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Funding update!
General | Posted 6 months agoI would like to thank everyone who's helped, be it with reposts on bsky, or being insanely generous to actually donate.
Debt's been paid for, the donations took off a great chunk, the last 2 weeks were a real mess, I'm still processing it all, but, it's over...
Still, remember that while you're free to keep supporting me, there's also others that might need your help, the world's just, unfair.
Debt's been paid for, the donations took off a great chunk, the last 2 weeks were a real mess, I'm still processing it all, but, it's over...
Still, remember that while you're free to keep supporting me, there's also others that might need your help, the world's just, unfair.
⚠️⚠️⚠️SUPER URGENT: FUNDS FOR MOM - update 2⚠
General | Posted 6 months agoPrevious journal: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/11137348/
As our shitty luck would have it, the pieces of shit who have millions will not haggle over 900$, and issued a final deadline, and it's just a mere month. No easy monthly payments, nope, the other half is to be paid 20th next month.
As mentioned in the previous journal, the money I had already went towards the first half, so there's no way we will be able to do it again, we will barely have 1/3 of that amount. I'm getting zero job offers, not that it would help as I wouldn't get my first payroll in time.
I'm gutted, all that has lead to this point, none of it feels real, everything was always out of reach and any time I got close, it was taken away from me.
I don't even want to ask, it's goddamn 600$, at the bare minimum, that I need someone to just give to us...
https://paypal.me/gustacz
https://paypal.me/gustacz
https://paypal.me/gustacz
Spread the word.
As our shitty luck would have it, the pieces of shit who have millions will not haggle over 900$, and issued a final deadline, and it's just a mere month. No easy monthly payments, nope, the other half is to be paid 20th next month.
As mentioned in the previous journal, the money I had already went towards the first half, so there's no way we will be able to do it again, we will barely have 1/3 of that amount. I'm getting zero job offers, not that it would help as I wouldn't get my first payroll in time.
I'm gutted, all that has lead to this point, none of it feels real, everything was always out of reach and any time I got close, it was taken away from me.
I don't even want to ask, it's goddamn 600$, at the bare minimum, that I need someone to just give to us...
https://paypal.me/gustacz
https://paypal.me/gustacz
https://paypal.me/gustacz
Spread the word.
⚠️FUNDS FOR MOM - update/transparency
General | Posted 7 months agoThis is an update to the previous journal.
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/11136022/
With payroll and bills out of the way, I've done the math and this is where we're at, currency converted to USD as that's what most people know.
340$ for rent, 70$ for electrical, 70$ for gas, ~90$ for school lunches, 35$ other bills. We've called in to ask if we can do with paying half of the debt for the time being, but since the yearly water bill returns that'd give us 290$ unfortunately got delayed until next month, I still had to set ourselves a spending limit on groceries.
For the next 30 days, we have strictly 450$ for the food and essentials, while it's around 100$ less than what we'd normally have, it's doable if we're frugal about it, that being said, I have taken nearly everything amounting to 540$ from my savings to get here. My mom usually sets aside 100$ and keeps 150$ for the kids but that's going towards the debt now, so we'll have to hope nothing else comes up.
We'll pay 900$ for the debt, and will hopefully manage to talk them down to doing 112$ for 8 months to cover the rest, we do not want them to send over debt collectors as not only would our stuff get taken, but that'd double the costs (I don't want to call anyone names here, but you know what you are if you like doing this for living)
Thus far, I have received 75$ in donations, I will hold onto those waiting if more come so when I'll withdraw it from Paypal, the "currency conversion" fees are less than if I were to take it by chunks.
Here's hoping the people won't randomly decide to have someone knock on our door the same way they've decided to go at a 10 year old case that's my mom trying to prove she had been abused and her name was used against her will to take loans, as mentioned before, I'm not asking for legal advice as it's went nowhere for us and the best thing to do here is unfortunately paying the debts.
Feel free to donate, share, whatever, I'll appreciate it and while I can't promise anything, there's art I could offer in return, be it for you or just whatever wack stuff that will happen to brighten your day in some way.
https://paypal.me/gustacz
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/11136022/
With payroll and bills out of the way, I've done the math and this is where we're at, currency converted to USD as that's what most people know.
