Hello everypony. I have something i have been wanting to talk about for quite long, a thought that striked me a few years back and just have gotten traction lately due to my realization of my own limitations.

But before i go there, i want to thank everypony who enjoys my streams (despite the long waits in between, seriously, your patience is very appreciated <3) thank you for joining and making my day a little brighter and in return i hope i put a smile here and there.

Now for the main topic. As meny of you know, i have a very “vague” commission policy, and while it have hurt me a bit to be so vague about it all, i still think it was my right choice based upon my own mental health and mindfulness and i can only hope that some understanding can be seen in this decision. That said, i still struggle alot with my self esteem aside from my struggle with social cues and anxiety. While i dont want to go on a rant about how i feel and think and all that, i can only say that its abit complicated and i dont expect much understanding from the way i view certain things.

For the past few years, i have been taking some commissions from friend, friends i feel i can trust closely and people who have a place in my heart. Unfortunately, this unprofessional approach to taking commissions weren't all problem free. While i could trust people more, it also brought new emotional issues with it that just made it feel just as difficult. I don’t do the streams because i need economic support at all, it was/is more of a confident booster to myself to maybe harden myself to what life awaits me out there, and it did. It gave me confidence to try, it gave me some self esteem, knowing that i do have some worth in a few people's eyes, and it also made me more happy with my skills.

But while it did help me a great deal with certain things, it unfortunately brought other things with it, things i can't deal with mentally at all. It really starts to mess up my life as i am prone to alot of dumb routines, such as bad sleep patterns, forgetting to eat or eat properly, and when i factor in the amount of stress i feel from a pressure lurking from a comission i know i need to finish, i simply dont get anything done. I am forever inspired and touched by all the artists out there who can manage this sort of life, and my heart goes out to you all for putting through with the things that i can not ..

It is with a very heavy heart, that i will announce that i will take no more commissions anymore.

I am so sorry for everyone who have yet to have or have wanted a piece from me, and it truly strikes me right in my chest thinking about it. I know meny must feel cheated or sad, but i can ensure you that i will not stop drawing ponies or vore at all.

When i am done with this current commissions, i will cease taking commissions at all, im sorry, but i have to take care of my own health and it took me some time to realize this.

It was .. surprisingly good! At times you kinda get a feeling that they could have used better words, but as for the pacing, it felt smooth, slick and amazing <3

I was sad to hear that my cinemas only had the danish dub locally, but i got around and saw it in english! **raises a glass** toast for friendship and harmony to ya'll! <3

ps: yarr!

Haii sillies!

/)^3^(\!

Its about time i share some news with you as i have been making some changes both at home and been adjusting my times to better make time for artz and livestreams in general.

First i wanna talk about Derpibooru, as some knows i’ve not been uploading there myself, but i have a verified artist account there and i plant to use it for the time ahead. Usually i just upload to the following sites: Furaffinity, Ayion (Eka’s Portal) and Tumblr. Then my art is shared about from there freely and i was fine with that. But i have a few plans in store for the near future where i will work on getting on Inkbunny and derpibooru myself so i think it will get abit convoluted if more copies of the artwork get uploaded to the site, i hope you can understand!

Now, for the livestreaming part, i plan to stream from 20:00 - 24:00 my time which will be about 13:00 - 17:00 in America, or from 1pm to 5pm if you will.
I will say that it will mostly be during mondays, tuesdays and wednesdays, but i will not count out thursdays and fridays as i might be able to some of those days aswell. Most of the time in weekends i wont be able to stream as im usually at my parents place at the time in a weekly visit.
I will also add that none of the above times is obligatory to myself, meaning that it wont allways be the case that i stream there and i might do some swift changes and stream abit earlier some days and whatnot, i try to not keep it planned TOO well as i like some space and freedom to alter my day abit to my comfort when need be.

Finally, lets jump to.. finances. Normally i have not really taken money for most of my stuff, but i certainly have been doing commissions when i felt like it but that have slowly worn me out. I want to try to make content that everybody can enjoy whilst i am also financially supported. I decided not to use patreon but instead just a subscribe option to my Picarto account!

I want to bring out content while also maintaining an interrest in it, so i just opened up the option of subscribing to me if your sweet heart desires.
You can do so here: https://picarto.tv/GTSdev

If you aren’t too keen on a monthly subscription model, then theres also a little donation jar riiiiiiight here: paypal.me/fabiafidus

All of these things keep things optional for both you guys and me, so i treat this as a winwin situation <3

I hope this little update shred some light on things and i hope you sillies will have a great day! ^3^

So eh hehe, the moving took a little longer than expected, ran into some issues that needed to be adressed before moving in, but from this monday i will finally be sleeping at my brand new appartment! :)

It has been strange, but im so happy about the neighbours in the area, they seem sweet and kind adn very much, well, like me!!

In other news, i have been incredibly busy with playing world of warcraft with the same friends i started playing with 10 or 11 years ago! World of Warcraft means quite alot to me as its the very thing wich sepperated all the good from the bad during my late childhood and teen years, so i thank blizzard for that!


I have to apology even though im constantly reminded not to, about my inactivity. At my early times at ekas portal, i used to be incredibly active as a main interrest, but thing is i live on the flow of things and i never truly commit to anything. Some would say thats a bad thing, others believe it could be a good thing but i dunno, all i know is that it works for me, so to anyone hoping for more arts, it might come back, it all depends on what catches my interrest as time goes by.

I tend to latch onto interrests in a long time, but then switch to something else after, and then back again but i cant really tell why and when, i guess its normal but what do i know.

