Rule 1 of Hug-etiquette: Never don't give hugs!

Rule 2 of Hug-etiquette: Be sure to wrap your arms (and maybe legs) all the way around.

Rule 3 of Hug-etiquette: Be sure to either squee in delight or nuzzle deeper into the fur during longer or special hugs.

Rule 4 of Hug-etiquette: If you are unsure, always ask first. We must be considerate of the feelings of the un-hugged.

Rule 4.5 of Hug-etiquette: Unless you are a plush :3 then give all the hugs!

Rule 5 of Hug-etiquette: Be sure to give your fellow hug dispensers hugs. They are a give and take thing, not just a take.

Rule 6 of Hug-etiquette: No certification or training is required for hugs. Anyone who tells you otherwise should be hugged :P

Rule 7 of Hug-etiquette: If you see a plushie, hug it *cough cough points to self*

Rule 7.5 of Hug-etiquette: But in all seriousness, that is what plushies are there for...hugs. Use them on sight.

Rule 8 of Hug-etiquette: Hugs are not forever, but the feelings and memories can be. Treat every hug like your last hug.

Rule 9 of Hug-etiquette: Let the person who initializes the hug dictate how the hug goes. Different people hug for different reasons.

Rule 9.5 of Hug-etiquette: the hug initializer needs to be aware that the hugee has needs and wants from the hug too.

Rule 10 of Hug-etiquette: Screw the rules! Hugs are freaking amazing! Just do it :P

Rule 10.5 of Hug-etiquette: *hugs you* see, that wasn't so bad was it?

I arrive at rainfurrest Thursday night after work and need to spread my hug zombie virus. Any help people provide to get me into my plushsuit would be appreciated. I promise to give you hugs and thanks for helping me get my suit on.

If you are interested in unleashing a HUG ZOMBIE on RF Thursday night lemme know :3

When winter gets closer, I was wondering if um...err *blushes* someone would help me wear my plushiesuit overnight or something *hides* I kinda want to try being a plush overnight for a friend or someone if they would like it *blushes even more*