340$ for rent, 70$ for electrical, 70$ for gas, ~90$ for school lunches, 35$ other bills. We've called in to ask if we can do with paying half of the debt for the time being, but since the yearly water bill returns that'd give us 290$ unfortunately got delayed until next month, I still had to set ourselves a spending limit on groceries.
For the next 30 days, we have strictly 450$ for the food and essentials, while it's around 100$ less than what we'd normally have, it's doable if we're frugal about it, that being said, I have taken nearly everything amounting to 540$ from my savings to get here. My mom usually sets aside 100$ and keeps 150$ for the kids but that's going towards the debt now, so we'll have to hope nothing else comes up.
We'll pay 900$ for the debt, and will hopefully manage to talk them down to doing 112$ for 8 months to cover the rest, we do not want them to send over debt collectors as not only would our stuff get taken, but that'd double the costs (I don't want to call anyone names here, but you know what you are if you like doing this for living)
Thus far, I have received 75$ in donations, I will hold onto those waiting if more come so when I'll withdraw it from Paypal, the "currency conversion" fees are less than if I were to take it by chunks.
Here's hoping the people won't randomly decide to have someone knock on our door the same way they've decided to go at a 10 year old case that's my mom trying to prove she had been abused and her name was used against her will to take loans, as mentioned before, I'm not asking for legal advice as it's went nowhere for us and the best thing to do here is unfortunately paying the debts.
Feel free to donate, share, whatever, I'll appreciate it and while I can't promise anything, there's art I could offer in return, be it for you or just whatever wack stuff that will happen to brighten your day in some way.
https://paypal.me/gustacz
⚠️⚠️URGENTLY NEED FUNDS FOR MOM⚠️⚠️
General | Posted 7 months agoAw hell.
Mom's been thru abusive relationships, even if she's done with those, one particularly bad relationship (where the criminal got rather short sentence, considering all the domestic abuse and shit I can't even mention here) got her into huge debts over multiple loans taken on behalf of her name and couldn't get personal bankrupcy (awful legalities/falsified signatures), we've already paid 4k$ like a year ago, but just today, more came up, unnanounced.
~1800$ is due 20th, I will chip in 500 myself, but as I've recently got turned down a job offer, I'm going to need to make up for it.
https://paypal.me/gustacz
https://paypal.me/gustacz
https://paypal.me/gustacz
I'm not looking for legal advice, but if you need more of the complicated story going back 10 years or more, I can answer your questions.
Czech Insolvency Register Entry: https://isir.justice.cz/isir/ueu/ev.....2-98cf94ef9554
Mom's been thru abusive relationships, even if she's done with those, one particularly bad relationship (where the criminal got rather short sentence, considering all the domestic abuse and shit I can't even mention here) got her into huge debts over multiple loans taken on behalf of her name and couldn't get personal bankrupcy (awful legalities/falsified signatures), we've already paid 4k$ like a year ago, but just today, more came up, unnanounced.
~1800$ is due 20th, I will chip in 500 myself, but as I've recently got turned down a job offer, I'm going to need to make up for it.
https://paypal.me/gustacz
https://paypal.me/gustacz
https://paypal.me/gustacz
I'm not looking for legal advice, but if you need more of the complicated story going back 10 years or more, I can answer your questions.
Czech Insolvency Register Entry: https://isir.justice.cz/isir/ueu/ev.....2-98cf94ef9554
State of the goat.
General | Posted 7 months agoI don't know if I should push this announcement, or if to isolate myself as I don't know what I'm doing with my life, neither have anything work for me to atleast guide me somewhere, like I'm just sat here, rotting away, waiting to have my last freedom moments of being able to just be, taken away.
I love drawing and I wish my intangible contributions to society would count, but no, I was born in the wrong place with zero connections, stuck with a dysfunctional family, and that's just how it is unless the entire world agrees to change for the better. I'm not the only one, but it feels like it.