Oh! and i have also been writing and writing alot before i go to bed each day, and im writing a story, developping characters and a world that have been stuck in my head since i were 12 or so .. and ive been wanting to realize that story.

But mind you, im not a writer, i dont have the finesse to put the right words in the right timing or to emphasize emotions correctly through text, but what i DO know is how to do it with comics, so the story is just a note and a template and a layout for a world im trying to realize.

Its just a thing i do in the offtime but i am quite confident in it.

i wont give any details on this world for now sorry, but i might in the future. Either way, stay happy and glorious sillies, and dont get eaten <3

Hello sillies, i just wanted to say that i have returned from my trip to london, and that im sorry that i didnt really announce i was going there at all xD either way, it was really interresting.

I got alot of insight in Great Britain's historical, archeologic and architectic greatness from the city alone. I've been to a alot of places throughout europe in my life and i feel london is the most preserved of them all.

Whilst i was abit disappointed with the food culture of england not living up to so much we hear about, and that the rooms that i had wasnt that great, i still was happy that i got to see all the things london had to offer, specificly visiting the Museum of natural history, riding london eye and also seeing the iconic landmarks upclose.

also, hyde park is a great place to catch pokemon >w<

The first few days were harsh for me as i dont really get along very well in large crowds and it made me feel very often that i just needed to get back to my hotel room ASAP, but the last 2 days were alot better as we visited larger areas that didnt have that high density.


Im glad that i have experienced london for the first time in my life, but i can only handle so much adventure at a time~ im glad to be home again <3

Hello sillies, what a wonderful time it is to be a geek am i right? Pokemon go have struck the world and obviously im one of them hunters too :D
Currently im level 15 so not TOO much but still up there with a snorlax of cp 1440(ish) and i can only say that this game have improved alot of things about the issues i face with anxiety and too little exersize and it have made me so much happier, i can now both understand and feel how it is to be alive, and im so thankful of you guys, all of you, thank you for still caring while im occasionally on hiatus, im allways one of ya <3

In other news, i have gotten myself an appartment, and its a place of my own while im living close to or around others with the same issues i face everyday, and i have seen the appartment and i love it! I cant wait to move in there on september the first, and when that happens i feel a little more secure now that i will have my own place and i feel more comfortable in doing "odd" things, specificly drawing vore >w< yeah, sometimes i struggle abit with shame and that stuff, but i feel more accepted with time, as i know my brother, my parents and my aunt all knows i like my little pony and also that i like alot of lone time when i draw so i suppose they sorta know whats going on and accepting it, and im glad about that.

Im sorry i havent been on in along time, i struggled abit with some email issues when FA went through the password resets and all that, but i got it fixed and i just wanted to talk with you guys cuz ya alot in my mind everyday c: thank you so much, i hope you all stay silly!~

Im writing this while on my phone as im laying in my bed so please have mercy grammernazi.


Im sorry that i keep pestering and bothering with these rants instead of making content for you guys, but im just at a complete halt in my life that seems to have no direction or goal. Ive been stuck with doing something i think i like while not being entirely sure and just looking forward to the next big thing that can get my attention and steer me away from my past. But it seems almost impossible to get away from it, the fact that im growing up, the fact that i learn things i dont want to know, and the fact that i keep struggling with this storm of emotions.

I dont want to lash out on anyone, i dont want to make anyone feel resposible for what has happended to me anymore, i just want a home again, and i feel that ive lost my footing on that ground.

Im floating in a place where i feel alone despite knowing i have my friends on skype to attend to. I feel empty and more emotionless as time passes with this condition im in, and i honestly feel that its slowly tearing on me physocally too.

For a long time, ive completely sat aside the fact that i used to draw and neglected that im an artist, as it only reminded me of my worst times of my life. Saying this also means its obviously hard for me to even go on ekas and look at my tablet anymore..

I acturally allways despited the word "artist".. it sounds abit "diva" like, as if we or they have more of an affinity than any other person. I do not like that so i refrain for using that word for the most part.

Anyways, im not sure what i want to do with myself at this stage as ove tried so much, but dostancing from what caused me the pain only seem to cause another problem: to distance myself from my friends.. and i dnt want that, but that is what has happended.

I feel like an empty shell, having no concrete clnversation to have and loneliness and more grief surrounded me.

I was utterly torn in a mix between anxiety and grief when i had my first downfall, but it have turned more grim since then. Ive had bad thoughts, thoughts of anger, revenge and selfproclaimed justice if that isnt the same thing.. connecting the puzzle to individuals i feel have caused me an unrepairable pain.

Its thoughts i get after years of trying, trying to distance me away from my past, trying to do something that is not me: getting interrested in politics, psychology and physics.. things i didnt normally consume myself in.. which i now wish i havent..

I feel like im just passing the day without a purpose, and looking at the tablet and drawing, it doesnt feel fulfilling anymore, i dont know what to do.

I feel every breath i take become heavier on my chest, and i dont shower that regurally anymore and i dont really tend my chores, i honestly feel it matters little in my long run as i see lesser of a reason to acturally breath.

I need all the help i can get, but im at the point im not even sure what kind of help i can get anymore.

Hey everyone, this is just gonna be another little rant blog, so if these things bother ya, please just dont read it, i kinda just need to talk about a few things.

since the start of december last year, i've been feeling really great, alot better than i ever remember i've been feeling before. I were through a deppression i've been fighting with for almost 2 years now, but i finally feel im slowly learning how the waves of life move, i feel i can co-exist with more and more of what the negativity the life has to bring, but of course, i could'nt do it without the proffesional help, the meds, my family, and of course, my friends <3

Ive been off the meds for 3 months now, because i was starting to feel a little better, and im glad that its over, that said, i'm never gonna be the same person again as the one i were. As much as i would like to be the same, i feel ive learned too much truth in the last coupple of months, so much so that im tackling it in a whole other way than i used to. I have become abit spiteful, ive become abit more determined with myself, and a little more selfconfident in my beliefs. But i also know that this way of thinking have turned against me more, as i get in heated debates often which ends friendships sometimes, or well, thats atleast what my fear is telling me it does. I guess the point im trying to make is, that it is very hard to both be humble and cheerful, while also having firm beliefs, but im stuck in a middleground here which i feel i cannot control so well, not yet at least ..

On one hoof, being firm to my beliefs makes me confident, it makes it feel like i can do something about myself. but on the other .. being humble and "nice" i feel i become lazy and laid back, never really doing anything with myself, even though ill make more smiles around me.

Its hard growing up, and thats a fact i think we all share, but even when growing up, i still need to make a choice if i want to be mature.



I've decided closing the commissions for now after finishing the current one im working on. Ill also rework the "will do's and wont do's" aswell as pricing and plans for when i open the comissions again. Im thankful that i got to finally make comissions, it gave me hope and selfconfidense, and im hoping to make something of it again sometime soon. So thank you abunch.

To those of you that contacted me about commissions, ill still keep the list around and contact ya when i open again, because im gonna do it abit different next time.


/) silly, out.

--- Commissions, read below --- one slot left, will pick soon.
Heya sillies! Sorry for my absense, but i am not dead! (woo!) *cough cough* so yeah, lets get right down to it? First, how are you all doing?! good? great! Next, that finale was amazingly satisfying, don't ya'll think? :D
Okey, maybe i should just get to the point! What is going on atm, is that i've been practicing in my sparetime, and most recently i made a commission for a friend, just drawing an OC sheet for him and after it all i thought that maybe i should start trying to do some commissions and stuff.

I've been thinking ALOT about doing comissions, but i never know where to start, i really just want you guys to have the option to have a chance of getting something in my style .. ive been seeing so meny who have pm'ed me, asking if i can do this or that, or if im open to commissions. In some way it saddens me because i dont give em what they want, but in another good way, it strenghtes my selfestime, knowing that my scribbles really ARE wanted.
Though, its no surprise that i allways found doing commisions abit scary or a general fear of not performing as well as i should! aswell as the commitment i will have to put into it to not disappoint. So, while i want to do comissions, it will have to be on more or less my own strict terms, i really hope you understand, i really hate formalities like this so i try not being too serious about it xD


Before i go into talking about how you comission me, i will take some time to fully thank you for your support, even when it seems im absent at times, you still seem to support me. Thank you all <3
Also, i must say, that i really do not want to come across as a sellout .. i honestly do not seek economic support as im doing fine on that matter, but as stated earlier, i dont want to leave out the option to have something drawn from my hands.
So, this is for you all, not for me. I hope you will understand.

First, i wanna talk about when and for how long i will do the comissions, and what i mean by this is how you will contact me if you want a comission from me, and how/when i work.

So, after you have read all these terms, all you have to do is send me a pm, preferably on my FA or EKAS and then talk out IN ONE MESSAGE PLEASE what you want to see, you know, just short details to catch my interrest such as: "i want my oc drawn in a vore artwork in lineart only with background" and so on, just small details, because this brings me to the next point; I will pick from the list myself at what i feel like doing, so im very sorry if you even were the first to message i might not pick yours :( i hope you can understand.
Next, when i message you, we can talk final details like: "Do you want me to stream it for you? what colour is your oc? " and so on. I want to know as much as possible at this point :)

Next, i want to talk about pricing. Im not economicly threatened, so i dont rush to get as much out as possible, i take my time with my stuff. But still, i am human like everyone else so dosh matters XD, so if you TRULY want a piece from me desperately, you are welcome to reel me in with a big price in the first PM, this could work to get me to draw something i usually dont :p
As for general price, i wish i could just flat put out what each theme costs, but as i mentioned earlier, its really a matter of if you REALLY want it or not. But if i have to give you some expectations it would be along as follows:


((OBS! the prices are definate, meaning that if you pay for a LINEWORK character for example, you do NOT also pay for the sketches, dont worry, prices are as stated and based on the finished work!))

---

Characters
Rough sketch: $8
+ Each Extra character beyond that: $5

FINED sketch (with shading): $12
+ Each Extra character beyond that: $8

LINEWORK: $17
+ Each Extra character beyond that: $12

FULLY COLOURD (flat): $18
+ Each Extra character beyond that: $13

FULLY COLOURD and SHADED(or cellshaded): $25
+ Each Extra character beyond that: $20

---

Backgrounds
Rough sketch. (for each panel): 5$
Rough sketch. (for main/all image): 9$

FINED sketch (with shading)(for each panel): 11$
FINED sketch (with shading)(for main/all image): 15$

LINEWORK (for each panel): 14$
LINEWORK (for main/all image): 19$

FULLY COLOURD (flat)(for each panel): 19$
FULLY COLOURD and SHADED(or cellshaded)(for main/all image): 30$

---

Extras

+ Fully colourd detail/specials/effects/drools: +5$

---

Example commission: 2 FULLY COLOURD and SHADED characters in a FULLY COLOURD and SHADED full image with no panels is roughly = 75$

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18481665/


Remember, above mentioned prices are ROUGHLY ESTIMATED. Prices may change depended on the performance and time spend on the image aswell as your ability to persuade me! :D
Yes, i might be expensive, but remember its up to you if you truly want a piece from me, so i hope you can show some understanding <3 remember i luv you.