Know that if I disappear, the last of my activity would be on my bsky.
https://bsky.app/profile/gusta.one
I love drawing and I wish my intangible contributions to society would count, but no, I was born in the wrong place with zero connections, stuck with a dysfunctional family, and that's just how it is unless the entire world agrees to change for the better. I'm not the only one, but it feels like it.
Know that if I disappear, the last of my activity would be on my bsky.
https://bsky.app/profile/gusta.one
A statement to end all statements.
General | Posted 10 months agoI'm a goddamn idiot.
That's it, I just have no idea how to even get around to apologize for... goddamn everything.
Everything Ratzyukar has said checks out, there might be some nuance - them ERPing after I've said it's not my thing, exposing my weakness, teasing me with deranged stuff on near daily basis, making it feel really personal, but what does it matter when I took it all in like a loser - for all of you, it doesn't really change anything, even if it did, it's not right for me to shit at someone over it, nor again, as it's been said, should concern anyone else than us two, I don't know why I went public with it, or maybe I do, I was stupid, and still am, probably a weak word to use - as I was more than that, I was disrespectful, I was an asshole, I had a nasty motive coming into it, not right in the head, acting like a baby, and that's not an excuse for me because I was aware of it all and didn't stop myself.
What happened is that I got too comfortable with someone when all they did is just do a goddamn drawing for me, goes as way back as to late 2020 with my pathetic ass wanting some sort of escape and looking for it without considering how it might affect others, how I forced myself a "friendship" just to have a wall to cry at, and you will see that theme of me objectifying people again when I cling to someone for just doing anything and claiming them as my valued possession, an item to toy with, against their wishes and all those years I have selfishly taken a person with free will as something that belongs to me, and I've called it "supporting someone".
I once again want to apologize, but I cannot ask for forgiveness, the amounts of harm I've caused is beyond being able to heal, and I want you to remember that, as I don't know if I can be trusted moving forward, which, I made some plans for, but that won't make me a good person, I'm still a piece of shit.
I know I'm coming back rather soon with this "apology"; and the best I can do is owning up to this, but it won't undo the harm I've done, it just won't.
I'm sorry,
I have fucked up, I regret all of it, please for the sake of god, don't pity me; this wasn't a human mistake, I'm nothing less of a savage.
That's it, I just have no idea how to even get around to apologize for... goddamn everything.
Everything Ratzyukar has said checks out, there might be some nuance - them ERPing after I've said it's not my thing, exposing my weakness, teasing me with deranged stuff on near daily basis, making it feel really personal, but what does it matter when I took it all in like a loser - for all of you, it doesn't really change anything, even if it did, it's not right for me to shit at someone over it, nor again, as it's been said, should concern anyone else than us two, I don't know why I went public with it, or maybe I do, I was stupid, and still am, probably a weak word to use - as I was more than that, I was disrespectful, I was an asshole, I had a nasty motive coming into it, not right in the head, acting like a baby, and that's not an excuse for me because I was aware of it all and didn't stop myself.
What happened is that I got too comfortable with someone when all they did is just do a goddamn drawing for me, goes as way back as to late 2020 with my pathetic ass wanting some sort of escape and looking for it without considering how it might affect others, how I forced myself a "friendship" just to have a wall to cry at, and you will see that theme of me objectifying people again when I cling to someone for just doing anything and claiming them as my valued possession, an item to toy with, against their wishes and all those years I have selfishly taken a person with free will as something that belongs to me, and I've called it "supporting someone".
I once again want to apologize, but I cannot ask for forgiveness, the amounts of harm I've caused is beyond being able to heal, and I want you to remember that, as I don't know if I can be trusted moving forward, which, I made some plans for, but that won't make me a good person, I'm still a piece of shit.
I know I'm coming back rather soon with this "apology"; and the best I can do is owning up to this, but it won't undo the harm I've done, it just won't.
I'm sorry,
I have fucked up, I regret all of it, please for the sake of god, don't pity me; this wasn't a human mistake, I'm nothing less of a savage.
How being nice turned something vile
General | Posted 10 months agoI know it's hard to believe me, after everything, but I regret everything I have said here, so I'm just gonna keep it up unless Ratzyukar themself tells me to delete it. Again, hard to believe, but this is the only edit to this journal I have made.