---

Finally, now that pricing is done, i will now write the TOS: "TERMS OF SERVICE!" (Please keep in mind that they sound very direct, but its something that has to be said)

1. If you commision me, you give me rights to post the finished image, the WIP(work in progress) AND different versions of the image, on my FA and my EKAS portal. I will ASK you if i may also upload on my tumblr.
2. If you commision me, you understand and will credit GTSdev wherever you choose to upload the image.
3. If you havent been able to fully guide the drawing after your needs (not being able to be there during production), the outcome wont be changed, but a POSSIBLE refund may be discussed.
4. If you find the outcome rather unsatisfying and if you HAVE been watching the drawing process and only tell me afterwards that you do not like it, you will not be allowed any adjustments, refunds or changes.
5. If you commision me, you accept that the artist works with no deadlines and is entitled to prolong the drawing if its deemed nessisary to his needs. However, i will try to fix the drawings within a month AT LEAST. But if it happens that the drawing is not finished within 6 months, you may politely ask for all work done and a partial refund.
6. If you somehow have scammed during the deal, our communication with be permanently blocked and your name will be listed on my blacklist. (sorry D: )
7. If the deal is made, and you have paid for the comission, you are entitled to get your money back, UNLESS the production have allready started. HOWEVER, if the circumstances permit and you havent been able to contact me in time for VALID reasons, you may claim a partial refund at my discression. Buyers remorse is not a valid circumstance.
8. If you commision me, you hereby accept the TOS.


Currently i hold only 3 slots open to start with, and i will pick TWO of the pms i recieve one of these days. I luv you <3

SLOTS:

Slot 1: Applebloom ( badbob) Progress: 30% Status: Paid!

Slot 2: Reserved!

Slot 3: Reserved!

(PLEASE READ THIS FIRST BEFORE PM'ING!)

I will get alot of pms, most based upon my unfair pricing, and probably also about requests, but please keep in mind that i wont make requests for free, i hope you can understand.
Be aware that i mostly do PONY related stuff, but in that area, i accept mostly anything, allthough, i will refrain from doing ANY underage material involving anything sexual but vore.

Also, do not write in comments below that you want a spot, i ONLY accept any entry in the pms.

Payment is done via PayPal

Hugs and kisses, gtsdev <3 luv ya!

Hai sillies~

I know ive said some things about starting commissions and stuff like that, but i never really get to that point, sorry about that.
Ive been trying to listen the feedback around my past blogs that i have recieved from you guys, about how i should do what i find fun or find interresting, instead of trying to please a crowd. And even though i feel i change my opinions, strategies and thoughts alot, i think im about to accept that i should just do whats good for me.

So, these things will probably result in that, im only going to draw when i feel creative, and not because i feel enforced by some fake responsability i put onto myself.


It reminds me of my reasons that i started drawing here in the first place. I used to do one or two drawings with twily having abit fun with fluttershy, followed by flutterpanic, I did those because i felt it wasnt done before, and it sparked my creativity, and it was creativity that was my drive to DO those things. But now it feels abit different. All other drawings i have done after that, felt more or like of a rush, a rush to get recognition, get bigger, get better, i didnt do it because i wanted to see it done, i simply did it because i wanted my name big.


Its now that i sit with big regret, and i can feel how it had consumed me for so long. I began to feel empty whenever i didnt draw for awhile, and i also felt empty right after i was done with said drawing. I didnt feel a sense of accomplishment as i did with flutterpanic, because it was a thing i wanted to see through to the finish. All i felt was that "i cant wait to see the comments when this is done!"


Its really a trap, and it really consumes you, and it brings you deeper into depression if you arent an intuitive person.



I guess im not used to hang around the same interrest for too long. I remember that i jumped back and fourth, between interrests before mlp, so doing the same for so long might not have been that healthy for me.

Recently, i have an increasing interrest for overwatch, last week it was civilization. and a few months back, i even had a huge interrest in archeage, most of the ponystuff didnt really get to me that much, and the vore only really applied to me when my sexdrive was up and running.

Im not saying "ey, i quit doing ponyvore or ponystuff " in general, im just saying i want to keep doing some things i just like, because i know its really not for me to stick around with the same things.

Ill allways watch the show, and it will allways make me smile :D but recently, ive had this urge to draw something, and its not the same "urge" that ive felt with each drawing i made on here, its an even better urge to draw, its because i want to create it, and thats a feeling ive missed for so so long.



Also, since i started tumblr, i feel ive got not much but problems facing my way, so im considering to shut off my tumblr and stick to Ekas Portal and perhaps start up a SFW deviantart from a fresh start for any who is interrested.

I want to keep casual when i draw now, and not try to enforce myself to finish what started anymore just because i want to see the comments. I want to draw because i want to see it through now, but ill appreciate any comments i get along the road.

stay silly my friends <3

So, as some have seen, ive been livestreaming lately, the contents within however, i do NOT plan to upload as im a part of a TOP SECRET project!

I feel bad for not being able to release any of it for you to say however, but i hope its allright. I plan to continue steaming occasionally across this weak.

Stream times will slowly fall abit back, meaning i will stream more or less 5 hours prior to the times of day i usually stream, due to holiday endning and yeah, life.

allright, that was all about that ^_^ just a quick reason as to why im active yet not uploading.


Commision information:

So, alot of buddies have been asking me, if i plan to do commisions, and if so, when?

There is alot of factors going into this question.. but i will state a very clear “maybe soon” right now.

Beginning comissions sounds simple enough, like, speak with the person, recieve the payment, and then do the job, but ill also have to (and i wish i didnt have to) lay out a TOS that will need to be accepted before comissioning me.

I sometimes, spend SO meny hours on something i dont view as perfect as some other quicker artists, and because i spend so much time, i ell the price should go abit with it.

At first thought it pains me abit to know this, because i honestly feel bad for taking so much for my art.. but it also pains me more that so meny want something from me and that they arent getting it so..

Please, i hope you can bear with me that IF i open up for comissions, the prices may be abit unfairly high for some .. but remember, its your choice entirely of making a deal with me, right? heh.

I hope this puts things abit into perspective ^^’ sorry for my vast amounts of jumping hiatus’ , but im still around and kicking hehe *winks*

Have a great day sillies~

You know, i usually wonder how to start out these blog things, but eventually i allways start out with a "hello" so, i will do just that.

Hello c:



I just wanted to take a moment, to say that im sorry for not responding on your comments if you have placed some in my artworks :(
When i look through my comments, i see em all, and i become so happy to see that some took the time to place their words below my artwork~

Im really jumpy about my activity now, and im so so sorry. So sorry ..



Im getting abit happier and a little better with time, but depression is really nasty to overcome, but im doing my best and occasionally get a rush from doing what i did back in the days when i first started drawing on ekas. I remember how good it made me feel, to feel how hard work payed off with the smiles from you all. You are amazing, you made me feel so amazing, and im SO glad that i could impact so meny of you.

Im working hard to regain that feeling, but in truth, whenever i pick up my pen, i keep reminding myself of a time i wasnt proud of. A time where i did stupid choices, and in generally, all i think about when i see the pen and the tablet is "that one time where i lost"

Its hard to explain, but it makes me really, really demotivated to even try. I do draw sometimes, but i let myself distract too much and i dont put too much interrest in my comics even tho i pressure myself to do em, like some kind of streamline work.

I usually did em just for the luls, and then i did em because i made others happy. But now i keep dwelling in the past, as if i learned something that keeps haunting me, some "new reality" as if my perception of life has changed so much over the past 3 years.

I want to say to myself that i wish i never experienced the last 3 years, but in a way, i still dont want to forget it.



One thing i regret though is that i regret 100% putting drawing, and you guys in the second line of my priorities. I ended up getting other priorities back then, and i wish i really didnt.



I feel strange when i havent done any work in a long time, i feel ashamed that even though i had alot of time to make comics, i still didnt do it, and i cant stop thinking that perhaps .. some of you blame me for not doing so, even though meny assures me that it isnt the case. Its pure guilt.



So, with all that going on, i didnt have enough energy or interrest in my works, not even enough to reply to your amazing gentle comments, and im so sorry. I will try to reply to as meny as i can in the future.


I love you sillies <3

Heya, sorry sillies for the rather dull and silent 1.5 weeks with no additional content from me, i tend to get a little uncomfortable when i get a little inactive myself like “what do they think? what will they write about me? “

I try my best to find the best moments of my day to motivate myself to continue what alot seem to make me want to finish: the comics.

Its hardly any news that i tend to break off from comics very often, allthough, i acturally doubt i will do that with Attack on Twitan for meny reasons.

When i acturally break off from comics, what usully happens is, that they bore me, sorry to say, but its hard to dish out something for free that takes 8 hours that you acturally do not feel like drawing. Another reason could be, that i feel ive improved alot on a single series of comic pages, that i feel that the first page is looking less of a quality than the later pages, and i know it sounds very silly! but that acturally annoys me! xD

Of course, let us not forget about real life, i have alot of interrests, not only drawing, infact, drawing is not even my priority, but i do try my very best to stay true to my bro,s and not put out false expectations, because .. ya all awesome, and its bad to throw false expectations at awesome people so .. yeah ..


Anyhoof! The reason being that i like Attack on twitan so much, is exactly because i dont improve that fast anymore, or well, at least not lately, i acturally feel the pages keep its stylized look throughout all the pages now, which makes me happy.


But, let us narrow it down to a while third reason that i havent drawn that much this week or two: Im in an artblock (woo) I tried drawing something but i ended up hating it, and i hate when i hate things… it makes me .. mad! and i also hate being mad .. D:

So TL;DR: Artblock, dunno when ill be ready.


In another topic, i think i should mention that i really really appreciate that none a putting so meny expectations on me, it gives me a true freedom to do what i like at most, i can be a bit submissive to the littlest of things, so when i hear that “i wish he drew more” i feel slavishly obligated to draw more, without it acturally does me any good.

Enough with the salt, now ill bring the sugar!

Each of you, are amazing, as mentioned just above, i appreciate your support greatly, ever since i joined the nsfw part of the internet, i entered like a silly newbie artist, and i had the assumption that i had to deal with some really dark and twisted persons within the different fandoms that i would apply to. But you know what? i was surpriced to see, that who i have met, and what i have seen, is the most openminded and abselutely most loving and caring persons, EVER.

I mean, whereelse can you go, sharing all your corners of your mind, without people making a cringe? where else can you go, to find people who share a dualsided mindset? I want to say “we” instead of “you” because as i see it, we are all alike here, it doesnt matter what kinks we are into, or what we draw or write about, we seem to be able to understand each others viewpoints without closing too much within ourselves.

This is why i love doing what i do, i love the freedom, but its only because YOU give me this freedom, freedom to draw when and what i want.

This is why ive been abit reluctant to the whole commission thing, i really want to help those of you who really want one from me, so i will try to see if i get enough selfconfidense to open that up.