=============================================
It no longer makes sense for me to keep a private matter. Things have gone terribly wrong and need to be put to a stop.
To you folk watching
Donya / 
ArtesDeRatzyu may come a shocker, if you haven't noticed already, some art has dissappeared of sudden from their galleries. The missing pieces in question were made for me, commissioned or not, which is why I'm here, to clear things up, and as much as I hate doing this, spread awareness about an amazing artist, what used-to-be an amazing friend, best even.
This goes beyond just a mere disagreement, I have known this artist for a good few years, we've come close, we trusted one another, and that's already telling something about either of us, as we basically never accept friend requests or talk to people, out of being paranoid, having trust issues and all that. This guy, there's no secret about them hating donations, some of you reading know this well, but for this to be an issue that went mostly unsolved (even if I had the trust and managed to get some life-saving donations their way), it's come to a boiling point when, seemingly out of nowhere, Donya decided to be done with me, all after we've experimented with super sensitive things, it just didn't feel real, I wanted to know what happened, but all I got was a middle finger.
The past 8 or so months were truly awful, as I simply couldn't recover from losing my only and best friend, I might've hid it well with my apparent focus to improve my art, but I did it with no one but myself in mind, I didn't have an artist peer praising me, or nudging me in some direction, I just had my own ass with flawed perception to cope, something that sounds good on surface level when it comes to overall reach that is essentially none, as it makes you less FOMO-like and makes your art more true to heart, but then your ego outgrows you and if there's anyone trying to deplatform you for just existing (as I had the misfortune to be hit with targeted harrassment at the same time I tried to forget about once having a great friend), you have another breakdown and you just can't.
I naively thought the few months were enough for Ratzyukar to come back, because I believed they're a good person, and still somehow do considering what happened next. Because of our closeness, I came to contact with some personal information, and hell, even when that happened, I brought it up with them, out of concern, that their phone number is accessible on this "secret" platform, it's awful that I have to state this, but I never wanted to do any harm disclosing this information, not that I did, there we some other less sensitive things I was wrong to let out my mouth, but not this one, so I've held it dearly to me and knew I'd need it in case of emergency. Again, I really cared about them, and they cared about me, and I really doubt this was miscommunicated, it was clear that we could rely on one another in a way.
Going back to present day, when Ratzyukar posts about their HDD kicking the bucket, I've had the terrible idea of sending a gift package, I don't know their address, so I sent this to their college, appending their phone number so they can clear up the delivery with the postal service, again, it's a stupid idea, but had Ratzyukar not shown their ugly side, this would've helped them and I would've been happy for it. On the day of delivery, I've gotten a call from them, which I haven't picked up as there's a whole ocean between us and such international calls are expensive and also because I'm terrible expressing myself over voice. Ratzyukar knows this, I have reminded them over text, they didn't listen and I had to escalate things, like a goddamn moron, with a mutual friend, which Ratzyukar has told off alongside me, unless I pick up the call. I gave in, and called myself, and at the heat of the moment, I did call them insufferable, as it really didn't make any sense to me why they don't want to communicate over written means, but as there was nothing but silence coming from the speaker, with me asking if they still want the SSD too, it made me realize that they just have nothing but spite for me, the call ended after few seconds of silence from their end and nearly all my hopes for them was lost there.
Turns out my ex bestie is an awful asshole, and no longer is just someone who's scared of accepting help, even if I want to still have doubts, this feels intentional, just to cause problems, just to get rid of me, for no reason. I'm being transparent here that there were some minor arguments here and there, but nothing to warrant this sort of behavior. I do not want any of you to harass them, please abstain from that, but I need someone to talk, seriously, with this person, because they need help, and they're declining it, which not only hurts them, but also their family, and I guess me. What I have just accused them of, it wasn't easy to get myself to do, there's no reason for Ratzyukar to hate people like this (well not the majority of people that are furries and have much smaller chance of being, say, transphobic, like we're a queer culture or something, and Ratzyukar helped me get confortable with my unapologetic queerness too), so it's just really, confusing the least, like I struggle to come up with any sort of conclusion that wouldn't ignore something that can be solved, by just accepting help (if that's really all there is to it), or a closure that wouldn't be destructive, like I don't want any harm, even if I just wrote all of this making it feel I'm wishing them to be hit with a rock in order to "wake up"...