Oh, and one more thing:

I know i haven’t been replying to the comment section on any of my sites, but mark my words when i say, ive seen every input, and each input have strenghtened me further. I just want to assure you, that you are not forgotten, you’re pretty damn awesome!

Allright, that was all of my ranting, have a good day y’all!

Sorry, i didnt know people who watched me could acturally see ALL the versions of the upload when i marked 3 of em as scrap, i made this blog to tell you how deeply sorry i am for spamming your inbox, it wont happen again.

I spend a few hours today to flash out and fix all my profile pages! just placing here as a bump for you guys :3

Also, thank you all for supporting me, you are all great people <3

hello guys~ hows it going. Im just here to post that a friend here is in needof a little help.. so she made an YCH. It would make me and her happy if u could at least check it out ^_^ thank you beforehand~

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16152525/

Just a short update that im switching from Livestream.com to Picarto.

Here: https://www.picarto.tv/live/channel.....p?watch=GTSdev


If you wish to subscribe to it, please do :)

Yes! with alot of pursuation from my lovely friends <3 i have decided to start up my tumblr riiiiiight here!

http://gtsdev.tumblr.com/


Its simple and easy to remember, there i will be posting vore and announcements, stay silly!

I feel energized, lets do this sillies *grouphug* I will livestream canonvore stuff, to head back into drawing the shows characters instead of these oc's so much.

SORRY EVERYONE FOR THAT!

Im training in drawing and colouring with SPEED so i will prepere for doing comissions!

join here loves~ http://www.livestream.com/gtsdevslivestream

you can also click this link: http://www.livestream.com/gtsdevslivestream

or this if you desire: http://www.livestream.com/gtsdevslivestream

i dont care, have another! : http://www.livestream.com/gtsdevslivestream

unfortunally i did not plan this stream, it was spontanious so i dont expect alot to join.

This might be silly and insignificant to most, but i wanna try to keep an update frequently as i dont use twitter or tumblr and all that, both negative and positive.


First of all, a huge hoofbump and thank you to all who have spilled their supportive words on my earlier uploads and journals! Remember, each word you put affects the person on the other side of the screen, and you surely have made an impact in my life. I might be cruel, careless or completely too stubborn and ignorant to do what your helpful words tell me to do, but even if i didnt listen, i did see em and understand em.

At first, i act if the support didnt even exist or that any support was just another way of harming me, but when i have finished crying and thinking, i DO take a look at each of your inputs, i see em, and i truly take em into consideration. My insecurities are strong, im not much of a believer in wht i cannot see, and when im in that black void, i have no idea how i would ever get better, EVER.

When im in that dark place, i think about all i have learned, all the truths and facts, i think about them as an "end" a fact that cannot be progressed upon or seen in a different way. It gives my perspective very few hard paths, paths that i would easily give up on in that state. When i reply back while being in the black void, i sound truly careless, its like i dont even give a damn about what you or others tell me, my brain tells me only one thing: "You dont know shit" Thats all i can hear within myself when people try to help me, and when people try to make themselves relate to me, i become annoyed and i dont wanna hear more.


I went to the doctor, but as allways, i didnt say anythiing or replied hostile back, but he gave me a perscription for some medicine. But as ever, i didnt give a fuck. This is here where my parants began to step in, and somehow got me the medicine using my perscription (dont ask me how) they went ahead and did it for me.

It turns out it was all i needed. Im currently dizzy and swirly because of the mecidine .. but its because i just need to get into it. Im currently 2 weeks into it, and i begin to see the effectiveness of its antidepressive and antianxious traits.


A week ago, i began socialising in ways i normally wouldnt. Everytime i think about calling a person on skype, i think too much about it and become anxious. But the other day, i sorta just clicked call without acturally thinking about it! A few minutes after the call it occourd to me what i acturally just did, and the realization suddenly made me anxious again and i closed the call. It was odd, but it was progress.

As for happiness? i still feel depressed when i need to sleep .. but i do feel content throughout the day, i dont feel the breath of fate, breathing me in the back of my head anymore, as if i have something to catch up to, i feel more like i should an could do anything at my own pacing and it gives me freedom to acturally be happy.

I stopped drawing vore, and im incredibly sorry to all for all of this, but ive moved over to a rather close interrest within the NSFW world, and im currently doing more vanilla and kinky stuff rather than fantasy stuff such as vore, its still pony though!


Also, im highly considering comissions, as i feel economy pushing against me a little more, but im also thinking of instead of doing that, ill just make a little donation pool, then people can donate only if they want to! i certainly would like that alot better, i dont wanna push or force payments on anyone since my activity is so wavery and inconsistant.


Im also gonna announce that ill be attendint SVS con in herning in denmark .. allthough .. thats probably not much of an interrest to meny here :I but i still feel it should be said.

Im anxious about attending though, so a sudden change of events may occour, but im gonna see if i can try my best!

So i tried my first suicidial attempt the other day, and some uknown force stopped it from succeding! i shall blame my care for everyone around me for that ..

Im tired of being nice, ive been destroyed and my kindness have been used against me, but this time, to destroy my fragile soul. I hate i was born with this weakness, but i furthermore hate the low acceptance i get from people around me, and im not sure i can trust anyone any longer.

My spirit is no longer what it once was. I yell at people, i scare em, i hate em. Where i before found happiness in joy in making them happy, there is just an empty nothing, a pair of daggers just pointing me, awaiting to find a critical part of my fragile soul to crush.


I never saw the world as a nasty place, and i did this for my own good, but my innoscence was taken .. crushed by one or more people. I allready had trubble moving through this jungle we call life, but they still wanna push me over, even when im nice to em.


Some do not understand me, not even those who want me good, and they end up hurting me worse than my enamies ever could attempt to, even if its not on purpose. Im not a good friend to have, believe me, as for now, i will not trust anyone .. i will push em away.


You crushed my soul, succibus, you stole it all.



My attempts to get on my legs are not halping. The very moment i feel that i can stand, i walk out and see happiness in people, and it crushes me in an instant now, i cannot fully explain why, but my jaleoux instinkt of my human nature is taking over, every selfestime i have is crushed to the ground, whenever i see another person being happy, and its just too much to bear. What before gave me a thrill to live, is now a curse to witness.

What can i do? what do you do when what kept you alive, is now shit?


I ignore my friends when they try to help me, i do not listen to em, instead i yell at them, i curse at them, i dont want to be talked out of my misery. I want understanding, but i cannot get it, everywhere ive ever gone, i felt nobody understood me, and the only person who acturally understood me, were a fake all along.

Im shaking near any person now, and i stopped working, i stopped going to the place i go everyday, because i do not feel that i want to make a living, for a life i do no longer desire. Words are sharper than swords for me, and if they arent chosen carefully, i am easily crushed. I think its best for me to hide and live alone untill i carry the bravery, to finally banish myself from this place.

I wish i could say that i feel sorry for my friends, but im not even sure if i can even find that serious anymore, im not even sure if they are my friends at all. I want to open my mouth to speak, but each time i try, i am stuck with "what if" and i start becomming silent.


I had dreams about having friends, its a very small goal, but even that is too much to overcome, i even lost the will to fight even that little.



Ive never been a warrior, and i feel its only fair that not all are, and when i say my life is hard, i am often met with responses of how their life had been hard aswell to "cheer me up" but i refuse to believe, that cases can be the same for 2 individuals, i wont listen to em.


Im not more important thatn anyone else, im not better than anyone else, im just me, but i still feel that so meny around me are more or less equal to each other, than to me. There is so meny things, that even the most tormented soul can, that i cannot. Yes, i can draw, but all i want to, is to have my brain to WANT TO SOCIALIZE but i cannot. Drawing can be taught, but socializing is a will, and a nature that happens automaticly, everyone jsut socialize on common behavior, so everytime i mention how hard it is for me .. its simply met with alien eyes, even from those who pretent to understand or think they understand.

My abiltiy to print my thoughts into words are lacking and its utterly fustraiting, i keep getting questionmarks as if im some dumb individual, but who knows, i might be that aswell.

I struggle where i should live, where others struggle to be happy. This is how i feel, and this is what i see, and this is how ive allways lived my life, struggling to live, but not struggling to be happy. But exactly what is a life, when everything you cared about and kept you going, simply doesnt no more.


I dont care if this finally makes me banned for drama, but i just cannot contain it.

Recently, i took a hard choice in my life, probably the hardest one i have ever faced. FOr too long, i felt as though i could not move on without taking this decision .. but now i have taken it. At first, it made me incredibly broken, because i also lost everything that connected me to anot of friends and gave me hell lot of motivation, but i had to take this choice and get rid of all that, to move on.

Before i felt .. stuck on the same rail, going in circles, going up and down in emotional waves, but finally, it seem to be calming down.

All of these nasty blogs i have been creating once per month the past year, have not only damaged me, but also everyone around me.


It hurt alot to take this decision, but in order to break this circle, i had to do it. I innerly wish i did not have to take this choice, because i knew i had great times aswell before, but i also felt down.. up and down ..

I tried for a long time to avoid it comming to this ..



I hope, that this in the end will give me another kind of motivation, because now i feel free, but empty, but at least free.
And i hope i can spend more time, with all of you in the future, and i say hope, because im yet unsure of where to go now.

So, im slowly getting over meny things, as you saw in my latest journal. my trubbles and stuff like that, but something have been bugging me, something that is soon starting to feel depressing to me, and that is the fact that i literally, sit inside and play games all day. Its something i want to change, i want to get out there, socializing like every other human around me, i can no longer deny that.

Ive been passively monitoring rooms, groups, and looked for conventions of the furrydom or the pony stuff aswell.

But truth be told, i know nobody irl, i know i can meet yet, anyone i feel close enough to to be able to take to these conventions.


I want to ask, is there anywhere for one from denmark to attent to nearby anytime soon, i sopose im asking for a little help, or if anyone acturally are interrested in meeting me?

Hello sillies, im here to announce that i am slowly returning to this site. Expect me to reupload my old works to start with, then we will see if i find the motivation to draw something new.


My time off:

Honestly, i might write this out to an entirely empty page, but i hope at least some who cares about me, will read it. What i will talk about now is, exactly what has been up, what have happended to me, both in from of career, mentally, and how i have evolved. Much of what you hear will for some of you, appear as some kind of "attack" as i humbly, go into the autism category. If some will be hurt in any way, i suggest one shouldnt read from here on and fourth.


For about 2 years, it is no surprise, that i have become entirely offline, inactive, dead, on the net. I had stopped updating my profiles, my galleries, and i have even stopped visiting to see if i had any visitors or watches, for meny, this have probably come off as abit rude, arrogant, busy at best. I will apologuise for all of this, because, for what i remember of you all, what i remember were drawing sessions, in livestreams, where you didnt just watch, but helped me, create different things.