I'm no savior, I know I obviously can't save them on my own, I made it clear I'm not dedicating all I have to them, even though it looked like I was adamant making myself look like a clown for exposure, there was no harm in anything, and just like I made sure with them, I made sure people I've been sourcing for help aren't forced, so I'm not really forcing anyone here, do feel free to help in some way, but just be careful with what you say, Ratyzukar is going to be as irritable as me, so know that if you get yelled at, it wasn't your fault, and it's on me for having come publicly with this, and if there's any red flag raised for you, you can just call me out for it.
In the meantime, thank you for sticking around, I'll try to continue drawing by my own, as that's the only thing I have going on, but there's obviously other things that can happen at any time, and then I'd probably shift my focus towards my own meaningless existence rather than spending day after day crying over my selective ass not opening up to more friendships.
=============================================
It no longer makes sense for me to keep a private matter. Things have gone terribly wrong and need to be put to a stop.
To you folk watching
Donya / 
ArtesDeRatzyu may come a shocker, if you haven't noticed already, some art has dissappeared of sudden from their galleries. The missing pieces in question were made for me, commissioned or not, which is why I'm here, to clear things up, and as much as I hate doing this, spread awareness about an amazing artist, what used-to-be an amazing friend, best even.This goes beyond just a mere disagreement, I have known this artist for a good few years, we've come close, we trusted one another, and that's already telling something about either of us, as we basically never accept friend requests or talk to people, out of being paranoid, having trust issues and all that. This guy, there's no secret about them hating donations, some of you reading know this well, but for this to be an issue that went mostly unsolved (even if I had the trust and managed to get some life-saving donations their way), it's come to a boiling point when, seemingly out of nowhere, Donya decided to be done with me, all after we've experimented with super sensitive things, it just didn't feel real, I wanted to know what happened, but all I got was a middle finger.
The past 8 or so months were truly awful, as I simply couldn't recover from losing my only and best friend, I might've hid it well with my apparent focus to improve my art, but I did it with no one but myself in mind, I didn't have an artist peer praising me, or nudging me in some direction, I just had my own ass with flawed perception to cope, something that sounds good on surface level when it comes to overall reach that is essentially none, as it makes you less FOMO-like and makes your art more true to heart, but then your ego outgrows you and if there's anyone trying to deplatform you for just existing (as I had the misfortune to be hit with targeted harrassment at the same time I tried to forget about once having a great friend), you have another breakdown and you just can't.
I naively thought the few months were enough for Ratzyukar to come back, because I believed they're a good person, and still somehow do considering what happened next. Because of our closeness, I came to contact with some personal information, and hell, even when that happened, I brought it up with them, out of concern, that their phone number is accessible on this "secret" platform, it's awful that I have to state this, but I never wanted to do any harm disclosing this information, not that I did, there we some other less sensitive things I was wrong to let out my mouth, but not this one, so I've held it dearly to me and knew I'd need it in case of emergency. Again, I really cared about them, and they cared about me, and I really doubt this was miscommunicated, it was clear that we could rely on one another in a way.
Going back to present day, when Ratzyukar posts about their HDD kicking the bucket, I've had the terrible idea of sending a gift package, I don't know their address, so I sent this to their college, appending their phone number so they can clear up the delivery with the postal service, again, it's a stupid idea, but had Ratzyukar not shown their ugly side, this would've helped them and I would've been happy for it. On the day of delivery, I've gotten a call from them, which I haven't picked up as there's a whole ocean between us and such international calls are expensive and also because I'm terrible expressing myself over voice. Ratzyukar knows this, I have reminded them over text, they didn't listen and I had to escalate things, like a goddamn moron, with a mutual friend, which Ratzyukar has told off alongside me, unless I pick up the call. I gave in, and called myself, and at the heat of the moment, I did call them insufferable, as it really didn't make any sense to me why they don't want to communicate over written means, but as there was nothing but silence coming from the speaker, with me asking if they still want the SSD too, it made me realize that they just have nothing but spite for me, the call ended after few seconds of silence from their end and nearly all my hopes for them was lost there.
Turns out my ex bestie is an awful asshole, and no longer is just someone who's scared of accepting help, even if I want to still have doubts, this feels intentional, just to cause problems, just to get rid of me, for no reason. I'm being transparent here that there were some minor arguments here and there, but nothing to warrant this sort of behavior. I do not want any of you to harass them, please abstain from that, but I need someone to talk, seriously, with this person, because they need help, and they're declining it, which not only hurts them, but also their family, and I guess me. What I have just accused them of, it wasn't easy to get myself to do, there's no reason for Ratzyukar to hate people like this (well not the majority of people that are furries and have much smaller chance of being, say, transphobic, like we're a queer culture or something, and Ratzyukar helped me get confortable with my unapologetic queerness too), so it's just really, confusing the least, like I struggle to come up with any sort of conclusion that wouldn't ignore something that can be solved, by just accepting help (if that's really all there is to it), or a closure that wouldn't be destructive, like I don't want any harm, even if I just wrote all of this making it feel I'm wishing them to be hit with a rock in order to "wake up"...
I'm no savior, I know I obviously can't save them on my own, I made it clear I'm not dedicating all I have to them, even though it looked like I was adamant making myself look like a clown for exposure, there was no harm in anything, and just like I made sure with them, I made sure people I've been sourcing for help aren't forced, so I'm not really forcing anyone here, do feel free to help in some way, but just be careful with what you say, Ratyzukar is going to be as irritable as me, so know that if you get yelled at, it wasn't your fault, and it's on me for having come publicly with this, and if there's any red flag raised for you, you can just call me out for it.
In the meantime, thank you for sticking around, I'll try to continue drawing by my own, as that's the only thing I have going on, but there's obviously other things that can happen at any time, and then I'd probably shift my focus towards my own meaningless existence rather than spending day after day crying over my selective ass not opening up to more friendships.
Underrated artists shoutout journal!
General | Posted 4 years agoIn this journal, I'll be showcasing art I've gotten from artists I recommend you to commission!
espressothegoat (NSFW) - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/60972153
Psychonundrum (NSFW) - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/59328034
PalmarianFire (NSFW) - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/58659268
jutorry (NSFW) - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/59729216
LightWayArts (NSFW) - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/58497290
pondfeesh (NSFW) - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/53804599
Snarkosaurus - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/61804592
irohat - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/63003036
Shironya - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/57450626
Octalor - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/60024975
jthe23rd (NSFW) - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/61383005
qozette (NSFW) - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/58718460
san_f4r (NSFW) - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/55104674
AlloDoodl (NSFW) - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/58155386
cecileBorks (NSFW) - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/57469411
espressothegoat (NSFW) - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/60972153
Psychonundrum (NSFW) - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/59328034
PalmarianFire (NSFW) - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/58659268
jutorry (NSFW) - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/59729216
LightWayArts (NSFW) - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/58497290
pondfeesh (NSFW) - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/53804599
Snarkosaurus - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/61804592
irohat - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/63003036
Shironya - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/57450626
Octalor - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/60024975
jthe23rd (NSFW) - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/61383005
qozette (NSFW) - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/58718460
san_f4r (NSFW) - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/55104674
AlloDoodl (NSFW) - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/58155386
cecileBorks (NSFW) - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/57469411Goats. ep2
General | Posted 5 years agoSo after a few random DMs where I slip in a discord invite, I figured, maybe it'd be better if I invited y'all goats at once.
It's just one of them goat herd type of servers, but that's what you're here for, so...
https://discord.gg/agmMue9DUd
It's just one of them goat herd type of servers, but that's what you're here for, so...
https://discord.gg/agmMue9DUd
Goats.
General | Posted 5 years agoYep.
Also made my favorites public, so uhh, hey, more goats!
can't believe I somehow missed the memo about my favs being private for the entire time
Also made my favorites public, so uhh, hey, more goats!
can't believe I somehow missed the memo about my favs being private for the entire time