I have mentioned this to a few, but not at all out wide like this.
When i draw, i feel, alone. I feel as thought there is less care for what i do, even thought friends try their best, to show me, envision me, that isnt not true. It hard for me to explain why i sometimes ignore, or seal out what my dearest friends tell me, i would like to see myself as a super loyal friend, to them and you all. But i have some issues maintaining MY part, in that friendship.

However, when i draw on my livestream, i dont feel like i draw for a crowd, i deepheartedly feel, that i draw WITH you, i literally feel that, WE are creating, and not just me, even thought i sometimes just draw stuff and dont question much about what to draw, which is something i might desire to be better at doing.

In the past, i were narcasistic, i allways had every person i met, within my inner circle of trust, right off the bat, i didnt put any person before any other. This was why i was allways smiling, so laid back, giving chances and befriends everyone, even without truly knowing em ... I have grown up to believe, that meny humans allways did good, and i considered myself lucky, to be among such people and society. But i have learned a very, very tough lesson, in the course of about 3 years now, and that is, when i stepped a little outside my enclosed society here in denmark, there were very, very different persons out there. Persons who seem.. unchangable, persons who seem comming from a whole other world. I discovered true hatred, evil, and distrust.

Being faced with all this, i was left in a dark confusion, i allways had my family, i allways had my childhood buddies there, and the close little town i live in, but confronted with what out there, i found out, that im not buildt for that at all. For 2 years, i felt fragile, solidated, and i backed off all interrests, i talked less with people.


My diagnosis of aspergers is not to blame, its only the hilt of the sword who hits me, it doesnt hurt but helps the swing in a tightened grip. Previously, i never thoughts i had any diagnosis, but once i got it, i were abit held back in telling it, and i should have. However, i began feeling like a lockage, i began sealing it in, i began feeling even more alien, than before i got the diagnosis. I decided to unleash it, laying it broad out on my facebook, everything, everyone should know, i had this illness, even on the very first greting. At first, i was looked at as brave, but i later found out, that i may have made a misstake. I suddenly, no longer could make any friends.

The world crumbled to this fact, and it was here i went deep down in a black hole, everything coiled in a spiral downwards really fast, i cried at nights and i simply didnt understand what was happening to me, where had become of me? i were happy, i smiled, i liked everyone.. i began to try to collect the puzzles. I couldnt communicate for months, only very briefly on skype with the ones i trust, but even then, i didnt communicate with em much. Death went through my mind.

I literally felt the satisfaction of slicing myself, i began literally hating myself for who i was, i didnt even care how that made other aspies look at that time, feeling so much hatred for myself. The darkness had consumed me for so long, but despite it all, i could never be hateful, or blame anyone, i allways had a smile, but this time, it was a mask. I walked around with a gloom shadow, hiding it the best i could, nothing feels worse, than to see a happy spirit fall so low, ive witnessed it myself in a friend once, and i didnt want to show my despair to anyone.


I tumbled across personalities, i had problems finding out who i acturally were, i began adopting odd emotions i never experienc before: jaleousy and anger, being 2 of em. Things from here, began turning scary for my spychologist, i began viewing my life as if i were in 3rd person. Not ment literally as a vision from the outside perspective, but in the fact that, if anything happended to me, my conscious would step out, and i would stop being myself for a brief moment, I would say things i didnt want to say, I would do things i never wanted to.


The dark journey. It lasted so long. Friends have been reaching out for my hand, and i have touched it a few times, just to let weakly go of it, or rather, scratching it for helping me. Ive been hurtful to my friends, when they tried to help me, but they didnt give up.. they kept reaching out, and grabbed me, and one of those grabs, held tight to me, it resulted in me, finally .. talking. I opened.

I talked to my parents, it were a slow process, but i was held out of the pit for the time, from here, i had to move my legs not to fall in again. Everything felt surreal, it was as if any beginning and end was erased, and as if it didnt matter if i moved my legs.


"Jonas, try this new place.. " they told me, it was these words i had to answer to. I could say no, but for the first time in what looked like forever, i said yes.

I were assigned to a new IT facility, where i had the opportunity to learn the mechanics of, for example, having a job with aspergers syndrom. First day there, i felt as though it didnt matter much, but allready the second day, something felt entirely different.

I still didnt trust anyone around me, so i wasnt completely happy but, i didnt feel alien. Then, during the break, i talked with the suprevisor out there, and he told me things, i never ever heard, from my friends, my family, or even my psychologist, about how people work.

Opportunities opened for me, i became super effecient in the facility, i stopped looking desperately for a girlfriend ( an odd emotion and desire i evolved during my darkness .. its grim man .. ) and i began, minding my own buisness.

And most importantly, i learned not to openly tell people that i have aspergers as a subject, because that would feel like I attack THEM.
But, if they as if i have it themselves, then i will asnwer, and then its their own blame, its their guilt for not talking to me afterwards, not mine.



So, my life went from sitting and drawing vore and ponies and whatnot, to an active life of opportunities. Now, im working on simply, just doing what i want, with nobody having much say in it. and this, ladies and gentlemen, means that i feel, i can slowly begin my arting again. I might be rusty .. bear with me ..




During the dark spirat, i had meny considerations of ending myself, i even were literally, one meter of facing the death itself. "shivers" If anyone .. ANYONE .. ever EVER experience something like this .. i tell you.. hang in there.. life is trolling you, things will be better!



That said, i want to give a thanks to the most awesome friends, of all time .. directly here on my journal ... thank you, you mean the .. ( yes, i can swear too) the fucking world to me.

I definately have no reason to be on this website ..


Thank you, i met alot of friends, but i have no reason to be here anymore.

I have delete my works and if you want to visit my old stuff .. go here: http://aryion.com/g4/user/GTSdev